All Things Keep Getting Better
by drake220
Summary: Epilouge Up! Inuyasha meets the guys from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy! That's right, Carson, Jai, Thom, Ted and Kyan make over the unwilling Inuyasha. And all I have to say is there'll be lighter fluid, pedicures and Inuyasha's reaction to skincare...
1. Default Chapter

A/N: I do not own anything Inuyasha related. Nor do I own any of the Queer Eye guys or anything affiliated with them. Damn it all, it's just not fair!!           

                                    All Things Keep Getting Better:

Kagome toppled over the edge of the well and collapsed onto the well house floor. Seriously, you'd think she'd be used to this already. But that well was steep and no matter how many times she made the climb up the ladder, it never got any easier. Catching her breath, she threw her battered yellow backpack over one shoulder and walked into her house. 

"I'M HOME!" She yelled, throwing open the door. Not that she expected a marching band or anything but a kiss would be nice...a hello would suffice... "Hello? Is anyone home?" Kagome walked into the kitchen- nobody, no fresh food on the stove, no note. 'Weird', thought Kagome.

Shrugging it off, Kagome was going to her room when something distracted her. "Ugh, what the hell happened mother's taste? This is the ugliest pillow I have ever seen." It was brown, white and ivory with weird tassels and a string. Kagome sincerely hoped her sometimes senile grandfather had bought the monstrosity. From anyone else, this lapse in taste was inexcusable. About to toss the couch pillow into the garbage, Kagome saw the pillow open eyes and meow. "No way...Bouyo?!?!" What the _hell_ had happened to her cat while she was in the Feudal Era?? "Bouyo, you're _obese_! When did this happen?" Kagome shouted, trying to shake the answers out of her cat. 

_Wobble-smack- wobble-smack- wobble, _went Bouyo's flaps of fat.

Kagome starred at her cat and put him down quickly. "Okay, that was gross. Cats are supposed to hiss or meow. Not.... whatever that was." Kagome stated, wrinkling her nose. That was it, her mom and her were going to discuss Bouyo's eating habits and, more importantly, exercise regime.

Putting on jeans and a T-shirt, Kagome went in search of Bouyo's kitty leash. Digging through the 'guests-are-here! -throw-this-in-there!' box, Kagome never suspected that she had a guest. 

Something barked "Oi!" right behind her. What was a girl to do?

"EEEEEEE!!!!!!!" screeched Kagome. Flipping around all she saw was a flash of red. Kagome panted, trying to regain her breath, and glared at the irritated hanyou who was at the top of the window draperies. 

"What the fuck was that for bitch? Shit, do you screech like that all the time? What is it with you? I made sure to make a lot of noise coming out the window and you still ruined my ears!! Stupid stupid wench! There's something wrong with you; you really did hurt your head that time!!" Inuyasha shouted, waving his fist around for emphasis. Kagome smiled sweetly and almost whispered the word. 

"Sit."

"ARGH!" shouted Inuyasha as his head connected with the carpet. "You psycho bitch! What the FUCK was that for? You're abusive, y'know that??"

"Whatever. I have to take my cat out for a walk." Kagome said, not in the mood to soothe Inuyasha's ruffled fur. "Aha!" exclaimed Kagome in happiness, yanking the kitty leash out of the box. Turning, Kagome sang out in a singsong voice, "Boooouuyyyoooo! Come to Kagome! Boouuyyyoo! We're going to take a walky-walky, you feline couch potato...Where the hell did you go...?" 

"What are you looking for?" Inuyasha asked, covertly admiring Kagome's denim clad butt as it sashayed around the living room. 

"My stupid cat. I don't know what my mom did to him but Bouyo's a walking kitty heart attack waiting to happen. I need to take him for a walk." Checking under the table, Kagome continued singing out for her missing cat.

Peeling himself off the floor, Inuyasha snorted. "Whatever. I bet your fuckin' screaming scared your cat to death." 

Kagome shot Inuyasha The Death Stare. 

"Or not" he amended quickly. "I mean, a cat that fat couldn't have gotten far." 

"Better." Kagome snapped, returning to her search. Inuyasha sighed in relief and settled down on the couch. The cat and the half dog demon screamed at the same moment. Each racing to a corner, Inuyasha and Boyou hissed and spit at each other from across the room.

Inuyasha: "GODDAMN CAT! SCRATCHED MY ASS!! I'LL RIP APART!"

Bouyo: hiss HISS ssss MEOWWW HISS!!!!

Inuyasha: _oh really_??? Gggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..!!!!!!

Kagome couldn't help herself. She collapsed in hysterics, seeing the touchy hanyou arguing with her obese cat. "What-hehe!!-are you going to do next? Chase the mailman??? Oh, god! You really ARE a dog! Hahahaha!!! My sides, my sides, they hurt!"

"Feh" mumbled Inuyasha, blushing. About to eviscerate Boyou for threatening him, Inuyasha was distracted by a phenomenon: picking Boyou up caused the cat to lose his hind legs. 

'How'd he do that?' wondered Inuyasha. Placing the cat down, yes, there were legs there. Up went the cat, the legs were gone! "Kaogme, your cat has retractable hind legs!" Inuyasha said, amazed. Kagome watched as Inuyasha picked Boyou up several times, trying not to scream at his density. 

"Inuyasha," she explained in an overly sweet voice, "When you pick Boyou up, his stomach overlaps his feet. That's how they 'disappear.'"

Unconvinced, Inuyasha tried it a couple more times. Kagome rescued her nauseous looking cat from the curious hanyou and clipped the leach to his collar. 

"Are you coming?" She asked Inuyasha, already stepping out of the house. 

"Feh" came the answer as Inuyasha grabbed a random cap of Souta's and jammed it over his ears.

'That means yes, I'd love to go and spend some quality time with you Kagome' the fed up girl thought. 

The pair had been walking for a few minutes, occasionally needing to convince Boyou to keep going with the use of cat treat bribery. They came to a hill and Boyou sat down. He shot Kagome that spoke volumes: he would not go up, no matter what was offered. Stupid human girl....did she honestly think that he, Boyou, would climb a hill? 

In the end, Kagome carried the cat up the steep hill, Inuyasha flatly refusing to have contact with the 'wretched hairball hacking thing.' At the top, Kagome needed to rest and that's when it happened. Five men attacked them.

Out of nowhere, a black SUV pulled over with a screech. Five men jumped out and surrounded them. A tall blonde with about twenty shopping bags stepped forward. Dropping the bags with a dramatic flair, he whipped off his sunglasses. Staring at Inuyasha with a strange intensity, he circled the growling hanyou. Face to face, the man gave Inuyasha a final glance up and down. Turning to the four other men, the man spoke. 

"Well, I was right. I was just looking out the window, minding my own business and, oh my god!, I saw a walking car wreck. And I said to myself, well, to hell with the fact that you're on vacation Carson! Its time to be a Good Samaritan! Help that poor deluded man out!" A tall well-muscled man with brown hair nodded and fondled a lock of silver hair. 

"I agree, this case is too serious to just pass by. I mean, the hair is such an unusual color but what is up with this length? And I seriously doubt if this head of hair has ever- and I do mean EVER- seen conditioner." He said sadly, ignoring the shocked gasps from his companions. 

"Well, I know he's not a chef because I'm pretty sure I see some instant (::shudders::) ramen on front of that, um, bathrobe I guess, that he's wearing." noticed the man in glasses. 

"Oh my god..hello people! We just totally attacked him in the street!" came a gentle chiding from a small smiling darker skinned man. The man put out his hand to shake and Inuyasha threw a protective arm in front of a very wide-eyed Kagome.

"Don't worry. I'll protect you." he reassured her. The last man laughed, tossing his keys in the air. 

"That's so weird. Usually, it's the girls offering to protect the guys from us, not the other way around!" All five laughed. Key man laughed again at Inuyasha's puzzled expression. "I mean, " he continued, "It's not like we're gonna hit on the girls or anything!" He snorted.

"What the fuck are you talking about and who the fuck are you??" Inuyasha demanded. 

"Hmm, doesn't have the best language in the world, does he?" The one who had put his hand out noted wryly. 

"Well" said the blonde man who had spoken first; "we are talking about taking you from an ugly bathrobe wearing fashion mistake to being fantastically chic. You, my man, are our assignment for the next week." He threw open his arms with a wide flair. And we are the Fab Five, from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy! We are going to remake you, taking you from drab to fab. And don't worry. It may be painful at times but,"-and he gently slapped Inuyasha on the ass-"Its all worth it in the end." he finished with a smile. The man squealed, "This is going to be So Much Fun!!"

Inuyasha had never been more terrified in his life. 

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A/N: hope you liked it! Review please! Getting reviews gives me the warm fuzzies! And remember, if anyone knows who that author is I'm looking for, tell me please! Don't know the story? Look on my other fic (No, this is not a shameless plug. I don't care if you read the actual fic but read the A/N!!!!! I need that name!!) 


	2. The boys are horrified

A/N: hey guys! The fab five are back !! Let's see how Inuyasha does, hmm? Major thank you to Tsu-Chan for reviewing and for giving that name!!!!!! bless you woman!!!

Disclaimer: i didn't do this last chapter....whoops! well, as no lawyers have contacted me yet....maybe I can get away with claiming inuyasha for my own? no? darn............

CHAPTER TWO:

Carson continued, oblivious to the terrified hanyou standing near him. "But before the introductions can continue, we must know- who are you?"

"I'm Inuyasha. This is Kagome. Don't touch her ."

"Oh, she's not the one we want to touch sweetie. And as for who we are individually:

I'm Carson! I'll be your fashion idol. We are going to remake you, clothing wise. and trust me, you need it." (this last part he added in a stage whisper. Inuyasha was not amused. However, judging by the ill contained snorts, Kagome was.) "The guy groping your head is Kyan. He's our grooming guru. He can works wonders! But I warn you- he hates long hair." Kyan looked up and waved a piece of silver hair around happily. 

Noticing the apparent fascination Kyan had with his hair, Inuyasha quietly wondered to Kagome if Kyan was perhaps related to Yura of the hair. 

"Inuyasha!" hissed Kagome, not pleased that Inuyasha compared sweet Kyan to the psychotic demoness. 

Overhearing, Kyan asked, "Who's Yura?"

"A bitch" said Inuyasha succinctly.

"Oh no, then we can't be related. I'm never the bitch." Kyan reassured Inuyasha with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. Inuyasha and Kagome sweatdropped at Kyan before turning back to Carson, Inuyasha mumbling about "too much information". 

Carson hit Kyan playfully and pointed to the man in glasses. "The one who commented on your poor eating habits is Ted. Ted's the one who is going to teach you how to cook." At this, Kagome burst out laughing. 

"Inuyasha can't cook! He burns water!" She giggled some more. 

"Excuse me! Your man will need support on this journey he's taking! Laughing girlfriends are not welcome!" Carson said, looking slightly put out.

Kagome looked slightly pissed herself. "Listen buddy, as the girl who has to cook for him 3 times a day, I'm telling you-He Will Not Cook!"

"Well, he will at least once with us." Clearly dismissing Kagome, Carson continued the introductions. "The friendly short guy is Jai. He's our culture expert. He takes your man and makes him more civilized." 

"Feh. Fuck being civilized." said Inuyasha. 

*shocked silence*

"Ooooh, he's a dirty boy, isn't he?" said one of five.

"Mmm, yes he is! Regular freak!" came another ecstatic reply. 

Inuyasha glared at them all. "I am not dirty. I bathe at least once a week. And I'm not a freak, you all are."

"Sit!"

"ARGH!!!!" Inuyasha met the concrete head on. 

"Or he'll try to civilize him" Carson amended, crouching to look the flattened Inuyasha in the eyes. "We can only do our best." Jai had a determined, if daunted, face on. He resembled nothing so much as a soldier going into battle.

"Don't worry" Jai said, lifting his head proudly. "I've handled tougher cases then this...I think."

Ted sympathetically patted Jai on his back as Carson introduced the last man. "Lastly, we come to Thom. Thom will be redecorating your house. I have no doubt you have a as very sports oriented, dirty gym socks everywhere, hetero 'design' going on but don't worry- Thom will fix it." Carson said, pushing Thom forward.

"Hi!" said Thom. "So what type of place do you own?"

Inuayasha said, as if talking to particularly stupid child, "I don't own a house."

"Your apartment then" 

Inuyasha shook his head. 

"Your loft" 

Head shakes from both Kagome and Inuyasha.

"A shack?" asked Thom, looking desperate. 

Inuyasha smirked. "Not even a place under a bridge." The smirk grew wider. He was definitely enjoying the choking noise coming from Thom. 

"Okay............hmm.......well, um, where do you keep the rest of your clothes?" asked Carson curiously. Inuyasha just stared at the blond man. Carson's eyes grew wide. 

"No." said Carson, not willing to comprehend what Inuyasha's eyes were telling him. 

"Yes" Inuyasha said. He was enjoying this even more then beating up Shippo!

"No......" Carson whispered unbelievingly. Inuyasha smirked and cocked an eyebrow. "No.....NONONONONO!!!!!!!" hissed Carson. "EVERYONE HAS MORE THEN A BATHROBE!!!!!" 

Inuyasha just smirked more and leaned in for the killing blow. "And this is a hand-me-down from my father." he said with malicious delight. 

Carson swayed, looking vaguely green. "Martini. Need. It. Now" he said, walking back to the SUV. 

"I'm coming with you.....nothing?....how can I work with nothing?? Oh my god, I have to go house shopping? Shit!!!" Thom moaned. 

The remaining three members of the fab five sighed. 

"This is worse then that guy who owned nothing but jeans and tank tops with that horrible dyed hair." said Jai in a worried voice.

"Way worse" agreed Kyan. "I mean, if he doesn't own another change of clothes and he doesn't even a house, what are the chances that he'll have moisturizer?" Ted and Jai shook their heads; the odds were not good. 

"What's moisturizer Kagome?" asked Inuyasha innocently. 

"He also needs a serious pedicure and manicure." Ted noticed rather apologetically to Kyan.

Looking at Inuyasha's filthy feet and clawed hands, Kyan groaned in pain and turned to the car, yelling for a Johnny Walker on the rocks. 

"Are you guys going to really make Inuyasha over?" asked Kagome. While it was hysterical, there was a distinct possibility that if they pissed him off badly, Inuyasha would kill the five gay Americans. Kagome was torn between wanting to see Inuyasha handling a stove and not being an accomplice to murder. 

"You wait here." said Ted. The two men walked back to the car, leaving Kagome and Inuyasha outside.

````````````In the SUV````````````````

"No. We are getting back onto the plane and going back to the normal straight freaks of nature we always help. Have we ever helped homeless people before?" exclaimed Carson, in a bit of a snit.

"He's crazy. He doesn't own a place! I'm all for going home." said Thom, eyebrows up and hands surrendering. 

"But don't you guys get it? Before we were just, y'know playing around...Now, we can really _really_ make a difference." urged Jai. "This guy needs help, he needs guidance, _he needs us_! Come on. We will not just be changing his life, we'll be giving him a life!" Jai wheedled. He knew that they should help this guy, he knew that this white haired guy had potential. 

"I'd just like to remind everyone that we've given people lives- does no one remember the toupee horror?" Kyan said, stung that no one remembered his moment of true glory. 

"No, no, we all recall that. I see it in every nightmare I have, a brown furry monster that attacks my scalp." Ted said empathetically. All five shuddered in fear of the toupee. 

Sulking in his seat, Carson admitted that this whole escapade had been his idea but "he had so obviously needed help!"

Kyan sighed. "He still does."

"So, we stay and do the right thing?" Ted asked.

Some grudgingly and some excited, the fab five agreed to reinvent Inuyasha into everything he could be. 

````````````outside the car```````````````

"Well, if we're going to work with you, we'll need a base of operations." Thom announced. 

Receiving a small nod from Kagome, Inuyasha offered up the shrine and gave directions. 

"Wherever." Carson said dismissively. "Let's get to the important stuff- what's your bank account like? Big and pleasurable or small and unsatisfying?" 

After Inuyasha gave Carson an uncomprehending glance, Kagome translated. "What money do you have?"

"Just this." Inuyasha pulled out a small leather pocket sack and poured into one hand a bunch of ancient Japanese currency. The coins glittered in the sun, golden and inviting. Raised eyebrows were the only outward reactions to the small fortune in the clawed hand. "Well, good. Because uncouth dirty guys with no clothing and no home we can handle. But no money? That's a no go." Carson smiled delightedly, Versace suits and Gucci accessories dancing around in his minds eye. 

"So....where are you guys going to start?" Kagome asked tentatively. 

"Clothing- he needs some. and that bathrobe has a date with lighter fluid and destiny. Ugh, how could you let him out of the house?"

"Housing- he needs a place to live! Most people consider shelter very important. We'll try to instill that in him. Y'know, to get out of the rain should have been an instinct but whatever, everyone has their quirks- he doesn't want to have a home."

"Manners...I don't really mean to be so blunt but....well, he doesn't have any. I think his whole outlook on himself and life would change if only he were more receptive to people..."

"Grooming. Where do you start? The manicure, the pedicure, the waxing of the eyebrows, the haircut, the basics in skin care? Oh god, we have so much to do! It's going to be a brutal regime of just conditioner, conditioner, and- oh my!- more conditioner. I mean, he needs it everywhere."

"Hygiene in eating. I think I'm going to split this with Jai. We just need to, get started and I think this'll be the least traumatizing. I mean, shopping with Carson or going with Kyan is an...experience. To say the least. "

came five replies all at the same time. 

"I do not need that much help!!" shouted Inuyasha, infuriated.

Five sighs and five knowing shakes of heads. "Don't worry. When they all start off, they all think they have some sort of say in how they turn out or what they need to change. Fear not, we'll break him of that annoying little habit of self dependency soon enough." Thom said, reassuring Kagome. 

"oh" said Kagome, at a loss of what to say after that. 

"Okay gentleman!" Carson clapped his hands and shooed his teammates into the car. "We have a lot to do!" Turning to Kagome and Inuyasha, he shouted out the window, "You two! Move those sweet looking asses to that shrine! If we get there before you......!" He waggled his fingers in a suggestive farewell. 

Inuyasha's eyes widened and he scooped up Kagome, Bouyo and all, and flat out sprinted to the shrine. 

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well, there you go. I like advertisements, i find them helpful for finding new authors to read so I'll put one down here: the story I was so excited about I had to post plagiarism to find out the author's name: Time for a Change by SvF-Bd02-Wedge. Really good with several amazing twists. Poignant and funny, i recommend this story to everyone, even the most picky of literary snobs. 


	3. Secrets lead to house Cleaning

CHAPTER THREE:

"Mpht grarmh tfortpgh mumruphmy…." 

Kagome sighed. "Inuyasha. For the last time, do not talk with your mouth full." She picked half- chewed ramen off her sweater. "It is beyond disgusting and it sprays food all over the place."

Inuyasha looked at her. 

"Mrph ras bicjs", spraying Kagome again. Kagome looked down, aghast, at her filthy sweater. She developed a tic in her forehead as she turned to the smirking idiot sitting at her kitchen table.

"Inuyasha, this is dry clean only! BAKA! SIT! SIT! SIT!" she screamed on the top of her lungs. There are many things a girl can stay calm for, but getting a dry clean only sweater dirty? Some things just cannot be tolerated. Inuyasha yelled as his head was dunked into his ramen bowl. His muffled shouts slowly quieted down. Kagome sat down and drummed her fingers on the table. She waited for Inuyasha to get up and start throwing a fit. She waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

_What the heck is taking him so long to get up? _she wondered uneasily. "Inuyasha?" She prodded him on the back. "Inuyasha? Get up, this isn't funny." No response. "Inuyasha! Get up, you stupid puppy!" Kagome shook Inuyasha roughly but to no avail. He remained silent and unmoving. _Oh my god, I suffocated him with 'sits'!"_ Kagome ran to get the phone, intending to call an ambulance. Dialing frantically, Kagome jumped from foot to foot. 

Suddenly, echoing throughout the silent kitchen was a wet sucking sound. Kagome slowly turned around, thinking absently _why do I get the feeling that I don't want to see whatever is making that noise?_ but her caution was a few seconds too late. 

Inuyasha blinked at Kagome. Kagome blinked back. 

"Good lord................." she mumbled, slightly amused.

Inuyasha had pulled himself out of the bowl. There was ramen everywhere on him. It was on the front of his robe, in his hair, all over his face, decorated his pants, and he had somehow managed to get it all over his forehead and ears. With each twitch, his ears sprayed ramen throughout the kitchen. He was the typical baby food/overwhelmed dad commercial, only Inuyasha was around 82 years old instead of 6 months old.

He held up his now empty ramen bowl. "I finished it while I was sat." he explained seriously.  "Do you have more?"

Kagome just shook her head tiredly. "How about this? I'll cook and you take a show-"

"OH MY GAWD!!!!!!! BLECH!!!!! EEEEWWWW!!" came a horrified shriek. 

"Ted! Don't look!" Carson shouted desperately. Kyan tried to hold him but Ted was too slippery. He slid through his four friends and looked upon a nightmare. 

"AAAHH!!!!" Everywhere he looked, there was instant ramen- beef, chicken, pork, veggie; it was all there in its unholy glory.  Covering his eyes, Ted ran out of the kitchen. 

"Quickly Thom! Go make sure Ted doesn't commit suicide or something!" Jai shouted. Thom rushed out and was soon heard reassuring Ted. 

"Shhh...It's okay. That stuff isn't here anymore......"

"It was everywhere Thom. I mean, it was instant and covered an entire room....."  
"I have to admit, as a decor, it lacks a certain pizzazz. See, while most people aim for tasteful –whoops! Poor choice of words! My bad!- _attractive_ rooms, I guess not in Japanese temples."

"That wasn't their decor! THAT _WAS_THEIR_LUNCH!!!!!" Ted wailed in misery.

"I know, I know Ted. You just let it all out........" Thom said comfortingly. 

While Ted recuperated, Carson was ripping Inuyasha apart. 

"What the hell are you doing like that? I understand instant"  (this was said in a whisper so as not to set Ted into an epileptic fit) "is a 'tasty' food, but let me tell you something mister- the one and only time you may smear food over your body is for sex. And unless you're really kinky, or Kagome here is really into ra- what the hell is this stuff anyways? Raammeeennn. Ok, whatever. Not asking- Unless Kagome here is really into ramen, people usually use chocolate, whipped cream- y'know, something sweet and tasty. Hmm.. sort of how I imagine you taste by nature" he added with a flirtatious smile.

 Kagome and Inuyasha were bright red and stuttering. Jai, always one of the quickest on the subtle nuances of stutter, gasped. Tugging on Kyan's shirt, Jai whispered into his ear the extraordinary news. "Kyan, we have completely wrong! They're not sleeping together!!"

Kyan looked astonished. "NO!" he said, half horrified, half terribly amused. "Get out!"

"I'm already out. Otherwise I couldn't do the show silly." Jai replied with a grin.

"Jai, concentrate! This is big. Are you sure?" Kyan asked. 

"When have I ever been wrong about people's sexual patterns? Trust me- look at the way they won't look at each other, see the way they're both bright red? Sex is a bit of a taboo subject with them. Hmm...she looks sort of pissed off. Hmm..What do you want to bet that someone has a history that they can't get ride of yet?"

"No!"

"I'm telling you. These eyes never miss."

"Ask. I dare you." taunted Kyan.

Inuyasha blanched. Hearing what they were saying, knowing that they knew he hadn't had sex yet, was humiliating and he was tempted to rip out their throats. But this? The last thing he needed was Kagome to be reminded of Kikyo. 

"OI!!!! YOU TWO!!! SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!!!" he shouted desperately.

Kyan and Jai looked at him, grabbed Carson and promptly walked to the living room. 

*********living room*********

"Jai- tell them" ordered Kyan.

"One minute." The five listened intently as Kagome demanded to know what Inuyasha had flipped out about and Inuyasha scampered for an answer. Satisfied that Inuyasha could not hear them over Kaogme's voice, Jai began.

"Ok, guys, prepare yourselves." He paused to draw out the moment's drama. 

"Oh my god, get on with it Jai. My clothes are going out of style while we're waiting for you to gossip." Carson said in exasperation.  

"Ok, Inuyasha and Kagome? They are not- how should I put this? Intimately involved." Jai said in a low secretive voice.

"WHAT?!?!" shouted three voices in delighted outrage.

"NO! With a guy who looked like that I would have given it up in the first five minutes!" Carson exclaimed.

Thom corrected him. "No, you would have attacked him on the street."

"True enough."

"Poor guy. Or is it poor girl? Do you know which one isn't putting out?" Ted asked.

"Hold on hold on." Kyan held up his hands in pacification. "To answer Ted's question, I would think it's the girl holding out. How old is this guy? 15? 17? If he gets horny enough, he'll bang a hole in the wall. Its definitely not him." The logic was deemed sound. Kagome was to blame for this disturbing lack in the relationship. 

"I would like to suggest that the real point of this mission is to get Inuyasha laid. We'll pretend it's to groom the boy (and it sort of is because God knows, without that, he's never going to get any) but the real goal is that when the transformation is complete, Inuyasha has sex. Or at least to second base." Kyan said. 

"We can do no less. This is a really serious situation." Ted agreed. He could put aside the Instant Incident if it helped a fellow man get some ass.

"And then maybe we can see him naked!" Jai whispered happily.

"But that's just a fringe benefit"

"Oh yeah, that's not why we're doing this"

"No, not at all."

The group stayed silent for a couple of minutes.

"So we're going to buy a bigger TV for when we get to see him naked?" was asked.

"Oh yeah." came the enthusiastic reply.

********back in the kitchen***********

"So, first things first. Before we came here, we exchanged your money for cash we can use. However, because a house is a huge investment, we're going to do that first and then work everything else out with what's left. We won't have a lot left but it'll have to do. Peachy?" Carson asked.

"Pe...achy" said Inuyasha. Where on earth did these guys come up with such stupid phrases? They were worse then when Miroku pretended to quote some Buddhist dogma to impress a pretty girl.

"Okay, where and in what do you see yourself living in?" asked Thom, taking out a pad of paper. As this was his department, Thom had taken over the interrogation. 

"I don't care what I live in as long as it's near Kagome." Inuyasha shrugged. 

"That is so sweet!" gushed Jai. 

"Yeah, sweet AND impractical. I need a definite answer. If we find a place near Kagome, what type of place do you want?" Thom said, rolling his eyes.

"I already told you. I don't care." Inuyasha growled.

"And I get that but humor me. What type of place would yo-" 

"I don't give a bloody damn! Pick out whatever you want!"

"But it's your house! You have to have an opinion!"

"No I don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"No_ I_ Don't!"

"Yes_ You_ Do!"

"Hold on. I have an idea." Kagome said, getting in between the two infuriated males. "How about the well house in my backyard?" Both looked at her questioningly. 

"It's out here. Come look" Kagome led the way out to the well house. Flinging open the doors, she let the Fab Five explore and consider. Kaogme and Inuyasha stood by the doorway.

"But Kagome, it's your well house. You can't just give it away." Inuyasha protested weakly. He hated to admit it but he thought the idea was great. He would be near Kaogme, he wouldn't have to sleep in Souta's room anymore and whenever she ran away angry, she'd climb out of the well and be confronted with all his stuff. She'd never really get away from him! _She'd always have him around. _The thought made him smile.

_Aw, look at how excited he is to have his own place...of course I want to give this to him. It's nice to see him smile like that, _Kagome thought, a little embarrassed by how happy the thought of him happy made her. 

The most wonderful of things are often unplanned. Kagome and Inuyasha were looking away from the other, blushing at their thoughts, sneaking looks at the object of their affections. But Inuyasha caught Kagome looking and was snared by her eyes. The two shared a look that said volumes and smiled shyly at the other. The world seemed to slow down as they moved closer and closer. Inuyasha leaned in and-  

"Awwww......." came the chorus. Jerking out of their own world, Kagome and Inuyasha looked down at five men clapping and cooing at them. 

"Feh" mumbled Inuyasha beet red, crossing his arms. He stormed away to the other side of the well house. 

"Um…..uh, so what do you guys think?" asked Kagome, trying to distract the men from the scene they had found so fascinating. 

Noticing this blatant diversion, the men graciously allowed themselves to be distracted.  "The wood is sound, and the architecture is interesting. My favorite part is the well however. We could do so much with this space.  I think this would make a fantastic bachelor pad. We'll take it." Thom pronounced. 

"That's great!" cheered Kagome, jumping up and down happily.

"Yay!!" shouted the Fab Five. Getting into the spirit, they grabbed Kagome's hands and jumped around in a circle, yelling excitedly. (Inuyasha tried to become one with the wall and prayed no one would try to make him join in the 'fun'.) 

Eventually, reality set in when the dust started raining down from the ceiling. "Ewwww........" came the chorus of disgust. 

"My cashmere sweater!" cried out Carson in horror. 

"It's sticking to my hair....I think God's trying to tell me that I use too much product...Is that even possible?" mumbled Kyan.  

"This dust does nothing for my singing voice." said Jai, slightly annoyed as he coughed. Inuyasha was secretly relieved. He had been worried that Jai was as spineless as that human jellyfish, Hobo. 

"Well, this tells us what we need to do now. We have to clean this place", announced Thom. 

"I don't have anything to wear to an event like this. I won't have the right ensemble! " said Carson, a little astounded that he had come unprepared with an appropriate outfit. He always had The Right Look. "To not have the right look is like.....its going against everything I tried so hard to teach to the less fashionably inclined." Carson said in distress. 

"Don't worry. I'm sure we have some old T-shirts for you all to wear." Kagome said cheerfully. 

"We don't do old clothes", stated Ted flatly. 

"Don't think of them as old. Think of them as vintage." said Inuyasha.

The world went silent.

The silence was total and the shock was enormous.  

"He knows lingo. How does he know lingo?" asked Carson, interrupting the silence and not caring in the least.

"Do you know what that even means Inuyasha?" asked Kagome timidly.

"YES I do, thank you very much! You once dragged me to that mall place and found some shirts that you called vintage shirts. They're old t-shirts that are really good when you can see through them." Inuyasha said, sounding like he was quoting a lecture he had heard.

"Oh my god! He even knows what to look for!" exclaimed Carson.

"You know what this means? We've only been here for what, an hour and a half and yet we still changed this pathetic specimen into someone who knows vintage T's!!!" Thom said, slightly in awe of the Fab Five's prowess. 

"We improved someone's life in less then two hours. We changed him for the better! I am truly touched." Jai said, getting a little teary. 

"YEAH, YOU'RE TOUCHED! IN THE HEAD!!! WHO THE HELL YOU CALLIN' PATHETIC ANYWAYS? BAKA, I'LL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF!!!" screamed Inuyasha in a rage. "AND-YOU DID NOT IMPROVE ME!! KAGOME'S THE ONE WHO TAUGHT ME THAT USELESS BULL SHIT!!" He was bright red in the face and Kagome could see his eyes were getting crazed. 

"Inuyasha, why don't you come SIT-"

"ARGH!!"

"Silly puppy. All that yelling must have made you lose your balance- like I said, why don't you come into the house with me and we'll get the supplies to clean the well hut?"

Inuyasha followed her inside, grumbling about 'no killing for three days, three days! Stupid modern era!'

*************4 hours later****************

"Well, that just about does it", announced Ted with deserved pride. The well house was swept, polished, dusted, vacuumed, waxed, de-webbed and it shone from all the attention. Inuyasha breathed a sigh of relief. After the first couple of accidents (How was he suppose to know that you can't randomly smack people with a broom if they annoyed you? Really, this era had far too many rules.), Inuyasha had become the picking up and carrying guy. He also became the unofficial bug killer. After the fourth high-pitched scream from the guys, Inuyasha had hunted down all the bugs just to give his ears a rest. The only redeeming factor in this entire scenario in Inuyasha's mind was Kagome. She was wearing a pair of denim capri's and a light blue cap sleeved shirt. It had a V-neck that flashed some cleavage whenever she bent over. And, as she was helping the guys clean the house, she had bent over quite often. 

But it was more then the awesome view that made Inuyasha wish this house cleaning wouldn't stop. It was the way she laughed at Carson's perverted innuendo (which he could do about everything and anything, much to Inuyasha's consternation) and giggled with Jai. It was the way she exchanged recipes with Ted, took advice from Kyan for her unruly hair and commiserated with Thom over the difficulties of keeping house. She was relaxed and happy- Inuyasha could have watched her interact with the Fab Five all day. She was always at her most beautiful when she laughed.  

His eyes soften as he stared at Kagome, halting in his picking up all the heavy buckets of dirty water. She looked up at him questioningly. "What, do I have dirt on my face or something?" She asked, beginning to feel self-conscious. _Why is he staring at me like that?_

Inuyasha did not answer but simply walked out of the well house. Words never came easy for him around Kagome. He always was worried that the words he had forbidden himself to speak would pop out. 

He couldn't articulate what he felt for her; speech was useless, it couldn't encompass the width and depth of these strange feelings. He felt helpless as all his carefully maintained boundaries were put under siege. She was crumbling them as he looked on and there was nothing he could do about it. Nothing could help him get ride of these feelings. Not actions, nor silence or attitude or anything at all. 

 He knew that he should say something. But he also knew that letting it out in the open held a high risk of rejection. He also knew that some things were just too precious to risk. Even if these feelings were one sided, it was better to have his illusions and his hope then the harsh truth. Reality was overrated. 

Inuyasha was aware that he would break completely once she finally got annoyed enough at him and told him what she really felt about him. It was humiliating to be so in the power of someone who was inherently so powerless.  

He walked slowly back up to Souta's room, contemplating his situation. Inuyasha shook his head. Why was he even thinking of telling her? Loving her was a sweet, sweet dream and a dream it would stay. Announcing one's love required a huge leap of faith. You had to have true hope, belief that you would be rewarded for diving in with your eyes closed. Inuyasha had stopped having that sort of hope and that kind of belief in the happily- ever- after the day his father and mother had been murdered by Sesshomaru, the brother whom he had idolized. He had true hope for everything back then. And where had it gotten him? Pain and betrayal. 

No, Inuyasha preferred to suffer in silence. His unrequited love would always be a few feet away and those unspoken words would burn a hole in his gut, his heart, his brain, and his essence. He didn't really mind. He had done enough in his life to deserve this pain. He would not tell Kagome. Suffering in silence was his path, his creed. He knew of no other road to choose. 

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A/N: well, hope my angst and attempt at semi romance was ok. I'm a little uncomfortable even bringing angst into this fic. I meant for it to be light up until the very end. Oh well, my muse decided to be depressed today. I just want to thank everyone who reviewed, Proi-Pori, Rabid Psycho Kitty, Pinkraven, Evanescent, Snidget aka Snitch (who reviewed my other one but since that was a one shot I'm thanking snitch here) Hadely-chan, and my sister who reviewed me under my own name! (Come on people, you didn't think I was that pathetic did you? You did?!?! Humph.) This chapter is dedicated to R.P.K who put me on her favorites list. You are beyond awesome! And it is also dedicated to Mourning Fox! Feel better sweetie!

Advertisments-2004 Dorei Youkai Tokyo by evanescent. Amazing story with a complicated Inuyasha. Trust me when I tell you when read this is you will be blown away. The plot is complex, the characters are engrossing and the writing is wonderful. Possibly my favorite story on the site. Read this or miss out.

Also, for comedy, Inuyasha vs. the Hell Chair by Kiana. I think that's all you need to hear. Very amusing. 

Bye and review! Warm fuzzies are desperately needed! I started college again……wah!!


	4. Shopping With Thom

Disclaimer: Don't own Inuyasha. Am much annoyed by this.

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to the new Queer Eye on Tuesday. So excited!! Enjoy the chapter. Don't worry, there's no angst.

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CHAPTER FOUR:

"Well, kiddies we're off!" Thom shouted from the drivers seat.

"_Kagome! Please_!!!" begged Inuyasha desperately. His eyes were wide, scared, and pleading. Kagome shook her head and gave Inuyasha a shove towards the SUV. 

"It's not a death trap, I promise you. You'll be fine." 

There was one everlasting truism that existed in Inuyasha's life:

When all fails, get stubborn. 

He put his nose up in the air and crossed his arms. "No. You can't make me get in there."

"Inuyasha, come on!"

"It's going to eat me. I don't know why you want to get ride of me bitch but I'm not gonna die by being swallowed."

"Oh my god Inuyasha! For the hundredth time, its a car. It is not a monster that's going to eat you."

"Feh."

The two glared at each other. 

"Hello, I said that we're leaving! You know, that's when you speed off?" reminded Thom, idly tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

__

I have to get him into that car, thought Kagome. _But how? Speed off....I could always- no, that's too mean. I can't to that to him. He's scared, even if he's covering it up by acting like a jerk. Besides, I can't manipulate him like that._

Seeing Kagome wavering, Inuyasha smirked and stuck out his tongue.

__

On second thought, I think I can. Kagome thought, thoroughly pissed off .

"Inuyasha, if you don't get into that car, I'm going to tell everyone all about the time you told Kouga he had a nice tail..." she ended on a very suggestive sounding note.

"WHAT?" Inuyasha exclaimed, enraged. "I never told that wimp he had a nice tail!!"

"Tail...." muttered Ted. "It sounds a lot like a euphemism for something else..." 

"Same ass, wrong side?" asked Kyan, with a leer.

"Could be." said Jai. The three joined Carson who, avante garde as always, was two steps ahead on them on putting the moves on the fresh meat. Thom would have joined them, only he was in the car waiting. 

"Soooo..... Inuyasha. How do you like your tail?" asked Carson with a purr. 

Inuyasha began to choke but he was a brave soul. He made no movements to the car. 

"I bet you like it rough" growled Jai, with a look of lust shining in his eyes. He ran perfectly manicured fingernails down Inuyasha's chest. 

Inuyasha's ears twitched madly but he did not move toward the car,. 

"Don't worry. So do I." Jai licked his lips and leaned in. 

"eep" squeaked Inuyasha in panic. Diving into the SUV, he climbed over the seats until reaching the seats in the very back. "DRIVE!!" he screamed at Thom. The oblivious man jerked and hit the gas. The door slammed shut and Inuyasha's eyes widened as he realized that he had been tricked into being eaten. As the car sped away, Inuyasha leaned out the window and shook his fist at Kagome.

"I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! I'LL COME BACK FROM THE DEAD TO HAUNT YOU! DAMN YOU KAAAAGGGGOOOOOMMMMMMEEEEEE!!!!!" he howled. 

Thom turned around, and was horrified to see Inuyasha almost fly out of the open window. "PYSCHO! SIT DOWN AND PUT YOUR BODY BACK IN THIS CAR!!" shouted Thom. 

"BITE ME!!" snarled Inuyasha.

Thom did a sharp left turn and Inuyasha flew backward into the car. "Good boy." Thom smiled genially. "Now, let's go furniture shopping." 

Kagome and the remaining four watched quietly as a still cursing Inuyasha (yes, they could still hear even though he was in the car with the windows closed) was driven away. As the SUV was down the block, snickers were heard. As the SUV turned the corner, there were chuckles and giggles. But when the car disappeared from sight, Kagome began to laugh so hard her stomach hurt. She laughed hard and long, until tears were running down her face. Concerned, the four males tried to calm her down. 

"Kagome? You okay?" asked Carson. She reached up and gave him a kiss on the cheek. 

"You guys have made my day. When Inuyasha squeaked, he sounded like a broken toddler's toy, it was so high pitched! Priceless! 'eep'.....!!"

The four men shared a glance and picked Kagome off the floor. "Why don't we go inside and have a nice cup of tea, hmm?" Kyan suggested in a soothing voice. 

Kagome followed them into the shrine, willing to be calmed down. After tea, Kagome and the boys had a discussion about what Kagome wanted to happen to her companion.

"He's just so stubborn. Really, at times its like talking to a rock. I don't think you guys are really going to do anything. He likes himself just the way he is. Besides, he despises change." 

"Are you happy with him the way he is?"

"I'm happy with it because that's who he is. Plain and simple, he wouldn't be the Inuyasha I know if he became a gentleman over night. Could he stand for some refinement? Sure, almost everyone could. But, on the inside, Inuyasha's a really nice guy. You can't fake that inner goodness." She shrugged her shoulders. "Most of my friends say I should never see him again but....some advice just can't be taken."

Silence dominated the room as the group thought about Kagome's words. Jai looked up. 

"Kagome, what would you love Inuyasha to do, even if its just once?"

"Gee, I don't know. Not beat up Kouga? Stop hitting Shippo? Smile or laugh? Actually express his feelings? Stop saying 'feh' and 'wench' would be lovely. Dance maybe? I'd love to show him off...." She blushed and nervously tucked a piece of hair behind one ear. "Well, there's a ton of stuff I'd like him to do but most of it's impossible to expect."

"Hmm, well you've given me some ideas." Jai got up to make some phone calls. Carson Kyan and Ted got up and ushered Kagome out to the local mall to pick up the basic house necessities as well as get Kagome some new outfits. (Carson called the whole sweater with a jumper thing a "major fashion no-no".) 

********************With Thom and Inuyasha*********************** 

"So" began Thom looking at Inuyasha through the rear view mirror, "What style are you looking to express?" 

Inuyasha looked terribly confused. Thom was used to this expression coming from his hetero's. After hearing the explanation of what a style was, Inuyasha gave him a disgusted look. 

"Feh. I don't care what the place looks like, as long as its clear that everything in the well house is mine." He said, being completely truthful. 

"So if we just put huge name-tags on everything with "Inuyasha's Crap- Don't touch or I'll kill you" on them, you'd be fine with that?" Thm asked sarcastically. 

"That's a good idea." said Inuyasha, impressed. _This guy actually has a brain_, Inuyasha thought. 

Thom sighed.. It was going to be a long day. He looked at the boy in the back seat. Inuyasha was barking at a dog in a car next to them. _A really long day, _thought Thom.

*****************Half hour later***********

"Okay, we're here!" Thom flung open the doors to Pottery Barn and smiled happily. Inuyasha glanced around and snorted in disgust. 

"Fuck this. You smell this air? They burned about 100 sticks of incense at once. If I wanted to choke on weird smells, I'd go to Kaede's." 

Inuyasha turned and left the store. Thom just blinked and looked at the spot where Inuyasha had been a moment ago. 

"Did he just walk out?" Thom asked the camera man in a shocked tone. The man nodded wordlessly. Taking a deep breath, Thom strode after his missing project.

*****

Inuyasha wandered around the store. It smelled too but, unlike the potpourri of Pottery Barn. This corner store smelled vaguely like leather and old sweat. It was the stench of warriors after battle; of true men, not the pansies that characterized this weak generation. Inuyasha felt comfortable here. He knew that his kind, men he could be comrades with, had walked on these floors. 

"Inuyasha! Why did you leave and how did you find this store?" came the exasperated voice.

Inuyasha turned to Thom and said in a loud voice, "We will buy all my things from here. Real men have been here."

Thom took a look around and sighed. "Inuyasha..." Not knowing where to begin, he took a breath. "This is Sharper Image. We are not- and I repeat not- buying everything for your house here.

"Yes we are"

"Not a snowball's chance in hell." Thom answered flatly.

"Then a snowball's chances must be pretty damn high because I'm buying my stuff from here." Inuyasha folded in arms and gracefully descended into his 'I'm-going-to-be-a-stubborn-ass' pose. Legs crossed and his nose up in the air, Inuyasha prepared to do battle.

"No!" said Thom in exasperation. "I'm the designer and I will not allow you to do this to your place!" 

"You said it yourself- its mine. And I'll do with my things what I want." Inuyasha said stubbornly. 

"Okay, you said that you don't care about the look. Fine- I can work with that. Then you storm out of Pottery Barn. That's all right. Some people don't do pottery barn. But buying everything from Sharper Image! I don't think so! Are you even listening to me?!" Thom asked, annoyed and tired. Inuyasha said nothing. 

He was too busy staring at a remote control. Solemnly, he held it up to Thom. 

"It blinks." 

On high alert, Thom answered very cautiously. "I can see that."

"I need this." Inuyasha said, still entranced by the blinking red and green lights.

__

Oh for the love of...... "Do you even know what it does?" Thom asked, hands on his hips. Inuyasha snorted. That was completely besides the point. 

"Who needs to know _what_ it does? Look at how incredible it is! It blinks!" The hanyou was confused. How could anyone not find this, this thing fascinating? He held it out to Thom. Maybe he needed a closer look to see how amazing this thing was?

A beep sounded and the previous item lost importance as a weird box began to hum and honk.

"Oooooohhhhhh" whispered Inuyasha, placing the now forgotten remote on a random counter. Picking up the box, a smile grew on Inuyasha's face. There were knobs and buttons, screens and antenna's all over the small box. It was complicated, unwieldy, and half the features were redundant. 

It by far the most entrancing thing Inuyasha had ever beheld. 

Turning to Thom, he held up his prize in hubris. "Look!" he exclaimed like a kid in a candy store. "It honks and blinks!" Inuasha snorted happily to himself and began pressing buttons and flipping switches. 

"Well, now we can all die happy!" said Thom, rolling his eyes. "I mean, it blinks AND makes noise. What else could you ask for in house furnishings?"

Inuyasha ignored him. There was one thing you pressed (A/N: a button) and part of the box would light up (A/N: the screen)! Noticing this strange correlation, Inuyasha kept pressing. Finally, the box would not light up anymore. Annoyed, Inuyasha shook the box. Nothing happened. What about the arrow shape? Maybe that would make the box light up some more.... Inuyasha pressed the play button and Metallica on 100 decibels came roaring out of the wall of speakers behind him. 

Inuyasha saw Thom waving his arms and stamping his foot, opening and closing his mouth. Inuyasha started laughing. Thom looked very funny. Not at all amused, Thom stormed over and yanked the toy out of Inuyasha's hands. The silence that came when he found the stop button was absolute and total. 

"I'm. Going. To. Kill. You." Thom said slowly, pointing a finger at Inuyasha.

Inuyasha's eyes were shining and his smile was real and powerful. "I want this." Inuyasha told Thom. 

"And I want you to go buy normal furnishings."

"I want this.....and that thing. And that thing with the sticks. And...wow, what's that thing? Is that a chair with a food storage place? AND a toilet in the seat?" He glanced at Thom, almost delighted beyond words. "You never have to get out of the chair!! I want that!!!!"

"I want out of this store." Thom almost screamed, tearing at his hair. 

"I want that als- Look!" shouted Inuyasha, thrilled. "It's lighting up again."

Thom stared in horror as he saw Inuyasha's finger on the 'replay' button. 

"FINE! Anything to get out of here!" Thom snapped, conceding defeat. Sighing, he proposed a compromise. "How about this?" Thom said slowly. "You can pick 5 things from sharper image but only after you buy the truly important stuff." 

"Feh." said Inuyasha agreeably, turning back to the store that had so captured his imagination. 

"Later. We'll come back later." promised Thom as he dragged Inuyasha out of Sharper Image. 

*****************12 furniture stores later*************

"Inuyasha! Please, please, _please_ have an opinion." begged Thom. 

"I do. I don't like it." Inuyasha answered.

"A different opinion."

"No."

"But why? Why don't you like it? There has to be a reason" Thom asked. 

"Nope. No reason. I just don't like it." Inuyasha walked out of the store, a despondent interior decorator trailing him.

Thom felt like crying. He settled for groveling. "Just try to keep an open mind. Your furniture reflect your personality, but nothing matches you. So, we're going to have to try for as close as we can get. Okay? This is the last store. Our last stop. Please try."

"All right. I'll try." Inuyasha mumbled.

Stepping into the store, Inuyasha sensed a difference immediately. The stuff here was real. Not like all the other furniture in those stories that stunk of machinery. They all had smelled the same. But in this store- the furniture was scented with emotions. This furniture had lived. 

"I like this place" he told Thom, already absently browsing through the antiques. With tears of joy streaming down his face, Thom leapt to help Inuyasha pick out furnishings. 

At the end, Inuyasha had chosen several items. Among them was a small oak table, shiny with years of cleanings and an armchair of deep burgundy soft leather. There was a hammock made of thick, hand-woven navy cotton that would fit perfectly between the rafters and a large fluffy white rug to put on the floor. (It reminded Inuyasha of a certain half brother of his but he didn't tell Thom that.) But, by far, Inuyasha's favorite item was a bronze sculpture of a tree about half a foot high. Each leaf on the full crown and each crevice on the bark was captured in detail. The lines of the sculpture were graceful and strong, leaving one with the impression of branches swaying in the wind and enduring strength. Neither man had any idea where to place the sculpture but to leave it in the store was unthinkable.

After leaving directions of where the items were to be delivered (and, much to Thom's consternation, going back to Sharper Image) Thom and Inuyasha headed back to the shrine. They got to Kagome's house and Thom collapsed onto the couch, waiting for Carson, Kyan, Ted and Jai to gather their stuff. Inuyasha ran off to pester Kagome about the wondrous beeping box. After six straight minutes of "it beeped and then blew things up!!" ,she pushed him out of her room, down the stairs, and into the entry hall to say good night to the boys.

"We'll see you tomorrow!" chirped Carson, waggling his fingers. 

"What do you mean?" asked Inuyasha, a suspicious look on his face. 

"We're going shopping for clothing tomorrow silly!" Carson exclaimed. He put his hands on his hips and smiled at Thom (who had told them of the difficulties of shopping with Inuyasha) who smiled back. "Have your walking shoes on!" he cheered evilly. 

"I don't own shoes..." said Inuyasha slowly.

Carson laughed. "Ooooh, I am going to have so much fun!!!" And with that ominous statement, the Fab Five walked out, looking very much forward to tomorrow. 

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A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my brother in law who I had to go through Sharper Image with. Horrors upon horror. By the way, I don not own Sharper Image either. No advertisements. Not in the mood. Please review! I need help in improving my writing! Constructive criticism is very much welcomed! 


	5. Shopping with Carson Prt1

A/N: Redone chapter. Enjoy!!

Disclaimer: Don't own Inuyasha. Am much annoyed by this

Shopping with Carson: (prt1):

"Wake-y wake-y......." someone annoying hummed. 

"Whaa.........?" moaned Kagome. Blinking through her sleep filled vision, Kagome peered at her alarm clock. _7 am?!?!?!_

"Souta. There had better be a good explanation for this..." Kagome mumbled in a dangerous tone. It was her off day. No one sane woke up on an off day at 7 am. The only option left was that someone had to die. 

"Oh, I couldn't be your brother. My skin tone would look completely yellow as a brunette."

There was only one human being who could discuss his non-existing coloring clashing with his skin tone at 7 in the morning. 

"Carson, why are you in my room?" moaned Kagome as she burrowed deeper into her pillow. 

Carson tried to tug her covers off; Kagome would not budge an inch. 

"Because" he gasped out as he tried to yank the comforter off the teenager, " we have a lot of shopping to do. The stores here open and close at 9. That leaves us with very little time. HA!" Carson crowed as he successfully pulled the covers off. Kagome tumbled to the ground with a yelp. 

"Ouch..." she mumbled, rubbing her posterior. "Don't you think twelve hours is enough time?" 

"Apparently the amount that we have to buy our sexy little friend has escaped you. I'd like to call him my friend. If I could get my hands on that fine booty, why I would-"

"I'm out of bed!" kagome interrupted brightly. 

"Good for you sweetheart. Now, what did we learn yesterday?" Carson asked, surreptitiously throwing out a stray headband. 

"Sun dresses were created by Lucifer and my grandmother wouldn't be caught dead in a cardigan unless it's from a fashion house." She recited, staring at the outfit Carson had picked out. 

"And those would be....?" Carson prompted.

Kagome sighed. "Any designer that has an ad in Vogue ignoring St. John."

"You are a quick study!" Carson said, quite pleased. He examined the ensemble on the bed. "Well, you are going to look fabulous!" Even he had to admit, with the limited supplies he had to work with, this was damn impressive! 

Eyeing the clothes as if it was a demon in waiting, Kagome asked "Isn't that skirt a bit....short?" 

Carson gave her an amused glance. "It's only half an inch shorter then what you wear to school." (A/N: (.)(.)!!!!!!! yeah, i know. that's not possible. But come on, you people read fanfic about a half-demon dog boy. I think you can stretch your suspension of disbelieve just this much more.)

"Yeah, but this really won't cover my.....y'know.....certain places." Kagome finished with a blush. 

"Oh, morality has no place in true fashion" Carson said, dismissing the protest. 

Kagome made no move to the bed.

"Did you honestly think that you weren't going to be showing off your legs? I mean, yeah, if you had tree trunks, then we'd be shooting for the pants thing. But with your gams?" Carson shook his head slowly. "Now put it on." he urged.

"Everyone will stare...." Kagome whispered.

Carson patted the uncomfortable girl on the shoulder. "You'll look fine and besides, don't you want Inuyasha to stare at you?" Kagome jerked in surprise. 

"Do whatever you want to. It's your decision. But whatever you decide, be down in five minutes. We're leaving on the dot!!" Carson added as he walked down the stairs.

******************in the kitchen***************

__

smack

"I said do not touch my food." Ted chastised.

Inuyasha kneaded at the slight bump on his arm and replied sulkily, "But Kagome always lets me steal food."

"Not when the food is still in the pan being cooked." Ted resumed guard duty over his Spanish omelet, spatula ready to hit any wandering fingers. 

"Feh........" muttered Inuyasha. Settling against the counter, Inuyasha heard a muffled thump. 

"Kagome's up." he announced to no one in particular. 

"Good. Just in time for breakfast." Ted slid the thick fluffy omelet onto a plate. "Who wants the first one?" he called out.

Glaring at him for being stupid, Inuyasha grabbed the plate and snorted. "Who else the hell wants it? Them?" he asked pointing to some essentially comatose Americans in the living room.

Jai, Kyan and Thom were sprawled all over; Kyan on the couch, Jai on the armchair, and Thom was comfortable on the floor (Bouyo was a wonderful pillow). Ted stuck his head through the doorway, whacking Inuyasha with the spatula to keep him off the egg. 

"Hey. You guys want an egg?" 

There was no response. 

"See? They don't want it and I'm hungry....." said Inuyasha in a petulant tone.

"Heeeellllloo? Wake up!" Ted said in a slightly louder voice. 

"I'm huuuuunnnnnggggrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!" whined Inuyasha. 

"Would one of you morons wake up?" Ted, in an annoyed voice. 

"FEEEEEEEEEDDD MEEEEEEEEEE! FEEEEEEEED MEEEEEE!" wailed Inuyasha. No response.

Smirking, Inuyasha stole the egg with a triumphant 'keh' in Ted's direction.

Ted glared at the hanyou and raised his spatula threateningly. Beating a hasty retreat, Inuyasha headed for the stairs to sit down and eat. No way he'd sit in the kitchen with Ted in such a murderous rage. He was dense, crass, and tactless but Inuyasha was not a complete idiot. When you piss off someone who thinks Ginsu knifes are 'pretty and economical', you don't hang around. 

He met Carson at the bottom of the stairs. Carson eyed the breakfast and smiled happily. 

"You brought me breakfast? That is too sweet!"

"Not likely."

"I'm hurt."

"Go fuck yourself." Inuyasha said in annoyance. 

"Already have. Twice."

A moment of silence passed as Inuyasha's brain desperately tried to eject that last comment from his mind. Eventually, he mentally admitted defeat.

"I set myself up for that one, didn't I?" he asked Carson with a sigh.

"Oh yeah." Carson nodded matter of factly. He turned to look up the stairway and shook his head. "I said 5 minutes. Where is that girl?" he said under his breath. "Kagome! Come down please!" he sing-songed. 

Inuyasha glared at the blonde haired fashionista. Even if he was a morning person, singing in the morning was inhumane. About to shout something rude, Inuyasha found his attention pulled away from Carson as Kagome came down the steps

Kagome was wearing a green army style jacket, complete with bronze buckles and belt over a plain white cap sleeved t-shirt. Her 'skirt' was a mini's mini; a black pleated skirt that barely covered her feminine parts. She wore patterned opaque tights with knee high boots. In order not to make it look like some hooker in New Jersey had their clothing stolen (A/N: favorite line!!), the boots had a very modest platform, not even an inch high. With her hair cascading down her back, and long legs shown to their fullest extent, Kagome looked damn good. Or, at least she looked good to him. But then, she always did.

Kyan, Jai, Ted and Thom wandered in and complimented Kagome on her outfit.

"Very nice."

"Paris Hilton without the hoochie-ness."

"Lovely."

"What the hell is wrong with him?"

Carson and Co. looked at Inuyasha's stupefied expression. Sighing in mock exasperation, Kyan grabbed Inuyasha's arm and dragged him into the kitchen. Kagome clomped down the stairs and stared at Carson. 

"You look Fab-u-lous!!" Carson exclaimed happily. 

Kagome sighed. "Never mind. What are we shopping for today anyways?" 

"Underwear." Carson smiled and walked out to the SUV. 

Kagome stared at him, hoping she had a dirty mind and he _had not _just said what she was sure he had just said.

"He can be a bit much." commiserated Jai from the side. "But he means well."

"I know" said Kagome, not able to stay angry very long.

A voice screamed out from the SUV, "ALL WHO ARE GOING, MOVE IT! We're on a strict time table!" 

Kagome and Jai sighed.

"Good luck." said Jai. 

"I am NOT going shopping for undergarments with these weirdos!!! FEH! FEH! FEH!!!" said Inuyasha screamed from the kitchen stubbornly and he stuck out his tongue for emphasis. 

"Lots of luck." Jai added.

"Thank you" said Kagome dryly. "But you know? I've always been curious what type of underwear he wears....boxers or briefs?" 

Jai giggled. "I know which one I'm praying for."

Kagome winked. "Me too."

Kyan pulled Inuyasha out of the house by his hair and beckoned to Kagome.

"Come on Kags, we gotta go before Carson gets pissy." He called over his shoulder.

Taking a breath to brace herself (and swallowing the advil Jai had slipped her), Kagome walked out to take Inuyasha underwear shopping. 

********In The SUV***************

"All right so we need a plan of action. We obviously cannot buy everything we need now. It would overload the poor hetero's brain. So we're gonna split the shopping up. Today we are going to do essentials- underwear, socks, shoes, and if we spot ant t-shirts or something, we'll get that as well. Then, Kyan is going to take over and we're going to have a ......surprise." Carson said with a smile.

"I don't want a surprise." said Inuyasha flatly. 

"Yes you do" corrected Carson.

"Just tell him now, otherwise we're going to be arguing until we get to this surprise." advised Kagome. 

Carson and Kyan sighed but, after some eyebrows raising and eye widening and hand gesturing, Kyan was elected to talk about how Inuyasha felt about pedicures. 

"What is it?" the hanyou asked, curiously.

"Well, some nice lady massages your feet and soaks them in hot water. Then all the nasty things on your feet are taken off. We'll clip your toenails and scrap those layers of dirt off." said Kyan in a placating voice. 

Inuyasha stared at Kyan. _Is he kidding?_

"Like hell." said an amused INuyasha. "No one's doing anything to my claws."

"See, that's the problem. It's suppose to be fingernails or toenails- not claws." Kyan attempted to explain. 

"I don't want to." Inuyasha said. He was getting upset. Not furious upset, but a confused upset. He kept his eyes averted, especially from Kagome. The girl was far too perceptive for his liking. _What was so wrong with me that there was so much to fix? I'm proud of my claws. They've saved me many times before I got the Tetsuiga._ He flexed his claws and watched the way his fingers bent and cracked, a dangerous sound, a sound he had come to associate with battle. 

"I think we should keep his claws." came the unexpected announcement from the front seat. 

Turning in shock, Inuyasha and Kyan looked at Kagome. 

"Wha...?" the two flabbergasted men said. 

Kagome kept her eyes in front of her. She knew how perceptive Inuyasha could be. There was no way she'd let him see the pity reflecting in her eyes. But the way he'd forlornly cracked his fingers, and the downturn of his head, spoke volumes. Before, it had all been stubbornness, not form any particular caring about his looks. But his claws....they were apart of him. And she liked them. More importantly, _he_ liked them. He liked very little about himself. 

"That's the last word on the subject. The claws stay." She turned and fixed Inuyasha with a harsh stare. "But the dirt goes and you are getting at least two pairs of shoes."

Inuyasha blinked and shrugged.

Carson snorted. "Two" he whispered. "We are getting so way more then two.." Seeing his store, Carson pulled over. 

"Okay. Kyan and Kagome-go!" 

"Be good, and listen to Carson Inuyasha!" Kagome called over her shoulder. 

Kyan and a confused girl ran out of the car and headed across the street. 

"Wait, where's Kagome going?" asked INuyasha, trying to follow Kagome's disappearing frame with eyes, hoping against hope that he was not left alone with Carson.

"Come on sexy!" said Carson smiling. "Now I have you all to myself." he smiled and leapt of the car.

Inuyasha followed, fumbling with the door. _I hate my life_, he thought miserably. _I really hate it._

**************In The Store****************

A blonde man threw open the doors to Banana Republic Tokyo and paused to swing off his sunglasses, allowing every eye in the place to swing to him. Behind him, a man/boy stuck his head in, sniffed and began to run. Luckily (or unluckily- it depends on whose side you were on), the blonde man was quick, yanking on the back of the man's odd fuzzy red bathrobe and pulled him in.

"Best place to buy underwear!!" the blonde man said happily. 

Inuyasha tried to get out of Carson's grasp but it was as if the overpriced clothing had given the clothes horse strength. Inuyasha could not pull away but was soon thrown against a wall. 

"Okay" began Carson. "Let's start with the basics, then move into fabric and then finally-my favorite part!- the fitting." said Carson with a grin. Strutting over to the display, Carson began the process. Staring at Inuyasha's crotch, he nodded and shook his head, mentally discarding and choosing undergarments for the horrified hanyou. Eventually, after some of the worst minutes of Inuyasha's life as underwear was held against his crotch to 'check to see if the color suited him', Carson yanked off several sizes, colors, and types. Very relieved that Carson had finally stopped looking at his area, Inuyasha followed Carson into the dressing room without a word of protest.

"All right. Strip." commanded Carson as soon as the curtained door was shut behind Inuyasha. 

Inuyasha pondered what to do. Well, the curtain was closed. No one would see him except Carson and Kagome had told him to listen to Carson. So, shrugging his shoulders, Inuyasha took off his shirt. Hearing a gasp, Inuyasha looked up to see Carson sagging against the mirrored wall in shock. "Carson?" asked the hanyou in concern. If Carson died now, Inuyasha just _knew _he would get blamed. "Carson?" he asked again. "Are you okay?

Carson opened his mouth and tried to get some sound out but nothing was coming. 

Inuyasha squinted and examined Carson. "Do you have a head injury? Or a fever?"

"No." squeaked out a higher pitched Carson. "Umm....would you mind just standing still for a moment?" Inuyasha nodded uncertainly and Carson whipped out his camera cell phone. Clicking furiously at all angles, he posed and reposed the shirtless hanyou. Terribly confused, Inuyasha waited for the madness to leave Carson's eyes before he asked what the hell was going on. 

Calming down, Carson pulled out a pair of boxers. "Here" he said with a smile, ignoring Inuyasha's question. "Try these on." Sitting down on the little bench in the room, Carson smiled, anticipating the show to come. 

Hesitatingly, Inuyasha undid the tie to his pants. A certain smell was coming from Carson but Inuyasha didn't want to accuse the guy of something. What was he suppose to say, I smell how much you want me? He snorted mentally. _Yeah, that'd make the scent go away. Brilliant idea Inuyasha. _Determined to not give away that he smelled (and saw) Carson's arousal, Inuyasha let his pants drop. 

"What the hell is that?" Carson said, all traces of arousal gone from his scent. Leaning forward, he poked at the yellow-ish wrap around, tuck under...thing. Inuyasha's eyes widened as Carson's hand kept patting little Inuyasha, feeling it up. 

"Hmm..." mumbled Carson. "The only thing I can think of is transvestite granny underwear. Weirdest fetish I've ever heard of...." he mumbled. Inuyasha jerked away and slapped at Carson's hand, fury in every pore. 

"HENTAI!!" he shouted in fury. (A/N: I had to. you people understand). He had never before been willing to murder humans in cold blood but this? Oh, there was going to be hell to pay for! Preparing to kill, Inuyasha lifted his claws to deliver his oldest attack. 

"Oh jeez, did I touch you in the happy spot?" Carson faked a grimace. "I am so sorry. I mean, we weren't at that stage yet in our relationship." Inuyasha gave him an incredulous look, eyes wide with disbelief. His fists slowly clenched and a muscle above his right eye began to move. 

"WE ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP!!!!" he howled, pulling at his hair and his face a deep crimson. 

Carson gave him a hurt look. "What do you think this is?"

"Not a relationship!" said Inuyasha.

Carson smiled and said in a loud voice, "So your using me just for se-" Carson's voice was cut off as Inuyasha firmly put his hand over Carson's mouth. 

"You. Shut. Up." said Inuyasha in an pissed off tone. 

Slowly taking his hand off, Inuyasha kept glaring at the unapologetic American. 

"Whatever. What is that thing?" Carson said.

"A loincloth." 

Images began dancing through Carson's mind of Inuyasha swinging through the jungle in just a leopard print loincloth, firmly holding onto him in a matching loincloth and Gucci sunglasses. 

Carson gave a dreamy sigh. "Guuuccciiii........." he said with a happy shiver. 

Inuyasha had no idea who this Guuuccciii was but he felt bad for him if Carson said his name like that. 

Carson came out of his reverie to see a bemused Inuyasha already changed into a red pair of boxer briefs. Inwardly cursing at his imagination for missing the unveiling, Carson began to tell the clue-less half man about what type of underwear to wear. 

"Okay, most important is the fit. If one is not well endowed, do not buy large sized underwear. Simple right? Well, you have no idea how many men insist on doing this. I try to tell them that wearing undies that are too big will not make your Ball Park frankfuter plump up but they just don't listen." He shook his head and pulled out another box. "Hmm- how about that. You need a bigger size. These are a little snug. Some guys like that though but we're going to go to the next size." 

Inuyasha was wishing the earth would swallow him whole. Right now. _Come on Kami's..._he prayed, turning more desperate as Carson got more explicit. _Now would be good...or now...any time at all, JUST OPEN THE GROUND DAMN IT!!!!!!!!......_

Carson shoved cloth into Inuyasha's hands and smiled cheerfully. Too cheerfully. 

Inuyasha held up the....._gold?_ he thought in confusion. _And what the- what is this??_ Inuyasha stared at the weird looking loincloth. 

"What is this?" he asked Carson. It didn't look comfortable.....and what the hell did you do with the strings? And what was the sack of cloth for? 

Carson scratched his head innocently and looked away. "It's called a G-string." he said casually.

"Oh. Um, how do you wear this?" Inuyasha had a bad feeling about this...thing.

"Here, I'll show you." 

Inuyasha felt panic clawing up his throat. Why were Carson's hands going to the front of his pants?!?!?

"NO!!!" shouted INuyasha. "Just. Just tell me."

"Your loss." Carson shrugged. He held up the gold fabric.

"Okay" he held the underwear as if about to step into them. "You just put your legs in the holes and pull up."

__

WHAT?!?!?!?!? thought Inuyasha in horror. 

"No. Way. In. Hell." Inuyasha stated, trying to remain calm and not run out of the store screaming for Kagome and her sacred arrows. 

__

Kagome....he thought in desperation_. Kagome... Kagome....Hey-Kagome? _Inuyasha inhaled deeply and smiled. Kagome was here to rescue him! Almost crying in relief, he was about to go out when a new smell hit him. Kagome was nervous. Why? Tiptoeing to the front of the dressing room, he heard something that almost made his eyes go red. Inuyasha stalked out of the room. Carson quickly gathered up the hanyou's clothing and followed.

*************Outside the dressing room****************

"So baby- you always look this good or are you dressing just to drive me crazy?" said the store clerk with a leer. 

__

Oh, that was just pathetic, thought Kagome in annoyance. _I mean, if your going to hit on me even though I already said I'm not interested, at least don't use cheesy lines like that!!_

Kagome turned and tried to find Kyan. 

"Whoa!" she cried as a hand on her arm jerked her around. 

"Hey, you listening to me?" said the store clerk.

"No." said Kagome succinctly. 

The employee's eyes narrowed. "Well, what's shoved up your sweet ass?"

"If you don't shut up, I'm calling the manager." Kagome threatened. She was getting nervous. This guy looked like he was getting pissed off. 

"Why don't you and I go to the movies later and snuggle up in the back?" The hand on her arm tightened, becoming almost painful now.

"Let go." she hissed. 

"Why should I?"

"Because if my boyfriend is in the store, he's going to _really _freak-"

Suddenly, the hand on her arm left. A little stunned, Kagome absentmindedly rubbed her sore arm and turned to see what had the clerk backing up a few steps.

All thought of rude store people flew out of Kagome's mind as it went blank at the sight of Inuyasha completely nude except for little red briefs. 

All lightly tanned skin (_How? He never takes his clothes off? _Kagome's mind tried to think. Her hormones won the battle and rational thought happily died) and lean muscle, Inuyasha just stood in the middle of Banana Republic in his underwear, feet braced and long silver hair swaying in the air conditioned breeze. His legs were toned and strong, looking as if they carved out of living stone. His arms were developed and you could see the muscles flexing under his skin. His stomach and chest- _ye gods!!!-_ was rippled, toned and Kagome had the urge to just reach up and rub her hands all over him. _And he fills out those undies so nicely_!!! Kagome's hormones were screaming. Simply put, Inuyasha was a living incarnation of sexual appeal. Breathing heavily along with every other female (and gay man) in the place, Kagome looked on Inuyasha's physical perfection and felt giddy. 

The sex god (as Kagome's unruly mind had now dubbed Inuyasha) reached forward and casually lifted the 160 lb. store clerk by his jacket (A/N: yeah, you forgot about him didn't you? Dirty people what you are. tsk tsk).

"I don't know who you are" said Inuyasha growled in his harsh voice. "But I don't like you. I don't like you at all. I don't think you should even open your mouth." Inuyasha shook the clerk roughly, snapping the boys head back and forth. Inuyasha drew back his fist and smiled. 

"Oh, jeez, don't hit me don't hit me....." whimpered the clerk, all bravado gone. 

Inuyasha raised one eyebrow. "Why not? You pissed me off." he said in an amused voice.

"Because, because....uh..." the clerk stammered.

"Yeah, I can't think of a reason not to beat you to a shit either." Inuyasha said in the same pleasant voice. 

"Inuyasha" came a soft warning tone. "Don't maim him. You don't realize how much stronger you are then him...." Kagome said softly. The fury in Inuyasha's eyes and face had wrenched her from her hormone induced haze and now the situation was going to get out of control. 

Look Kagome's face, Inuyasha shrugged. "Okay." he said nonchalantly. 

Turning back to the boy, he noticed the clerk's eyes on Kagome.

Inuyasha shook his head. "Very stupid." he informed his victim. Snapping his fist forward, Inuyasha casually broke the boy's nose with an audible _crack _and sent his head backward with the force of the blow. Blood, nose cartilage and gore sprayed everywhere- the floor, the counters, merchandise and Inuyasha himself. 

"What the hell do you think your doing, you little punk??" screamed the store manager, finally notified by another employee. "What the hell? Haven't you ever heard of something called restraint, you freak?" he yelled.

Inuyasha looked at the 5 foot chubby manager and smiled again, more tightly this time. Turning, he hoisted the boy up in the air and threw him across the store, sailing the 30 odd feet into the ladies section. Landing on a pile of noxious looking angora sweaters, the now unconscious boy slid across the long display counter to fall onto the polished wooden floor. 

The store echoed with the sound the clerk made as he hit the ground. 

Grabbing his pants out of Carson's hands, Inuyasha stepped into them and slowly pulled them up. "Restraint?" he asked, golden eyes locked with the manager's quivering face. 

"If I didn't have restraint, I would have ripped out his guts, choked him with them and then throw him through that glass window over there." Inuyasha finished tying the knot of his pants and rose to his full height. Starring down at the little man, Inuyasha glared, his mask of affability gone. Enraged, spotted in blood and gore, Inuyasha was an apparition from an earlier, more primal era. He was a half demon and it showed, the essence of primeval fury staining the air around him.

The manager said not a word as Inuyasha grabbed Kagome and pulled her out of the store. 

Pausing by the door, Inuyasha turned and said quietly, "If I didn't have restraint, he'd be dead". A bit of blood dripped off his still bare chest. Slinging his shirt and haori over his shoulder, Inuyasha left Banana Republic without another backward glance. 


	6. Shopping with Carson prt2

A/N: hey guys! Yay for me for getting a chapter up so quickly! The reason for this is because of Passover! We are having at my house 22 people for 2 and a half weeks straight! AND it's the most expansive and thorough cleaning the whole year! PLUS, we have to cook in advance! (the noodles for the soup will alone equal to about 50 eggs. So go there with everything else.) I mean, you people complain about chrismass and thanksgiving- beat this! AND let's not forget that its midterm time!!!!! YAY!! Right, so any hyperness (most noticeable in the kudo's) is excused by myself.

Listen, I redid chapter 5 simply because it was so pointlessly stupid in the beginning. I maybe added in a few quips and took out a hell of a lot but nothing major. So read if you want but it's not essential.

Disclaimer: go away. I don't need the fact that I don't own Inuyasha rubbed in my face.

Shopping With Carson (prt2): 

Inuyasha Gets a Pedicure

Inuyasha held Kagome's hand tightly. _First Kouga, then Hobo, now this freak! What the hell does she do that guys are so freakin' attracted to her? _Inuyasha growled and clenched her hand tighter in his. _I should just get her a sign that says: 'Inuyasha's! Back off or he'll rip off your balls!'_ Inuyasha smiled. What pleasant mental imagery....

__

You could have a sign- it's called a marking, you baka, reminded his brain. 

__

You shut up, thought Inuyasha viciously. But it was too late. Images of what mating entailed were flashing through his mind and body. Inuyasha scowled and slowed down. Walking too fast was proving a bit impossible_. _

"Inuyasha?" questioned Kagome. Looking up at him in concern, Inuyasha once again saw that puny idiot manhandling her in his mind's eye. He glared down at Kagome and expressed concern for her well-being.

"What the hell is wrong with you? You flirt with every guy who comes along. You're brain dead, you really are Kagome! An idiot wouldn't have gone and smiled at that moron but nooo-you have to be nice. What the hell is your problem? Don't you have a brain?" He snarled, disgust coloring his tone. 

Kagome whirled on him and tried to pull her hand from his. "Let go of me!" she said, stamping her foot angrily. "I was going to say thank you for rescuing me-"

"What else is new? I rescue you more then I find shards. I wonder if there's a connection there, huh?" he asked sarcastically. 

"Without me, you wouldn't have any jewel shards at all!" Kagome shouted.

"Feh!"

"Don't you dare-"

A giggle interrupted their argument. Moving their heads minutely, Inuyasha and Kagome saw two 16 year old girls blushing and pointing at Inuyasha. _Why the he- oh that idiot!! _Kagome seethed. 

"What the hell are they giggling about, those two morons?" muttered Inuyasha uncomfortably. 

"Because you don't have a shirt on. And normally, people don't walk around without shirts" Kagome said in a sugar sweet tone. "But I guess someone with no brain wouldn't tell someone that."

Inuyasha glanced down at his chest and realized that, yes, he had been walking through Tokyo without half his clothes on. Blushing a light pink, he fumbled into his shirt and overcoat, embarrassment making him clumsy. 

Inuyasha wanted to yell something witty back at her but nothing came to mind. Luckily, Kyan and Carson rushed up to them and interrupted their 'conversation'.

"Well, I hope your happy mister." Carson began, frowning. "You got us thrown out of Banana Republic. Forever." He shook his head, huffing at the injustice of it all. 

"Good news though. The manager was so anxious to see us gone that he insisted we leave without pressing charges or making us pay for any of the purchases." Kyan said smiling, holding up a few small bags as evidence.

"Really? That's incredible." said Kagome. 

"No. Inuyasha was incredible. How the hell did you do that?" Kyan asked, looking at the still blushing boy in awe. 

"I....just did." mumbled Inuyasha.

"He works out." Kagome said at the same time with a fake smile.

"If we're on the subject of why you're so fabulous, what's with the ears?" Carson added.

"Umm...." Inuyasha had no clue how to handle this one and,throwing a look to Kagome, passed her the question. 

__

Think quick girl. You can do this......! Kagome stalled for time by pointing out Carson's old work place, Calvin Klein. As Carson shared a dirty story involving a friend of his and a broom closet in his old office, Kagome scrambled for an answer.

"Carson that is so funny! What did she do?" laughed Kyan.

"She watched!" crowed Carson.

"No!" gasped Kyan. Inuyasha's ears flicked back and forth in distress from the story, and he inadvertently drew the attention back to the adorable appendages. "So, Inuyasha- what is with your ears?" Kyan pressed.

"It's a birth defect." Kagome said a little too quickly. "Mutation from....Hiroshima." She nodded her head sagaciously. _Come on, don't be history or science majors....please please buy it! _She hoped to herself. 

"Oh!" said Carson and Kyan in surprise. Sharing a look that plainly read 'Touchy Subject. Handle With Caution.', the two Americans dropped the line of questioning and trotted up to a building on their right. 

"This" Kyan patted the doors "is the best place in downtown Tokyo for a pedicure. Welcome to Area One." Walking into the tasteful interior of green and cream, the group stopped at the receptionist's desk. As Kyan checked that their appointment was indeed written down, Carson explained that one could get a martini here while their nails were done. 

"And, it's all very cheap." he added with a grin. "Always nice to get a good thing for a small price. Kind of like-"

"So Inuyasha!" said Kagome loudly.

"Kagome, what nice weather we're having!" Inuyasha declared at the same time in the same overly loud tone. 

"You two are prudes." said Carson, rolling his eyes. 

"Carson, compared to you, everyone is a prude." Kyan said. Ignoring Carson's offended look, Kyan motioned them into the salon. 

***********Inside the salon*******************

"Hello. My name is Elana. I'll be doing your pedicure today." A fashionably dressed short slim woman with blue eyes and excellent makeup greeted them at the door.

"Hi Elana." smiled Kyan. "This" he announced "is Inuyasha." However, the spot next to Kyan was empty. Instead, Inuyasha was crouching down, head tilted, observing a foot massager. His eyes were intent, completely focused on this new discovery. 

"What is it?" he asked, his voice cold and suspicious. 

"Uh, a foot massager...." replied Elana, mentally steeling herself for yet another crazy customer. 

Inuyasha leaned forward, experimentally sniffed. 

The pedicurist hung her head in exasperation. "Great" she grumbled "Another one with a foot fetish....I swear to god, why do I get all the weirdo's?" Kagome smiled nervously. Better thinking Inuyasha had an obsession with feet then her figuring out that he was a half demon from 500 years ago. 

Dragging Inuyasha from his place on the floor, the group began the process of convincing him that the elaborate chair was not going to eat him. Colored a putrid ivory to match the decor of the salon, the chair was high backed, reclined, and the foot rest descended into a shallow pot. It was connected to a round bulbous plastic encasement and Inuyasha knew that if he sat on the chair, he would die. It was really that simple. In the end it was only Kagome's threat of sitting him into Carson's waiting lap that got Inuyasha into the chair.

With a resigned sigh, Elana took hold of the hanyou's foot. About to dip it into the steaming hot water in the small basin on the floor, she glanced up and halted. 

"Don't look so suspicious. It's just hot water to soften up your feet so we can take off all those calluses." 

"It smells." he stated, still suspicious.

"Well, it's standard to put some herbs and such in the water to make it smell nice." 

"What kind of stuff?" came a cautious reply.

"Uh, lavender, rosemary, forget-me-nots, mint...." Elana's voice trailed off as Inuyasha snorted angrily. Kagome groaned quietly. _This is not going to go well, _she predicted to herself. 

Inuyasha snorted again. He could just see Kouga's reaction if he went back to the feudal era smelling like roses.....Inuyasha glowered at Elana.

"I am not" He stated, punctuating the words with a slash of his hand, "putting my feet in anything that smells like flowers, spices or any other stupid girly shit."

Elana sighed the sigh of every harassed employee that had been pushed to their limits. 

"It's not "stupid girly shit." It's just stuff to make you smell nicer. Heck, make you smell nice at all. I got to tell you, right now your feet are among the most disgusting things I've ever seen. So chill out about the scented water. It won't kill you or your testicles so calm the hell down." 

Inuyasha blinked. _Well, that was blunt. _Inuyasha examined Elana. He could see that this Elana person was a kindred spirit to him: a bad tempered person who got annoyed easily, spoke while they were thinking and bitched a lot about almost everything. He could trust someone like this with his masculinity. She wouldn't dress him up in bows or expect him to be civil. Inuyasha relaxed in his chair.

While this internal conversation was taking place, Elana had replaced the scented water with plain water, nothing added. Nodding a thank you, Inuyasha plunged his feet into the basin.

And promptly withdrew them with a very unmanly squawk. 

"It's too hot!!" he whined, holding up his feet as if the basin was about to jump up and eat his feet. 

"It's not too hot, you freakin' baby. Now, put your feet in. It will feel fine in a few minutes. Your feet just have to get used to the heat." Elana said with a roll of her eyes. Kagome tried her best to pretend she wasn't with Inuyasha.

Grudgingly, Inuyasha listened and, as predicted, the water cooled down. After a few minutes, Elana lifted his feet out and began to massage them. Or she tried. He kept jerking them out of her grasp.

"Just. Hold. The. Hell. Still." she hissed, annoyed as only a minimum wage earner could get annoyed. 

Inuyasha was trying to keep it in but he couldn't help himself. An amused chuckle escaped him. Kagome's eyes grew wide. 

"Inuyasha- are you ticklish?" she asked, delighted beyond belief. 

"No..." Inuyasha replied with a frown at the disgusted Elana, the two gay Americans who were making cooing noises and Kagome who just had a smile on her face. 

"What are you thinking?" Inuyasha asked, well aware that when Kagome smiled like that, it usually meant trouble for him.

"Nothing" she replied innocently. "I was just thinking what Shippo-chan would do with this information."

Inuyasha paled. Shippo would be merciless......

Kagome giggled happily. "Blackmail!" she sing-songed.

Inuyasha groaned. His life was just getting worse and worse. 

************10 minutes later******************

Things had settled down as Inuyasha's feet re-soaked, Kagome read a magazine and Kyan and Carson flirted with a hairdresser. 

Inuyasha drummed his fingers on the arm rest of the chair. _Boring boring boring......_he thought to himself. Looking at the side of the chair, he saw to his delight his new favorite thing: buttons! Inuyasha glanced around surreptitiously. Yep, no one was looking at him....Shivering in unholy delight, Inuyasha quickly pressed every button on the chair. Twice.

Inuyasha started as the chair began to move. His ears completely flattened on his head, he felt a combination of anger and panic. _I knew it was a monster! I told Kagome but she wouldn't listen!! I knew it_! he thought in triumphant panic. But his euphoria was soon ended as the monstrous chair shifted and buckled under him. 

The bottom folding upward, the top folding down, the whole chair vibrating and shaking and the huge maw was descending from above!! Inuyasha didn't see any teeth but then it started to roar. 

INuyasha blinked. _That's the most pathetic roar I've ever heard...its just air, blowing with a whistle, _Inuyasha thought, confused but still aware that although this 'chair' thing was by far and beyond the oddest monster he had ever battled, it was still a monster. And there was only one fast way to take out monsters. He cracked his knuckles and shouted.

"SHIN-"  
"OSUWARI!!" came a desperate scream.   
"AIIEEE!" Inuyasha yelled as the magical prayer bead necklace flung him to the ground, over the side of the arm. 

Kagoem gasped, and tried to regain control of her breathing. When Inuyasha had first played with the chair, the faces he had made when the chair started to fold up were funny so she said nothing. Then he had looked so startled by the hair drier coming down, eyes wide and jerking his head in shock, she had said nothing. But when he had cracked his knuckles, she knew what was coming. Thank the kami's she had gotten the 'sit' out in time. 

"Stupid bitch!" shouted Inuyasha angrily. "It was about to eat me!" 

"It was NOT about to eat you, you baka! It's. A. CHAIR!!" Kaogme shouted, stamping her foot. 

"Chair, monster- it's all the same!" he yelled back.

"Not it's not!! Trust me on this one, okay? The car will not eat you, the stove will not eat you, the TV will not eat you and the salon chair will not eat you!" she exclaimed, stabbing a finger into Iuyasha's chest with each object mentioned.

Inuyasha looked at her and sniffed. "Keh. Why should I believe you?"

Kagome stared at him. _Was he kidding?_

Inuyasha waved his hand at her, seemingly dismissing all that she had done for him in that one motion. Kagome growled in fury.

"OSUWARI!"

__

thud

"Why should you believe me?!?" she hissed. "OSUWARI!!" 

__

thud 

"You should believe me because I unstuck you from that stupid tree! OSUWARI!!"

_thud_

"Because I'm the only one who actually stays with you! OSUWARI!"

__

thud

"Because of Naraku !!OSUWARI for that whole pile of garbage!!"

__

thud

"Because I put up with your behemoth of an attitude problem! OSUWARI!!!"

__

thud

"AND because of Kikyo! OSUWARI OSUWARI OSUWARI!!!" Kagome screamed, breathing heavily with her fists clenched at her sides. She was enraged and completely ignoring her very interested audience.

__

thud thud thud 

Inuyasha sat in the small Inuyasha shaped hole the spell had caused and sulked. Maybe that had not been the right thing to say.................

Grabbing one of those oh-so-useful pieces of hair that frame his face, Kagome pulled Inuyasha up. Looking him straight in the eye, Kagome said in a dangerous tone, "Now. You are going to get your feet softened, filed and then we are going home and you will not touch any buttons, destroy any property or say stupid things from now until then. So I suggest you keep your hands pinned down at your sides and keep your mouth shut. Understand?"

Inuyasha jerked away and sat down with as much dignity as possible in his chair. 

"Keh." he said, turning up his nose. 

Kagome stalked back to her magazine and glared down anyone who was coming near her with questions.

Inuyasha got his feet filed with out too many more problems. 

(We'll ignore the numerous files poor Elana had to use to get Inuyasha's feet presentable, the argument over whether Inuyasha would wear toe polish (which he won much to the consternation of Kyan and Carson who thought he would wonderful with a small amount of peachy gloss. Luckily, Kagome 'sat' Inuyasha before he could kill them), the insults Inuyasha gave Kagome under his breath that she heard, the ensuing 'sits' from that, the haggling with the salon over the price of the newly-broken chair that occurred from those 'sits' AND the 'sits' that resulted from Inuyasha gloating to Kagome about the broken chair being her fault. We'll ignore all this and just say that they all survived. Somewhat.)

************In the SUV***********

"Well. That was an experience." Kyan smiled, trying to put a good face on what had been sheer hell. 

Kagome, Carson and Inuyasha glared at him to shut up and to keep his obscene cheerfulness to himself. Minutes passed in silence. 

The car pulled over to a corner. Kagome reached behind her and took out a duffel bag. Inuyasha slowly got up form his slouch.

_Where's Kagome going? _he wondered uneasily. _She didn't tell me that we were going anywhere..... _Shrugging his shoulders, Inuyasha unbuckled his seat belt and prepared to leave the car as well.

"Where are you going?" Carson asked, honestly confused.

"With Kagome." Inuyasha answered, as if talking to a particularly stupid clump of trees.

"No, you're not coming with me." Kagome answered from outside the SUV. 

Inuyasha stared at her in shock

"Don't be a stupid bitch." he scoffed. "Of course I'm coming with you."

"No. You are not coming with me. The fab five have very kindly bought me a couple of days at a spa and I'm going to be enjoying them. By myself. Alone. Without you." Kagome added for emphasis. 

Inuyasha just looked at her, his ears drooping with hurt. 

"But, but why?" he asked, not ready to face her era without Kagome to explain everything.

"Because I need a vacation. Because I work hard and deserve some pampering." She sighed and admitted, "Because you hurt my feelings today and I want some time away from you....."

Inuyasha jerked as if socked in the stomach. He sucked in a gasp and looked at Kaogme, horrified.

"I, I , I never meant to hurt your feelings. I'm so-" He rushed the words out but Kagome slammed the car door on his apology. His sorry trailed away as Kagome shook her head at him through the window. 

Faintly, her words penetrated the glass window. "I don't want an apology that you're going to forget in a couple of minutes. I don't need what's completely useless. I need and I want someone who trusts me. Which you don't." She gave a forlorn little wave and turned to walk into the hotel.

Inuyasha settled back into the car cushions as the SUV pulled back into the Tokyo nighttime traffic. Kaogme had sounded so.......sad...her goodbye had sounded so....final.

__

We definitely need to work a little Jai magic on this moron, thought Kyan with a sigh. Carson put it a little more bluntly.

"Well, you fucked that up, didn't you?" Carson said with a an over exaggerated grimace. 

__

Whack 

After Carson's head connected with the window, there was no talking in the car on the way back to the shrine. 

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A/N: well, there you go. Okay, so first advertisements and then (as one smart person put it) give my kudos!

I like advertisements, I find them helpful for finding new authors to read so I'll put some down here: 

for those of us who can claim the title of lemon lovers: Sacred Cove  by Brunette-Kagome. Interesting plot that I've not seen done on any other story or site with lots of juicy and thrilling lemons and limes. Whee!!

Soul Therapy by dolphingirl0113. Just. Plain. Wonderful. The emotions are so sweet and the angst isn't overdone- everything in that story is just right. A must read. 

For humor, Mm, tastes like a lemon by Maiden of the Moon. Absolutely hysterical. I loved it. 

For those who go onto adultfanfiction.net: YOU MUST READ A Bus Stop Fairy Tale. (sorry but I forgot the author's name!) Oh wow, if I ever write that well, life will be going swell. In fact, people who do not go onto that site, I strongly suggest you go onto that site just to read that story. In no other AU story have I read such perfectly expressed emotions. The story is poignant, moving , exciting, funny, sexy and it makes you want to be in love. Seriously, it made me want to take buses. ::dreamy sigh:: i have actually reread this story, that's how good it is! If you don't read it, then you are missing out!

Okay, my kudos:

Thank you so much to:

LadyCatBailey( you review every time! your rock my socks!!)

Kashiaga (you review a lot also! Thus, you also rock my socks!!)

MirokuMinded (you also review every time! you too rock my sock drawer!!)

Riyo-Hikaru (another Knight of the Sock Drawer! Whoo for consistent reviewers!)

Taria

LadyCarolyn (Wee! another consistent reviewer! But my sock drawer fell apart so how about you rock my bookshelf? No, wait. Scratch that. No one messes with my books. Hmm.. ::puts sock drawer back together:: you rock my socks!! Gee, can you tell Passover has me a bit hyper??)

Chacha (love your name!)

I Love Inuyasha (I love you for reviewing!!!!)

Varan-Wolf-Hanyou

PhoebeOtaku

DangerousBeans (Yet another Knight of the sock drawer!! You guys are awesome!!)

Brunette-Kagome (See???? I did an advertisement for you because I love your story (and the lemons, I'll admit)!!!! You too review consistently so you shall also be proclaimed a Knight of the Sock Drawer!!!!!!!!!!)

MysticInca (Welcome to the brotherhood of Sock Drawer, o most wondrous of reviewers!!)

noname(please put in a name oh consistent reviewer who shall remain nameless! I can't knight you if your not named! Knights need names!!! Unless- that is your name! Why, you sly thing!)

numisma

Galene

Ok, all that was for ATKGB. This list is for those who reviewed my new one shot 'Big Smile':

Merlyn1382

Riyohikaru

Mr. P Coat (Love the name! Love pea coats!!)

Whimsical Writer

Darkangel1410 (okay, YOU are the official Lord of the Square Drawer Table for reviewing everything I wrote!!!! You rock my whole dresser!!........eww....that sounded sort of gross....)

Kotamagic

Kanarah J

BTB, if anyone wants to read that one shot to help me out, I'd appreciate it. The other one, hero, I was okay with how it came out but this one? I tried a new form of writing for me, to do the flashback adn I'm not so sure it worked. So if everyone would go, read it and tell me what could be improved, I'd appreciate it. That goes for this fic too! Tell me what doesn't work!

review! It'll calm me down!! (How's that for bribery eh?) BTB, I used 65 !! in my AN alone! Go me! (well, now it's 69....) bye! (70!! no, 72!!, no, 74!! no- i could just keep going and going. I'm just that hyper....)


	7. Jai Attempts the Impossible

Disclaimer: I hear Ramiko Takahashi laughing at my delusions of ownership. It sucks.

A/N: this is a reposting of the chapter 7. It uploaded quite wrong. This is what happens when you move too quick (ooch, what else did that sound like a warning for? Eep.) Longer A/N below and a thank you to those who reviewed, letting meknow what went wrong.  

CHAPTER SIX (Jai attempts the impossible):

"But why?" asked Inuyasha. He had a really bad feeling about this idea of Jai's. 

Jai rolled his eyes and began to count off the reasons on his fingers.

"Beeeccccauuuse" he answered for what felt like the fiftieth time, "your manners are terrible. You have no people skills whatsoever. You cannot hold your temper at all and blow up at anyone, anytime, anywhere. You are rude to anyone who as so much as looks at you. You can't express yourself with words- only through violence and cursing. Which brings us to another point: you are incredibly violent."

"Well YEAH!" shouted Inuyasha in derision.

Jai shook his head. "Yeah my nothing." He snapped. "That has to stop too. I mean, why you haven't gone to a behaviorist before now is completely beyond me." Jai gave him an exasperated look and shook his head again. "Besides, you'd think after your little performance yesterday that you'd be all over the chance to improve."

Inuyasha scratched an arm and sulked in the back seat. "If Kagome hadn't abandoned me, I wouldn't have to do this..." he mumbled grumpily.   

"Listen, little orphan Annie-if you had behaved nicely to her, Kagome wouldn't have left. I mean I know this never occurred to you but it's all your own fault she left." He raised his eyebrows to Inuyasha through the rear view mirror. "Put it this way: would you let anyone else be as mean to her as you are?"

"I am not mean to her!" came the shout from the back seat.

"Not mean? If I were her, I'd have cried. Is that the goal? To make her cry?" Jai accused.

"No!" denied Inuyasha vehemently. "I hate making Kagome cry!"

"Well, then you should be thrilled to be going to these lessons. I am going to teach you how to keep control of that mouth." Jai said seriously. "Even if it kills us both..." he added in a mumble.

Inuyasha soundlessly glared. For once, he had no arguments to make.

*************

A stage: dimly lit. The theater is empty, devoid of the happy paying customers that give it life. Now, it's just a husk, waiting to be used. Its old walls drink in the scene playing out on that lone platform, that stretch of wood and mold where all the drama that ever was takes place.  

Two men face each other, sitting in rickety wooden chairs. A table lies between them. The animosity is palpable between them, an almost visible soup of emotions: annoyance, fear, and rage.

 In middle of the two sits a mediator. He will determine what has happened, what will happen, and what shall be. He is the lord of this small domain, the judge of all he sees, hears, smells, touches and feels.

The silence is growing, a monster waiting to be killed by words. 

Nothing is said. 

The monster becomes larger, harder to destroy the longer it is alive. 

Sweat is breaking out on the faces of the seated men. It gathers on their upper lips, pools on their temples, stains their skin with odoriferous moisture. 

The silence is now speaking words with feelings and thoughts that are revealed with every passing quiet second. A motion of a hand, a fleeting look in someone's eye starts to give away secret passions and motivations. Usually, one is too busy talking to notice these subtle signs but now...Now, all is becoming disturbingly clear.

It has become a killing silence. Someone must break. Something must give way before this Jabberwocky of Silence. Someone must fall prey to it. 

The silence must be fed. 

Someone must be sacrificed to the Silence. 

Breathing is louder and harsher. The usually unassuming task of filling air into lungs has become Herculean in its efforts. 

Finally, an eon of minutes later, someone suicides.

            "I still think its STUPID!" mumbled Inuyasha, putting special emphasis on his adjective of choice. "But. Fine. If you really want me to..." he slouched down in his chair. 

Across from him, Jai offered a silent prayer to whatever god had manhandled Inuyasha into finally giving in. 

Haruto, the acting coach, grinned large and clapped his hands happily. 

"Okay then! Let's make some magic!" he proclaimed. 

Inuyasha winced and felt like pushing the well-meaning Haruto's head through a cement wall. 

_My ears are not up to this_, he mournfully thought. 

"So what do we do?" Jai asked cheerfully, ignoring Inuyasha's hangdog expression. 

"Okay, you sit across from each other-"

"Like we're already doing." Inuyasha grumbled sarcastically. 

Jai looked a bit nonplused as well. That reassured Inuyasha. It wasn't just his imagination that Haruto, self-proclaimed acting coach/therapist of the stars, was more then a few crumbs short of a cake. Hell, saying he had half a cake was pushing it. 

            It was brisk outside but Haruto was wearing a black wife beater, bright orange pants ("It's tribute to Christina Aquilira Day in my dance club! How fun?") and numerous necklaces, bracelets, rings and arm bands. His only concession to the cold was a thin purple scarf, which he had artfully draped over his shoulders. Haruto's hair tips were carefully died a shocking gold and the man waved his arms around whenever he spoke. Which was, from what Inuyasha had observed, all the time. 

The irritated time traveler ducked yet another exuberant hand gesture and growled. If that hand came at him again, he was going to bite it off. Then he'd spit that stupid ring encrusted hand in Haruto's face. Let's see how much Haruto liked nearly getting his face mauled!! 

Jai saw the barely restrained annoyance on Inuyasha's face. He grabbed Haruto's swinging arms and held them down. 

"Yes, what else do we do?" Jai quickly asked.   

"Well, since Inu baby-"

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME??!?!" threatened Inuyasha at the top of his lungs, knocking his chair backward. 

"Leave it alone Inuyasha!" hissed Jai. Cajoling, he reminded Inuyasha that the sooner they finished the exercise, the sooner they could leave.

"Fine," mumbled Inuyasha. 

Shrugging, the coach dismissed it and continued to explain his idea.

"Inuyasha doesn't know how he sounds. Once he hears how horrible he is-" 

Inuyasha raised a fist to smash his fist into Haruto's face but Jai grabbed his arms and reminded him that he was trying to stop being so violent. "Use your words." Jai hissed at the angry boy. 

Haruto continued, used to these types of interruptions. "Inu, you sit over here. And Jai will sit over here." The two men stared at Haruto. Jai heaved a great sigh.

 "We're already sitting." Inuyasha reminded Haruto again, raising one eyebrow.

"Oh my god! How stupid can I be?" Haruto grimaced playfully and waved an embarrassed hand. 

_Oh, lord, let me count the ways….._ Jai thought, resting his head on his fist. __

"Okay. So, Inuyasha, you're going to say whatever you want to. Or yell. Do whatever you want but I think you should _sing_! But you could always dance, hum, shout-"

"We. Got. It." snapped Inuyasha. 

"Then Jai will parrot it back at you. Then you can understand and really hear what you're saying. Because, from what I've heard, your very mean to her." Haruto concluded earnestly. 

"Oh, the shame." Inuyasha replied dryly. _Was this guy serious? Is that supposed to insult me?_

Behind Inuyasha, Jai was signaling for Haruto to shut up before a few facts slipped out that were better left alone.

"I mean, really really mean. Didn't she mention some other guys friends who were a lot nicer to her?" Haruto asked turning around to face the frantically signaling Jai who threw up his hands and concluded with a finger dramatically drawn across his throat.

Inuyasha ignored the theatrics, focusing instead on the words. "She's talked about other guys? Which ones?" Inuyasha demanded, pulling Haurto up by the front of his tank top.

"Put him down Inuyasha! That's unnecessary violence! Not at all conducive to growing as a person!" Jai shouted in vain.

"Ow!" Haruto whined, kicking his feet in the air. "You are a mean! You are so-ack!" Inuyasha tightened his hold on the quickly choking man and growled.

"Which ones?" he hissed.

"Um, Yoko? Joho? Something like that!"

"Hojo?!"

"Yes! Hojo! Hojo!"

"Inuyasha! Put Him Down!! Use your words!!" Jai shouted, stamping his foot angrily. 

Inuyasha dropped Haruto to the floor and knelt next to the gasping man. "Go on. Who else?" 

"No one else!" Jai announced too quickly. "No one! No one! No one!!!" 

Inuyasha ignored Jai and focused completely on the trembling Haruto. He growled further encouragement.

"Um, um....." Haruto said, searching his brain for more names from that quick telephone call with Kagome that Jai had arranged. "Oh! Some guy she called the hentai...?" 

"Miroku. Who's next?"

"Let's talk about something else!" Jai suggested desperately. 

"Uh, uh.....Coka? Ouga?"

Inuyasha's eyes widened and his nostrils flared. "Kouga?" he asked, the name of his arch nemesis a curse. 

"Yes!" shouted Haruto happily. Behind him, Jai groaned. 

                                               *flashback*

_"Remember. DO NOT bring up Kouga-kun's name. Inuyash and he are not on the best terms." Kagome said seriously._

_"Meaning what?" Jai asked, a little skeptical. _

_"They hate each other and try to kill the other every chance they have."_

_"Sounds serious."  
"It is. Don't, under any circumstances, have Kouga and my name in the same sentence. Inuyasha will go berserk. And when he goes crazy, well, there goes the neighborhood."_

                                              *end flashback*

 Inuyasha stood up and his fists clenched. "She mentioned him? Kagome talked about Kouga? In a good way?"

"Yes. She said he was one her closest friends!" Haruto said brightly, not comprehending the danger he had just placed himself in.

"SHE SAID WHAT?!???!!" Inuyasha shouted, throwing the table careening away on its side.

Haruto blanched and ran to hide behind Jai. "All she said was that he's a nice guy!" 

Inuyasha chucked a folding chair at the two quivering men. 

"Ahhh!" screeched Haruto, ducking onto the floor.

"Inuyasha! That's very violent of you! Use your words!" Jai reminded him while running to the impromptu barricade the table had created. 

"SHUT UP!" screamed Inuyasha. "THIS IS ALL THAT GOD DAMN FLEA BAG RIDDEN BASTARD PIECE OF SHIT'S FAULT!!!" Inuyasha howled, ripping a light fixture from its bolts and flinging it across the stage.

_There goes the neighborhood indeed_, Jai thought to himself in misery as he watched Inuyasha throw a temper tantrum around the old theater.

"I HATE HIM! HE'S NOT A WARRIOR! HE CAN FIGHT ME ONLY BECAUSE HE HAS TWO JEWEL SHARDS IN HIS LEGS! THAT'S THE ONLY REASON!! OTHERWISE HE'D BE IN SERIOUS TROUBLE!!!!"

A window broke. A wooden plank snapped under Inuyasha's stomping feet. Jai and Haruto sat down to wait out the storm from behind the overturned table. 

"So, uh, now that we're almost all alone..." Haruto began, hesitatingly.

Jai blinked. Whirling around, he shouted out to the raging Hanyou, "Hurry up already and finish your snit! Some of us are in serious danger right now!"

Inuyasha didn't seem to hear him. 

"HE WOULDN'T BE SO COCKY IF I RIPPED OFF HIS ARMS!!!  I SHOULD KILL HIM AND DO THE WORLD A FAVOR!!!"

Jai winced as a particularly expensive bit of equipment flew overhead and smashed into incredibly small pieces. _Oooh, that's going to cost us..._

**bam**

Jai dropped his head into his hands as thousands of dollars in damage accumulated in Inuyasha's rage. 

"WHO THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS?!?! JACKASS, TRYING TO STEAL KAGOME AWAY?? ?! SHE'S MY BITCH, DAMN IT!!!!" 

Inuyasha paused and his eyes widened as the words processed.

Jai and Haruto, bloodhounds that they were, straightened immediately at the slip and slowly fixed Inuyasha with triumphant smiles, peering around the table. Inuyasha, feeling far too emotionally exposed, 'humph'ed and tried to avoid looking at anyone. 

"Who is this Kagome anyway?" Haruto questioned with a grin on his face.

"No one," mumbled Inuyasha.

 "Oh really? So she's not the whole reason we're doing this?" Jai said to Inuyasha, resisting the urge to strangle him. He turned to Haruto. "She's the girl who loves him, that ungrateful ass."

"She's in love with him?" Haruto said surprised.

"Very much so." Jai said firmly, looking Inuyasha in the eyes.

"Oh my. You are not sensitive at all, are you?"  Haruto asked, propping his head up on one hand.****

Inuyasha stared at Haruto. That answer was just a bit obvious...   

"Well, I bet you-know-who is sensitive" Jai said too casually.

Inuyasha growled.

"Who?" asked Haruto. Both men ignored him.

"Yeah, well, how the hell else am I suppose to act? Like Kagome? Always crying?" Inuyasha protested. 

"No, but a little caring might go a long way." Haruto advised. "Kagome did say you were cruel sometimes." 

Jai raised his eyebrows. _Maybe Haruto isn't such an idiot_.

"I'm not mean! She just shouldn't be so touchy!" Inuyasha shouted, enunciating every word. 

"Maybe she's not overly sensitive. Maybe you're just really really _really_ insensitive." Haruto said pleasantly. 

.....

"Haruto. Shut up." advised Inuyasha with scowl. 

_Take it back. He's definitely an idiot. _Jai sighed.

            Inuyasha stood and pushed his hands into his sleeves. "I'm done with this." He announced. He jumped off the stage and stalked down the aisle. 

"Hey! Wait!" shouted Jai. Jumping out of his seat, he followed the hanyou out into the city streets.  Grabbing Inuyasha's arm, he spun the boy around to face him.

"What's wrong?" Jai asked, concerned.

"Nothing..." sulked Inuyasha.

Jai looked at Inuyasha and patted his arm consolingly. "Inuyasha- if it bothered you that much that you're so horrible to Kagome, then come back inside. It's a good thing this bothers you." he reassured. Inuyasha looked away and visibly wavered.

"You're only doing this in order to become a better person-"

"Hey! I  never said that I-"

"Shh! To become a better person annnd so that Kagome won't leave you again." Jai shrugged his shoulders expressively. 

Inuyasha sighed gustily and slowly nodded his head. Jai opened up the door and Inuyasha let himself be led back in. 

Haruto sat on the edge of the stage, swinging his legs. 

"Oh! You came back! Good for you!" he cheered.

Inuyasha flicked him the middle finger. (He learned that from Mrs. Higurashi when she had once driven him somewhere. The future had all sorts of fascinating inventions like this).  

Jai shot Haruto a quelling glance and smiled cheerfully at the moody Inuyasha. 

"Let's try the exercise again. Sound good?"

"No," came the snorted reply.

"But we're going to do it anyway, right Inuyasha?" prompted Jai.

Inuyasha groaned and sat down, crossed legged.  Waving an imperious hand, he allowed the group to restart. 

"We're starting again?" squealed Haruto, clapping his hands together.

"Yes, isn't that great?" Jai said, smiling at Inuyasha.

"Great? No, it's not great!" Haruto said in excitement. He got up and ran to his stereo, pressing the play button. Whirling around dramatically, he shouted, "It's SUPER!"

A man's voice began to sing:

_Bombs are flying _

_People are dying_

_Politicians are lying_

_Children are crying too._

_Cancer is killing_

_Texaco's spilling_

_The whole world shot to hell_

_But how are you?_

Haruto whirled in a circle and sang on the top of his lungs:

_I'm SUPER!!!_

Howled Haruto. Inuyasha's eyes were wide, his pupils mere points of darkness amid the gold of his iris's. He backed away as Haruto's wiggling ass moved closer and closer to his face.

_ Thanks for asking_

_All things considered I couldn't be better_ _I must say_ _I'm feeling SUPER!!!!!!!!!!_ _No, nothing bugs me!_ _Everything is super when- _

_don't you think I look cute in this hat?_

Haruto pranced his way around, skipping and flinging out his feet. Inuyasha dived for cover but poor Jai got a bit of bump to the head.

_I'm so sorry_

_Mr. Cripple_

_But I just can't feel too bad for you right now_

_Because I'm feeling so insanely super _

_That even the fact that you can't walk can't bring me down!!_

Haruto began to shake his chest at his two frightened guests, yelling, "Throw your shoulders into it! Throw 'em! Throw 'em!" during the instrumental part of the song.  

Inuyasha's eyes widened in fear and he crawled away but Jai got caught and dragged around by his leg for a bit. Suddenly, more people joined in the song. Haruto squealed and his head flung itself up and down as he moved to a beat.

_What the hell is he doing??!?!_ Thought Inuyasha in panic.

"LET GO MY LEG, DAMNIT!!!" shouted Jai, kicking his free leg into Haruto's torso. Haruto didn't notice the pain but let go of Jai's leg to skip some more. 

_(people)_

_He's super, thanks for asking_

_All things considered he couldn't be better_

_He must say_

_(The original voice)_ _I'm SUPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Haruto screamed along, his arms flung open wide and falling backward. Inuyasha jumped out of the way but once again, Jai was too slow and got crushed.

_No nothing bugs me_

_Everything is super when you're _

_Don't you think I look cute_

_Iin this hat_

_These little pants_

_And the matching tie I got at Merv's???_

_I'm super!!!!!!!!!!!_

Haruto flung himself upward and did a flying leap. Inuyasha screamed and covered his head. 

_(People)_

_In the barracks and the trenches as well_

_(Big Gay Al)_

_Stick 'em up!_

_(People)_

_Big gay al says do as can tell_

_(Big Gay Al)_

_Skittles!!_

Haruto shimmied his hips and spun really quickly in circles, stopping abruptly and blowing kisses

(_People)_

_Yes, he's super and he's proud to be fay!_

_(Big Gay Al)_

_Ok??_

_(People)_

_Everything is super when you're _

_GGGGGGAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!_

Haruto flung himself onto one knee and spread his arms as if they were wings 

_When your GAY!_

The music trailed off. Haruto had stopped and was breathing heavily, trying to regain his normal lung usage. Inuyasha and a shaken Jai slowly stood up. 

"How fabulous is that song??" said Haruto in rapture. __

Inuyasha couldn't take it anymore. Growling ferociously, he slammed his fist into Haruto's face. The acting coach dropped, surprisingly enough, without a sound. 

After a few moments of staring at the unconscious acting coach, Inuyasha flashed a fang filled smile at Jai.

"I suppose that was unnecessary violence too." He sneered.

Jai 'innocently' twirled a piece of hair on a finger and looked up at the ceiling.

"Me? I didn't see any violence at all..." he said in a careless tone. "I'm just la-di-da-ing around here. Not really paying attention to anything at all...." He whistled a tune and meandered out of the theater. "I'm going to go out for some air...Catch up when you feel like it…if you're not busy..." He called after over his shoulder.

Inuyasha stared at Jai's back. Slowly, he smiled. 

Poor Hauro. Poor poor Haruto.

When Inuyasha emerged a few minutes later, Jai said nothing as his project threw a bundle of black and orange cloth into a nearby dumpster. He did however throw him a look.

"No longer useable." Inuyasha said succinctly. Jai nodded. 

And smiled.

***************Later That Day*************************

            Hopping out of the SUV, Jai bounded up the few concrete steps to a small cottage in the Tokyo suburbs.

 Inuyasha followed much slower, taking in his surroundings. Just because that thing earlier this morning hadn't worked out was, in his opinion, no reason to try again. But his opinion hadn't mattered and so, here they were. Walking on a weird path to kami knows what. Inuyasha sighed. For today, he deserved at least five bowls of Ramen. 

            The cottage was painted sky blue with white shutters. There were large gardens overflowing with a myriad of flowers and healthy looking vegetables. Inuyasha paid special attention to the unmoving tiny men. They wore bright red pointed hats and green shirts with yellow pants. The inane smiles on their bearded faces were frozen, their eyes glazed.

_Are they aged children? Mummified old men? _Inuyasha wondered uncomfortably. They reminded him of Urasua's clay soldiers. Only shorter. And a lot scarier.

Inuyasha hurried to catch up with Jai. The latter shot him a look and knocked firmly on the front door.

"Coming!" came the faint reply. After a few moments, a cheerful looking woman opened the door. She was dressed in a wide cotton skirt with a pink t-shirt, barefoot, and had flour decorating one cheek. Along with small green eyes and a happy welcoming smile, her hair was black, wild and curly to the point of no restraint. Tangled in its mass were bows, feathers, beads and_....bones? _Inuyasha thought uneasily. He looked her over again.

_ Jai has the weirdest friends. Even weirder then Kagome's. Which I didn't think was possible_. This impressed Inuyasha despite himself.

"Come in!" she said cheerfully, opening the door to her house. Jai smiled back and walked in, introducing himself and Inuyasha. 

Inuyasha stalked in, ready for any attack. Nothing happened. The woman closed the door and extended her hand to each man. 

 "Hello! My name is Hitomi!" 

"Hi- I'm Jai." the happy American said with a smile. He frowned at Inuyasha who had disdainfully snubbed the outstretched hand.

 "The brooding Neanderthal over there is Inuyasha." Jai continued, pointing to the still suspicious half demon.

Hitomi shook her finger at Jai reprovingly. "Now now. I'm sure he's not anything of the sort."

Inuyasha looked pleased at the receiving the benefit of the doubt.

Jai looked at her pityingly_. That's because you don't know him yet...._

***************

"I hate this!!" Inuyasha flopped down onto his back in Hitomi's garden. 

"I know. Meditating is hard. But you need to have a separation between your emotions and your actions. The quickest way to begin that process is by meditation. It will help you clear your thoughts. Join hands again..."

"No."

A silent sigh from both Hitomi and Jai.

"Why not?" asked Hitomi gently.

"I don't like touching people. You all smell."

"_Inuyasha!!" _Jai gasped out, horrified. "Oh My God! You just cannot say things like that!"

"Keh. I'll say whatever the hell I want to say."

"Oh, for the love of-!"

"Peace....let all remain calm...No one has to hold anyone's hands. It is just an aid to a calm mind." Hitomi explained gently. "Let us all breath in...take in the wonderful aura that is peace and love......and exhale out all of the bad emotions that are clogging our spiritual path.....Remember: in for the count of seven breaths, hold for the count of seven breaths, and exhale for the count of seven breaths........" she intoned.

Inuyasha groaned and mumbled something but began the exercise. Jai flashed an apologetic smile to the patient woman and breathed out his anger.

"Okay" Hitomi began in a soft whisper. "I want everyone to begin to see their aura as they breath......."

Jai and Hitomi relaxed into the meditation. Jai looked like he was approaching Nirvana.

Inuyasha just felt stupid. 

_'See your aura'...what the hell is an aura? _He snorted silently to himself. Only a woman from Kagome's time would be this crazy.

"You're not feeling it Inuyasha." Hitomi reprimanded from behind closed eyes. 

_How'd she do that? _He wondered. To humor her, Inuyasha tried to do the exercise. 

It wasn't working.

Hitomi looked bemused at the uncomfortable young man sitting next to her. It was time for plan B.

"You are an action sort of guy, aren't you, Inuyasha?" Hitomi began.

"Yeah..." Inuyasha answered slowly.

"Do you use that sword at your hip?"  
"Of course! What moron carries around a sword that he can't use?" Inuyasha scoffed, offended at the slight. 

Hitmoi pursed her lips, thought for a bit and then nodded decidedly. "I usually don't use this exercise but I think I can make an exception for you." 

Committed to her plan of action, Hitomi ordered Inuyasha to place his sheathed sword on his lap. 

"Now, close your eyes. Begin the breathing meditation and pull yourself into the sword."

"Wha?" Inuyasha confused. He grudgingly obeyed when Hitomi asked him to close his eyes again.

"Feel your sword. You and your sword trust each other. Become one with your sword... feel what your sword-"

"It's name is Tetsuiga." Inuyasha interrupted again. 

Hitomi smiled. _He named his sword. How male...._ "Well, Tetsuiga and you have gone through a lot together, yes?" 

"Yeah..." Inuyasha's voice got softer as his fingers inspected the rusty dull beloved blade of his only true possession and the breathing patterns soothed his scattered thoughts. As usual, having Tetsuiga was relaxing him.

            Hitomi went on for a few minutes, extolling the virtues of Tetsuiga and Inuyasha's relationship but soon trailed off. It was obvious that Inuyasha no longer really heard her. She and Jai smiled at one another at the finally still hanyou. They strolled into the house to go get a cup of tea.

            Inuyasha felt as if he were floating. Hitomi's voice was gentle and soft. Combined with the always lulling influence of Tetsuiga, he was unable to resist the temptation as her voice urged him to touch and explore. Underneath his inquisitive fingers, the blade gained new life. He felt every nick, he was every scratch, he understood every curve. Ever so slowly, he felt himself thin, stretch, sharpen down to a point; become a hardened piece of steel, honed and dangerous to the touch. Tetsuiga's mask of ill use was peeled away as Inuyasha descended into his sword's youkai. He swam through the ancient and powerful sword. He and it evolving into one being. Comprehending everything his sword meant and what it could do and, more importantly, what it knew he-Inuyasha- could accomplish. He listened to Tetsuiga's very thoughts.

In one fluid movement, Inuyasha was on his feet. Taking the first position, Inuyasha settled with his legs apart and his arms steady. 

Gracefully, Inuyasha began to dance with his sword. 

He flowed from one sword form to the next without pause or hesitation. Arms over head, knees bent to sliding the sword to in front of him and vaulting over it. He moved the blade to knee length and moved with vicious certainty to slice any opponents leg off below the knee. His skin started to glisten with sweat as his sword swung over his head into an angle and then spun on one heel to block an unseen foe. Inuyasha still breathed in the seven patterns, never breaking from it. His eyes were closed and his body relaxed, every muscle connected in the ancient sword patterns.

On and on he perfected his connection to Tetsuiga, each learning the other's movements anew. In the back of his mind, he knew he had an audience but it was not his concern. Right now, the only thing that mattered was Tetsuiga.

********************

"Thank you for the lessons." Jai said, giving Hitomi a hug. She hugged him back. 

"It was my pleasure Jai. So glad you had a good time."

Turning to Inuyasha, Hitomi settled back on her heels. Inuyasha was quiet. Shifting form side to side, he kept touching the re-sheathed sword at his hip. Swallowing his pride, Inuyasha bowed to the surprised woman. 

"Thank you sensei," he said. Hitomi and Jai both blinked at the honorific term. "I have come to a greater understanding of Tetsuiga now. You have improved my swordsman-ship greatly." Inuyasha continued. "I...." He breathed out. "I underestimated your powers."

Hitomi quirked an eyebrow. _Powers...? _She had gotten many reactions from her teachings but this was new. She couldn't help herself. She laughed.

 "Get up silly. But I want you to remember Inuyasha- whenever you get angry, just breath in the seven pattern."

"I will try sensei. I will try...to be worthy of your teachings..." Inuyasha whispered. 

Hitomi smiled and patted his hand.  "I have all confidence in you."

Inuyasha looked chastised and honored simultaneously. He bowed again and led the way down to the SUV. Jai looked at Hitomi. Hitomi smiled and shrugged her shoulders. She had no idea what was going on either. 

"Well, it worked." She offered as an explanation. 

Jai shrugged back. Hey, he wasn't about to argue with results, no matter how odd.

Jai jogged after Inuyasha. 

"Hey! Wait up!" he called out. Inuyasha pulled open his door and looked at Jai.

"Start driving." Inuyasha called out.

"I'm not a chauffeur." huffed Jai, sliding into the front seat. "And come up here." Inuyasha shrugged and climbed over the seats. Both buckled their seatbelts and Jai pulled away from the curb. As he did, his dexterous fingers pressed a button. Music began to play. Instantly intrigued (_Buttons....._his mind droned), Inuyasha looked at the dashboard and grinned. 

"All these play music?" he asked in excitement.

"Yep. Different types."

"Wow...."

"You turn the dial to change the types of music."

"Oh. Can I try?" Inuyasha asked. The experience with Hitomi had lured him into a rare mood of complacent curiosity. His voice was gentle and calm.

Pleased with his work, Jai made a very foolish mistake.

"Sure. The whole way back, we'll listen to whatever you want."

************One Hour Later**********

"But you promised!" whined Inuyasha as he slapped Jai's hand away from the dial.

"Inuyasha! Please! I'm begging you!" Jai cried desperately. "We've been listening to HeadBanger's Ball for the past hour! I can't take much more of this!"

Over the speakers, Drowning Pool screamed and roared. The car vibrated with the force of the sound waves.

Jai looked like he was about to cry. 

Inuyasha's hair was floating back from the force of the music and he looked thrilled.

"It's warrior music!" he shouted back, trying to be heard over the music.

"It's crap!!" Shouted Jai.

"What?" Inuyasha leaned closer, striving to hear.

"I said, IT'S CRAP!"  
"WHAT?"

Rammstein began to howl 'Sonne' and Jai slammed his head into the steering wheel.

Inuyasha snapped his fingers and hummed happily.

Another song came on.

"All right! Megadeath!" shouted Inuyasha in joy.

"No, oh not again god..." Jai whimpered. 

******************************

The door to the Higrashi home slammed open.

"I think Jai needs help." Inuyasha announced about the small man he was carrying into the house. 

"My head...." whispered Jai.

"What did you do to Jai?!?" shouted Kyan in horror.

He snatched Jai away. Behind him, Carson, Thom and Ted glared.

"We were just listening to music," protested Inuyasha.

"It wasn't music!" gasped Jai from the couch. 

Inuyahsa stuck out his tongue.

"Jai, rest." soothed Ted, placing a cold compress onto the afflicted forehead.

"But...his dance...lessons..." moan Jai.

"Dance...lessons..." asked Inuyasha said in a blank voice. 

"Will that make you feel better?" cooed Kyan.

"Dance lessons?" Inuyasha repeated dumbly.

Jai licked his dry lips and nodded mutely. 

"Well then, that's that." Carson said decisively.  

"Dance lessons?!?!" Inuyasha shouted, aghast. _Oh, hell no!_

Inuyasha scrambled for purchase on the floor and tried to run. 

"Stay right there!" ordered Thom. 

Inuyasha ignored him and, seeing the closest exit was the doorway, ran for it and the safety of the outdoors. He flung open the door and stopped as a smiling man with bright blue eyes turned around. Dressed in a white shirt, khaki's and a blue vest, the man smiled a perky open grin and put his hands on his hips. 

"Well, you must be Inuyasha. Jai described you to a tee." He grabbed Inuyasha's arm. Swinging Inuyasha around, the nameless man basically marched the once again confused Inuyasha back into the house. 

"You have great arms." the stranger complimented with an approving look in his eyes.

"Uh...." said Inuyasha, a little bewildered as to how exactly he had landed back into the living room.

"OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" came the ecstatic shout from the Queer Eye guys when they saw the stranger. They had been plotting how to get Inuyasha back into the house but, wouldn't you know that this guy would do it in less then 10 seconds?

Gathering around, the guys (including Jai) surrounded the stranger and bombarded him with questions. 

"How'd you get here?"

"Why did you not tell us you were here?"

"When did you get here?"

"How's it going?"

"What are doing in Japan?"

The man gave a small giggle and waved his arms around to calm everyone down. 

"Well, I got here by plane only a week ago. I did not know you were here. I was visiting my friend, Tatsuya-"

"Who?" 

"Oh, come on. You remember him? The dance instructor with the purple leather pants?"

"Him! Of course we remember him! And those tight pants!" 

"Right. So, anywhooz, I'm on vacation here and it's a great vaca so far. But Tatasuya overbooked himself and so he asked me to take on one of his appointments. I called here and, OH MY GAWD, Jai answers the phone!! SO, we chat, talk, flirt and decided to surprise all of you! How fun?" The stranger looked very pleased with himself. 

Ted, Thom, Kyan and Carson all complimented Jai and the stranger on their plan and the surprise. Beginning to talk amongst themselves, they totally forgot about the still puzzled boy near them.

"Wait one minute! Who the hell are you?" shouted Inuyasha, pissed off and forgetting his lessons.

The strange man looked shocked. "You've never heard of me?"

Shooting the guy The Look, Inuyahsa snorted. "No. Should I have?"

The guy waved his hands around, obviously offended, "Only if you follow Broadway."

_What?_

"I had a show for a couple of years on Broadway. Now, I'm a nurse...sort of." he amended with a half shrug.

_Broadway?_

Looking at Inuyasha's blank face, the man's eyes widened. "Oh my god. You still don't know who I am?"

Inuyasha shook his head.

"Okay, a hint." The man placed his two hands at 90 degree angles, placed them at the sides of his head and tilted his head. He posed, opened mouth and eyes wide.

_Another weirdo...._thought Inuyasha in despair.

The man stamped his foot in anger. "You still don't get it??"

"No!" snapped Inuyasha. 

The man restruck his pose and called out: "Just Jack!"

_Wha.....??_

The man tried again. "Just Jack 2003!"

Seeing the situation was still unclear, the man rolled his eyes expressively. "Hello, oh one of lacking brain, my name's Jack." He paused, as if waiting for an iota of recognition from the hanyou.

Nothing.

Shrugging (there were always the uneducated), he picked up his shirt with a smile. "Wanna touch tummies?"

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A/N: Well, there you go! Tell me what you think! I love constructive criticism!! To those who care-god bless your little cotton socks- my sequel to 'Hero' should be up soon. Whoo-hoo! Okay, to those who have reviewed: I love you! Kashiaga (hope this version is clearer and thanks for the change with the 'verb'.  I suck at grammar ::winces::), Darkangel1410 (I don't mind short reviews and thank you for commenting on the weird beginning of the lesson!), WickerB (NEW READER!!!!!!! ::jumps and ties up with rope:: no not really…hehe…hehe? Anyways! MirokuMinded (hope I calmed haruto's character down a bit). Now, a special thank you to Fiery Ferret of Doom- you rocked my socks yet again. I had NO idea that it loaded wrong. You alerted me to this alarming fact. I took your- god bless you!- criticisms and tried to fix the chapter with them. Again, tried to calm Haruto down. Let me know what you think.   
Review! It's my birthday! I'm a year from being legal to drink!!!!! Review about liquor! 


	8. Share and Cher alike

Disclaimer: You know, the PTB's make us write this just to get us depressed, I swear it...I don't own him or anything associated with him. Which sucks.

A/N: at the bottom

CHAPTER EIGHT: (Cher and Share alike:)

Inuyasha sighed in fusturation. "I don't get it." he grumbled.

Jack sighed. "It's very simple. Okay, let's start again. You just watch this time."

Thrilled to not have to be 'dancing' anymore, Inuyasha gratefully plopped himself down on the floor next to the five men.

Usually the Higurashi living room was cluttered in a cozy way, but in order to dance, all the couches, coffee tables, bookstands and picture frames had been pushed to the sides of the room.

"Music please." commanded Jack. As the stereo was obligingly turned on, Jack shook out his muscles. Notes filled the air and Jack spoke in a cadenced voice along with the rhythm.

"And! A one, a two, a one two three- SNAP! and throw the left side of your hip out!" Jack struck a Fosse stance and tilted up his chin. "annnd- _snap_! Throw right shoulder down and _pow_! Toss your head back- slowly, remember that everything is sexier when its slow!"

Inuyasha sunk down in his crouch, red with embarrassment as only a teenage male could be after that comment.

"And then, wait for it, hear the beat and here-it-comes- Pelvic Thrust! Uh, Uh, Uh!!!" Jack began to thrust his way around the room, grunting as his hips worked.

The group on floor watched in silence, five thrilled and one horrified.

"He's fabulous, isn't he?" gushed Carson sincerely.

Inuyasha stared at Carson blankly. Was everyone in this room insane but him?

"And now" announced a breathless Jack, "If the dance is really going well, bend your partner over, pull him real close and smack that booty up!"

__

Him?!?

"Whack whack whack!" shouted Jack energetically, enthusiastically hitting an imaginary butt.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" shouted Inuyasha. "I don't want to spank anyone!"

Jack paused and posed, tossing Inuyasha a look of seduction over his shoulder. "Not even the luscious lady Kagome?" he asked in a salacious tone.

"No, I do not want to smack Kagome!" shouted a red Inuyasha.

"No? No 'smack her little booty up/scream help/ play my game/ get my reins-"

"WHAT?!?"

"I want to li,li,lick you-" sang Jack.

Inuyasha blanched and scuttled for the door. "There is something wrong with you. Really wrong with you." Inuyasha stated as he stomped to the door.

"Ludicrous isn't your type of singer? I think the song-while yes, a bit blunt- has a lot of good things about it. I mean, it _does_ have a message and how many songs can we say that about today?" Jack was still galloping around the Higurashi living room but managed to make his way to block the exit.

"Stop that!"

"Stop what?"

"That 'Uh, Uh, Uh!' thing! It's disgusting!" Inuyasha spat out.

Jack slowly pelvic thrusted to a stop and pouted sadly to Inuyasha. "....You don't like my dancing?"

"No, I don't like your dancing!" snapped Inuyasha.

"Well! Now I'm hurt." Jack sniffed dramatically. "Right here." He thumped his chest. "In my heart...I'm wounded..."he whispered with a pouted lower lip and an extra sniff for flair.

Inuyasha snorted. "Your heart is on the other side of your chest, Jack."

Jack grimaced. "Damn, I always forget that!" He clenched his fists in annoyance and stamped his foot.

Ted pursed his lips and asked cautiously, "But, uh, Jack, aren't you a nurse?"

Jack looked at Ted then pointedly ignored him.

"Your dances are stupid and weird. Normal people don't dance like that." Inuyasha continued.

"That's not true! Everyone in America dances like that!" protested Jack. "I'll show you!" The flamboyant gay stormed to a corner of the living room.

"Keh. You're all trying to just pull my leg and make me look like an idiot," muttered Inuyasha.

"Oh, that's not what I want to pull..." purred Carson from behind the hanyou.

"Carson, you can't handle pulling anything more then my leg." Inuyasha shot back.

Five shocked and delighted gasps from five shocked and delighted men.

"Oh my god!! You made a comeback!" shouted Kyan.

"Good job with the sexual innuendo! Look how far you've come!" cheered Jai.

"I'm, no, _we_ are all so proud of you!" said Thom, patting Inuyasha on the head.

Carson put his hands on his hips and smiled. "I did not know you had it in you...I am impressed."

Inuyasha glanced around at his admiring posse and blushed. "Well, I'm full of surprises..." muttered the hanyou teenager. _ Man, it isn't that big of a deal...._

From the corner of the living room, Jack shouted in triumph. "Ha! I found it!"

Confused, everyone turned to see what Jack had gotten so excited over. Jack had dragged the TV to the forefront of the mass of furniture and flicked it on. Flipping through the channels for the past few minutes had finally paid off.

"I knew, I just knew, that if America exported anything here, it would be MTV!" He sat back, pleased with himself. The magic box slowly turned colors to Inuyasha's amazed eyes and, as the picture gained resolution, Inuyasha's mouth slowly sagged open.

__

What the hell were they DOING??!?!?!?

There were women wearing the least amount of clothing Inuyasha had ever seen on the female body. Next to the women there were men...talking? Singing? They were definitely moving with the women in ways Inuyasha knew was not...not...it was...n...o....t....

Inuyasha's brain stopped working as the music video 'Freek-A-Leet' overcame his pathetic mental defenses. The gyrating ladies did the work they were paid to do as they captivated the straight man watching.

The dancing! The women! The pounding beat! The bikinis! The lights! The women! The bikinis!

There was one woman in really tiny pieces of fabric connected by strings shaking her rump in Inuyashas direction in a truly beguiling fashion (Being an inuyoukai, this was particularly attractive to Inuyasha's mind). She was sitting on something that had a lot of buttons and mouthing 'how you like it daddy?' and rubbing herself on the buttons. Inuyasha absentmindedly wiped away the drool that was trailing down his chin. Buttons and women...it really didn't get any better to Inuyasha's way of thinking.

Thom poked Ted and mumbled, "Gee, I wonder what he's looking at."

Kyan sighed. "I keep waiting for a gay rapper to put out an album."

"Album shmalbum. I want a gay rap video." snorted Carson.

Jai sighed dreamily. "Nothing sells sex like rap....imagine what a gay rapper would do with his video......"

"Speedos and Calvin Klein underwear models!" Jack grinned.

Inuyasha ignored all this and watched one particular woman in a swimsuit three sizes too small run her hands up and down her body and lick her lips, _while she was staring directly at him!! _Some man with flashing teeth was talking and moving his hands but Inuyasha's attention was held by the woman in short shorts crawling onto the mans lap.

She was backing up into his lap, doing that 'uh-uh-uh' thing just like Jack had but she did it a lot better....a whole lot better.

Slowly, the magic box went black as the video ended. Jack shut the TV off totally and looked at Inuyasha's dumb founded face.

"What was that called?" Inuyasha asked in wonder, his mind all a-buzz with the images he had seen.

"A rap video," replied the amused Kyan.

Silence reigned as Inyuasha continued to stare at the blank screen. Slowly turning to the group of homosexuals behind him, Inuyasha thought for a moment and asked, "Miroku doesn't know about these videos, does he?"

"Who?"

"Nothing, never mind."

"So, you liked the dancing?" asked Jack with a smug smile.

Inuyasha shifted and blushed. "Yeaaahhh...." he admitted, turning even more red.

"So we can assume its a good thing you're wearing those baggy pants?" joked Carson.

Inuyasha groaned in embarrassment and sunk his head into the neck of his shirt.

"Would you stop it, Carson?" Exasperated, Jai waved the laughing Carson away and crouched by Inuyasha.

"We have a surprise for you!" He said with an excited smile.

Inuyasha poked his head out of his shirt to glare. "The last surprise you gave me made Kagome leave."

Jai cleared his throat and stood up. "We've been over that. Besides, she'll like this surprise."

Sniffing, Inuyasha confirmed that Jai believed that he was telling the truth. "What is it?" He asked, still suspicious.

"You'll see!" Pulling on his arm, Jai shoved Inuyahsa into the bathroom. "Here, you put these on," Jai said and handed him a bundle of clothing, "and you give us your clothes."

"What are you going to do with them?"

"Us?" Jai laughed nervously. "Oh, nothing! Nothing at all...heh heh...." He plastered a fake smile on and nervously waited while Inuyasha took the modern clothes into the bathroom. After a few minutes, Inuyasha thrust a hand out and gave Jai his robes. Jai waited breathlessly as the bathroom door closed again.

The second the lock snapped shut, he threw the red robes to Kyan, who tossed it to Carson who hurled them to Thom who gave them to Ted who promptly dropped the robes into a fire crackling merrily in the Higurashi's barbecue. The five watched in delight as the flames eagerly licked at the robes.

Carson smiled with a tear in his eye. "If we do nothing else," he said in a choked voice, taking Ted's hand, "what we just did now was enough. It was enough." Pursing his lips, Carson went to make a martini to calm himself down.

It was Thom who realized that someone was missing. "Uh, does anyone know where Jack went?"

"HENTAI!!!" A roaring howl came from bathroom.

"I think he's with Inuyasha," answered Ted as the five scrambled to where a shrieking Jack was about to be mauled by the enraged half demon.

"Stop him!!" wailed Jack.

"Don't even try!" snarled Inuyasha, approaching the shivering Jack with his fists clenched and at the ready.

"Jai, do something!" shouted Kyan from the safety of the hallway.

"ME? Why not you?" Jai shouted back, not at all wanting to get into a room with a guy who could throw people thirty feet when he was pissed.

"Because you're the diplomat in the group!" hissed Ted.

"Yeah! Go do your stuff!" urged Carson with a swirl of his martini.

"No!" protested Jai. "I don't want to!"

"Job sacrifices!" answered Thom promptly.

"To hell with all of you! No way!" Jai said stoutly.

"Ja-ow!" Kyan swatted at Jack who had dove into the group huddling by the stairs.

"What were you doing there anyway?" asked Ted asked the quivering Jack.

"I was peeping, hello?!" said Jack with a look of disgust at Ted naiveté.

"Why were you doing that?" Ted began to ask but he held up his hand. "No, scratch that. What made you think you'd get away with it?"

Jack glared and snapped, "Where I come from, if you don't lock the door, its because you want company."

"Then everyone's crazy where you come from!!" shouted Inuyasha from in front of the human shield, Jai.

Carson marched over and shook his head. "Inuyasha..." he sighed and shook his head reprovingly. "You have to zipper your fly."

"No he doesn't." piped up Jack.

Ignoring Jack's comment and Inuyasha's resulting raised fist, Carson continued. "And tags always go in the back." He showed the clueless teenager what a tag was.

Inuyasha shrugged and tried to take off the shirt. Unfortunately, the black tee was tight and getting out required some contortions on Inuyasha's part, much to the delight of everyone watching. He finally got it off but it had turned it inside out. Scowling, Inuyasha wrestled with the tee, first getting one arm right side out but then turning it inside out again when he tried to fix the other sleeve. Inuyasha glared down at the shirt, ignorant of the stares he was receiving.

With no shoes on, Inuyasha was shirtless, his abdomen stretching and flexing with his movements. His hair swung loose to his waist and his arms bulged delicately with corded muscles. The only thing he was really wearing was the pair of dark denim pants that he had forgotten to zip up. The lines leading to his pelvis were clearly visible and the pants hung dangerously low on his hips, threatening to show far more then Inuyasha would have wanted. With his hatred for the tightly constricting underwear Carson had provided, a thing white line of hair was clearly visible as it trailed down to his.....

"Why were you peeping?" Jack snidely intoned in a high falsetto.

"Oh, shut up." muttered Ted.

Inuyasha looked up. _Why is everyone staring?_ He thought for a moment and realized that he did not want to know. Shrugging, he ignored the group of salivating men and put the tee back on and zippered his fly, much to Jack's disappointment.

"So...What are we doing now?" asked Inuyasha, shoving his hands into the pants pockets.

"We could practice dancing." suggested Jai.

"How about not," said Inuyasha with a very disinterested snort.

"Well, I think we should try to cook." announced Ted.

Inuyasha jerked around, more then a little shocked. "You were serious about that?!?" "Um, yeah." Ted replied, nodding his head once or twice for emphasis.

Inuyasha looked at the normal looking Ted and then at Jack who had started 'uh-uh-uh'ing again. _No real choices there, _Inuyash thought grumpily to himself. "Let's go" he announced wearily and stormed off to the kitchen.

"Good luck Ted, " whispered Thom 'encouragingly'. Ted had made fun of Thom's experience with the hanyou and Thom was fully expecting payback to be a bitch.

In the Kitchen

"So, I noticed that you like Ramen." Ted said hesitatingly to the petulant boy slouching by the table.

"Really?" drawled Inuyasha, propping his head on the table with one hand. "How'd you come to that conclusion?" Sarcasm dripped out of every word Inuyasha uttered and Thom smiled happily from the living room.

"Maybe it was when you were smearing Ramen in your hair..." mumbled Ted, still peeved over that episode.

Inuyahsa rolled his eyes and heaved a great sigh. "Yes," he said grudgingly. "I like Ramen."

Ted nodded. What he did next made Inuyasha fall over from shock.

He pulled out at least seven bags of Ramen. Seven _large_ bags of Ramen.

__

That's more Ramen then I've ever seen! Inuyasha thought in wonder. A huge smile broke out on the grumpy hanyous face and he reached eagerly for the delectable noodles.

__

Whack

Inuyasha's snatched his aching hand back and stuck it in his mouth. Pouting around it, he mumbled to Ted, "What'd you do that for?"

Ted held up his spatula threateningly. "This is dinner for Kagome. Ka. Go-"

"Yeah yeah yeah, I know. Ka. Go. Me. I've heard that damn line so many times, you could kill yourself." Inuyasha interrupted rudely.

"As I was saying, you are going to prepare a meal for Kagome and-"

"What? Keh!" Inuyasha snorted in amusement. "I'm not some damn woman. I'm not cookin' nothin' for no one." He shook his head, amused by the very thought.

"Um, yeah, you are," said Ted with a tight smile.

"Um, no, I'm not," Inuyasha answered back, the same tight smile on his face.

"Listen buddy. Do you want a girlfriend or not?" Ted asked bluntly.

Inuyasha looked at him incredulously. "But men don't cook!" He looked around for some support but only saw Ted's exasperated face. "Men do not cook." Inuyasha earnestly tried to explain.

"I'm a man. I cook," challenged Ted.

"Yeah, but you're not a real man," Inuyasha said with a chuckle.

By the shocked and enraged expression on Ted's face, Inuyasha had a feeling he had said something wrong... but what? (A/N: ::sssssssiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhhh::)

"That was the worst thing anyone has ever said to me." Ted said quietly. "I cannot believe you had the gall to say that after all that we've done for you, you ungrateful brat." He threw down his spatula with a clang and began taking off his apron with short furious motions.

"Wha, wha? What did I say?" asked Inuyasha, completely at a loss.

"Oh, don't play the innocent with me!" snapped Ted. "Just because I'm gay doesn't mean that I'm not a man!"

__

Oh....! Shit! Think quick think quick! Inuyasha could have slapped himself. Of course he would get insulted over someone deriding his masculinity! _What to do? _Inuyash racked his brain frantically but only one thing presented itself. He rejected it forcefully but it really was the only way...

__

Shit, I hate doing this! Inuyahs cursed mentally.

"But you cook!" Inuyasha winced inside but kept up his facade of idiotic little boy firmly in place.

"We've been over that!" Ted hissed.   
"Exactly! So you can't be a real man!" Inuyasha tried to 'explain.'

__

Please let this work!

"What are you talking about?" Ted shouted.

"You are a man but you cook. Men don't cook but you're a man anyway. Only women cook, its what they do! But _you _cook! But you say that you're not a woman at all but that you're a man! So the only explanation for cooking if you're a man is that you're not a real man because real men don't cook, only real women cook! Right?"

Inuyasha stopped to breathe and prepare himself. It was time to pull out the most potent of his personal weapons. Greater then Tessuiga, more powerful then the Blades of Blood, the most subtle of all the inuyoukai martial arts-

The Puppy Face!

No one could resist Inuyasha's puppy face. Years ago, he had perfected it and The Face had saved him innumerable times.

Inuyasha opened his eye wide and made them seem as innocent as possible. They were golden pools of sweet childishness and the smile that accompanied that look was half hidden and uncertain but yet still hopeful. Inuyasha ducked his head slightly, looked up through his eyelashes and batted his eyes with a small smiling pout, an almost guarantee of pulled heartstrings. He twitched his ears for good effect and gloated to see Ted's defenses begin to fall. _Oh, I still have it, _Inuyasha thought with a smirk. _He didn't have a chance._

Ted looked very suspicious and a tad confused. "So you're saying that I'm not a real man because.....I cook and only women are suppose to cook? It's not because I'm gay?"

__

How the hell would I know? I have no idea what the hell I just said! Just fall into the puppy face, you idiot! Inuyasha thought in annoyance. "Um, yeah, I guess."

"So you're chauvinistic, not homophobic?" Ted asked slowly.

Inuyasha stared at him blankly, having absolutely no idea what those big words meant. However, the man who could cook the Ramen might leave if he didn't agree with him. "Um, yeah. I guess." hedged Inuyasha.

"I suppose I can deal with chauvinists," muttered Ted. With a sigh, he put back on his apron and picked up his spatula.

As Ted turned back to the Ramen bags, Inuyasha relaxed and sighed a quiet but heavy sigh. That was way too close! What if Ted had left and there had been no one left to make Ramen? Inuyasha shuddered at the thought. Thank goodness he had put on his 'puppy' face.

"Well, real men can cook." Ted said, waving his spatula for emphasis. "You yourself are going to cook today and tomorrow when Kagome comes home."

"Kagome's coming back?!??!" Inuyahsa jumped out of his crouch and grabbed Ted by his apron front. "Are you sure??" His eyes were so hopeful and excited that Ted gave up the last of his resentment.

"Yes," he chuckled at the ecstatic hanyou. "I'm sure. In fact, we have a whole plan for tomorrow when she comes home."  
"Plan?"

"Yes. Now, shut up and let me tell you what to do to make Crunchy Fried Peanut Ramen."

Inuyasha stared at Ted. "That sounds completely disgusting," Inuyasha stated with his usual tact.

"It's good!" snapped Ted. "Now what you need is...."

Meanwhile Outside

"I don't understand. We lit the fire, we threw in the bathrobe, we watched it go up in flames- WHY THE HELL ISN'T IT BURNT???" Carson shouted in frustration. Kyan shook his head.

"No idea but its weird." He stated, poking the red robes on the barbecue with a glaze brush.

"We have to do something before he realizes what we're trying to do," Carson whispered in desperation. "We cannot allow him to put these....pantaloons back on." Carson scrunched his nose and turned up his head. "As the fashion coordinator, I cannot allow it."

"Breathe Carson. We'll figure something out." Kyan patted his friends arm comfortingly. Jai came back out to the backyard with a bottle in hand. "I got it!" he called out and scurried over to the relieved Carson.

"Oh thank god!!" gushed Carson.

"Calm down," said Jai with a raised eyebrow. Carson gingerly took the lighter fluid and sprayed a little bit on top of the offending garment.

"There," he announced in satisfaction. "Lit it up Kyan!!" Rolling his eyes at Carson's typical melodrama, Kyan opened up his lighter and jumped back as the flames rushed over the barbecue grate.

For a few moments, the hakama and pants seemed to ignite but it was soon evident that nothing was happening.

"WHAT?" Carson shouted, almost pulling out his hair in frustration. "What are these things, zombie pants??"

Ignoring their frantic friend, Kyan and Jai considered their options. "We could always just pour more lighter fluid on," suggested Jai.

"Nah, I don't think that'll work..." Kyan mused. "What if we just bury it?"

"Night of the Living Pantaloons!!!" shrieked Carson, still in his zombie pants mode.

"Too casual for Carson," Jai answered. "Maybe we should just give them back to him. They are his fathers and smell like they might be antique clothing."

"NEVER!" hissed Carson. He grabbed the lighter fluid and poured some more onto the still burning fire. With a small boom, the flames grew.

"HA! It's working!" cheered Carson.

"Uh, Carson...don't you think that's a tad dangerous?" asked Jai hesitantly.

"Nonsense," Carson said with a dismissive shake of his blond hair. "It's decisive action."

Kyan glanced at Jai. "No," Kyan told Carson sternly, "It's reckless."

"The greatest fashion moments were considered reckless." Carson answered blithely and he dribbled a little more fluid onto the foot high flames. He stopped as he realized that the clothing was still unharmed. A slightly red color entered his usually baby blue eyes.

"Oh shit, he's going berserk again!" whimpered Jai in horror. (The last time this had happened was when Calvin Klein became a publicly traded company. It had taken them six months to pay the bills for the insane shopping spree Carson had gone on.)

"Ooookaaay...someone's had a little too much smoke inhalation..." muttered Kyan. Stepping close, he and Jai surrounded the slightly hysterical Carson.

"Just give us the lighter fluid, Carson. Everything's going to be fine," wheedled Jai.

"It's not burning...Why?" whispered Carson.

"We'll figure that out together. Just give us the lighter fluid," urged Kyan in a calming voice.

"Why? Why won't it burn?!?!" screamed Carson. he looked down at the lighter fluid in his hands and turned back to the barbecue.

"No!" shouted Kyan and Jai but it was too late. The bottle was already flying out of Carson's hands, through the air and landing with a hiss on the fires.

"Oh dear...that wasn't the smartest thing to do, was it?" questioned Carson meekly as the plastic bottle began to bend in and melt.

Jai and Kyan looked at each other and shouted at the same time, "DUCK!!!!!"

Kitchen

"Okay, do you remember what to do?" asked Ted.

"I think so..."

"What are our ingredients?"

"Peanut butter, ramen, oil, hot pepper, and...and....cooked vegetables...?"

"Very good!" applauded Ted. "Now, we have a skillet. What do we do with it?"

"You put the oil and the Ramen noodles in over the flame until the noodles turn colors."

"Okay, until they turn brown. I guess that turning colors, right, yes. Go on..."

"Then you add everything else and mix!" Inuyasha finished proudly.

Ted gave him a look. "No Inuyasha. You put in the peanut butter, hot pepper and the flavor packet, mix that and then you put the mixture on vegetables and rice."

Inuyasha groaned. "Can't we just throw it all in at once? This takes too long..." he whined.

"Too long? This is a five minute recipe, you mor-"

"DUCK!!!!!" came a scream from outside.

Inuyasha and Ted both looked out the kitchen window to see a small bonfire lit up in Kagome's backyard. With the hysterical screams of Kyan, Jai and Carson ringing in their ears, the two rushed to the backyard.

Inuyasha and Ted stopped, aghast at the damage the three had inflicted upon poor Higurashi shrine.

There were scorch marks around, above and below the barbecue. Tiny little grassfires were sprouting here and there in the surrounding property. Jai, Kyan and Carson were not looking too great either. All had singed hair, clothes and every visible bit of skin was blackened from the smoke. Carson was bemoaning the ruin of his John Galliano blazer, Kyan was cursing a storm looking at his now uneven hair ends and Jai sat there, trying not to lose his temper at Carson's stupidity.

"What were you doing?" asked Ted in horror. "You can't light things on fire here! This isn't our apartment!"

"It had to burn," Carson said firmly. "Such an abomination could not be allowed to exist."

"Did you mean my fire rat hakama?" Inuyasha asked, picking up his coat, pants and shirt from the smoldering, broken barbecue. He examined it briefly and slung it over his shoulder once he was sure it was fine. He never saw Carson approaching.

"No! This, this, this isn't possible!" wailed Carson in pain. "I saw it die!! Why is it still whole???"

"It really is a zombie outfit," Jai said in surprise to Kyan.

Inuyasha snorted. "It's gonna take more then a little fire to destroy my clothes."

"What will it take?!?" Carson grabbed Inuyasha by the front of his shirt and shook him roughly. "How can we kill it?? How? I must know!!" He breathed heavily and his eyes were crazed.

Carson's breathing was the only thing echoing in the silence that fell after his demand. The silence stretched out and out until it was broken by something wonderful and scary at the same time.

__

No matter how hard I try

You keep pushing me aside

And I can't break through

There's no talking to you

Inuyasha instinctively closed up his ears, not sure what was singing but positive that he didn't like it. Apparently, he was the only one. All the gay men surrounding him began to almost glow.

__

Magic. Only magic could do this, Inuyasha decided, looking at the thrilled gay men. Jack giggled and waved to Inuyasha. _Or Jack._

Every one of the gay men laughed, smiled and started to dance in the backyard, singing along with the mysterious voice. Carson swung his hips and Kyan danced with him. Ted was moving to the music with Thom and Jai was swinging his arms and hip simultaneously. Jack sidled up to Inuyasha and asked him for a dance.

"No way," Inuyasha answered.

"Oh, please Inu-chan??" Jack begged.

"INU-CHAN?!?!!" gasped Inuyasha in horror.

"Please, my Inu-chan?"

"I am not your -chan anything!" Inuyasha snarled.

Jack sniffed and put on big sad eyes.

Squirming, Inuyasha knew how it felt to be on the receiving end of the Puppy Face.

__

It's so sad that you're leavin'

It takes time to believe it

But after all is said and done

You're gonna be the lonely one

The entire gay contingent of the group sang out, "OH-HO!!

__

Do you believe in life after love?

I can feel something inside me say

I really don't think you're strong enough now

Do you believe in life after love?

I can feel something inside me say

I really don't think you're strong enough now

The fab five were singing and laughing hysterically as all their problems melted away to the dulcet tones of Cher.

"Who?"

"CHER! Please tell me you've heard of Cher!" Jack asked, his eyes wide and planting his hand over his heart (the right side this time).

"No. Why would I have heard of Cher?" Inuyasha asked dumbfounded.

"Beeecaaaause its CHER!" exclaimed Jack. "You know Cher!" He sucked his cheeks in and stretched his forehead taut with three fingers. "Fee? Feer!!" he said, his voice a little muffled by his facial contortions.

"I have never heard of this person," Inuyasha admitted. Before Jack could 'enlighten' him, Jai grabbed Inuyashas hands and began to prance around with the very reluctant boy.

"Let go!" snapped Inuyasha.

"Nope! Lighten up! Dance a little!" Jai called back.

__

What am I suppose to do

Sit around and wait for you

Well I can't do that

And there's no turnin' back

I need time to move on

I need love to feel strong

'Cos I've had time to think it through

'N maybe I'm too good for you

This time when everyone sang, a harassed Inuyasha sang along too: "OH-HO!!" (Though in Inuyasha's case it was more along the lines of "Oh for gods sake.....")

__

Do you believe in life after love?

I can feel something inside me say

I really don't think you're strong enough now

Do you believe in life after love?

I can feel something inside me say

I really don't think you're strong enough now

Inuyasha, with a pained sigh, began to move his hips as everyone else cheered him on. Blushing furiously, Inuyasha got a little more into the movements and his hair tossed in the air with some verbal encouragement.

"Move that booty!" whistled Thom.

"You move yours first!" Inuyasha tossed back.

"Dissed!" laughed Ted.

The group danced almost as one now, everyone moving with the other in harmony. They laughed, joked and sweated to Cher and, for just a moment, Inuyasha forgot to be freaked out by these weirdo's and had a good time. When the last lines came again, he was singing along with everyone else, just as loud and just as off tune.

__

Well I know that I'll get through this

'Cos I know that I am strong

I don't need you anymore

I don't need you anymore

No I don't need you anymore

I don't need you any-

"Inu, Inu....Inuyasha?!??!" came a shout from the house. "What is going on here??!?!"

The music cut off abruptly as Inuyasha turned to see he had a horrified audience. His gaze swept past the ugly slippers, past the white frilly apron, past the lime green cardigan to a pair of dark brown eyes that were wide and disbelieving.

"Oh.....hi Mrs. Higurashi...," Inuyasha said weakly.

A/N: well, there it is. This is gonna be really quick b/c sabbath is in five minutes SO:

- thanks to everyone who actually reviewed! you guys kick ass! and to those who didn't, if you didn't like the chapter or were bored by it or for whatever reason you decided not to review, TELL ME! i am not some pansy who will be insulted. bring it on bitches! i can take it!

hope you enjoyed the chapter! tell me what you think!!!!!!!!!!!!


	9. Sexy Ass goes shopping

Disclaimer: shut up all of you.

A/N: Hey everyone! So sorry about this update taking so long! Let's just say my life's taken an interesting turn and, as I have NO idea how to handle it, my minds been preoccupied. Full apology after chapter! But i make up for it slightly with giving you a 22 page chapter nine! BTB, this fic should have about 4 chapters left, including epilouge if anyone wanted to know.

This chapter is dedicated to **_NoName_** for her most awesome review! You have officially rocked my socks, O' Knight of the Sock Drawer! (read larger explanation on bottom).

This chapter is also dedicated to **_Maiden of the Moon! _**She reviewed two of my stories and I love it when that happens! (What did you think of my Shippo story? I'm just curious because its my favorite and I got no criticism for it and I want some!)

Now, with no further ado, I present the next chapter in the unfolding saga of 'All Things Just Keep Getting Better':

                                    CHAPTER NINE: Sexy Ass goes Shopping:

Mrs. Higurashi cleared her throat and tried to make sense of what was going on. "So what you're saying," she began slowly, "is that five gay American men are in my home, giving you a pedicure, making my well house into an apartment, stealing your clothes and are trying to change how you act?"

"Um, yeah," Inuyasha said, nodding his head slowly.

 "And Kagome knows about it?" This obviously made no sense to the gentle Japanese housewife and she got up to fix some tea. (Mrs. Higurashi was of the persuasion that when faced with an uncomfortable scenario, forcing someone to consume something would fix all ills.)

"Um, yeah," Inuyasha answered after a moment, uncomfortable with looking at Kagome's mother even though a good hour had passed since The Discovery of The Dancing Hanyou.

"What did that strange little man in the vest have to do with anything?" Mrs. Higurashi asked, still confused on that point.

"No idea," Inuyasha answered honestly.

He shuddered, remembering the farewell kiss Jack had tried to steal when he had left. The flamboyant gay man had protested leaving at all but, after the 'lets-be-really-good-friends!' scare, Inuyasha himself had thrown the protesting nurse/Broadway actor into the taxi.

"So the whole point of doing all this was to make you into....a, a better man?" Mrs. Higurashi asked in confusion.

Inuyasha thought for a moment, his hands tucked comfortingly into his jeans pockets (his hakama sleeves being unavailable as they were still languishing on the barbecue grill) and nodded cautiously. "Yeah, that's the idea."

Jii-chan snorted from his spot at the table. "Strange. If they want you to be a better man, shouldn't you be a man first?"

Inuyasha had his fists wrapped around Jii-chan's collar before the last syllable from the question was out. "What the hell is that suppose to mean?" the enraged hanyou snarled. He tightened his grip and added another wordless threat for emphasis.

"Oh, okay, then, Mr. Snippy Pants. Let's let go of your girlfriends grandfather before you choke him to death," Carson said, waving his hands around. Uselessly pulling at Inuyasha's sleeve, the blonde attempted to convince Inuyasha that killing Jii-Chan was not the way to get into Kagome's affections.

"You know, Kagome will get really pissed if you kill grandpa over here," Carson said earnestly. "I'm serious, if you murder him, Kagome will never spread her legs for you and then all of our efforts will go to waste!"

Mrs. Higurashi, Grandpa and Souta began to choke at the same time. Inuyasha turned a light shade of vermilion.

"Its not like that-!" the very embarrassed hanyou protested weakly as Carson shook his head. Pinching the bridge between his eyes, Carson let out a gusty sigh.

"Exactly then, what are we working toward if not to help you get laid, my good man?"

"GET LAID?!?!!?" Souta shouted in horror, the words flinging him out of his stupor. "With Kagome??" He looked at the blonde fashionista in stunted shock while Jii-chan began flinging ofuda wards everywhere and Mrs. Higurashi sank to the floor in a heap.

            It was at this moment Jai, Thom, Kyan and Ted walked into the kitchen. The group had been dismissed from sight until Mrs. Higurashi and Co. got used to the idea of five gay men playing around with Manly Man Inuyasha. However, once Thom had noticed a missing Carson, a rather frantic search had resulted. All involved knew that a missing Carson was a problem waiting to happen. Sure enough, they strolled 'nonchalantly' into a kitchen of now absolute chaos. Where before there had been quiet and serenity, now Inuyasha was trying to pry a seventy odd year old man's fingers off his throat while dodging flying ofuda wards. Souta was in a corner sticking a finger down his throat in order to vomit ("Hello, not near me! Do the words purple velvet blazer and vomit have anything in common to you? _I am hoping not_!" screeched Carson from the sidelines) and poor Mrs. Higurashi was settled on the floor, mumbling something about lost virtue.

Jai took one long look and took charge.

"Kyan, you go restrain Carson and help the kid. Ted and Thom, you help the mother. Get her off the floor. I'll take on the paper throwing grandpa." The commands flew out and the men went promptly to their duties.

 Kyan grabbed Carson's arm and forced him to sit quietly. Ted distracted Mrs. Higurashi with recipe questions while Thom poured her a cup of tea and  Jai pinched the Vulcan nerve on Jii-Chan and Inuyasha's necks simultaneously and forced the two to separate. (A/N: i know, theres no such thing but you all get the idea)

"You knew your sister wasn't going to be a virgin forever, didn't you?" Kyan asked Souta, mystified by this naiveté. Souta moaned in misery.

"Not helping," said Thom in an annoyed voice, flashing Kyan an irritated look. "Really not helping."

"Mrs. Higurashi, I didn't, I don't, I- damn it all!" cursed Inuyasha, completely flustered and unable to protest his innocence.

Mrs. Higurashi stared at the boy she had trusted with a hurt expression on her face. Her doe brown eyes shot questions and gently worded accusations into the air: How could he betray her trust like this? Was this why he was Kagome's friend? How long had this plan to steal her baby's virtue been going on? Did he not respect Kagome?

             Inuyashas head sunk onto his chest. How was he suppose to respond to all that? Answer yes and he was a jerk, answer no and look like a lying animal- there was no way out of this!

Mrs. Higurashi sighed and looked down at her patient hands folded on her lap. Inuyasha felt like the lowest cretin, the scum of the earth and he hadn't even done anything! Wallowing in his self pity, he barely felt the wet slap of the rice paper hitting his body. He did, however, hear very clearly Jii-chan's gloating.

"Those will stop you!" howled Jii-chan in triumph. "Nothing can get through those!" The old Japanese man happily threw a few more spirit wards onto this despoiler of his granddaughter.

Almost carelessly, Inuyasha knocked Jii-chan away, peeling useless wards off his face, back and arms. "I'm not in the mood old man. I'll play later, okay?" Inuyasha mumbled despondently. Jii-chan shrieked in shock at the ease Inuyasha had taking off the 'holy barriers.'

Carson, intrigued by what he considered a new fashion accessory,  delicately rolled a piece of rice paper off Inuyasha's lower leg (he tried for one that was higher up but was convinced by Inuyasha's snarl that going near the half demons upper thigh would be a bad idea).

"Is it a dirty word?" he asked in excitement, pointing to the now smudged kanji.

Jii-chan stared at his strongest ofuda for a moment before glancing at Souta.

"My wards really are useless, aren't they?" the old man asked listlessly.  Souta nodded affirmation.

"Never were any good," confirmed the boy. Grandpa sighed heavily.

"Now he's going to commit suicide," whispered Jai anxiously. "Oh man, Carson, why do you open up your mouth?" he asked desperately.

"Uh, I recall a certain hairdresser we know also messing things up," Carson snapped.

"Oh, blame me for this mess. Sure, why the hell not?" Kyan exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air.

"You both killed the entire situation, happy?" asked Thom with a peeved look. "Now, can we all go about fixing it?"

Shuffling their feet, the bickering pair subsided and helped get the shaken Higurashi family back onto their emotional feet.

"What Iuyasha meant," Jai began softly, leading the broken Jii-chan over to a chair, "is that he has no designs on your granddaughters person."

"Yeah, you know him," reassured Kyan, lifting Mrs. Higurashi's head so that the two looked eye to eye. "Does he seems capable to even thinking that type of stuff without blushing? He's way too immature."

"Hey!" Inuyasha protested. "I am not immature and I can so do...." he trailed off as Kagome's family looked at him with horror. Panicking slightly, he cleared his throat. "...So do lots of things without blushing but none of them have anything to do with Kagome. No," he fidgeted and looked at the roof. "Never, never do anything at all, not me....no way...."

The silence in the little kitchen went on for a good minute and a half. Inuyasha sweated and silently prayed to whatever was listening that he got out of this with some measure of pride.

Carson poked Souta. "Does he shove his foot down his throat all the time or was that just a special performance for us guests?"

Souta smiled and Mrs. Higurashi let out a little chuckle.  Carson put his hands on his hips and smile confidently.

"Now, that's what I want to see! Smiles! Be happy! We are fixing him!" He affectionately patted Inuyasha on the head. Snarling, Inuyasha snapped his fangs a fraction of an inch from Carson's hand. "Bad doggie!" Carson said in annoyance. He snapped his fingers and pointed to the floor. "Bad puppies do not get to stay by the table! Down!"

Inuyasha looked incredulously at the snapping fingers. He stood up to his full height and glared down at Carson. Raising one eyebrow, Inuyasha asked dryly, "Do I look neutered?"

Carson shook his head, the tiniest bit intimidated (and a little turned on but he wisely decided not to inform Inuyasha of that). Inuyasha went on to inform Carson that on the day the fashion plate ever called him 'doggie', 'puppy', or hinted in any way that he, Inuyasha, should obey Carson's commands again, was the day Inuyasha was going to get a new rug made of gay man skin.

Carson cocked his head and thought for a bit. "Well," he said turning to the sitting Higurashi family, "He's not very subtle is he?"

Mrs. Higurashi giggled. Inuyasha decided, that if it put a smile on Mrs. Higurashi's face, he'd let Carson get away with teasing him. This time.

"But you're here to...fix him?" Souta asked slowly, bringing the conversation back to the topic of why exactly the Americans were in the Shrine.

"Yep!" Thom answered perkily.

"I don't think he needs fixing," Souta said stoutly. "He's Inu-nii-san. He's great like he is."

The five gay men all 'aww'ed at the same time.   
"He is so cute!" exclaimed Jai in delight.

"He's a loyal little thing, isn't he?" Ted asked Inuyasha while Souta scrambled to escape the hands that now wanted to pinch his cheeks.

Inuyasha looked down at the boy now hiding his 'nii-san's legs.

"Yep. He is," answered Inuyasha. "Leave him alone guys. Your acting like a bunch of women."

"Oh, there he goes again with that chauvinistic attitude," sighed Kyan. "I swear, we will never be able to take him to Manhattan. Those business women in their suits and sneakers will crush him on their way to the subway."

All the other Americans nodded at this wise realization. Inuyasha rolled his eyes and snorted.

Mrs. Higurashi cleared her throat. "I agree with Souta. Inuyasha may be a bit rough around the edges but he is a very nice boy. Well raised," she concluded earnestly.

Inuyasha beamed a smile at the kindest woman he knew.

The Fab Five stared at the gentle woman who was bustling around her kitchen, making fresh sushi and wasabi for dinner.

"But, he curses like a sailor!" protested Jai.

"He snorts and doesn't seeing anything wrong with fixing himself in public," added Thom.

"He refuses to cook or clean because its 'womens' work," reminded Ted.

"He destroys other people's property on a regular basis and won't even apologize for it," said Kyan.

"AND he has no fashion sense," concluded Carson. "How, exactly, is he nice and raised right?"

Mrs. Higurashi shook her head at the confused Americans. "Because," she said with a smile, "He treats Kagome like gold. He always helps me out when I need and even when I don't. He plays with Souta and even gives Boyou some exercise."_ By chasing Boyou up a tree and then barking at the obese lump for fifteen minutes_, she mentally acknowledged, _but its still exercise_.

Jii-chan came pounding up the stairs and threw a new handful of ofudas onto Inuyasha. With a scowl, Inuyasha ripped them off and threw the remains at the sobbing Jii-chan.

"And he doesn't kill Jii-chan!" Mrs. Higurashi added with a small grin. "All in all, he's shown great restraint, tact and care with our little family." She sent a motherly smile Inuyasha's way and the boy sat there proud as a pup could be.

The Fab Five stared at her in disbelieve.

"She is a M.I.L.F.," Thom thought out loud. "Maybe she's defending him because they're lov-"

"Ew!" shrieked Jai. "No! No! No! That is so gross!"

"No, Kyan may be right," Carson said with a shake of his head. "I mean, if Ashton and Demi can get it on, why not those two?"

Ted rolled his eyes. Kyan whispered to Mrs. Higurashi that all that velvet Carson was wearing must have cut off the circulation to his brain.

Unfortunately for everyone, Carson overheard.

"Are you insulting the blazer? My dusky mulberry Armani three button blazer with 2.4 inch lapels, 4.3 triangular pockets with the reversible lining of aquamarine?" Carson asked in a disbelieving tone.

"No," Kyan sighed. "I am not insulting your jacket."

"A jacket?!?" Carson asked incredulously. "This is not a mere jacket! This," he plucked at his covering, "is not a mere anything. This is art given materialistic form! This," his words tried to convey his sincerity and his eyes blazed with fervor, "is not some common place Donatella creation, oh no, it is not. This is one of the last things that Georgio himself made!" He clutched his coat in passionate remembrance and exclaimed, "From the master of fashion's saintly, martyred hands to me, Carson Kresly, from when I was still a drudge in Calvin Klein!" He turned to Kyan and he shook his head in shock. "A jacket? A blazer? This piece of, of, of a muse, of genius! Genius incarnate cannot be simplified into such a base term! This is a Georgio Era Armani piece of perfection!!" Carson turned to huff out of the room. "And you call yourself gay!" He shouted over his shoulder.

His audience in the kitchen watched him go, slightly in shock.

"I have no idea what he was talking about but he seemed serious," Inuyasha noted, taking a bit out of his apple.

"It must be nice to be so...passionate about something," Mrs. Higurashi smiled, trying to put a complementary spin on what had just happened.

"He's crazy," corrected Kyan. "I'll go apologize otherwise there is no way we'll get to go shopping later today." He sighed. "The things I do for you," he mumbled to Inuyasha as he went to the living room to grovel before the overly sensitive Carson.

 Inuyasha hadn't heard Kyan's grousing. His mind was frozen in fear.

 "Sh, shopping? Why are we going shopping?" He turned frightened eyes onto Thom. "Why are they making me go shopping again? I haven't done anything really wrong!"

Thom sighed in understanding but merely shrugged. "You need clothes," the decorator answered sympathetically.

"No, I have this!" Inuyasha protested, fingering his black tee shirt. "I don't need any more!" He looked at Mrs. Higurashi pleadingly. She sighed and patted his hand comfortingly.

"Perhaps you should listen to them. They are experts and, well, a person needs more then one set of clothes," she consoled.

"No.......! I don't wanna go!" wailed Inuyasha, burying his head in his hands, visions of the unscrupulous Carson copping a feel.

"Stop whining," chastised Ted. "A lot of people would die for a chance to go shopping with Carson."

"That's because they've never gone shopping with him!!" Inuyasha cried.

Ted thought for a moment and nodded grudgingly. "True."

"Too bad," Jai interrupted. "You gotta go get finished and we have to finish that house of yours."

"Mrs. Higurashi? Do you want to come with me?" Inuyasha asked, desperate hope flaring in his eyes. But his hopes were crushed as Mrs. Higurashi simply shook her head.

"Actually, I'm sort of curious as to what they'll do to you on their own," she said cheerfully. "We'll be waiting here for you!"

Souta nodded his head in excited agreement. "Yeah! Seeing you in normal clothes will be wild!" The eight year old's eyes shone with excitement. He led Inuyasha to the living room, following Thom.

"Normal, huh..." Inuyasha said in a flat voice. "What if I don't feel like being normal?"

Souta rolled his eyes. "You don't have to be normal, Inu-nii-san! Just take off the skirt pants!"

"They are not skirt pants!" shouted Inuyasha. "All warriors wear pants like these!"

Souta snorted. "Yeah, well if everyone jumped off a skyscraper would you do that also?" Inuyasha looked at Souta. He had no idea what this skyscraper thing was but....

 "I would if it was the honorable thing to do," he answered stoutly. Souta looked up at his idol and smiled happily.

"I guess its a good thing your not our type of normal, huh?" he asked. "If you were, you wouldn't be Inuyasha." He nudged Inuyasha in the side, earning himself a small smile from the grumpy hanyou.

"You say it like not being himself would be a bad thing," Jii-chan mumbled as he trudged past the two.

Inuyash informed Jii-chan where he could stuff his opinion, much to Souta's wide eyed delight. Seeing Souta's enraptured expression, Inuyasha cleared his throat.

"You never heard that," he mumbled to Souta. Mutely, Souta nodded his head but his eyes shone with mirth and a giggle or two escaped.

"So we're okay now?" Kyan was asking Carson patiently in the living room.

Carson was obviously wavering on the subject. Grudgingly, he agreed to be pacified. "Fine. I am willing to accept that you didn't know what you were talking about."

"That's so decent of you, Carson" Kyan said dryly. Looking over his colleague's shoulder, Kyan gratefully waved to Inuyasha.

"Ready to go shopping?" he asked with a smile. Carson whirled around at the S word, all grievances forgotten.

"We're going shopping!" Carson exclaimed in happiness. He hurried to leave but, when he looked at the slow moving Inuyaha, frowned.

"Sexy Ass," Carson called out from the doorway, "Move that pretty butt of yours! We have so many clothes to buy, my head is spinning!"

"And here I was thinking that his head was on straight," Inuyasha mumbled to Souta in a sarcastic undertone.

"Sexy Ass, move!"

"Stop calling me that!" Inuyasha said to Carson in annoyance.

"Come on!" whined Carson and he dragged Inuyasha out to the SUV. Kyan waved cheerfully and closed the door behind him.

"Sexy ....Ass?" Mrs. Higurashi asked slowly from the kitchen.

"It's his nickname!" Jai said cheerfully. "We gave it to him! Doesn't it fit?"

For the first time, Mrs. Higurashi began to feel bad for Inuyasha.

---------------In The SUV--------------

"Okay," said Kyan from the drivers seat. "What are we going to do first?"

"I thought we were going shopping," Inuyasha asked, suspicion lacing his every word. _I knew I shouldn't have gone with them without support_, he thought darkly.

"Well, remember when we told you last time that Kyan had a surprise for you?" Carson said delicately.

Inuyasha's ears went flat back against his head. Sneaking a look out the widow, he calculated the possible bodily injury he would endure if he leapt out the window.

Seeing Inuyasha brace himself, Kyan wisely put the child lock on all the windows and doors.

 "Don't even think about it,"  he advised his charge. "Besides, this surprise isn't as frightening as the other one."

Carson, eyes wide with sarcasm, added, "Yes, because as everyone knows, pedicures are among the nation's top five fears."

"Shut up Carson," Kyan said with a tight smile.

Inuyasha sulked in the back seat. "I don't think I want any more surprises."

"Well, you don't have to make any hasty decisions," Kyan said as he merged into downtown Tokyo traffic. "We'll see what your in the mood for after a couple of hours of shopping with Carson."

 Inuyasha stared at the deliberately innocent Kyan. "Hours?" the thunder struck hanyou asked. _Was it even possible to shop with Carson for hours?_

Kyan smiled an evil smile. "I think you begin to see my point about changing your mind."

"Bastard," mumbled Inuyasha. Kyan grinned and winked into his rear view mirror as he pulled over.

"Enough!" Carson commanded. "We're here!" He scrambled out of the door, credit card at the ready. Inuyasha went much slower, dragging out every motion for as long as possible.

"HELLO? Am I shopping by myself here?" came the hiss from Carson, impatiently tapping his foot. Inuyasha slid out of the car and walked behind Carson into Harajyuku shopping mall with a sinking feeling in his stomach.

Inside Harajyuku

"Okay, this is La Foret, a very fashionable store where they have lots and lots of everything we need." Carson said, striding through the aisles like a model on the runway.

            Perusing like the shopping maven he was, Carson picked up a few items, held them against his bored subject and either rejected them or flung them into a growing pile in Kyan's arms. Inuyasha tuned him out, preferring to pretend that no one was staring at him or the odd men he was with.

"Okay, so how about we go to the dressing room?" Carson said cheerfully. Inuyahsa shrugged. He really didn't care. Seeing Kyan staggering under the pile of clothes, Inuyasha graciously took the load from the overburdened hairdresser. Kyan stared as Inuyasha hefted the huge pile with no trouble.

"Does he have any idea how impossible that is?" Kyan asked in an undertone to the still browsing Carson.

"Hmm, what? Oh, that inhuman strength thing? No, I doubt he has any idea. Besides, if we're talking impossible thing, how about how his ass looks in those jeans?"

"Mm-hmm..damn right," Kyan agreed with a smirk as the two watched Inuyasha's butt invitingly wiggle its way into the dressing room.

"Well, times wastin'. Gotta go. See ya later, kiddies!" Waving goodbye, Kyan went to make arrangements for his surprise.

Carson followed the hanyou to try clothes on and handed Inuyasha a shirt. "Try this one on," he called over the door.

There was a moment of silence.

"Like fuck," Inuyasha said, tossing the shirt back over.

"Why not?" complained Carson. Inuyasha stormed out of the dressing room and held the shirt out for Carson's eyes to see.

"It has flowers on it," Inuyasha said, biting off every word. "Why the hell would you give me a woman's shirt?"

"It's a mans shirt," Carson corrected.

"It has flowers. Warriors do not wear clothes with flowers on them," Inuyasha said empathetically. _What about Sesshomaru? He wears a sash with flowers on it, _part of his mind wondered. _It's his heraldic _symbol, Inuyasha mentally retorted. _Totally different._

"It's paisley. It's perfectly normal for men to wear this pattern. Besides, its so subtle!" Carson exclaimed.

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "Its covered in thousands of bright purple and bright yellow flowers. How exactly is this subtle?"

Carson licked his lips. _Damn, he caught me! _"Well, the flowers are so small that its almost abstract looking."

Inuyasha snorted. "I don't know what that means and I don't care. I'm not wearing it."

Carson sighed and put the shirt onto the store rack. "Fine," Carson said. He shrugged. "I mean, its obvious that you don't care about style..."

"Not when it involves flowered shirts." Inuyasha mumbled as he picked out something else to try on. He picked up a pair of pants and shrugged. _Whatever, _he thought_. At least its a normal color.  _

The doors sung open and Inuyasha stepped out in a pair of beige khaki's.

"Perfect fit!" Carson cried. "Okay, now the reason I found this such a great find for you was that these pants don't wrinkle! Its made form micro fibers and I figure if anyone needs that, you do. I mean, you look like you just rolled out of a washing machine all day." He tugged and adjusted. "Your butt looks nice, your legs look slim....."

 Carson stepped back and admired his choice.  But there was just one thing.

 "Do we have to get beige? It's so blah." Carson said frowning. He examined Inuyasha before snapping his fingers. "Oh, I know! Here, try these on in khaki green," Carson handed Inuyasha the dark green fatigues. The hanyou tried them on and both agreed the color choice was much better.

"Wait, try on that pea coat with those pants and....," Carson rummaged through the pile of clothes and pulled out a red tee. "With this!" Inuyash put on the coat and shirt and modeled for Carson's examination. "Hmm...., you know, I really like the way this looks on you! We are so buying this coat!! I didn't think a double breasted look was going to work with you because you're so skinny-"

"HEY! It's all muscle!" Inuyasha said, offended.

"I know, I know. Believe me, I've looked," Carson said with a greedy smile. Inuyasha groaned but Carson spoke right over him. "I didn't think it would look good but you look fabulous in black and the coat just works! Ah, god, I am good even when I don't realize it!" Carson shook his head at his own genius.

Inuyasha decided to not point out that Kyan had picked out this coat.

"Now, try on the T-shirts with these pants," Carson commanded.

Shrugging, Inuyasha changed into shirt after shirt. The dark blue polo was accepted, the white one was rejected, the dark red plain tee was accepted at once and the electric green plain tee was refused at once.

"Carson!" Inuyasha complained holding up a T-shirt with a half naked woman on it. "I can't wear this!"

"Why not? You're straight!" Carson protested.

"Because its disgusting!" protested Inuyasha.

"Oh, and I suppose this," Carson held up the one shirt Inuyasha had pointed out, "is a fashion do?"

"I like it," defended Inuyasha. He fingered the cotton. It was a plain white short sleeved tee with a grinning crimson skull on it. Looking at it made Inuyasha smile but Carson did not look like he was going to relent.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Inuyasha turned his puppy eyes on Carson. "Please? Pllleeaaaassseee??" he asked. "I like this one!"

"No."

Inuyasha added a little sniff and blinked slowly.

Carson pursed his lips. _Ah, why is he doing that???? I....can't...resist!! _Carson sighed. "Fine! All right! You can get it!"

Inuyasha smirked. To reward Carson for listening to him, Inuyasha pulled on the T-shirt. It was a bit too tight and stretched across his chest and abs, showing the delineated lines.

"Look," Inuyasha said with faked delight, and moved his pectoral muscles underneath the shirt.

 _Defined....chest....area....._Carson's mind droned and his eyes glazed over.

Inuyasha grinned. Maybe learning how to use this thing called 'sex appeal' to his benefit wasn't such a bad idea after all....

Moving quickly, Inuyasha looked through the pile of clothes Carson had chosen. He threw out something that sparkled, a shirt that reflected three colors, a pair of pants that he knew were a size too small and something...

"Furry?!?!" Inuyasha gasped in horror. About to chuck the offending garment out the door, Carson came to.

"NO!" Carson wailed and grabbed onto the furry vest. "You must buy this!"

"Not a chance! I hate fur and I hate people who wear fur!" Inuyasha snarled, thinking of a certain rival of his.

"But, but men who wear fur are so sexy!" Carson pleaded.

"No, they're not!" protested Inuyasha .

"But I love men who wear fur!!" Carson begged.

Sometimes, the most evil of plots are hatched from the most innocent of words......

"Say Carson," Inuyasha said slowly, "what would you do if I introduced you to a guy I know who wears fur?"

Carson smiled in delight but slowly, his eyes narrowed. "Yeah, but is he gay?"

"Well," Inuyasha dissembled, "he does live with about six or seven other guys. They all sleep on one big fur rug so I never bothered to ask, y'know?" _Would he buy it? Come on..._Inuyasha tried to remain calm_. The hunter sets the lure....._

"Hmm....," Carson thought suspiciously. "I'm listening...."

"Well, he always wears fur. He has this little fur shirt that shows off his six pack and a little pair of fur short shorts. Its either that or its a mini skirt. It's about the same size as the one Kagome wore the other day...He has the thighs for it too..." Inuyasha grimaced inside. It nauseated him to be talking about his rival like that but Carson was practically drooling. _Time to bring down the prey...._

"But you know, he may over-accessorize. He has these matching fur headbands to keep his long silky black hair out of his eyes-"

"What color are they?" Carson said. He sounded very short of breath and Inuyasha let a small smile escape.

"Oh, blue. A really deep blue. Anyways, he also has these armbands-"

"He wears jewelry?!?" Carson gasped.

_What the hell is jewelry? _"Sure, yeah," Inuyasha answered indifferently. "I could get you some pictures but if he's not your type...." Inuyasha trailed off.

"No! He is! Get me those pics!" Carson squealed.

"Well, I would but, if I'm doing that for you, I think a little kickback is in order..." Inuyasha said, looking away 'innocently'.

"Yes,  fine, whatever." Carson agreed absently. "What do you want? Seduction techniques? First you lean over and blow on her neck. When she's hot and-"

"What!? No!" Inuyasha said frantic disgust. "Just leave off bringing me all the freaky clothing. No gold, no mesh, nothing see through, nothing really tight or with weird colors. I want normal clothes." Inuyasha finished.

Carson sighed. "But how will you look fashionably wonderful? I mean boring clothes leads to boring fashion and that's just not acceptable."

"I don't need to look fashionably wonderful. Just decent and normal. I want Kagome to be able to walk outside with me and not have everyone wonder if we're together or if I'm her gay friend," Inuyasha said with a stubborn tilt of his head.

"But its so boring!" protested Carson.

"Interesting clothes equals no pictures of my friend. And here I was planning on getting him to take off his shirt....." Inuyasha said with a mean grin.

"Bastard!" gasped Carson. "You sly, manipulative, conniving-"

"I learned from the best," Inuyasha interrupted. Carson stopped ranting and a slow smile spread across his face.

"You did, didn't you?" he asked with a pleased expression on his face. He put out his hand. "Okay, no more freaky clothing and I get pictures of this accessory wearing fashion god. Deal?"

"Deal." The two shook hands firmly. 

"Well," Carson said, feeling satisfied, "I think we're done here. Let's go on to the next shop." Carson led the way to the register.

"More?" Inuyasha said. "Aww, but Carson I don't wanna.....!" he whined.

"No one cares, Sexy Ass. Now move."

"Stop calling me that!"

Togo Shrine Flea Market

"So, here we're going to look for a bunch of cool clothing for really cheap!" Carson said, pushing his way through the hordes of people.

"I don't want to wear a bunch of stuff other people have worn! That's gross!" Inuyasha protested.

Carson turned around. "This from a man who wore one hand-me -own for years..." He rolled his eyes. "Next time you take a stand, Sexy Ass, make sure its one that's plausible."

"That was from my dad so that's totally acceptable. And stop calling me that!" Inuyasha said.

"Excuses, blah blah blah, boring!" Carson made a quick left and dove for something.

"Ooooh!" he said reverently. "Look at this! It's fabulous!"

"It's a brown jacket," Inuyasha said in confusion.

"It's an old bomber jacket! When was this made? Hmm," Carson stared at the jacket and turned it inside out. "Well, judging from the stitching pattern, the feel of the leather as well as the seam health, I'd say this is definitely from 1950's to about the 1970's. For how much? Oh my god, what a catch!!" Carson exclaimed when he saw the price.

            Inuyasha looked at the jacket. It was old, faded by the elbows and collar with straps of leather sewn onto the shoulders. A discrete bronze zipper ran down the front with deep pockets on either side and it was lined in thick wool.

"Try it on!" urged Carson and Inuyasha slid the jacket on his shoulders. It fit perfectly, ending right before his waist in a small bunch and stopping at his shoulders at exactly the right spot. He slid the zipper up, tugged down the jacket and fidgeted a bit with the sleeves. Examining himself in the mirror from all angles, he had a sudden epiphany.

_I look...okay, _Inuyasha thought in surprise. A girl giggled as she walked by and wiggled her fingers in invitation.

Inuyasha was floored.

 As Carson haggled with the owner, Inuyasha smiled at himself in the mirror.

            The two wandered around Togo. Carson made Inuyasha try on a couple of things but none of it looked good. Passing one booth, he snapped his fingers.

"That reminds me, Kagome told me you wear hats a lot, specifically baseball caps."

He held up two baseball hats. Both were new but one was orange and blue and the other was blue and white.

"Okay, which do you prefer? Winners or losers?" he asked.

"Uh, winners," Inuyasha answered, puzzled that Carson had to even ask.

"Well, I know it sounds obvious but you'd be amazed how many Mets fans don't get the right answer to that little question," Carson answered, putting back the Mets cap back onto the shelf and plopping the Yankee cap onto Inuyasha's head.

"But my ears are all crammed under it. Do I have to buy hats?"

"Yes, not buying  hats is not even an option," Carson said firmly. "Listen, you have to wear a hat anyway so why not a good looking one?" He examined how Inuyasha looked in the Yankees cap.

"Perfect!" Carson said with a smile and promptly bought the cap.

Looking around, Carson found a black ski cap. Made of cashmere, it was plain and unadorned, simple elegance. Pulling it down until it fit snugly around Inuyasha's head and ended just above where his ears would be if he were human, Carson declared the look 'scrumptious' and added the hat to the purchases of the day.

"But my ears are all squished!" Inuyasha complained. Carson heaved a sigh.

"Fashion is all about sacrifice, my friend. Learn the fashion, love the fashion, suffer the fashion. End of topic."

"But-"

"I'm going to start flirting with you if you mention this one more time."

"........I hate you...."

Carson smiled and patted Inuyasha's hand. "As long as you look good."

Glancing around, Carson admitted he didn't see much point in staying any longer in the flea market. "I thought we'd find more here but since we didn't, we'll  go to Shibuya, a different mall in Tokyo."

_"Another mall???"_

Inside Shibuya

Carson clapped his hands. "Okay, so here we'll buy a  couple more essentials."

"More essentials?" Inuyasha looked back at the small avalanche of shopping bags behind him. "If we need more essentials, then what the hell is all that?!" 

Carson looked at him and raised his eyebrows. "Different essentials..." he said as if it were obvious.

"That's not possible!" Inuyasha shouted but Carson had already gone into the store and was ignoring his protests.

"Here, try on these jeans, these shoes, that vest, oh! That sweater with the stripes....."

On and on the shopping continued until Inuyasha thought he would scream. ey traveled the mall, going from store to store.

Inuyasha's fingers felt sore from pulling zippers up and down, his feet ached from standing too long, his muscles were exhausted. It was as if he had fought Naraku, Sesshomaru and been sat by Kagome all at once, all day long. Groaning, Inuyasha fell onto a chair into yet another clothing store. Carson was already off and shopping.

 Automatically, Carson spotted something he knew Inuyasha had to have.

"Oh Inuyasha!" he sang out. Holding up his find in delight, he yanked the reluctant hanyou over to the mirror. "Perfect, no?" he gushed.

"No," Inuyasha answered firmly.

"Why not?" Carson asked, stupefied by Inuyasha's refusal. "It would go fabulously with your color!"

Inuyasha threw the dress shirt into Carson's face. "What the hell is wrong with you, baka?" Inuyasha shouted. "Why are you giving me a pink shirt??"

"Pink is the new black!" Carson defended.

Inuyasha stared blankly at the fashion obsessed American before throwing his hands up into the air. "Oh! How stupid of me! Pink is the new black! How could I forget that??"

"Don't be so melodramatic," sniffed Carson.

"Pink," shouted Inuyasha, "is not a color for warriors!"

"Yeah and warriors don't do deodorant either!" Carson shot back. "That should tell you about how high a priority warriors should be on our list of people to copy! Pink is a lovely color!"

"Pink is not a color, its a species of flower!!" shouted Inuyasha. He grabbed the offensive button down shirt and ripped it in half. "That," he declared with a satisfied smirk, "is what I think of pink!"

"Oh for gods sake!" Carson shouted. "Now, we're going to have to pay for that!"

Inuyasha shrugged. "So? It's my money. As long as I don't have to wear it, you can keep the damn thing." Carson glared at him before shaking his head and heading off to the suit section.

"Come on, Sexy Ass," Carson called out wearily. "Let's go by some fancy duds"

"Stop calling me that! And I don't want to shop anymore!!"

"But, this is the last store, I swear!" Carson said.

"NO! We've been shopping for so long, I'm on the verge of killing someone! Someone blonde and annoying!"

"Well, then its a good thing I found you two," came the voice of an angel.

Inuyasha turned, almost crying with happiness. "KYAN! I'm so happy to see you!"

"That's a nice way to say hello," Kyan said with a smile.

Carson rolled his eyes. "He has no stamina or patience," he complained to Kyan. "I swear, if he's like this in bed then Kagome's going to have problems."

Inuyasha gaped Carson before clenching his fists. "I shopped with you for hours, you asshole. I listened to you talk for hours, I put on weird smelling clothing for hours-all without even breaking any pieces of your body! Don't you tell me I have no stamina OR that I have no patience, you shit hole! I oughta walk over to you, snap your backbone and leave you freakin' paralyzed so that you have to wear backless green plastic robes for the rest of your life!!!" Inuyasha heaved for breath.

"Easy access for my boyfriend!" Carson shot back, thoroughly pissed off.

"Who cares when no one wants to fu-!!" Inuyasha shouted back before Kyan's hand covered his mouth.

"I think we should use those methods from the other day that you learned from that nice lady, hmm? Carson, go shop and buy the rest of the stuff without Inuyasha. He and I are leaving. But! Before we do, both of you are going to apologize."

"Keh."

"How about, hmmm, no?"

Kyan sighed. "Guuuyyysss...not a mature attitude."

Inuyasha folded his arms and settled gracefully into his stubborn pose. Carson began browsing through a rack of clothes, humming to himself.

"How about this? You two will not shop together again, as long as you both apologize right now. If you don't..." Kyan racked his brain for a suitable punishment. "Well, then you will have to shop together again." This drew frowns from both men.

Inuyasha sighed gustily. "Fine. I won't snap your neck and someone somewhere probably does want to...y'know , with you."

"Duh," muttered Carson. "And...I'm sure you do have patience and stamina. Just not with shopping."

The two glared at each other and turned away.

_Well, I suppose that's the best I'm going to get_, Kyan thought with a mental shake of his head. "Inuyasha, you and I are leaving. Carson, will you be okay finishing the shopping on your own?"

"Of course," Carson sniffed.

With a jaunty bounce to his step, Inuyasha waved goodbye to Carson andled the way out of the mall to the SUV.

_Anything's gonna be better then the hell from the past couple of hours_, he thought gleefully to himself.

Ah, foolish trusting hanyou......One must wonder, if he had known what was coming, would he have stayed with Carson?

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A/N: okay, hoped you weren't disappointed! Anyway, sorry for the long lag between updates. I have the aforementioned problem (want to offer advice? email adn be prepared for a weird problem) Plus, I have a new story that's kidnapped my muse. Between that one and the Sess counterpoint to 'Hero', this chapter languished in its file. But then, a light of inspiration struck: NoName sent me the most beautiful review I have ever gotten (and I quote): "Whats takin' so long?"

AH! Never have I felt so loved! NoName spurred me into new heights of writing frenzy and essentially caused this chapter to be posted. So, if you think this chapter sucks, blame it on NoName. No, just kidding, haha! (not really). So, thank you NoName!

Here's my acknowledgment section:

NoName- god, you kick ass!!! I love being nudged!!!

Lady Netiri

Lady Carolyn

aeris6988

silversaiyan88's sister- expect you-know-who in the epilogue. He's going to make a few choice comments and they are BAD! (I have them planned out already)

Varan-Wolf-Hanyou- such a sweet review!

Ryuukai's GF- ::sigh:: don't we all wish we saw Inu-chan (hehe!) shirtless? I think so.

Numisma- glad you liked it! I always appreciate it when people point out what they liked in a chapter.

devil-62

Thorngoddess

Fiery Ferret of Doom- please explain to me how the hell you got that name. I'm perishing  with curiosity.

pattycake

WickerB

Aurora sciliitaigo- weirdest compliment I've ever gotten. I bow before you.

ghettotrampoline- yeah, your reaction was basically the Higurashi's. If you liked the musical selection for this chapter, wait until the epilogue. You will have much to enjoy.

Miroku Minded

So, there you are! Thanks for all the reviews! Remember, if there is some way you see a chapter can be improved, tell me! I am here to grow under the sun of your critique!

Also, I'm almost at 100 reviews! Could we try for 105??? PLEASE??? if you're reviewing and you see I'm at 99, just review twice. Just write something like: "You sick freak. HERE! Here's your beep review! Satisfied?!?!?!!" and I'll be, "yeah, I am!!"

Oh, by the way, the names of the Japanese shopping places are real places. If interested, i got my info from GoJapan.about.com

Advertisments: VERY GOOD STORIES! You will be missing out if you don't read these! All IxK!

Divine by SilverShine- very very funny. its about how girls make assumptions, even when they know better and how guys can be rather single minded about certain things. Absolutely hysterical with some great lines, excellent descriptions and great chemistry between kag and inu.

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People Involved is one of the most interesting examinations of how sex can ruin a friendship. Its an AU, simply written with no superfluous words or grandiose vocabulary- stark realism that's not the borderline crazy on purpose. Its a really fascinating glimpse into the human psyche and what possibly motivates people to do certain things.

Read and Review time people! click the little blue button


	10. Wax On, Wax Off

A/N: I'm not ducking any tomatoes or any other veggie you guys want to throw at me for this truly disgusting delay between chapters. I have a fabulous excuse! So, if you're interested, read it below. Meanwhile enjoy the next chapter!

CHAPTER NINE: (Wax on, Wax off):

"So...." Kyan said curiously as they settled into the SUV and began to drive. "What'd you guys buy?"

Inuyasha stared at him. "I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know? You just bought the stuff!"

Inuyasha raised one eyebrow. "Just because I bought it doesn't mean I remember it. It was stuff." Inuyasha shrugged carelessly. "A lot of stuff. Shirts, pants, hats, coats, shoes. Y'know, stuff."

Kyan shook his head. "He buys a small department store and can't recall one single item. Good lord, straight men just don't use their brains," he mumbled.

"Feh," Inuyasha snorted. "We use our brains for other things. Like Ramen."

"Oh, for Ramen. How foolish of me not to have realized that Ramen is what brains are for," Kyan said sarcastically.

"It's okay. No one expected you to know it," Inuyasha said comfortingly, never realizing the sarcasm behind Kyan's words.

_Its like he has a shield that protects him from all normalcies, _Kyan thought in despair. _You can't insult the guy because he doesn't realize when he's getting dissed! _

"Where are we going?" Inuyasha asked, not bothering to ask about Kyans suffering groan.

"Oh no. That's a surprise," Kyan answered, visions leaping around his head of a certain hanyou in a certain chair.

"Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!!!" Inuyasha whined. His eyes lit up as an idea popped into his head. "It's the supermarket! We're going to the supermarket!!"

Kyan rolled to a stop. Turning, he gave Inuyasha a confused look. "I'm sorry, what?"

"You guys say that a lot," Inuyasha commented, eagerly looking around for the food store.

"Well, if you made sense, we wouldn't say it. And what the hell do you mean 'supermarket'? You think the big surprise is a supermarket?" Kyan asked in disbelieve.

"I love supermarkets! Chow!" Inuyasha said in excitement. "Ramen places!"

Kyan stared at the passenger seat for a moment. Resolutely facing forward, he began to drive again silently. After a moment or two had passed, Kyan said in a strangled voice, "Chow? Ramen places?? You're crazy!!"

"No, I'm hungry," Inuyasha corrected.

Kyan shot him a look. "Whatever. We'll eat if you cooperate."

"Co, cooperate?" Inuyasha shook his head. _What the hell does that mean?_

"Meaning if you do everything I tell you, we'll go get....chow," Kyan replied with a grimace.

"But I want chow now!" Inuyasha sulked. He folded his arms together and slouched down into his seat, pouting.

"Oh for gods sake! Chow is for later! We have an appointment," Kyan replied testily.

"But we are getting chow later?"

"Yes," Kyan sighed. "We are getting chow later."

"Chow!" Inuyasha said and he clapped his hands. _I haven't eaten since breakfast! I'm starving! _

The SUV stopped and Inuyasha stepped out cheerfully onto the sidewalk.

The store they faced looked innocent enough. Kyan pulled open the doors and ushered Inuyasha inside. The always suspicious hanyou sniffed. There was an odd smell about the place but, on the whole, it wasn't a dangerous looking store. Or it wouldn't have been if you discounted the freak behind the desk.

Inuyasha stared openly, wondering what demon had possessed her body and forced her put those pins in her face. The woman had short, choppy, electric orange hair with a brightly made up face. What stood out was the amount of facial piercings the woman had. Her lip, chin, eyebrows, nose and ears were all pierced multiple times. There was even a chain linking one of her many earrings to the nose ring in her right nostril. Upon seeing Inuyasha staring, the orange haired pain addict stuck out her tongue revealing a small ball of metal imbedded in that muscle.

Inuyasha jumped. _What the hell??_

Kyan, not fazed at all by the teenager, strode up to the desk and began to ask about Inuyasha's appointment. "So, is Sazu Masato here?"

"Yep. He's just finishing up another customer and then he'll be right with you. You can sit down over there in the lounge," the girl answered. Kyan nodded his thanks and walked in, Inuyasha on his heels. Inuyasha glanced back at the possessed girl at the desk and yelped when he saw her wriggling her fingers at him. He scurried to hide near Kyan.

Kyan looked backward, saw the flirting punk and the panicking Inuyasha, and burst out laughing.

"It's not funny," snarled Inuyasha as he pushed past Kyan to the relative safety of the waiting room. "Where are we anyways?"

"We are in one of the coolest hair salons in the Tokyo area, Hair Snob! They give the most awesome haircuts here! You'll love it!"

Inuyasha blinked and stopped in the middle of the waiting area. "You know, it's the weirdest thing. I could have just sworn you said 'haircut'. Isn't that bizarre?" Inuyasha laughed nervously.

"I did say haircut," Kyan replied, a little perplexed by Inuyasha's rather extreme reaction.

"Hair....cut?" Inuyasha asked, beginning to get nervous.

"Haircut!" Kyan replied happily. "We are going to fix you up!"

"I, I, I, I...." stammered Inuyasha.  
"Calm down. It's not like a bris milah or anything." Kyan said jokingly.

"A what?"

"Jewish thing. You know, eighth day, they cut off the foreskin from the boy's penis..." Kyan said with a smile. For emphasis, he held up a nearby pair of scissors and clacked them together in Inuyasha's direction.

Inuyasha's face lost all its color and felt all his muscles lose their strength at once. _Cut...off.....my...?_

_"OH MY GOD!!!!!" _Inuyasha screamed and leapt straight for the ceiling. No one, and he meant _no one_, was getting anywhere near his manhood with those weird cutting things.

"Oh, come on down! It's just a little snip! It'll just hurt for a second! Then you'll pass out!" Kyan joked.

Inuyasha's eyes widened and he firmly wrapped his arms and legs around the light fixture he was hanging from. "How about not?!?" the terrified hanyou screamed down, an edge of hysteria in his voice.

Kyan sighed. "Oh, my god. Did you take me seriously? Why would you do that?" the hairstylist chuckled.

"Oh, gee, Kyan, I don't know," Inuyasha said sarcastically. "Maybe because you were making those noises and _pointing scissors at my crotch_!!"

"No. Inuyasha, it was a joke!" Kyan explained.

"That some sick sense of humor you have there, hair man!" Inuyasha snarled from one of the light fixtures.

"I know! I'm sorry! Come down!" Kyan said, hopping from foot to foot anxiously.

"What, so you can trap me and then castrate me? HA! _How stupid do you think I am_?!?!" Inuysha screamed frantically.

"Right now? Very," Kyan answered with raised eyebrows.

Inuyasha waved a fist at Kyan, almost leaning too far out. Catching himself at the last moment before falling, Inuyasha shouted down, "I ain't coming down and you can't make me!!"

Kyan pinched the bridge between his nose and took ten deep calming breaths. Plastering on a fake smile, Kyan turned to the fascinated punk girl behind the desk. "Excuse me, would you mind getting me a ladder....Hiromi?" he said, reading her name tag.

"Anyone who tries to take me down is going down, understand?" Inuyasha threatened. "You ain't cutting anything off me!"

"It. Was. A. Joke. Y'know? As in ha ha?" Kyan said to the ceiling, getting a headache from all the yelling.

"You see anyone laughing?" Inuyasha said vehemently.

Hiromi rolled her eyes. "Puh-lease stop being so over dramatic," she drawled, putting all her teenage experience of sarcasm to work.

"Wha..?" Inuyasha asked. _How the hell did she come into this conversation?_

"I mean, all this is place is going to do is Cut. Your. Hair," the girl emphasized.

"Yeah but not the hair on my head!!"

The girl blinked at him before scrunching her nose in disgust. "Ew. That's all I'm saying about that comment. Ew ew ew ew ew."

"Get over it, it was just a joke," Inuyasha taunted.

"It wasn't funny," the girl replied, taunting in the same high pitch nasal voice. "But you're right. It was a joke. Just like Kyan's was. What, can't you take an innocent jab?" She flashed him a look of utter disdain

"Yeah, when its amusing!" Inuyasha snapped.

"Get over yourself. People have different opinions on what's funny. Evidently, Kyan has a good sense of humor and you....you don't," the girl finished.

"I do so!" Inuyasha protested.

"Whatever. Get down. It's not like you're going for a wax-"

"NO!" shouted Kyan, clamping the girl's mouth shut with his hand. "No no, no, no, no!!!!" He panted for breath and said more quietly, "If he's freaked out by a haircut, how do you think he'll react to a waxing?"

"Oh."

"Yeah. Let's just get his hair cut and then we'll deal with the forest above his eyes," Kyan said in a conspirators whisper.

"All right," Hiromi said. Looking up at Inuyasha, she yelled, "Get down and you can take someone hostage-"

"_What!?!" _Kyan gasped. "Oh, no. No. No. No- you don't know him." Kyan said a little frantic. "We are not, and I repeat not, letting him have hostages. That will not help this situation. Trust me," he said earnestly. Kyan shuddered when he imagined what Inuyasha would do with a captive.

"I'll be the hostage," Hiromi shrugged. Looking up at the dangling hanyou, she gave him a flirtatious smile. "Hey, if I'm bad, will you spank me?"

Inuyasha's ears flew back in shock and he tightened his hold on the chandelier. "No way I'm coming down now. Never ever," he mumbled.

Kyan shot Hiromi an annoyed look. "Thank you very much, little Miss Horny. Now look at what you did!" He glanced at the quivering half demon and turned back to Hiromi. Waving his hands in the air, Kyan asked, "Could you not tell he has personal space issues?"

"I do not have issues! I just don't want my, my thingi attacked!" Inuyasha clarified at the top of his lungs.

"No ones attacking your thingi!" Kyan reassured him desperately.

"Is it worth attacking?" Hiromi asked 'innocently'.

"You," Kyan said, shaking his finger in her face, "are not helping." He thought for a moment and then added, "but yeah, it totally is."

"How big?"

"Well, from what I've seen-"

"Hello?!?! I can hear you!" shouted a horrified Inuyasha.

Kyan smiled, "Unless you get down here right now, I'm going to tell this sweet young woman all about you and your-"

Inuyasha broke and dropped down to the ground. "Happy?" he snapped. "Are you satisfied??"

Kyan sighed. "How about this? If it'll make you feel better, you can take out Tessuiga. If you feel the hair stylist touch anything more then your hair or your skull, you can slice and dice the guy until your savage little heart is satisfied. K?"

Grudgingly, Inuyasha nodded. "Where do we go now?"

"I'll take you," Hiromi offered. "Masato-sama's area is back here"

As Hiromi led, Kyan explained to Inuyasha exactly to who they were going to.

"Masato-sama? What's with the sama?" Inuyasha asked curiously.

"Sazu-sama is one of Tokyo's foremost hair experts-"

"A 'hair expert'?" Inuyasha asked.

"Yeah," Kyan replied.

"There are people who are experts in hair?" Inuyasha asked again, slightly amused.

Kyan glared. "Do you have a problem with that?"

Inuyasha held up his hands as in surrender and shrugged his shoulders. "No no no. It's just that you guys know the weirdest people," the hanyou mumbled. "Thom and Carson knows these weird stores, Jai knows, well, everyone who's not normal and Ted cooks. I mean, your weird friends even beat out those freaks who Kagome calls friends."

Kyan shot the hanyou a look. "What you call weird most people would just call diverse."

"Big difference," Inuyasha sniffed.

"Anyways, Sazu-sama is known for his cutting edge style, his fearless approach to both men and women's hair. He's a legend in his own time. And he's hot," Kyan added in an excited whisper.

Inuyasha stared at him. "Oh, now I can die happy. My hair expert is good looking," he drawled slowly. "Hurray."

"Spoilsport," Kyan mumbled.

"Here we go," Hiromi announced, standing next to a chair. "Masato-sama will be with you in a moment."

"Thanks," Kyan smiled as Hiromi left the room. Turning to Inuyasha, Kyan looked at his charge and said, very seriously, "Look at what I'm standing next to."

"It's a chair..." Inuyasha said slowly.

"Exactly. Get everything out of your system now. Sit in it. Make sure that there is nothing that'll spark your curiosity while Masato has his scissors with him. Doing something to damage his chair will ruin his concentration and artists do not do well with interruption of their muse," Kyan said with intensity.

Inuyasha snorted. "That has got to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard," Inuyasha said. "Muse, an artist, his concentration- all craziness. All artists are crazy. The last artist I met tried to kill me," the hanyou added.

"Oh, that's a shock," Kyan said deadpan.

"Shut up," Inuyasha growled.

"Hello? You must be Kyan and Inuyasha." A brown eyed friendly looking man smiled at his customers.

_He looks...normal_, Inuyasha noted in surprise. With a small goatee decorated his lower face and funky glasses were perched on his nose, Masato Suza had avoided going overboard with his style. An all around sensible looking man, dressed casually and simply, Suza was obviously at ease with himself and his chosen profession.

"My name is Suza Masato or, as you Americans say, Masato Suza. You can call me Masato. I'm very pleased to be your hair designer today. I assume I'm helping the gentleman with the really long hair?"

Kya laughed. "Pleased to meet you. I'm Kyan Douglas. This," he announced, "is your guinea pig, Inuyasha."

"Hi! Pleased to meet you!"

Inuyasha nodded his head cautiously. _He's not hitting on me.....It's a miracle._

"Now, from what I hear, you're a little nervous about your haircut. When was the last time you got it cut?" Masato asked, picking up the clump of hair that fell onto Inuyasha's shoulders.

"Um...never," Inuyasha answered.

"I can see that," mused Masato. "Hmm...." he held a piece of Inuyasha's hair up to the light, examining its texture, color and damage.

"Well," the hairstylist began cautiously, "There is obviously too much bulk here. I mean this hair is way way way too long. How long is it exactly when wet?"

"Um, a little past my knees. Almost past my ankles, I guess," Inuyasha answered after a few moments thought.

Masato winced. "Yeah, hair should never ever get to that length. No person can pull off hair like that." He sighed and squeezed Inuyasha's shoulders. "It's gonna have to be cut. A lot."

"How much is a lot?" Inuyasha asked apprehensively

Masato raised his eyebrows. "Oh, I don't know. How about mid-neck?"

Inuyasha blinked. "You want to chop off all my hair until the middle of my neck?"

"Essentially."

"Will I at least have a top knot?" Inuyasha asked, now holding onto his snowy white mane with one clawed hand.

"Top knot?" Masato asked in surprise. "This isn't the Japanese feudal era. You can allow that hairstyle to die its very deserving death." Masato shuddered. Top knots looked good on very few people.

"It has to be enough to fit into a top knot," Inuyasha announced stubbornly.

"But, they're so ugly!" protested Masato.

Kyan sighed and put a restraining hand on Masato's arm. "Don't bother. If he wants a top knot, might as well just give it to him. He'll throw a fit. Or a chair. Or a person." Kyan thought for a moment. "Yeah, he'll definitely throw a person over this issue. Besides, he does have a good reason," Kyan said grudgingly.

Masato gave him a doubting glance. _There is no good reason for top knots_, his eyes screamed.

Kyan wordlessly pulled off Inuyasha's baseball cap to reveal the furry, pointy ears on the top of his head. Masato gasped.

"That," Kyan said quietly while pointing to the twitching appendages, "is why he doesn't cut his hair or walk around outside without caps."

"Oh Kami-Sama....What, what are they? Are they real?" Masato asked softly.

"Yes, they're real!" Inuyasha snapped. "And they're a...a.....I have these because...." Inuyasha trailed off._ What was that excuse Kagome gave? Ah! I don't remember!_

"It's a bit of an issue," Kyan said in a whisper to Masato. "He doesn't like to talk about it." Kyan clapped Inuyasha on the shoulder. "It's okay, you don't have to say anything if your not comfortable."

Masato nodded his head. After examining the nervously twitching Inuyasha's head a few more minutes, he clapped his hands decisively. At once, an assistant popped out of nowhere with a notepad and a pen.

"I have found my vision," Masato pronounced. "Attend, Kouchi." The assistant began to write furiously as Masato dictated lengths, angles, certain scissors and different cuts. Kyan nodded thoughtfully, sometimes shaking his head in wonder at Masato's brilliance.

Looking around at the serious hairdressers surrounding him, Inuyasha slumped into his seat. _Weirdoes_, he thought glumly, _I'm surrounded by weirdoes...._

The assistant scurried off to gather some extra supplies for his boss. Inuyasha watched him go out of the room with no small amount of jealousy.

"Well, what do you think?" Kyan asked expectantly. Inuyasha glanced up at the smiling American.

"Feh," he muttered. "I have no idea what you're talking about but I know I don't like it."

"Open minded, isn't he?" Masato asked Kyan.

Inuyasha grumbled under his breath as Masato's assistant returned with a tray full of bottles, scissors, combs and brushes, blow driers and other accouterments of the salons.

The assistant nodded firmly and turned to Inuyasha and Kyan. "You," he pointed to Inuyasha. "Follow me."

"Who are you, and where are we going?" Inuyasha asked suspiciously as he slid off the chair and followed the quick paced man to another room.

"I'm Daisuke Kouchi, Masato's personal assistant. You are going to wash your hair."

"What?!? Wash??" Inuyasha turned to Kyan and whined, almost stamping his feet. "That wasn't part of the deal!"

Kyan pushed Inuyasha over to the sink to wash his hair. "Too bad, my badly coifed friend. Washing your hair is necessary. Deal."

Grumbling and muttering, Inuyasha sulked into a chair and grudgingly leaned his head back as commanded. There was silence for a moment.

"How the hell am I suppose to work with this?" came an exasperated shout. Turning, Inuyasha looked down at the sink.

"It's not that bad," soothed Kyan. Kouchi glared back at him and pointed at Inuyasha's head.

"I cannot clean this! I can't even see the god damn sink!" the assistant said fiercely.

"Oh well, no hair cleaning, too bad," Inuyasha said cheerfully, getting up from the chair. Kyan shoved him back down with one hand.

"Stay." Turning to the irate man using the faucet, Kyan made a soothing motion. "It's not so bad, it just takes some extra time."

"I. Can't. See. The. Sink," the man enunciated clearly. Kyan glanced down. It was true. Inuyasha's white hair filled the bowl to the brim, almost touched the faucet itself and formed an avalanche as it cascaded down the sides.

"I just need to chop some off," Kouchi said with a tired sigh. Kyan shook his head. "Masato doesn't let, you know that."

With an annoyed sigh and a mumble about psycho men who let their hair grow, Kouchi grabbed Inuyasha's hair and grimly began cleaning it, piece by piece. The shampoo was scrubbed in and Inuyasha was biting his lip to resist whimpering from the pleasure of having a scalp massage. (A/N: the most addictive of pleasures!! My favorite part about getting a haircut!) The soapy liquid slid down the sides of the basin to drip onto the floor and Kouchi's fingers were sore but, finally, Inuyasha's hair was cleaned. About to hand Inuyasha a towel, Kyan discreetly coughed.

"What?" asked Kouchi.

"You forgot the, um," Kyan winced. "You forgot to do the conditioner," he reminded Kouchi apologetically.

Kouchi's eyes widened. "Conditioner?!" he squawked. "It just took me a good fifteen minutes to wash his hair!" Kouchi glared furiously and thumped his finger into the middle of Kyan's chest. "_Now_ you tell me about conditioner?!?" Kouchi threw down the towel and stamped his foot.

Kyan shrugged helplessly. What else could he say?

"Fine," Kouchi muttered angrily. "Whatever. Work me to death, why don't you?" Picking up the conditioner, Kouchi worked the gentle lotion into Inuyasha's hair, ignoring Inuyasha's cries of "but it smells!!"

Finally, the conditioning was done and Inuyasha was let up. His hair almost dragged on the floor and created a puddle of water around him. Kouchi waved a weary goodbye as Kyan led Inuyasha back to the chair to get his haircut.

Masato was waiting, testing the sharp edge of his favorite scissors. "Sit," he commanded the petulant hanyou in a distracted voice.

Kyan leaned down over Inuyasha's shoulders. "You ready for this?" he asked in excitement.

"No."

"You're going to look like a whole new you!" Kyan squealed.

Inuyasha slumped into the seat and prepared himself.

--------15 minutes later------------

With a final snap of his wrist, Masato flung away the last bit of excess hair from Inuyasha's shoulders. With a deep breath, Masato turned to Kyan. There were tears in his eyes and he whispered in a choked tone, "This is my finest creation. A masterpiece of artistic-"

"Blah blah blah," Inuyasha snapped. "Are we done here?"

Kyan glared at him. "Do you even know what it looks like?"

Inuyasha ran his fingers through his hair and his eyes widened. "My hair!!" he shouted in horror. "It's gone!!!!"

Masato smiled happily. "I know! Snip snip!"

" 'Snip snip?!?!' Kiss my ass, you baka! Where the hells my hair?" Inuyasha snarled.

Masato pointed to the garbage can. Inuyasha saw strands of his long hair trailing out of the lid and threw his hands over his eyes.

"I'm bald!" wailed Inuyasha.

"It's not that bad, you big baby…," Kyan consoled.

Inuyasha grabbed the back of his head. "Look!" he shouted, grasping a pathetic ponytail. "It's shorter then Miroku's ponytail!"

"I don't know who Miroku is but I'm sure your hair being shorter is not a bad thing," Masato said soothingly.

"Yes it is! Kouga's hair is long!" Inuyasha protested with a shout.

"Well, if Kouga's hair is anything like yours, it's too long," Masato said firmly.

"Bald....I'm Miyoga, only taller...," Inuyasha said despondently.

"You haven't even looked at yourself yet!" Kyan reprimanded.

Grumbling, Inuyasha turned to look at himself. His reflection showed a young man with a light tan, strong cheekbones and wide frightened golden eyes. His skull was topped with curling white hair, falling in a gentle mess. It was cut in an angle to end below his chin and wisps of hair fell over his face. Inuyasha watched his ears flick back and forth and, to his shock, could barely see his ears move! The hair was heightened enough that his ears were partially hidden, with just the tips peeking out.

"My ears…," he whispered, reaching through his locks and fingering those appendages. "You, you can't see them…."

"Well, you can," Masato corrected. "But only a bit and most people will just think it's a bit of hair sticking up."

Inuyasha turned to gaze at Kyan with a shocked look. "I look, I, I…I look human." _A weird looking human but still human_.

Kyan's face reflected his sympathy. _Poor guy. He sounds so surprised_. "You were always a human looking guy to us," Kyan said firmly.

Inuyasha ignored this well-meant stupidity and turned to Masato with narrowed eyes. "How'd you do that?" he asked, positive that a magical incantation had been performed without his knowledge.

Kyan and Masato laughed. "I am the best," Masato said, chuckling. "My scissors and I are very special..."

_Ah, the old 'inanimate-object-gains-demonic-powers-and-becomes-alive' trick_, Inuyasha thought in satisfaction, pleased he had figured it out. _Wonder if he and Yura knew each other. I don't smell any demon smell but that's probably because my hair smells so much_, he thought, sniffing his hair and grimacing.

"That guy made my hair smell," he told Kyan in annoyance.

"Yes, you smell like a rose," Kyan said with a mischievous smile. Inuyasha groaned unhappily.

"Why do you guys think I'm a flower?" he asked Kyan in annoyed confusion. Kyan rolled his eyes and ignored him.

"Come on, say goodbye, we have another stop to make," Kyan said, bowing in Masato's direction. Inuyasha snorted and turned his head away.

"Feh. You chopped off my hair," he muttered, not realizing he sounded much like sulking Shippo.

"I know. You're welcome," Masato replied with a smile.

"Moron! I wasn't thanking you!" shouted Inuyasha.

"Doesn't he look cute now when he yells?" Kyan said with a wide smile. "Ah, you just want to pinch his cheeks!"

"Don't you dare," Inuyasha warned.

"We need to go. Thank you, Masato-sama," Kyan said. Spotting Inuyasha by a trash bin where the miserable hanyou was trying to stuff pieces of shorn hair into his pockets, Kyan sighed explosively. Grabbing Inuyasha on his way out, Kyan led the way to their next appointment.

Jogging a few minutes away, Inuyasha and Kyan came to another store.

"Last stop!" Kyan announced and Inuyasha breathed a sigh of relieve. "We're going to just fix-"

"Again? Haven't we fixed enough?" Inuyasha asked a little desperately.

"Hush! Just come!"

The two went into the store and Kyan confirmed their appointment. Inuyasha sniffed in confusion. The oddest smells were assaulting his nose and he couldn't think of what they meant.

There was the saline smell of tears, the unique scent of ripped flesh and mixed into that was the odor of burned meat. Added into that was the scent of wax but not from any flower or tree he knew of.

_Weird, _Inuyasha thought to himself. _Better keep an eye out, _he concluded and clicked open his Tessuiga.

Kyan purposefully ignored this. Striding along, Kyan beckoned Inuyasha to follow him.

"Now Inuyasha," Kyan began, "You know that looking good is important-"

"Do I now?" Inuyasha said sarcastically. Kyan ignored him and continued as if he had never been interrupted.

"-and so this next little thing shouldn't make you nervous at all."

Inuyasha's eyebrows furrowed. He did not like how that sounded.

"What're you talkin' about?" he began, suspicion lacing every syllable. Next to him a door sung open and Inuyasha cut off his own words, horrified by what he saw.

Beyond the doorway laid a young girl, no older then Kagome, on a white table. A middle-aged woman saw leaning over her and _pouring hot wax on the girls eyes and forehead_!!

Stunned and horrified (hadn't Kagome told him that torture was not allowed in her era?), Inuyasha was frozen as the seemingly innocent older woman systematically began ripping the girl's skin off with a piece of paper! The girl winced and that was what sprung Inuyasha into action.

"Bitch!" Inuyasha shouted as he leapt through the doorway. Ignoring the shocked expressions on the waxing woman, the customer and Kyan's faces, Inuyasha snatched the girl up into his arms and escaped to safety beyond the terrifying grasp of the harpy.

"Are you okay? What's your name?" he asked the girl gruffly, knowing better then to take his eyes off his enemy, especially one who had proven herself so sadistic.

"Um, yeah, I'm fine. My name's Ryudoh, Juna," the girl stammered looking up at her handsome savior.

"What are you doing?!?" an aghast Kayn wailed, almost pulling out his hair.

"I'm rescuing this girl!" Inuyasha shouted back.

"Listen Don Juan-!!" Kyan shouted in exasperation.

_I didn't really need rescuing, _Juna thought giddily. _I'm a feminist after all....._She looked up at Inuyasha's eyes, their amber color darkened to a deep honey in his rage. _Oooh, but for this piece of meat- no! Women do not need to be rescued, this is not the 1900's, stay strong, stay strong, stay strong...._

"Shut up! You can argue with me after I kill that other woman!" Inuyasha snapped.

"Say what?!?, gasped the poor waxer, still in shock from having her 5 o'clock appointment 'saved'.

"His meds are off, that's all," Kyan soothed her. "Soon, he'll be as docile as a kitten."

"With rabies!" the terrified woman snapped back.

"Despicable witch!" Inuyasha snarled. "Torturing innocent young maidens! I won't allow it!"

"She is not torturing that girl! She waxes people for a living!" Kyan tried to explain.

"I know! I saw!" Inuyasha said. Gently, he placed the maiden on the linoleum floor. She blinked up at him, dazed and thrilled. "I'm going to make sure she never hurts you again," he said softly.

_I'm a feminist I'm a feminist I'm a feminist, _Juna thought, desperately trying to hold onto her beliefs. Inuyasha looked down at her, all righteous indignation and fascinating looks, and gave her a firm nod.

_Oh, what the hell! _"Oh, thank you!" Juna gushed. The waxing lady and Kyan both stared at Juna as she threw her arms around Inuyasha's knees. "I was so scared!" she wailed pathetically.

"See?" Inuyasha asked Kyan, pointing at the girl.

"She's acting! She wasn't really hurt!" Kyan protested.

"Why would she be acting?" Inuyasha asked.

"Because you're hot!" Kyan explained in a loud voice.

The waxing lady tried to inch away but Inuyasha jumped and blocked her path. Drawing Tessuiga, he placed the blade at the crying woman's pulse point. "I prefer to know the names of the people I kill," Inuyasha said in a taunting voice.

"I-I-Izaki, Mayumi...," the waxer sobbed.

Juna watched from the sidelines in growing horror. _Oh my god, he was serious! I have to stop him! _For a moment, she reflected how every guy she was interested in was a crazy psycho. _Maybe its me_, she thought despondently. _I inspire weirdness or something_.

"Hey! Stop that!" Juna called out, walking to Mayumi's side.

Inuyasha looked at the no longer crying maiden and got a sinking suspicion.

"She's my waxing lady, don't hurt her!" Juna declared.

"Yeah!" shouted Mayumi from behind the protective shield of Juna's body. "She paid a good 5,000 yen for that 'torture'!"

"You paid her to pour hot wax on your skin and tear it off while you weren't drunk?" Inuyasha asked.

Juna, Kyan and Mayumi all nodded.

_Women are weird,_ Inuyasha concluded. But he hadn't thought it was to this extent….

Inuyasha looked suspiciously at the girl. "You paid money to have someone torture you?" he asked slowly.

Juna nodded again and Inuyasha crossed his arms trying to understand this. His eyes widened as he recalled a very uncomfortable conversation he had had once with Kagome. Rushing over to the hairstylist traveling with him, Inuyasha grabbed Kyan's arm. Pulling him close, Inuyasha whispered loudly, "Kayn? Is she a sadist?"

Juna and Mayumi both squawked at the same time. "Nani?!?!"

"No, Inuyasha," Kyan sighed. "She's not a sadist."

"Why is it all the cute guys think I'm weird?" Juna asked Mayumi in despair. The waxing woman, aware of Juna's dating problems as only a woman's waxer/manicurist could be, patted Juna on the hand.

"There there, you don't need him or any of them. They're all insensitive jerks anyhow," Mayumi consoled.

"Feh," Inuyasha snorted. Turning to Kyan, Inuyasha confronted him. "So what are we doing here?"

Kyan, Mayumi and Juna all looked at the small forest above Inuyasha's eyes and watched as the brows slowly rose in comprehension.

"Oh no," Inuyasha said warily, backing away from the three. "No no no no…."

"It doesn't hurt that much," Juna said with a mean smile. "Really, its like a pin prick."

"Doesn't hurt for more then a moment," Mayumi chimed in, inching toward the quivering hanyou.

"And Mayumi will be really gentle," Kyan added in.

The three walked toward Inuyasha and he stumbled backward.

_Wait a minute, who can kick whose ass here?_ Inuyasha stopped and glared. "I am not getting waxed."

"Oh, but you are," Kyan corrected, latching onto Inuyasha's arm.

"Oh no, I'm not," Inuyasha snapped. "Stop pulling at me, I'm not doing this!"

Relentlessly, the three shoved Inuyasha into the waxing room. As soon as he was in, Kyan turned and locked the door, trusting that Inuyasha's remarkable lack of technological knowledge would stop his escape.

It worked. Inuyasha tried and tried but was unable to open the door. "Fine!" Unsheathing Tessuiga, Inuyasha raised the mighty sword above his head, fully prepared to slice his way to safety.

"No!" Kyan shouted. "How about we make a deal?"

Inuyasha glanced at him. "I'm listening…."

"I'll get waxed and once you see it doesn't hurt, you'll do it."

"No."

"Why not?" Kyan asked. "It's fair!"  
"As if I cared."

Stumped, Kyan thought for a second. "Okay, but you don't want anyone to think you were scared do you?"

"What? I'm not scared!" Inuyasha shouted, his testosterone overwhelming his common sense (A/N: what else is new?)

_Gotcha!_ Kyan thought smugly. "Well, no one will know if you do it. But if you don't wax, well, I hate to think up what Carson would say when he discovered that you chickened out…."

"You wouldn't!" Inuyasha gasped.

"Oh, but I would."

"Shit!" Inuyasha was torn. Do the sensible thing and run and be labeled a coward? Or let himself be tortured and be brave?

"My boyfriend does it," Juna said casually. "He's a real man too."

"I'm a real man!" Inuyasha protested.

"Prove it," Mayumi cooed and held up the waxing wand. It steamed, the smoke curling in the air.

Inuyasha gulped. He knew he should leave but, damn it! He was a man and he wouldn't run from anything!

Hopping onto the waxing table he laid back and glared at Mayumi. "Do your worst," he challenged.

"Oh I will," she promised darkly. "I will…."

------------2 minutes later--------

**_"AARRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"_ **A bloodcurdling scream echoed through the salon.

"Oh, don't be such a baby," Mayumi mumbled, preparing another strip.

One side of Inuyasha's head had just been robbed of all its skin. In place, he was sure, was fire, acidic demonic fire, eating away at his skull. Rolling into the fetal position, Inuyasha cradled his aching cranium, on the verge of tears.

"My ears are ringing," Juna complained.

"That went better then I thought," Kyan said cheerfully.

Inuyasha, preoccupied with his current agony, didn't notice the other strip descending until it was too late.

"Take it off!' Inuyasha wailed.

"Oh, take it like a man," joked Juna.

"I'm not a man!" Inuyasha shouted, broken by the extraordinary pain of getting his eyebrows waxed.

"Yes you are, you're a very brave boy for doing this. Lesser males would have cracked under this, I swear." Kyan soothed.

"Ready?" Mayumi asked.

"No!" Inuyasha answered quickly.

"Wanna hold something? Sometimes that helps me," Juna asked.

"Yeah, Kyan's throat," Inuyasha snarled.

"How about I hold your hand?" Juna offered but Kyan snatched her to safety.

"Bad idea," he whispered. In a louder tone, Kyan offered Inuyasha a chair to squeeze.

"Just grab that if it hurts," Kyan explained.

"1…..2………," Mayumi paused again. "………2.5……………2.45……..."

"Just do it, you crazy psychotic bi-_ **SHIT!!!!"**_

With a snap, the wooden chair splintered into thousands of little pieces as Inuyasha's eyebrows got tended to.

"Well," Kyan said as the room stopped echoing Inuyasha's scream, "Now all we have to do is-"

"Nothing!" Inuyasha shouted. "We are doing nothing!"

"Come on, just finish it up," Kyan begged.

"No, we are finished," Inuyasha hissed, sitting up on the table and rubbing his sore head.

"Just let me pluck a few stray hairs," Mayumi mumbled. Suddenly, she found herself pinned up against the wall.

"Bitch, you touch me again, I'm having old lady sushi tonight, get me?" Inuyasha threatened, shining his claws in front of her eyes.

"Yep, totally clear," Mayumi squeaked.

Inuyasha let the waxer slide down the wall and turned to Kyan. "Let's go," he ordered.

Striding through the salon, Inuyasha ignored everyone surrounding him until he was safely outside.

Slouching against the SUV, Inuyasha waited for Kyan. The stylist came out and Inuyasha tossed him the keys.

"Oi, drive to chow," Inuyasha commanded. "I need chow now."

"You were a bad boy," Kyan reprimanded and leaned against the salon's brick wall. "I don't think you earned your chow-"

Inuyasha slammed his fist next to Kyan and pulverized brick exploded into the air. Inuyasha leaned in close and whispered angrily, "You better rethink that."

Kyan glanced at the fist shaped crater in the salon wall and rethought his opinion. "Chow it is," he said agreeably.

Inuyasha grunted and jumped into the SUV.

After eating what Kyan called a "truly disgusting amount of food," Inuyasha was in a much more amicable mood. Back in the SUV, Inuyasha relaxed against the leather seat and closed his eyes. Breathing deep, he asked where they were going.

"Home, to show off what we did today," Kyan replied. "And so they can show us what they've done with the well house. You excited?"

Inuyasha opened one eye. "I don't get excited. But I'm interested to see how much you guys screwed up."

Kyan glared.

"Just joking," Inuyasha said, holding up his hands in the mercy position. But, he had to wonder, just what the hell would he be coming back to?

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A/N: well, there you go. Hope that haircutting didn't upset too many people. The guy needed a haircut, I'm sorry. A couple of things:

Hair Snob is an actual salon in the Tokyo area. It has a very cool web site:

_jp/ _

(The link will probally not work, cut and paste it) Just go to see a really well done web design or if you want to see pictures of the two real life stylist I mentioned, go to Staff Section and there you'll see in Snob eXcut: Masato Sazu and by Rotation: Daisuke Kouchi. They're both cute! (hehe, how perverted?)

If you want to see a picture of Inuyasha's haircut or how I imagined it in my mind:

http:www.theorlandobloomfiles. com/pictures/ magazine/hq03april3. jpg

Yes, I realize it's Orlando Bloom, but I swear I hadn't realized until I copied the url. I actually pictured it a little longer then his here but imagine sexy Inu wearing a black ski cap, his snowy white locks just escaping the hat, slouching against a wall in jeans and pissed off expression!! ::faints:: love my bad angry men!

Remember to take out spaces!!

Why this was so late: I decided to transfer out of my current college so I sent in my transcripts, both from high school and college. One problem-My freakin' high school forgot to send in my college transcripts to my new college!! But I had already canceled out of the one I was in SO I WASN'T IN COLLEGE FOR FALL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I got a letter from my old college with a bill. I go to find out what the hell is going on and it turns out that classes I had canceled out of were never put into the computer so I got a Never Attended on two classes on my transcripts- that looks terrible! And then, in order to get transcripts so I could apply elsewhere, I had to pay for those flippin classes I never took! I freaked out about all the above and was completely preoccupied with it. In the end, I'm in college (thank God!!!) but only after spending a wasted 1200 dollars on transcripts fees. A little less then pleased. So that's why it took me such a long time.

Hopefully, the next chapter will be quicker but, no promises.

Next Chapter: Inuyasha sees how everything turned out and let's just say, art is in the eye of the beholder……


	11. The Unveiling

A/N: I have a lot to apologize for and I know this. Thus, I'M SORRY FOR TAKING SO BLEEPING LONG!! That done, I have a holiday in about three minutes so read and enjoy to the fullest! All "thank you's!!" are in the next installment. I have a ton more but, as this half of the chapter was 14 pages, I decided to just post this so I won't feel so bad about taking so long. Excuses next posting!

CHAPTER ELEVEN: The Unveiling

"I am so excited!" mumbled Kyan as he pulled alongside the curb. Jumping out, he impatiently waited for Inuyasha to emerge from the SUV. "Come on! Let's go!"

Inuyasha stretched and Kyan watched with interest as the black t-shirt rode up a bit and Inuyasha's abdominal muscles flexed.

"So, uh, where do you work out?" Kyan asked too casually as they started up the steps.

"Work out?"

"You know, where do you keep in shape, move those muscles, shape that body?" Kyan asked again.

"Uh, the countryside...fighting demons...." Inuyasha answered, too befuddled to remember his cover story.

"The Countryside? Is that some prestigious club? Sounds fancy...and the Fighting Demons- is that some team you're part of? A club team, maybe?" Kyan speculated.

"Wha-I don't know!" Inuyasha snapped, getting annoyed by not knowing what was going on yet again.

"Come on. What is it? A personal trainer? Or,"Kyan's eyes lit up. "It's a total fitness class, isn't it? I take one of those at my gym! The best workout ever!"

"Workout?" Inuyasha looked at Kyan at the foot of the steps. "I don't know what your talking about and I don't care. Shut the hell up." Shaking his head and too frustrated to stand still, Inuyasha jogged up the two hundred steps to the shrine.

"Hey! Wait up!" Kyan called and began to jog up after Inuyasha.

The impatient hanyou easily trotted up the hundreds of stairs with no problem. Seeing the end in the sight, Inuyasha hopped up the last ten steps. He turned and glanced behind him. "Why are you out of breath?" Inuyasha asked Kyan with a curious tilt to his head. "I thought you went to this gym thing."

Kyan bent over and gasped for breath. He glared up at Inuyasha and panted, ignoring the smirking Inuyasha. Kyan grabbed his calves and massaged carefully. He couldn't remember another point in his life when his leg muscles had _ached_ liked this.

Inuyasha smirked. "I guess that place doesn't teach you how to go up steps, huh?"

"Go to hell," Kyan enunciated slowly. Inuyasha settled into his favorite pose and waited for Kyan's lungs to readjust.

After about a minute, Inuyasha poked Kyan on the shoulder. "You ready? You were the one who was so excited."

"Shut up and yes, I'm coming." Kyan got up and stumbled over to the well house, an amused Inuyasha silently laughing behind him.

Outside of the well house, waiting not so patiently, were Jai, Ted, Thom and Carson.

As soon as Inuyasha came into sight, the squeals erupted.

"Oh. My. God! You look beyond fabulous!"

"I love it, I really do. I am so impressed."

"So much better. Look how sexy you are!"

"So pretty and what a style! Oooh and look-Kyan? Are you okay?" Jai scurried to go hover protectively near his friend.

"He's just out of breath," Inuyasha said with an added snort of 'pathetic human weakling.'

Jai went to take care of Kyan as Carson examined Inuyasha's new style for a moment.

"Why is it so long?" the blonde asked, holding up a piece of hair as evidence.

Kyan shot Carson a confused look. "It's just under his chin..."

"Um, it's almost to his shoulders," Carson said, showing the now interested group of gay men INuyasha's hair.

"What the...How's this possible?" Kyan asked, giving Inuyasha a sharp glance.

Inuyasha held up his hands in innocence. "Didn't do anything."

"Hmmm....." Kyan stalked up to Inuyasha and stared into golden eyes. "I don't believe you..." he said slowly.

"Kyan!" Jai gasped in horror. "That was so rude. Honestly, apologize! How is Inuyasha suppose to have control over his hair growth?" the smaller man demanded.

_By not telling him that my body regenerates everything, including hair, Inuyasha thought with a inward smile. There had never been any point to cutting his hair; it just grew back and would continue to grow until it reached the length it wanted to. There's a reason most demons have long hair. He snorted to himself. Would I otherwise choose to look anything like Sesshomaru?_

"He's snorting," Kyan noticed suspiciously. "He snorts when he's hiding something...."

Jai rolled his eyes. "Honestly Kyan, stop being so untrusting. It shows lack of faith in Inuyasha and a lot of pseudo-Freudian mental issues in yourself."

Inuyasha decided it was time to redirect everyone's attention. Shrugging off Carson, Ted and Thom, he asked in a loud voice, "So, can I go in yet?"

"Oh!" Jai clapped his hands. Scurrying over, he flung his hands over Inuyasha's eyes. "Don't peek!" he said with an excited jump to his step.

Inuyasha cocked an eyebrow. "I won't," he said dryly.

Jai ignored this mild put down. The unveiling of all their hard work and seeing how happy The Project became was always his favorite part. Jai sighed happily in anticipation and 'helped' Inuyasha up the steps, apologizing profusely as the blindfolded Inuyasha tripped and stumbled up the stairs.

Thom threw open the doors to the well house and paused dramatically. "Ready?"

"Ready to get Jai's hands off my eyes," Inuyasha grumbled, annoyed by how clumsy he had been on the way up. The Fabe Five simultaneously rolled their eyes.

"Whatever, Oscar the Grouch," Ted said tiredly, already seeing Inuyasha's attempts at cooking playing in his mind.

""Ignore him," advised Kyan. "It's really the only way to deal."

"Always snippy," Carson sighed. "You really do need to f-"

"_CARSON!"_

"_What?"_

"Oh, never mind. On the count of three...." Jai demanded.

"ONE......." the men chanted. "........TWO...."

"Thom, the doors!" Ted hissed.

"Oh! Whoops!" Thom jerked the doors open.

"....THREE......" Jai threw his hand off and shouted, "Inuyasha, this is your new home!!"

INuyasha stared at the inside of the well house, stunned.

"Wha-?" he mumbled, cocking his head to the side, ears twitching in perplexity.

"I love it when they're all articulate nad everything. Telling me how much they love it..." Thom mumbled.

"That is very articulate for him," Ted admonished.

Inuyahsa ignored them and the continuing good-natured bickering. He was captivated by the change.

Formerly, the well house had been a dank, rather smelly and dark place, perfectly suited for a time traveling well. It had been dusty and creepy, spider webs adorning every nook and cranny. There were no useable windows and old lamps provided the only lighting. A ledge of about five feet in width had gone around the well house interior, existing solely as a way to provide easy access to the lamps mounted on the walls. The rickety stairs had led from the door and the ledge to the dirt floor and the well, itself decrepit and moldy.

All in all, it had always been a stop on the journey to Kagome's house, never a destination in itself.

Thom had changed all that.

The first thing that struck Inuyasha was how clean it was. Every inch of the well house was scoured of any dirt and the original deep brown of the wood shone in the sunlight. _Sunlight?_ Inuyasha was amazed to see that now there were two large windows on either side of the doorway as well as two long rectangular windows on the eastern and western walls, illuminating the room. Dominating most the roof, four newly installed skylights gave the little room a larger appearance and brighter view, filtering in the afternoon sun.

_The damn place is...cheerful, Inuyasha realized. He glanced to the side and was shocked to realize that the ledge was almost gone! No longer was the tint room bisected in half by a small landing that increased the cramped feeling of the room. Instead, Thom had ripped out the ledge from the room except for the section directly across from the entrance. Now there were RICE PAPER SCREENS dividing one portion of the house from the rest but beyond that, there were no barriers. _

Inuyasha pleased to see that the hammock thing that he had purchased with Thom was swinging from the rafters. Directly across from the entrance, the hammocks dark blue threading was a sharp contrast to the fluffy white rug underneath it. Inuyasha grinned at the sight of the carpet that so reminded him of a certain brother of his. _I'll be walking over him all the time_, he thought with glee. A large circular window had been cut into wall next to the hammock. _I'll be able to see the sunrise..._Inuyasha thought quietly.

"He's smiling...That's good," whispered Jai.

"I think he also smiled before he threw that poor waxing lady against a wall adn almost slit her throat," Kyan whispered back.

"He did _what_?!?!?" hissed Jai in anxiety. "What about his meditation??" he wailed softly.

Kyan shot Jai a look. "Excuse me, but shouldn't you be concentrating on the fact that he almost killed someone and not that he broke his yoga position??"

"But we worked so hard!" Jai exclaimed miserably.

"Oh, hush. Come on, he's going down the stairs."

Inuyasha continued to ignore his audience as he descended down onto the ground floor. Looking around, the realization of just how much effort had gone into the renovation hit Inuyasha like a physical blow. The changes were remarkable and Inuyasha turned to shoot Thom a look of amazement.

"How....how'd you _do_ all this?!?" Inuyasha asked in disbelieve.

"You like?" Thom prompted anxiously.

"It's...never...I.....Feh...." Inuyasha said in the same incredulous tone. He wandered off to go look around, leaving Thom furious behind him.

"Gee, that was almost too much gratitude for me to handle," Thom said sarcastically, throwing his hands into the air. "No 'Its so gorgeous!' or 'Wow, you must have worked for several days straight in order to transform this place!' No....Inuyasha says 'feh.' How strange I am to expect a 'thank you' after turning a hovel into a palace!" Thom glared pointedly at Inuyasha's back.

"Don't be silly," Ted soothed. "For Inuyasha, that was remarkably articulate."

Jai walked up and shoved Thom next to Inuyasha. "Don't sulk. Explain everything! He has no idea what half this stuff is for!"

Thom, sighing the sigh of a martyr, pulled the meandering Inuyasha to the odd area to the left of the stairs. "Let's go in order," he suggested dryly. Holding open his arms, Thom proudly presented what he called the meditation area.

Inuyasha blinked. This was certianly not what he had expected to see. In this corner, Thom had put mini bushes and small trees next to the walls. Descending from the walls and the ceiling in hanging pots were a myriad of species of graceful flowers, bursting with color. Combined with the greenery, it all cloaked the wall and formed an elegant little garden in the house. In the corner, water tinkled merrily as it crept down the sides of a rock waterfall. Fully half the size of the wall, the waterfall was in a pot on the floor and was an impressive thing on its own. Along with the flowers and trees, the waterfall completed a space of pure peace and lent the air a feeling of tranquillity.

Thom spoke up softly, softening at the awed expression on Inuyasha's face. "Jai told us that you were going to try to control your temper by meditation-"

Kyan interrupted with a snort. Everyone ignored him.

"-and so we thought to encourage that by making you a place where you could come away from everyone else and just.....relax. We knew you were into the outdoors so it just made sense to use that theme in the meditation area."

"It's nice," Inuyasha said softly. Carson shot Thom a thumbs up behind Inuyasha's back. Thom rolled his eyes but agreeably led Inuyasha to the next portion of his new house.

"Now we all think that you're going to love this next area. You needed a living room, a place to entertain friends or, ah, maybe just a certain lady friend..?" Thom added with a smile.

"Yeah, we tested the couch. Just bouncy enough, if you know what I mean!" Carson smiled lasciviously.

Inuyasha stared at Carson like he had grown an extra head. "Uh, actually.....No. I have no idea what you're talking about. What the hells a couch?"

_That was almost witty, Carson thought dryly. Almost there but just not quite..._

Five annoyed expressions looked at Inuyasha. "This is a couch, idiot," Ted huffed, grabbing Inuyasha and shoving him onto a deep burgundy couch made of soft leather. It matched exactly the armchair Inuyasha himself had picked out earlier that week. Both were at an angle and facing away from the doorway. The small oak table served as a coffee table and was placed a bit in front of the two furniture pieces.

"NO WAY!!" Inuyasha shouted in excitment, completely distracted from the 'couch' concept. Facing the couches and taking up half on an entire side of the wellhouse was Inuyasha's new entertainment system.

Prominently displayed in the middle was a 52 inch plasma flat screen television. Connected to the TV was DVD/VCR/Tivo player with surround sound speakers and wireless digital cable access. Stacked alongside the entertainment zone were stacks of DVD's and CD's. Near the television was a huge stereo with am/fm/xm-radio with speakers almost as large as the TV. The stereo also had video game compatibility which was lucky for Inuyasha as sitting below the stereo was a Playstation Two and an X-Box. Under the gaming stations were plenty of games waiting to be opened and played. The entire system was in an oaken display unit that just missed matching the exact color of the small table in front of it.

"It's.....beautiful......," Inuyasha gasped, completely overcome with emotion. He almost couldn't breathe, it was almost too much for him to handle.

"Best of all," Thom said with a knowing grin, "they all come with their own remote controls." He threw eight channel changers into Inuyasha's lap and rolled his eyes as Inuyasha's smile threatened to break the hanyou's face in half.

"**_Buttons!!!!!!" _**crowed Inuyasha, thrilled beyond imagination as he quickly looked through the button covered remote controls. He picked up some of the remotes and held them up to the sunlight in ecstasy.

"Yes, buttons. Many buttons to occupy your mind," Thom sighed.

"And what do you want to bet that he can never figure out how to even program the VCR?" Kyan mumbled snidely. Ted and Jai chuckled.

"But, what are those?" INuyasha asked, pointing to the DVDs and CDs.

"Oh, well you need something to watch and listen to so we got you some stuff," Carson explained. "For your oh-so-diverse musical tastes, we got death metal music, almost death metal music, pseudo wanna be death metal. Quite the range, you've got there," Carson said, still a little peeved Inuyasha didn't see Abba in quite the same light he did.

"And we got you some movies we thought you'd like," Ted added in. "Die Hard, Die Hard II, Die hard with a vengeance, the three American Pie movies, Dumb and Dumber, all the Arnold Schwartzenagger movies-"

"You'd never know it but one "the Govenator" was really buff once," quipped Kyan.

"True. Also, all the Jackie Chan movies, Bruce Lee videos, Jet Li movies, all the Monty Python movies plus a few chick flick movies to satisfy any females you may have over," Ted finished.

"Chick flick?" INuyasha asked curiously.

"A girls movies. Breakfast at Tiffany's, Pretty Woman, Roman Holiday, Say Anything, Titanic, Bridges of Madison County, Beaches, When Harry Met Sally- the usual stuff."

"But I'm a guy!"  
"We noticed," joked Kyan. "But seriously, its for when you want some girl to think your sensitive and caring and love watching boring movies. Girls love that type of stuff."

"Oh...so what are those?" Inuyasha asked, now pointing at the speakers.

"Basically, those make things really really loud," explained Carson.

"How loud?"

"Well, people down the street will be able to hear your death metal."

INuyasha blinked. "........whoa......." he mumbled finally, his eyes shining.

"Glad you like it, Keanu Reeves," Ted said with a smile and the sentiment was echoed by the rest of the fab five. (A/N: love Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure. 'Most rad!" hehe...)

"It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen," Inuyahsa whispered. Obeying an impulse he didn't understand, he laid his head down on the top of one of the speakers and wrapped his arms around it. (A/N: I have actually seen grown men do this. Sad but true.)

"I've always wanted to see someone make love to a machine," Thom deadpanned.

"Uh, you can let go now," advised Kyan, slightly nervous.

Inuyasha let out a happy growl from the back of his throat and continued to snuggle with his new toys.

"Oh my..." Jai said, eyebrows raised and a little disturbed. "Um, Inuyasha, we have a lot of other things to show you...time to step away from the television monitor..."

Grabbing Inuyasha by the back of his t-shirt, Carson hauled Inuyasha to the right side of the wellhouse.

"But, but my buttons!!" Inuyasha protested as his remotes were plucked from his fingers.

"They'll still be there later. Stop being such a clingy baby," Jai admonished, tossing the controls onto the couch.

Shoji screens, delicately painted with a blossoming lotus trees, were pushed aside as Inuyasha was pushed into the next room in the house.

Glancing around, he was surprised to see a very elegant dining room. The space fully took up the right wall of the wellhouse. A low mahogany table large enough to seat ten was planted in the middle. A formal tatami mat was under the table and extended about half a foot past the table edges. Embroidered black cranes were the border of the hunter green colored GIZA and matched the cranes on the zabuton pillows. Placed four on each side and one on both heads of the table, the zaisu chairs were of dark mahogany and was a perfect complement to the dark green zabuton pillows.

In the middle of the dining room table was another sculpture. Much smaller then the tree but just as intricate, a small Japanese dragon was curled sinuously around a cloud and its scales shone in the sunlight from the skylight above. Throwing its head back in a silent scream, the dragon had one paw raised to claw at some invisible enemy and, in the other paw, held a golden ball. Realistic looking and well made, the small dragon was an obvious and elegant centerpiece.

Kyan whistled. "Wow, Thom, this is gorgeous! Nicer then any place you've ever had before, eh Inuyasha?" Kyan said, nudging Inuyasha in the ribs with his elbow.

The hanyou boy had a brief flashback of his childhood home. The silver inlaid chairs, the solid gold plates, the five foot tall jade GUARD DOG statues, silk pillows with handpainted scenes, painting scrolls hundreds of years old, the ancient suits of armor. He remembered the immense wealth and royal status that was almost visible presence in that castle and decided not to mention any of it.

_I'll be nice...., he thought. Besides, who knew how'd these guys would react to know they had a half breed prince in their midst? They might get enthusiastic, Inuyasha imagined with horror and trepidation._

"It's great," Inuyasha said. "What's with the dragon?"

"Oh, Kagome told us there was some thing in your past that involved a dragon of some sort. Not that we actually think it was an actual dragon of course! But the idea...," Thom hastened to assure the amused Inuyasha.

Inuyasha smiled. "Oh, yeah, course its not an actual dragon..."

Thom shrugged carelessly. "Kagome said it was a real turning point in your life so I decided to represent that."

Inuyasha nodded in appreciation of the sentiment. He glanced around the room and noticed the oddest things. Protruding from the wall were two hooks made of dark wood.

Thom noticed Inuyasha's new direction of interest. "Oh, those are the holders."

"Holders?"

"For your sword," explained Thom. "You put your sword there when you come in. It's someplace to store the thing until you need it."

Inuyasha shook his head. "No, I need my sword all the time."

Carson opened his mouth to point out the rather obvious double entendre but Kyan clamped a hand over the blonde's mouth in time. "No Carson. Bad gay man bad!" he chastised.

Carson shrugged the hand off. "You sound like a New Jersey Republican."

Thom was holding out his hand for the Tetsuiga. "I'll show you."

Inuyasha ignored the outstretched hand and glared at Thom. "Why do I need one of these anyways?"

Thom looked at him in exasperation. "Because you don't need to carry around a weapon. You can hang the damn thing up and be at peace because _nothing is going to happen here!"_

"But-"

"It's totally safe. No need for the metal security blanket."

Inuyasha realized with shock that Thom was right. There had been the Noh mask but that was from a previous era...the dangerous metal boxes were not half as scary now that he had ridden in one...Beyond that, Inuyasha couldn't think of anything truly dangerous in Kagome's era.

Thom saw how thunderstruck Inuyahsa was and patted him on the shoulder. "Just think about it. Now, come on, look at the bookcase."

Inuyasha was led to the right of the stairs leading down. There, underneath the ledge above, was a bookcase. It was crammed with books of every size and purpose. Large textbooks were on one shelf and small paperback novels were on another. Stuffed and disorganized, it had the undeniable stamp of Kagome all over it. Inuyasha mentioned this to the fab five. Surprised by this uncharacteristic insight, they all nodded dumbstruck.

"Yeah, it looks like her bookcase in her room," Inuyahsa explained with a snort.

"She wanted it because she said you are always constantly stealing peeks at her school books and thought maybe you'd like this," Thom said.

Inuyasha blinked. "I didn't think she noticed."

"Well, she did. So you like?"

"I don't know. I mean, I-"

"Well, this is all interesting and stuff but I'm really bored," interrupted Carson. Five pairs of eyes were all rolled simultaneously.

"Carson, we're doing the bookshelves now," Ted said patiently.

Carson waved his hands in dismissal. "Bookshelves are so passé. Let's go somewhere fun!" the excited blonde said. He imperiously grabbed Inuyasha's hand and pulled the reluctant hanyou across the wellhouse and up a new set of stair. These stairs were directly across from the ones by the entrance and led upward.

"Wait- where are we going?" Inuyasha asked, pulling Carson to a stop.

"To the bedroom! Come on, sexy ass!" Carson shouted gleefully.

"Stop calling me that!"

"You really need to be less repressed, you know that?" Carson said in an earnest tone.

_Why that bastard...! "_You know what I do know?" Inuyasha snarled. "I know you need a stick shoved up your-!!"

"Now, now!" Jai interrupted. "Let's be nice and go see the upstairs."

The stairs ended onto a little platform. Hanging from the rafters above the empty space was the blue hammock. Inuyasha was a little surprised (and disappointed) to see that this was his whole bedroom. Just an empty open room with a hanging bed, rug and a tall box next to the wall.

"It's not as nice as the other rooms," Inuyasha pointed out in his usual tactless fashion.

"Well, excuse me but I got the impression that you don't plan on doing anything here anyways!" snapped Thom.

Inuyasha blinked. "Well, its true I don't sleep a lot but that's no reason to slack off with your job."

Thom made a strangled noise and looked like he was going to jump off the ledge, dragging Inuyaha down with him.

Jai turned and whispered to Carson, "Inuyasha totally didn't catch that insult, did he?"

"Nope."

"His obtuseness is almost impressive."

"Almost."

Thom massaged his temples and grinned a strained smile. "I thought you'd appreciate the simplicity in the design."

"Well, if you were going for simple, why throw in that box?" Inuyasha pointed out smugly.

Thom took another deep breath. "It's your closet, you moron."

"Closet?" Inuyasha repeated in amusement. "What for?"

Carson snapped to attention and his eyes narrowed. He was definitely sensing a disturbance in The Force. "Why would you say that? You have all that new beautiful clothing to wear. You have to put it somewhere."

"It all came with bags. I'll just store them there," Inuyasha answered practically.

Carson's eyes widened. "I'm sorry, what!??"He shook his head in negation. "You are doing no such thing!!"

"Who cares where the shit stays? No one's gonna see."

"Because because,"Carson sputtered, "you don't keep clothing in the bags! You take it out, put it on hangers, then you wear it and when your done, you put it back on the hangers!!"

_Wait one god damn minute!_ "Wear it? I'm not wearing that shit!" Inuyahsa shouted.

"You're wearing it right now!!" Carson shouted back, flinging an accusatory finger at Inuyasha's t shirt and jeans.

"That's because you stole my clothes and poured that kerosene stuff all over it!" That reminded Inuyasha of a question he was having. "By the way, where the hell are my clothes?"

Suddenly, no one was able to meet his golden eyes.

_Oh no_....."What did you do?" Inuyasha asked, sure he wasn't going to like the answer.

"Well," Carson began, "we tried to burn it again and that didn't work so we tried to cut it up and that didn't work-"

"Where'd you put my clothes?" Inuyasha growled. _Did they put it into a volcano? Tie it with a rock and throw it into the ocean?_

"Hold on! So we thought and thought about where we could be almost perfectly positive you'd never get to those nasty wrap around tops in that horrible fire engine red-which suits no one by the way-and will never be able to find those horrible balloon pants-"

Inuyasha groaned. _A volcano, they threw my wonderful fire rat hakama into a damn volcano! Damn but that's gonna be a pain in the ass to get back!_

"Stop making those sounds! We," Carson gulped before remembering that he was Carson Kressley! He would shrink before no fashion impaired moron! Raising his head proudly, hands clenched at his sides, Carson practically yelled out, "We threw them into the well!!"

"The well?" Inuyasha repeated stupidly. The fab five, who felt that their communal demise was in the next five seconds, were amazed to see Inuyasha smile and shrug.

"That's okay then," Inuyasha said. "As long as it wasn't a volcano."

The group of Americans looked at each other and were clearly befuddled as to why Inuyasha was being so easy going about this. Glancing at the Inuyasha, they silently decided to ignore the issue and take advantage of his good mood.

"Well, how about we try on some clothes for the guys?" Carson suggested.

"I don't want to," came the obstinate reply.

Carson smiled evilly and whispered, "If you don't start changing now, I'm going to tell everyone about your little love tryst in the stall in Banana Republic with that girl..."

"My _what_!?!?" Inuyasha almost screeched. "I never did!"

"Yeah but will Kagome believe you?" Carson said suggestively.

Inuyasha gasped. _Of course Kagome would believe me....but can I take that chance?_

Glaring, Inuyasha mutely pointed to the stairs and, amid much cheers from the boys, began to try on clothing.

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Hoped you liked it! Reviewing makes me write faster!! Next chapter is the Fab Five's last minute advice and maybe Inu-chan getting ready to see kagome.


	12. Sexy Ass Frankenstein

A/N: ::cough:: so I do have a good excuse for this obscenely long break between updates. My mom had surgery and so updating was sorta low on the list of priorities for a while. But! I'm back and dirtier then ever! Read, Review but most importantly, Enjoy!!!

**CHAPTER 11: **Sexy Ass Frankenstien

Jai, Ted, Thom and Kyan all trooped to the bedroom stairs to wait for Inuyasha's fashion show. Carson was heard muttering, "This goes with this and that only goes with that, okay? Try on these three outfits okay?"

Carson walked out and sat next to Jai. Inuyasha drew down a curtain from the rafters that hid his sleeping area from view, much to the disappointment of the fab five. Minutes passed.

Finally, Inuyasha reluctantly stepped out.

"Oh wow!!"

"You look great!!"

"Love it!"

"Almost as good as your birthday suit!"

"Let's not go overboard, Kyan..."

"Isn't it wonderful? I saw it and I knew he had to have it!"

Inuyasha blushed miserably. He was in a dark gray charcoal three piece suit, a white dress shirt under his vest, dress shoes on his feet and a crimson tie in his hand. The pants were just tight enough and his muscles bunched underneath the white cotton sleeves. He looked effortlessly elegant and the boys couldn't have been more excited.

"Oh, if only Kagome could see you now! You are made for suits!"

"I feel like an damn idiot," mumbled Inuyasha. "I have no idea what this is." He held up his tie and Carson scurried over to help him out. Quickly tying the necessary knot, Carson adjusted the suit jacket and fixed the vest.

"You look amazing. If you ever need to go to a formal function, this will perfect," Carson said to Inuyasha happily.

"I'm choking!" Inuyasha gasped and tugged at the tie desperately.

"No! Leave it alone!" admonished Carson with a sigh. Inuyasha ignored him and managed to undo the knot. Relenting to Carson's horrified squawks, he left the tie on but still undone.

Tired of the constricting feeling of the suit jacket as well, Inuyasha took it off and slung it over one shoulder. The sun was shining brightly through the round window in the loft area and he squinted in order to see the men on the stairs.

To said men on the stairs, Inuyasha had just evolved from a grungy sex symbol to a polished sex symbol. His eyes were half lidded and his hair gleamed in the sunlight. With his hair was carelessly mussed, tie undone and jacket slung over one shoulder, Inuyasha was the embodiment of a man returning from a late night assignation. Five gay men released a sigh as one.

"It's like Colin Farrel turned into Pierce Brosnan..." Ted said with wonder.

"Or Hugh Grant into Jude Law...."

"Or Ben Affleck during his Bennifer period," added Kyan.

"Oh, god no!" gagged Thom with a grimace. "Ben looked like he was part of the mob."

"This ensemble is for really dressy occasions. A wedding, fancy date, bar mitzvah-"

"Bris milah?!?!" Inuyasha shouted, cringing at the thought.

Carson gave him a confused look. "No, bar mitzvah. Totally different from a bris. I imagine if they were so closely connected, neither one would get done," Carson joked. (A/N: Sorry. Jewish joke)

Inuyasha glared. _Stupid confusing American words_, he grumbled mentally.

"Can I get out this now?" snapped Inuyasha, his nerves shot.

"Yes, go try on that other outfit," Carson said.

Shoving one hand into a pocket, Inuyasha turned to go change and stalked to his new bedroom.

"Look at him do that model strut!" applauded Kyan.

"Work it baby, work it!!" whistled Jai.

Inuyasha looked at them in confusion but decided not to ask. Ducking behind the curtain, he shrugged out of his new suit with a relieved sigh. Picking another outfit at random, he quickly got dressed and walked back out.

The men yelled their approval.

"Isn't it almost too much?" gushed Carson with pride. Inuyasha shifted from foot to foot.

_At least this is comfortable_, he thought to himself with resignation.

"You forgot the cap!" chastised Carson.

"I hate hats!" Inuyasha complained.

"Silence and listen to the guru." Carson rummaged through the bags of clothing until, with a cry of victory, he held up the black cashmere ski cap. Tugging it down over the hanyou's head, he stood back and admired the picture.

"Mm-mm. Good enough to eat," he pronounced.

Inuyasha sulked and resembled a manly Abercrombie and Fitch model. The casual black trousers fit snugly and hugged his butt wonderfully. The black pea coat was stylishly understated and fit Inuyasha like a glove. A long sleeved hunter green sweater highlighted Inuyasha's light tan and made his hair shine all the brighter. To finish off the look, Inuyasha had a black cashmere ski cap over his ears. Little white curls and silver wisps of hair escaped and framed Inuyasha's face, giving him a disconcertingly angelic appearance.

"You look so good!" gushed Jai.

"This outfit is really for those semi-dressy occasions, like a museum date or something," explained Carson.

"Oh yes, because Inuyasha is a museum type of guy," Ted said in a brightly sarcastic tone.

Carson glared at Ted silently. Turning his back on his co-worker, Carson reached behind him and pulled out a new bag. "I got you a little something," he singsonged to Inuyasha.

The hanyou's ears perked up and swiveled toward the blonde.

Kyan's eyebrows rose. "Ears that turn. That was....interesting."

"They made a 360 degree rotation," observed Jai.

"A present??" Inuyasha said, oblivious to the reaction his ears caused. He leaped forward to grab the bag from Carson's hand. "Is it Ramen? Chow? More buttons? I love buttons..." he muttered excitedly to himself.

Carson blinked. "Uh, no, definitely not," he warned.

Ripping through a box and tissue paper with ease and gusto, Inuyasha ignored the blonde and, with a distinct sense of triumph, held up his present.

A moment of silence descended onto the little space.

"What the hell is this?" Inuyasha asked in horrified confusion.

"Oooooooooooo........" Jai, Kyan, and Ted whispered in awe.

"Carson, you are brilliant!!" Thom said admiringly.

Carson nodded an acknowledgment as the rest of the men agreed with Thom, blithely ignoring the fact that Inuyasha's face was slowly turning a delicate shade of purple.

"_WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS !?!??!" _the enraged hanyou bellowed, waving a pair of pants around wildly in the air.

"Chocolate colored pants!" Carson said defensively. The pants quickly flew and smacked Carson in the face, propelling the blonde backward down the stairs.

The fab five ducked for cover quickly as the full extent of Inuyasha's ire became apparent.

"Chocolate colored _LEATHER_ pants!!!" Inuyasha roared, dragging Carson back up the stairs with a clawed hand at the blonde's collar. Inuyasha began to shake Carson back and forth, screaming obscenities and threats to Carson's person.

"But they'll look so great on you!" protested Carson, desperately trying to pry Inuyasha's fist off his couture dress shirt.

"If I was a size smaller!!" snarled Inuyasha, renewing his assault by throwing Carson into his cringing friends on the stairway.

Carson nodded reluctantly as he recovered from his introduction to flying. "True, they'll be a bit snug. But that's what they're suppose to look like!" Carson said, defending his decision.

Inuyasha knelt down next to Carson, making himself eye level and enunciated very slowly and carefully, "I don't give a mother fucking shit about that. I am not wearing tiny leather pants."

"But they'll look great! Besides, all women are attracted to men in leather!" Thom piped up.

Inuyasha glared furiously and held up a fist in warning.

"Lord, he's totally regressed," lamented Jai, throwing up his hands in frustration.

"At least we talked Carson out of the tiny leather short shorts that he wanted to buy as a joke," Ted muttered, hiding behind Thom.

"Short shorts?!?!?" Inuyasha gasped. "Why, you bastard...," growled Inuyasha, turning to Carson with intent to kill.

"Y'know, Kagome told us that she loves a man in leather," Kyan said casually and effectively stopping Inuyasha mid-movement.

The boy's hands fisted by his sides. Turning to the hairdresser, he stalked over and invaded Kyan's personal space, standing far too close for comfort. (Usually, Kyan wouldn't have minded almost touching a beautiful man but one that was slavering with fangs and reddish eyes? It was a bit uncomfortable for the gay American.)

"Kagome likes men in fire rat fur. Not cow hide. Rat fur." Inuyasha said snarling viciously as he leaned closer into Kyan's face. "Got that?"

Kyan wisely stayed silent.

"Excuse me? You think someone would rather wear rat then leather?" Carson asked incredulously and snorted. "I think not."

Kyan flicked Carson a well-known finger in annoyance, thinking to himself that Carson was the stupidest gay man he knew.

"Kagome would rather wear rat fur!" Inuyasha yelled as he whirled around to try to pummel Carson again.

"Well, she'll also like you in leather," Carson said adamantly, ducking Inuyasha's fist. Pulling a picture out of his pocket, Carson waved the proof in front of Inuyasha's eyes. "See? She cut out a picture and had it in her notebook!"

Inuyasha halted in disbelieve. Caught by the photograph, he snatched the picture out of Carson's hands and stared enraged at the magazine cutout. "Who is this??" he asked in astonishment. "Another guy?!?" _That stupid girl! Turn my back and she has some pansy assed weirdo's picture in her schoolbook! How many boyfriends does she have, goddamn it!_ Inuyasha thought angrily.

"He's a movie star, Orlando Bloom," Carson explained. "As you can see, he's wearing leather pants just like those. Kagome cut out his picture which means that she thinks he's good looking which means that she thinks leather pants are sexy," Carson argued.

Inuyasha's mouth twisted unhappily as this convoluted thought process played itself out in his mind. The results that he came to made him cringe.

"I am not wearing anything leather," Inuyasha said sulkily.

"But these pants would look so wonderful on you!!" Carson said, truly not understanding how anyone wouldn't jump at the chance to wear leather. He held up the butter soft, dark brown leather pants for Inuyasha to see more clearly.

Inuyasha sighed and was about to reject the pants again but that damn picture kept popping up in his mind......"I'll think about it, okay?" he said reluctantly.

Carson smiled. _A maybe is half the battle! _"I know you'll love them as much I would love you in them."

Inuyasha glared. "Go to hell."

"Look, we can argue about this for hours but we don't have that sort of time," Ted interrupted. "In case none of you have remembered, we're on a strict time budget."

Carson sighed but reluctantly admitted Ted was right. "We'll discuss the pants later but for now, we've got to move on. We only have a few hours before Inuyasha has to go meet Kagome."

"What?" Inuyasha's ears stood at attention as his heart leaped up in his chest, pants forgotten. "I'm gonna see Kagome again?" A small smile broke his angry expression and his eyes softened at the thought of his brave shard hunter. "Kagome....." he mumbled softly.

"Oh, he's so cute when he's not pissed," said Thom with a pleased expression.

"Look how excited he is! Young love is so sweet!" Jai sighed with a hand over his heart.

"L'amoure," said Ted in a terrible French accent but none of the others minded.

"Okay, time is wasting!" Carson said with a clap of his hands. "I'll stay here and think of what outfit he should wear. Jai, you're with me. Ted, Thom and Kyan are going to the house with our love struck Romeo over here and give him those few last minute comments and hints."

------------------------

In the Higurashi kitchen, Ted was hammering in the last details of the supper he was going to cook into Inuyasha's brain.

"Then you turn on the stove-" Ted stopped and turned on the flame. "Put the pot on wit the oil in it and-"

"How'd you do that?" Inuyasha interrupted curiously.

"Do what?"

"Made the flame go on. How'd you do that?" Inuyasha was fascinated. "Magic?"

"Magic?" Ted echoed in confusion. "No, I...turned the knob."  
"Knob? What's a knob?"  
_Oh shit no...! _Ted's mind wheeled with the implications of that statement. "Inuyasha?" the cook asked in trepidation. "Do you know how to turn on a stove?"

"Stove?" Inuyasha cocked his head to one side. "I meant to ask you this- what's a stove?"

Ted began to reevaluate his plan of a romantic dinner between Kagome and Inuyasha; there were some technical difficulties he hadn't anticipated.

Turning to Thom to ask for a local take out place, Kyan slapped a piece of paper in his hand and ordered him to just write the instructions down. "We don't have time for that. We still have to help the little idiot with you-know-what."

Nodding, Ted quickly scribbled out the directions of how to turn on the stove. Deciding to forget about the issue, he concentrated on other matters.

Ted placed Thom on one side of the kitchen table and Kyan on the other. Settling himself down next to Inuyasha, he expertly picked up a pair of chopsticks. The table was set with several easy dishes like chilled tofu, rice balls, miso soup and a tea set. A bit nervous about what he was about to do, Ted bit the bullet and broached a sensitive subject.

"Okay, we noticed that you have a very....enthusiastic way of eating," he began cautiously. "So we're going to try something. We thought that maybe you'd like to play a game with us called table manners?" Ted asked hopefully.

"Table manners?" Inuyasha snorted. "I don't need any help there."

A stunned and uncomfortable silence met this boast as Ted tried to think of a diplomatic way to state the obvious.

"Um, but you do need help. Quite a lot to be honest," Kyan said bluntly but not without kindness.

Inuyasha snorted again. "When was the last time you people ever attended a formal Japanese banquet?" he asked abruptly.

The three gay men exchanged looks. "Never," Thom answered for all, wondering what that had to do with anything.

"Yeah, well I've been to plenty of those and I was perfect. When you're perfect by a Japanese formal dinner party, you're perfect wherever." Inuyasha nodded in emphasis but the other three by the table looked doubtful. The younger man glared. "I've got more information on table manners in one finger then you've got in that tiny head of yours," he snapped.

"What?" Thom laughed. "You forget we've seen you eat. Or inhale. Whatever you want to call it."

"All right, I'll prove it to you," Inuyasha challenged. "This is none of our homes, so who wants to be host?"

"Host?" Ted chuckled. "We're not playing tea party." Inuyasha glared silently. "Who cares which is host?" Ted laughed.

Rolling his eyes rudely, Inuyasha muttered, "I guess that makes me host." He proceeded to pick up the teapot and poured tea into Ted, Thom and Kyan's cups. The three stared in confusion.

"Uh, what are you doing?" Kyan asked as Inuyasha gently placed the teapot back down.

"In Japan, it is polite when eating with others to pour the tea for each other." He settled onto his seat but after looking around the table, made Ted, Thom and Kyan re-seat themselves properly, legs folded neatly underneath.

Inuyasha nodded at the men, said "Itadakimasu" and offered each man a plate of food. Slowly taking the edibles, the three ate slowly. As the minutes passed, Inuyasha delicately maneuvered his chopsticks, eating neatly and with just the polite amount of slurping. Three astonished Americans put down their own utensils and just watched in awe and shock. He even said "Kanpai" before drinking his tea in delicate but audible gulps.

Inuyasha looked up and asked in a soft voice they were finished already.

"Um, yeah," Ted said cautiously.

"Gochisosama deshita," Inuyasha said with a small bow of his head.

"He's making this up," protested Kyan desperately. Ted shrugged helplessly but motioned for them all to bow back. He had no idea if this was the right thing to do but better safe then sorry.

An evil chuckle was heard from above their heads. Glancing up, all three jerked in shock. Inuyasha was lazing on the floor, his feet on the table and was picking his fangs with a toothpick.

"What the hell?!?" shouted Thom. "You were Mr. Perfection a minute ago!"

Inuyasha smirked up at him. "Told ya I knew what I was doing," he said with a arrogant tilt to his head.

"We saw nothing! I knew you were making all that up!" Kyan said, pleased that he had been right.

"I wasn't. That's proper Japanese table etiquette," Inuyasha said simply.

"If you know all that, then why eat like a pig?!" Ted said, almost shaking with frustration.

"Because its faster."

Blank stares asked a silent question.

Inuyasha sighed, sung his feet down and said slowly, "I eat that way because the food gets in faster that way."

"Gee," said Ted in a flat voice. "Why didn't I think of that?"

Thom looked at the lounging boy and said dryly, "You are aware that the food isn't going anywhere. It's dead already."

Kyan shook his head. "I have no words for that."

Inuyasha smiled a cocky smile. "Aren't I the best mannered little idiot in the world, huh Ted?"

Kyan glared and yanked the teenager upward with a hand on an ear.

"Let go! Ow!!" screeched Inuyasha as he was dragged up the stairs to the Higurashi bathroom.

"Shut up. You may know all about eating but what about moisturizer?"

Inuyasha rubbed a sore ear and sulkily muttered, "Never heard of it. Can you eat it?"

"Not usually but with you, all bets are off..." sighed Kyan. "Really quickly, I'm gonna show you proper skin and hair management." Looking at Inuyasha, he asked pointlessly if Inuyasha did anything right now to take care of his skin.

"Dodge," Inuyasha said simply.

Kyan placed a hand over his eyes and took a breath for patience. "Why do I ask?" he rhetorically spoke into the air.

"No idea."

"You. Shut. Up."

"Okay okay, don't get so touchy," mumbled Inuyasha, slightly unnerved by Kyan's death glare. Kyan pulled a bag out of the counter and started what was probably the most futile thing in history: giving Inuyasha a lesson in skincare.

"These are products," he explained as he pulled bottle after bottle from the bag, dumping them all on the counter until the white tiles could barely be seen. Inuyasha looked askance at Kyan and tried to unobtrusively make a dash for the door. Kyan snagged him by his back jeans pocket and forced the unhappy hanyou to sit on the toilet seat cover.

"I've color coordinated the bottles so you can separate between the hair stuff and the skin ones. White for hair-obvious, no?- and pink for the skin care."

Inuyasha growled. "What is it with you guys and making me wear stuff that's pink?"

Kyan smiled brightly. "We just love seeing you get all flustered."

"Sadists, every one of you," Inuyasha grumbled.

"You should see us in the bedroom."

"Argh!!" Inuyasha put his hands to the top his head. "Stop saying perverted things like that!"

Kyan chuckled and patted Inuyasha's hands. "There there, Sexy Ass, we're leaving soon."

Inuyasha sat up, taken totally by surprise. "Wha-? Since when? And stop calling me that."

Kyan shot the hanyou an exasperated look. "You're cute but brains aren't your department, are they?"

"You never mentioned leaving!" Inuyasha defended.

Kyan thought back and realized that nothing had been said about the next step in his transformation. "Good lord, you're quite right. Well, we'll be leaving in about a half an hour. You'll change, do all the last minute stuff and then go pick up Kagome from school, show her all the changes and she'll be overwhelmed by it all. That's when you'll make your move, get onto that hammock and you and Kagome will finally....." Kyan trailed off suggestively, waggling his eyebrows.

Inuyasha waited for Kyan to finish his sentence but after a few moments couldn't contain himself. "We'll what?" Inuyasha asked curiously.

_Oh, for crying out loud! Is he really seventeen?!?! _Kyan growled at Inuyasha's density. "What do you think?" he ground out in irritation.

Inuyahsa's brows furrowed as he racked his brain. "...Hmmm....we would- no no, we wouldn't do that. She's only been here for two days, its not time to go back yet.. ..we'll.....do......damn it! Uh...hmm....," Inuyahsa thought deeply before the answer finally dawned on him. "We'd eat Ramen!" he shouted happily.

"Wha-NO!! No, you idiot!" yelled Kyan. Leaning down to Inuyasha, he said in a serious voice, "What is the one thing you really want to do with Kagome that you'll never tell her, that one thing that you don't even tell yourself you want?"

Inuyasha shook his head slowly. _What the hell is he babbling about?_

"It starts with an 'S'..."

"She's gonna sit me?" Inuyasha said now pissed off. "Damn her, I didn't do anything! Well, besides almost killing a couple of people...but that's normal for me!" Inuyasha scowled, ignoring Kyan's disturbed look from that last statement, too busy getting himself worked up into a frenzy. "What is wrong with her? I try and I try but she just never takes my side! I swear I-"

Kyan let out a sigh and interrupted Inuyasha's tirade and decided to be blunt. "Not sitting you, whatever that is. I'm talking about the thing you think about whenever the wind blows and her panties flash."

Inuyasha's eyes widened and his mouth gaped open. "_THAT?!!?" _he shouted, face flushed completely red.

"Oh, gee, now you reach the answer pretty quick," Kyan said in amusement. "Been thinking of doing nasty things with Kagome's panties?" the hairstylist teased.

"_NANI!?!?! _NO! I would never do that!!!" Inuyasha denied vehemently, shaking his head furiously.

"Liar," snorted Kyan. He enjoyed Inuyasha's stammering and flustered behavior before he remembered that he had only a few more minutes before returning Inuyasha to the wellhouse. "Okay, I get it, you're thrilled to stay a virgin."

"What did you just say?? You hentai bastard! " Inuyasha shouted, wishing for death at this point.

Over Inuyasha's shouts of rage, Kyan began to explain how to keep up his appearance. "When you come out of the shower, you run your fingers through your hair like this, rubbing the product in gently but vigorously. This is called jujshing." Kyan fussed with his hair for a bit, making sure his coif was perfect.

Inuyasha propped his head on his hands. "You look stupid."

"Thank you for that brilliant observation. Now, this is the skin care. Facial soap, moisturizer and toner. You happen to have almost flawless skin and honestly, from the amount of time Kagome told me you spend outdoors, that's a miracle." Kyan began to smear liquid across Inuyasha's face.

"What are you doing? Get that stuff off me!" Inuyasha sputtered. Kyan ignored him and washed the soap off Inuyasha's face, much to the hanyou's annoyance.

"It's not a big deal." Kyan stood with his hands on his hips and glared.

"Yeah, like getting waxed was no big deal!"

"All right, I admit, I lied then but I'm not lying now."

"Feh."

"Don't you know any other words?"

"Not for you."

"Whatever just put the lotion on."

"Got to hell!"

"After you!" snapped Kyan, losing his temper.

Inuyasha blinked. "Well, yeah. I'm going to hell with Kikyo." The hanyou snorted, missing the confused look on Kyan's face.

"You're looking forward to going to hell?"

"Well, not looking forward but its the right thing to do. It's the honorable thing- I promised her after all."

Kyan thought about this for a moment. "You've completely lost your mind, you know that?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind." Kyan sighed and took out a pad, soaked it with toner and dabbed Inuyasha's face.

"OW!" Inuyasha scrambled away from Kyan, grabbing at his face. "What the hell was that??"

"Oh for gods sake!! It doesn't sting that badly!" Kyan said in exasperation, trying to grab Inuyasha's face.

Inuyasha deftly avoided him and shook his head. "I don't like that! My face is freezing up. I can't move it!" He illustrated his point by trying to shift his face into a scowl but only got a half smirk before his skin tightened too much. "See?" Inuyasha hissed, pointing to his unmoving face. "I can't move it!"

"I know that, it's just the toner working. It takes away all the icky stuff lying on your face but makes it tighten a bit. The feeling will go away in a few minutes."

"Don't care. I'm not putting any more of that stuff on." Inuyasha stuck out his tongue for emphasis and Kyan felt the reins of his temper slipping again.

"Fine. Just let me finish up."

Inuyasha grudgingly let Kyan finish applying the moisturizer and escaped as soon as possible back to the outdoors, ignoring Kyan's shouts to come back.

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Inuyasha ran into the wellhouse, slamming the door behind him. Gasping for breath, the hanyou leapt into the rafters and stealthily pulled out Tetsuiga.

"What are you doing with that?" Jai asked in justifiable alarm. "Put that thing away!"  
"Shh..." Inuyasha whispered. "He has a weapon."

"No, he doesn't. I repeat, whoever is coming does not have a weapon. Put that metallic phallus down and talk," demanded Jai.

"Phallus?" _Another word I don't get! _Inuyasha thought in frustration._ Why do I not get half the things that come out of their mouths?_

"Nothing," Jai sighed. "He doesn't have a weapon."

"It's not sword but it's still a weapon." Inuyasha insisted. he thought back, trying to remember the name. "Ah! He calls it 'tooner'. It almost ripped all the skin of my face off and that qualifies as a weapon." Inuyasha nodded decisively.

Carson raised his eyebrows at Jai who shrugged back. "Pedicures, waxings, toner- is this guy not scared of anything?"

"I'm very brave!" shouted Inuyasha, extremely offended that these unmanly foreigners were daring to call him a coward. "I'm the bravest man I know!!"

"Well, if we didn't know he was straight beforehand, the whole unnecessary chest-beating, ego trip thing would have tipped us off," muttered Carson.

Kyan burst into the well house, followed by Ted and Thom.

"Inuyasha, you baby! Get back here and finish up! All that's left is some moisturizer! Inu- IEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" Kyan screeched on the top of his lungs as Inuyasha jumped down from the ceiling.

Roaring a blood curdling battle cry, Inuyasha raised Tetsuiga against the demonic Kyan with his evil 'tooner' and 'waxings'. Kyan, terrified, threw the moisturizer bottle at Inuyasha but missed and the bottle shattered on the floor. Landing gracefully in a crouch, Inuyasha prepared to deliver the killing blow and took a step forward. Unfortunately, he stepped into the lotion coating the wooden floors and slipped. Landing on his ass, Inuyasha stared up at the ceiling and wondered how this had happened. Kyan, spotting his chance, threw his body across Inuyasha's.

"The chair! Use the chair!!" cheered Ted from the sidelines. Inuyasha looked down and wondered just what the hell Kyan was doing. Carson meanwhile screamed out a count of three and declared Kyan the winner.

"What?" Inuyasha shouted, shoving Kyan off him easily. "I lost??"

Thom snorted. "Sorry, Sexy Ass, but Kyan won by a huge margin. Sorta like Bush vs. Kerry." (A/N: WHOO-HOOO!!!! GO BUSH!!!! Thank god Kerry didn't win!!! At least now we're with the idiot we all know instead of the flip flopper!)

"But I never lose!!"

"You fell on your ass when I attacked! You were pissing in your pants!" screamed Kyan deliriously, dancing a victory dance.

"I was not!!" shouted Inuyasha, aghast.

"Oh but you were!" Kyan yelled joyously and began an impromptu version of 'We are the Champions.'

"Shut up!"

"_Weeeee arrre thhhee champioonss, mahhhh friiiieeeeenddddsss,_" sang Kyan.

The rest of the fab five stared at their friend dancing wildly and skipping around a lotion covered, growling Inuyasha and inched slowly away.

"I think the jet lag just caught up with Kyan," whispered Thom.

"That or Inuyasha's caused him to just plain lose it," snapped Jai nervously.

"I definitely think its time to get back to good ol' USA," said Carson with a nod. "Our plane leaves soon so lets wrap this party up." Walking over to the giggling Kyan, Carson made him sit down and drink from a convenient flask from his jacket pocket.

Kyan calmed down as the liquid burned its way down his throat. Clearing his throat, Kyan apologized to Inuyasha. "I was an ungracious winner."

Inuyasha raised his eyebrows but muttered, "Well, your weapon was formidable...."

"You showed him your weapon?? Dirty Kyan!!" Carson said, impressed.

Inuyasha's nostrils flared in annoyance. "Does he have a muzzle or something?" he asked Ted.

"No but that idea's not half bad...." Ted said thoughtfully as the group sat down next to Kyan on the couch.

Jai walked out with a tray of traditional Japanese bowl cups filled with sake. Setting them down on the coffee table, he cleared his throat.

"On behalf of all of us, we'd like to thank you Inuyasha for proving to us just what we can do."

"You were our greatest challenge," chimed in Thom.

"An absolute trip," agreed Kyan.

"We hope you like the way you and everything turned out," Carson said. The five waited for the usual profuse thanks, ecstatic applause and sometimes tears.

And waited.

And waited.

"For gods sake, say something!!" snapped Ted.

"You guys are royal pains in my ass."

"Why do we bother?" groaned Kyan.

"Because its our job," answered Jai.

Inuyasha laughed. "I was just kidding." _Sort of ...... _

"No, you weren't," muttered Thom.

Inuyasha ignored him, took a breath and prepared to do one of most distasteful things he had ever done. "I'd like to say something," he started. "You guys have shown a lot of patience. I know you don't understand me and, to tell you the truth, I don't really understand you." Inuyasha nodded thoughtfully. "You're all pretty much freaks, in my opinion-"

"And that makes you what exactly?" interrupted Carson.

"I'm a freak too. No shocker there." Inuyasha shrugged. The fab five glared half-heartedly at this unconscious dig against himself. "I guess what I mean to say is that this whole thing sort of attacked me and I didn't know how to deal with it really. But I think I enjoyed it in some way...I mean, I learned a lot." He pointed at each man in turn. "I learned how to cook from Ted...kind of. Kyan taught me about weird things like skin care or, well, he tried to. Carson took me shopping too much but I got a lot of stuff and now I can go out with Kagome. Jai introduced me to some interesting people and how to control my temper. I needed that. And Thom....Thom made me a home, someplace where I can be near Kagome and not have to sit outside her windowsill to make sure she's not attacked-"

"Sit outside her window?" Jai asked, disturbed.

"Oh my god, he's not her boyfriend, he's her stalker!!" hissed Thom.

"She doesn't mind," Inuyasha said calmly. "I mean, she doesn't know but I'm sure she doesn't mind."

"Uh-huh and I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you," Carson said.

"Would you just shut up? I wanted to say, I guess....I sorta just wanted to say, uh how to do this? It's kinda like than-...um," Inuyasha shifted from foot to foot, clearly unhappy with having to say this.

"You're welcome," Jai said softly.

The hanyou shot the smaller man a grateful look.

"A few last minute things- the outfit I want you to wear is on your bed," said Carson, breaking the moment.

"And remember to turn on the stove before you start cooking!" added Ted.

"Try to clean this place every once in a while," Thom said, knowing a cleaning was never going to happen.

"Jujj after the shower and put on the moisterizer at least," begged Kyan.

"Keep your temper! Talk! Do not kill people!" Jai said sternly.

Inuyasha looked like he was going to balk at the last command but decided to keep silent.

"Okay, now we drink to your success later this evening!" announced Carson.

"Success?"  
"Getting lai-"

"Carson!!"

"Oh right." Carson picked up a cup of sake. Everyone picked up the odd bowl shaped saucers and held them high, Inuyasha a little slower then everyone else.

"What are we doing?" he whispered to Jai.

"It's called a toast. Just do what I do."

"We combined you, made you better," pronounced Carson. "Took all the good parts of you and added a bit of civility and gay behavior and created you: a veritable Frankenstein!!"

"Who?" Inuyasha asked blankly.

"Frankenstein!" Carson said. "Don't you know who he was? He was a mon-"

"Why don't we save that for later??" jumped in Jai nervously. "Just take it as a compliment....sort of..." he told Inuyasha in a whisper. Inuyasha shrugged agreeably. At this point, he just couldn't care what they said about him.

"So," Carson continued, clearing his throat, "you're now a Frankenstein-"

"No! He's a Sexy Ass Frankenstein!" corrected Kyan.

"Good point!"

"To Sexy Ass Frankenstein!!!" cheered all the men as they clinked cups and drank. "Don't call me that!" begged Inuyasha.

The men set down their cups. "It's time for us to go," said Thom with a smile. "How about a hug for the way?"

"A.....hug?" asked Inuyasha blankly.

"Yeah! A group hug!" enthused Jai.

Without another word, the men surrounded Inuyasha in a large group hug. Inuyasha sighed in the middle of the mass of bodies.

_I don't know why they wanted to do this but it isn't so bad. I mean, at least none of them are- **HEY!!!**_

Inuyasha leapt out of the hug and stood on the top of couch growling menacingly.

"OKAY, WHICH ONE OF YOU PINCHED MY ASS?!??!"

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A/N: hey! Hope it was worth the late delivery! Have to say, I enjoyed writing the pseudo-wrestling scene between Kyan and Inuyasha. I have a lot to say and a lot of people to thank so here goes:

If you want to know the websites for the furniture and what not in the previous chapter or the stuff about Japanese manners can be found by asking me. Fafic wouldn't upload it.

Japanese Translation: Gochisosama deshita- its my pleasure/ Itadakimasu- a saying said before meals. Sort of like 'dig in' but really polite/ kanpai- cheers

Review To Reviews:

Inuyoukai-Blade Master glad you liked chapter one! How'd you find the rest of it?

Squeak-toy you nudged me! THANK YOU! Hope this chapter was worth it!

Sesshomaru13 thanks for the review! I love them (and thus, you!!) to bits!!

Jigoku Hikari sorry about taking so long...it's a real problem I have. I've been trying to get better but life gets in the way....hope it was worth it! And Kag's gonna see a lot more then just his clothes (::wink wink::)

The-Wind-Dragon-Caller cool name BTB. Thanks for the review! It's great to see someone so enthusiastic!

Sugarsprite I adore you!! (and your stories!) And I love getting serenaded!! If you weren't a Knight of the Sock Drawer beforehand, you sure as hell are now!!!

Lady Netiri short, sweet, to the point. Thanks!!

WickerB do you know why your reviews kick ass? Because they're long! I love that in a review! Adored it! Thank you so much!

Sakura8907 yeah, I love inu and his buttons too....its just such a guy reaction, y'know? My brothers in laws actually act that way in real life. My sisters have the patience of saints inside BestBuy

LynneC114 a long review! Praise you!! A cat weighing 50 lbs? His or her majesty is a big kittay.....hope you got further then chapter one by now!

TheAristocraticAssasin thanks for the review! And no, there was not quick update but I'm glad you liked the story. Hopefully, you're still reading...

Binah you know, your name actually means wisdom or specifically female wisdom in Hebrew. Cool huh? Kagome will see his new look in next chapter. And thanks for putting me in the fav bin! Honored, I am! Two reviews! I'm on a high!

Unknown Fool sorry about the hair... ::wince:: I know, a couple of people were upset but its growing back! (not as long as it was though. I personally think inuyasha would look illegally hot in short-ish hair )

LadyCarolyn and where have you been, hmmm?? I was so sure one of my fav reviewers had dropped me! And then you gave me two reviews! You are truly a knight of the sock drawer.

Ria a nudger! You are a special category of Knight of the sock drawer!! The Nudgers!!!

Pookie-Dookienot the sporks! Anything but the sporks!! And you too are a special knight of the sock drawer for nudging me to update!!

Most especially to **Karenebl** who is my ONLY reviewer for my tribute fic to BathoryM's saga! (that's why SHE gets to be bolded and the rest of you are just underlined)You are blessed for that oh-so-needed ego boost! I happen to love that one shot so thank you!! (and when I get the time, I'm going to rewrite it with your suggestion)

To everyone who reviewed for any of my other fics- THANK YOU!!! And, if anyone's interested, I am doing a chapter two of sorts to Waldrobe Malfunction.


	13. Peeping does a body good

A/N: Okay, I know people are upset about the whole waiting two months before updating but hold onto your pitchforks because I have a small bomb to drop: this isn't the last chapter!

::cringes and dodges::

I'm sorry but usually, chapters are 20 or 25 pages but the last chapter finished up at **57 pages**!!!! Can you believe that??? So, it was too long and had to be cut. Everyone would have gotten computer eye burn otherwise! This one is 28 pages, still pretty long.

IMPORTANT!!! READ BELOW!!!

Firstly, while I had a few valid excuses for not updating, none is quite as powerful as the fact that I had a cancer scare. I was giving myself a breast exam and found a lump, two of them to be exact. Thus, December was not only finals time but also scary on a whole different level because I wasn't sure I was okay. I had to go into surgery and everything and made a complete ass out of myself over the IV needle (cancer I could handle but a pinprick caused me to have a panic attack in the OR…not one of my shining moments) Thank god, everything is okay now and I am fine. BUT, the reason I am telling this is not because I love to share these sort of details. I do not. However, I am suggesting that every female who reads this should go to bed tonight and perform a cursory breast exam on themselves. It's not dirty, it's being careful and, let me assure you, it's better to feel yourself up then to find out later that there is something you could have done to save yourself. Tell all the other women you know too. Here's a website, it's pretty good. Remember to take out the spaces.

http:www. breastcancer. org/diadetecexamidx. html

Secondly, the formatting in this chapter is a bit different. The switch between POV's will be demarcated by a ------------- line. You'll see once you get to it, I just don't want anyone overly confused. So, once you see a ------------ line, the POV has switched.

Ready to enjoy some sexy naked hanyou?

Read and enjoy!

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**CHAPTER TWELVE: Peeping is good for the soul…**

Inuyasha waved from the walkway of the shrine steps as a black SUV carrying the oddest bunch of characters he had ever met drove away. He knew Carson was at the wheel because the car was swerving across the road as the blonde showed the others what he bought. Inuyasha smirked when he heard Jai scream in panic. The truck went out of sight and Inuyasha shook his head, wondering just what the hell had really happened the past couple of days.

_Freaks_, he thought semi-affectionately and took one leap to the top of the shrine steps. _Time to get ready for Kagome. And if I screw up, at least they'll never know. _.

------------In the SUV-------------

"Does he know that we're watching him?" Kyan asked.

Thom smiled innocently. "No, he'd get nervous and I didn't think the added stress would be good for him...."

Ted snorted. "That and the fact that this way he'd take a shower without covering up."

Carson looked impressed. "Good thinking!"

Thom smiled and graciously nodded his head.

"The camera's are everywhere, right?"

"Yeah. In the kitchen, the bathroom, living room, courtyard and the well house."

"Nicely done."

"I know," Thom said smugly.

"Now, we'll have something to watch when we get home," Carson said, cringing as he thought about the long plane ride ahead of them.

"Crap!" Jai hung up his cell phone and frowned. "Bad news. Our plane got delayed and it was the last plane out for the day."

"Are you kidding?!?"

"We're stuck here until tomorrow??"

"Damn it! I had an appointment!"

Jai shrugged helplessly. "Sorry guys."

"Well, at least we'll be able to watch Sexy Ass at our hotel room," said Carson comfortingly.

"Inuyasha should console us and do a little strip tease," Kyan said with a wistful sigh.

"Yeah....," Thom said with an excited look in his eyes. "First his shirt!"

"No no no! First his pants!" Carson interrupted.

"Carson. Strip teases are supposed to go slowly, not straight for the goods!" Thom said knowingly.

Thus the Queer Eye Boys spent the entire way back to the hotel arguing on proper strip etiquette and what Inuyasha would do if he were stripping. (Jai suggested he would kill everyone in the club and the others agreed that was the most plausible scenario.)

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Inuyasha clapped his hands and set his shoulders. _First things first_. Before anything, he had to get back his clothing. Humming, Inuyasha strolled into his new house. Stopping for a moment to lovingly pet his stereo system, he meandered over to the well itself and, still humming, leapt in.

-----------------Hotel---------------

"OH MY GOD!!! He killed himself!!" Jai shrieked, jumping up on the couch.

"He committed suicide?" Ted asked in disbelieving horror.

"He must have really hated that moisturizer…." Kyan mumbled in shock.

"He must think I took the leather pants back with me!" shouted Carson. Usefully leaping off the hotel couch, Carson began to yell at the tv screen. "No Inuyasha! They're on the bed! Don't do it! It's not worth it! Almost but not quite!"

"Carson!" Jai shouted, a vein visibly throbbing in his neck. "No one would kill themselves over leather pants!!"

"Um, I beg to differ because-" Carson started. Jai grabbed the front of Carson's and shook him back and forth.

"Concentrate on what I'm telling you! _We killed someone_!!" Jai broke down in tears. "We're going to go to jail and become bitches to fat white men named Bubba!" he wailed.

"Um, Jai?" Thom said, pointing to the television screen.

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Inuyasha dusted off his robes and slung them over one shoulder. Still whistling, he jumped out of the well, unaware of the renewed havoc he caused.

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"That bastard!" screamed Jai, enraged to the point of pain, pointing a finger at the television screen. "I'll kill him for this! I just scared off three years of my life!"

"How the hell did he survive that?" Ted asked, perplexed. "That well is about ten feet deep."

"Because he heard me tell him that the pants were on the bed," Carson said. "I saved him."

Thom managed to get between Jai and Carson before the tiny Puerto Rican killed the blonde fashionista.

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"What was I suppose to do first?" Inuyasha mused out loud. "Was it shower? Cook? Maybe it was get dressed? No, can't do that. I won't be able to shower then."

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"Oh, he had _better_ shower! God help him after all that he doesn't flash some P and A for my viewing pleasure. I'll go back to the shrine and rip out every pretty hair in his head," Jai muttered, slightly calmer now that he had a whiskey sour in his hand and stomach.

"Jai, I think you picked up a few of his traits. All the really violent ones," Thom commented with a cocked eyebrow.

"Sort of sexy…" Carson said, sounding intrigued.

"Back off!" snapped Jai. "I'm still pissed at you!"

Ted refilled Jai's glass and poured the sulking Carson a martini.

"Hey Ted!" called Kyan. "You're up! He decided to cook!"

"Did he find my present yet?"

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Inuyasha stared at the frilly white apron. In big red letters in name tag format were the words: "Hi! My Name is: Sexy Ass!!"

"Not funny," Inuyasha growled.

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Ted laughed merrily from the couch. "I think it's bloody hysterical!!"

Jai cracked a grin. "He does look annoyed, doesn't he?"

Thom patted Jai'd hand. "Feel better now?"

Jai flashed an evil grin as Inuyasha struggled with tying a bow with the apron strings. "Yeah, I'm getting there."

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"He said something about the stove," Inuyasha mumbled as he peered into the oven. "Which part is the stove, the drawer or the flame throwers on top?"

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"Flame throwers?" Carson asked blankly.

"Drawer?" Kyan repeated dully.

Ted's eyes grew wide with realization. "I don't believe this!!!" moaned Ted at the top of his lungs. "It's an oven, for gods sake!!"

"You actually thought he'd figure something like that out? It's way too complicated," snorted Thom.

Ted dropped his head into his hands. "Why does god test me like this?"

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Inuyasha snapped his fingers. "It's the top!" Carefully turning on the stove, Inuyasha threw a pan on top of the flame and, reaching into the freezer, pulled out the vegetables Ted had cooked, and threw them onto the pan.

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"Oh my god! That's not how you defrost vegetables!!" Ted wailed.

"I really don't think he cares," Jai commented as the five gay men watched Inuyasha toss all the ingredients into the pan at once. Ted howled in impotent fury as his carefully selected recipe was ruined.

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Inuyasha stirred the bubbling concoction with a spoon and grimaced. "This doesn't look like what Ted made…" he grumbled. Taking a whiff, he wrinkled his nose. "Doesn't smell like it either."

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"No shit Sherlock Holmes!!" Ted yelled, throwing a pillow at the screen.

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Inuyasha shrugged. _Nothing I can do_, he thought philosophically. "Guess you need to be a girly man to cook."

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"Why that bastard!!!" gasped Ted in fury.

"Did he just call Ted a girly man??" Kyan asked with raised eyebrows.

"Kiss my ass, you chauvinistic homophobic arrogant Neanderthal!" snapped Ted, glaring at the screen.

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"I'm too manly to cook," continued Inuyasha to himself

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"Oh you wish!" shouted Ted. "He'd totally compensating for something," the cook groused to his sympathetic audience.

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Glancing at the wall clock, Inuyasha jerked in surprise. "I'm gonna have to go pick up Kagome soon." Quickly he turned and jogged back to the wellhouse.

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"Um…did he just forget to take the food off the stove?" Jai questioned nervously.

"More importantly, did he not turn off the fire?!?" Thom asked in horror.

Five gay men watched the flames dancing under the pan get larger and larger.

"_Oh shit_!!" came the chorus.

"What do we do??" panicked Kyan. "This is terrible!"

"We're going to get sued!" whispered Jai.

"Call the fire department!" called Carson.

"Fireman….," Thom said with a dreamy look on his face. "I'd like one of these strong Tokyo firemen to put out my fire!"

"Now is not the time to check out fireman booty!" snapped Kyan.

Carson shot an exasperated look at Kyan. "First of all, it is always time to check out firemen. Secondly, I was suggesting we call them to shut off the stove." Carson sniffed imperiously. "You have so little faith in me," the blonde complained. Humphing to himself, Carson deliberately turned away from Kyan.

"Oh, come on! Don't sulk!" exploded Kyan. Carson crossed his arms and sat down lady-like on the couch and proceeded to give Kyan the Silent Treatment.

"Carson, don't start!" Jai said in annoyance.

"Wait! Inuyasha came back to the kitchen!!" Thom called excitedly and motioned the others over to the television.

The five Americans watched anxiously as Inuyasha puttered around the kitchen.

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Inuyasha has been half way to the well house when he had realized what he had left undone.

Moving quickly, he plucked the pan off the stove top. "There. Now it won't burn," he said in satisfaction.

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"IDIOT!! Shut the stove off!!!" five throats screamed in unison.

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Inuyasha glanced down at the flame. Cocking his head slowly to one side, he examined the phenomena of the little blue flame. Peering closely, he tried and tried but just couldn't find the wood. Inuyasha glared at the flame. _I have no idea what to do with this weird… campfire_, he though in disgruntlement and heaved a sigh. The flame sputtered in its burner and Inuyasha's ears slowly perked up. "Ah, so that's how you do it!" he said happily with a snap of his fingers. Taking a deep breath, Inuyasha blew on the flame with all his might. _Not out yet, huh?_ Inuyasha breathed out again. The flame wouldn't give up but it was soon apparent, as Inuyasha kept blowing, that the stubborn hanyou wasn't giving up either.

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Five pairs of dumbfounded eyes blinked at the tv screen.

"Is he trying to…blow out an electrical fire?" Carson asked in confusion.

"Ted, please tell me you told him how to shut off the flame," Kyan sighed, rubbing his temples.

"I turned it on. I thought he'd get that you shut it off the same way," Ted explained helplessly.

Jai watched as Inuyasha turned a slight shade of red as the young boy huffed and puffed uselessly and dropped his head into his hands. "He _is_ an idiot," Jai moaned.

Thom laughed with abandon at Inuyasha's expense as one particularly intense exhale left Inuyasha gasping for breath.

Ted threw a nearby pillow at the laughing decorator. "It's not funny! The boy's so dense, it's disturbing!"

"Wait a minute, where's he going? Why does he have the bathrobe??" Kyan asked in mounting panic. "And what the hell is that dirt for?!?!"

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Inuyasha stormed outside, furious that some puny fire was defeating him. _I'll show that stupid stove thing!_ he growled mentally. Going to the nearest plot of earth, Inuyasha unslung his kimono top and began to dig. He dumped a pile of dirt onto the make shift cloth bucket of his kimono and, quickly securing the corners, Inuyasha lifted the bundle and prepared to do battle once more. _And this time, I'll win!_

Completely unaware of the horror he was causing in a hotel not so far away, Inuyasha went back into the house and dumped the dirt all over Mrs. Higurashi's clean kitchen.

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"_AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!_"

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Inuyasha arranged the dirt in a neat pile. Moving some to the left and some to the right of the top, he stood back. Cocking his head to one side, he examined his work thoughtfully, as Da Vinci might have regarded the Mona Lisa or the Last Supper.

"Perfect, " he murmured.

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"Oh, please tell me he just smoked something! Please do not tell me he's happy about dumping dirt all over that nice woman's floor!!" begged Thom in misery.

"It's like he thinks it's art or something…" Kyan said in confusion.

" 'Perfect' he says…what do you want to bet that he's not going to clean that up?" Ted asked rhetorically.

"Um, guys? What the_ hell_ is he doing??"

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Inuyasha squatted on the balls of his feet and rested most of his body weight on his palms that he placed flat on the ground in front of him. (A/N: like how he did in that great episode after big fight number one with Kagome about Kouga and he's sulking by the well? Love that episode!!) With a determined look on his face, Inuyasha picked up his left leg and began to shovel dirt in a high arc onto Mrs. Higurashi's clean stove. Faster and faster his leg flew until the entire stove top was covered in the remains of what was a flower garden.

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"Oh. My. God," breathed Jai in horror, covering his eyes partially with one hand.

"This is not good, this is so not good…" mumbled Ted.

Kyan and Carson were about to agree when they were distracted by Thom's laughter.

Hooting in sheer enjoyment, Thom laughed and laughed until tears leaked out of his eyes. "He looks exactly like an irate dog, burying a bone!!! What the hell is he doing?! He looks so completely stupid!!" the designer snorted helplessly.

"He has ruined that nice lady's kitchen Thom!!" snapped Jai. "He dumped half a ton of dirt on her pristine floor!!" Jai exclaimed with an melodramatic fling of his hands for emphasis.

Thom merely pointed to the screen where Inuyasha was still shoveling dirt and couldn't contain his amusement. Jai hit him none too gently and decided that at this point the only option left was to pray. Hard.

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Inuyasha grinned at the defeated stove. _Hah! Stupid bastard monster metal thingi! Mess with me and I will take you down! _The hanyou thought, shooting the stove a superior look. "I. Win." He enunciated triumphantly.

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"Good sweet god……." groaned Kyan in disgust.

"When you think about it, this really is his greatest accomplishment to date," Carson commented, waving his martini for emphasis.

"Why does that not comfort me?" Ted, still not over the sight of the filthy kitchen.

"Because you're normal," replied a calm Thom.

-----------------------------------------------

Inuyasha walked over to the stove and smirked once more. Reaching for the pan of food, he examined the dish. There was dirt on it but only just a bit. Brushing it away with a grimy hand, Inuyasha settled the pan on the table.

"Was there anything else to do for dinner?" He mused out loud, tapping one finger against his nose. Nothing came to mind so, shrugging, the hanyou went to shower.

----------------------------------------------

"Okay, someone lie to me and tell me he did not just wipe the food with the hand covered in dirt!" said Kyan, his nose scrunched in disgust.

"To hell with wiping the food! There's dirt in the pan but he's still planning on serving it!!" Ted yelled back.

"Is he not setting the table?" asked Carson in understandable confusion.

"I don't think setting the table even crossed his mind," Jai pronounced knowingly, sipping his second whiskey sour for comfort.

"ARGH!!!!!!" screamed Ted, his careful instructions and vision destroyed by a careless idiot. "Why does nothing go right?!" he begged the universe.

"Uh, something's going damn well right here," Thom said in delighted shock. "I do believe our sexy project has decided to take a shower!!!"

Four pairs of eyes widened in delight and the kitchen fiasco was forgotten in a flash.

"Do you think he knows about the bathroom camera?" asked Kyan in a whisper.

"As he's stripping and getting into the shower without closing the shade, I'm thinking not," Thom answered with a perverted grin.

The other men rushed for optimal viewing while Carson calmly pressed the 'record' button.

----------------------------------------------

"Maybe I should use the bathing room?" Inuyasha wondered aloud but quickly decided against it. He didn't have the time to use the room right. Opening up the bathroom door, Inuyasha felt a twinge in his shoulder. Grimacing, he stretched his muscles slowly. _Kami, my muscles are sore! Musta been battling all these weird demons. Let's see… there was that salon chair… those car things… Jack…._

Musing over all the dangers he had faced over the past week, Inuyasha absentmindedly peeled off his outer hakama and undershirt.

Pausing, he looked at himself in the mirror and frowned at his short hair.

"Damn idiot Kyan. I have the hair of a four year old," he grumbled. Pushing the curling silver locks away from his eyes, he heaved a sigh. "It'll grow back in a couple of days," he comforted himself.

----------------------------------------------

"Excuse me, what did he just say?!?!" Kyan shouted, absolutely horrified by the very thought of Inuyasha's too long hairstyle coming back.

"Shut up," admonished Thom in distraction. "You're talking and I can't devote my full attention to that chest."

"And what a chest it is!" smiled Ted.

"Mmmm-mmmm!" agreed Carson happily.

----------------------------------------------

Inuyasha glared trying to remember how one worked the shower thing. _Kagome showed me once, when Mrs. Higurashi got mad that I got dirty footprints all over Kagome's carpet….What did she do?_ Inuyasha experimentally yanked on one knob. Water came shooting out above his head and Inuyasha squawked in surprise.

"Thank Kami no one heard that…." he mumbled, blushing over the undignified noise.

----------------------------------------------

All five gay men snickered.

"He's so cute when he blushes!" giggled Jai.

"He sounded like a cat," snorted Kyan.

"A sexy cat!" sighed Carson.

"Hey, I've been thinking…well, you know how Ted mentioned compensation before? Do you think this overabundance of macho man attitude are because of a –how shall I say this?- small problem?" Thom asked, as usual the cynical one of the group.

Four horrified gasps met his question.

"NO!!!" Jai protested.

"I hope not! What a let down that would be," Carson said.

"Well, you know a lot of men do that…" Thom said honestly.

"Um, guys?" Ted began.

"Too true! I had a one night stand like that once," Kyan muttered with a shudder. "Nightmare is all I'm gonna say." He took a restorative slug of his whiskey.

"Guys!" Ted said urgently.

"Poor baby!" soothed Carson, ignoring Ted. "That's always the worst!"

Jai nodded sympathetically and patted Kyan's shoulder.

"_Guys_!!" shouted Ted. "_His hands are on his pants_!!!!!"

The other four men stopped short and immediately turned their attention to the television screen.

----------------------------------------------

Inuyasha adjusted the temperature, terribly proud that he had remembered how to do it.

Sticking his hand into the water and pleased with the result, Inuyasha drew off his pants, threw them into a corner and stepped under the showerhead.

----------------------------------------------

There was not a sound in room # 314 in the Hilton Tokyo as Jai, Carson, Ted, Thom and Kyan watched Inuyasha strip and luxuriate under the stream of pulsating water.

After a few moments of breathless peeping, Jai cleared his throat. "So about that compensation issue…? Not really applicable here…"

"Amen and praise god, no!" Thom smiled in appreciation.

"Oh, he's reaching for the soap!" whispered Kyan in excitement.

----------------------------------------------

Completely unaware of his salivating audience, Inuyasha grabbed whatever soap was nearby and scrubbed his body.

----------------------------------------------

The Queer Eye boys watched in delight as Inuyasha's hands smoothed the soap bar over every inch of flesh, leaving suds and bubbles in its wake. His skin shined as the bubbles and water slid over his defined pectorals, the delineated six pack and the tight muscles that were evident with every motion of his body.

"Okay, this decides it. When I die, I want to be reincarnated as soap," stated Carson as he devoured the image on the tv screen.

"His soap," clarified Thom with a shaky laugh.

"It's a lovely image," Ted agreed conversationally. "Really nice."

Inuyasha scrubbed his body with his hands, humming.

"Really _really_ nice…" Ted grinned.

"This is so good, its almost pornographic," Kyan said, happily admiring Inuyasha's sculpted body.

----------------------------------------------

Inuyasha rinsed off the soap and leaned down to get the shampoo bottles Kyan had given him. He tried to pull open the bottle but it wouldn't budge. Grunting with effort, Inuyasha pulled off the top half of the shampoo, splattering shampoo all over the shower.

"Ugh! This sucks!" Inuyasha exclaimed, spitting out the shampoo that had gotten into his mouth. "Kagome better appreciate all this," the hanyou grumbled, dumping what was left in the bottle onto his palm. The goop filled his entire hand and fell over the sides, landing onto the shower floor in a pile. Sighing, Inuyasha dumped the entire mass onto his head.

----------------------------------------------

"Please tell me he did not just blow 35 dollars worth of shampoo on one shower," Kyan asked, stunned.

"No can do," Thom replied, still enjoying the view of his torso and lower areas as Inuyasha's arms lifted and scrubbed at his scalp. "Busy watching."

"To hell with that! 35 dollars!!!" Kyan shouted, irate.

"Oh, shut up. Think of it as out viewing fee," Ted said, dismissing the whole issue.

Kyan mentally weighed the extraordinary waste of the salon shampoo versus the sight of Inuyasha's toned, tanned and lithe body. "Good point," he said with a nod.

----------------------------------------------

Inuyasha threw his head back and rinsed out the shampoo. He looked at the other bottle.

"Fuck no," he muttered and tossed the bottle onto the counter. He was not repeating that soap in the mouth thing! _Besides, there's no difference between the two! _Inuyasha thought belligerently.

----------------------------------------------

"Is he not using the conditioner!?!?" Kyan shouted in horror.

"I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve this," Thom said, shaking his head.

"Well, isn't that lovely?!?!?" hissed Kyan in annoyance. "None of you know how cracked and abused that poor hair is!" He threw his head back to lean against the couch top. "This is a outrage! An abomination! A crime! An atrocity! A-"

"He's getting out," interrupted Ted calmly.

"What? Why didn't anyone tell me?" Kyan asked as he jerked his head down.

-----------------------------------------

Inuyasha contemplated putting back on the clothing he had but it was all dirty and just sort of defeated the purpose of showering. _No one's here_, he thought logically. _It's in the middle of the afternoon, everyone else is at school or work_. Decided, Inuyasha jogged to the well house.

----------------------------------------------

"**_Ooooooooooooohhhh!!!!!!"_** came the ecstatic gasp from the five gays.

"Whoa! Someone was a closet nudist!" whistled Thom as Inuyasha sauntered out of the bathroom, totally naked.

"He really is a sexy ass. Nice and tight!" Kyan said, impressed.

"Do you think he knows how much his thing is jiggling?" Jai asked, tilting his head for better viewing.

"Who cares!??!?!" shouted Carson ecstatically. "This is definitely the greatest project we have ever had!!"

"Greatest result," corrected Thom.

"He loves being naked and I love him for it!" Ted chortled happily.

---------------------------------

Inuyasha paused in the middle of the courtyard and tilted his face up to the sun. It had been a long time since he had felt the sun so fully. When he was still on his own, he used to walk around naked while waiting for his haori, kimono and undershirt to dry. Until he has started traveling with girls, he had never thought twice about walking around undressed. "It's nice to not have to worry about having any of the girls see," he said happily as he continued onto the well house.

---------------------------------

"He's worried about girls looking," murmured Thom with a leer. "Poor innocent…"

"So do you guys think he does this a lot?" Ted said as he struggled for breath. "I love good looking nudists!"

"And Inuyasha qualifies in spades!" applauded Kyan.

"God, what a body!" groaned Thom as Inuyasha jumped down the steps into his new home.

"If I had known he looked like that under his clothes, I would have tried harder to turn him," Carson said with a sigh. "Lost opportunities…."

----------------------------------------------

Leaping up the stairs to his bedroom, Inuyasha rushed to get to Kagome's school in time for the closing bell. Reaching into the trunk closet, Inuyasha plucked out a pair of tight boxers. Slipping them on, he turned to see what outfit Carson had picked out for him.

"Why am I not surprised?" he mumbled in annoyance, eyes narrowed.

----------------------------------------------

Kyan shot Carson a look. "You didn't actually think he'd wear that, did you?"

"He's dressed," whined Jai unhappily. "Good bye sexy nakedness."

"Parting is such sweet sorrow," Ted exhaled noisily.

"Is that a pink shirt?" asked Thom, giving Carson an exasperated look. "He won't wear it."

Carson huffed. "It's a Calvin Klein Couture rose colored button up oxford dress shirt! Anyone with fashion sense would wear it!"

"Inuyasha has fashion sense?" Kyan said straight-faced. "Since when?"

----------------------------------------------

Inuyasha picked up the $340 piece of cotton and strolled back to the Higurashi home.

"Oh Buuuyooouuu!!" he called. "I have a present for you! Come and get it!" Inuyasha cajoled, waving the pink fabric around in the air.

----------------------------------------------

"IS HE OUT OF HIS MIND?!?!??!?!" screamed Carson in horror as Buyou approached the hanyou warily.

"Told you so," sing songed Thom.

"GOD DAMN CAT!! GET OFF THE COUTURE!!!!!" howled Carson as Buyou delighted in his new 'toy'.

With the first ominous ripping sound, Carson flopped onto the couch and began to hyperventilate. "I….can't….breathe….!" the blonde choked out.

"Quick! Vodka! Orange juice! Stat!!" shouted Jai, scrambling to get a cup.

Ted mixed the drink and all the boys watched anxiously as Carson drank the screwdriver hastily. After a moment or two, Carson inhaled and exhaled slowly.

"I'm better," he said quietly. "I'm okay now."

The other Queer Eye guys dropped onto the various couches and armchairs around the room.

"We better be getting hazard pay for this job," Thom grumbled.

Kyan nodded agreement. "That boy has driven us all to drink. Literally."

---------------------------------

Inuyasha left Buyou happily chewing on the shirt. Smirking, knowing instinctively how upset Carson would be if he knew how his present had gone to waste, Inuyasha felt much happier then he had in days.

Once back in his wellhouse, Inuyasha was once again faced with the issue of what to wear. He glanced at his bed and stopped short and growled when he saw the brown leather pants on the hammock. As he picked them up to shred them, a picture fell to the floor. It was that Orlando Bloom guy, the one from Kagome's notebook, dressed in almost identical leather pants. Inuyasha looked from the picture to the pants, reluctantly acknowledging the fact that Kagome _did_ seem to like leather pants….

---------------------------------

"Does he seem like he's about to wear the leather or is it my imagination?" Carson asked cautiously.

"No, no…I see it too," Jai said, just as disbelieving.

To the group's collective astonishment (and delight), Inuyasha went down the stairs, sat down on the couch slowly and gingerly put one foot into the pants.

"Shut. Up!!" gasped Kyan, jumping off the armchair in shock. "He's putting them on!!"

"I, I just do not believe this," Ted said slowly, just as bemused.

"God loves me. I just knew it!!" whispered Thom in ecstasy.

---------------------------------

"Urgh!" Inuyasha grunted, his face getting red with effort. He yanked on the top of the leather pants and pulled and tugged but nothing was convincing those pants to move up his legs. Exhausted and defeated, he stared at the pants in just his tiny boxers, wondering what the hell was going on that he couldn't get a stupid pair of pants on!

_I ain't losing to some dead cow! _He thought in furious determination and once again tried to shove his legs into the too small pants.

"Urrrrgghh!" he screamed, falling backward onto the couch, shimming his pelvis and pumping his hips, attempting to force the pants onto his body. He continued to thump the cushion, harder and harder, yet the stupid pants refused to move past his knees.

"God damn it all!!!"

---------------------------------

Inuyasha's body thrust wildly into the air, his hands yanking at the leather. The fab five looked on in astonishment as Inuyasha wrestled with the pants, performing an entirely unintentional erotic dance on his living room couch.

As Inuyasha's hips slowly stopped pumping the air, Carson let out a shaky breath. "Well…that was…not the way a person usually puts on pants."

"I am not complaining," Kyan said vehemently, still envisioning Inuyasha's pelvis working madly.

"Once again, I say how glad I am Thom thought of installing video cameras," Jai said with a naughty grin.

"Three cheers for Thom!!" applauded Ted.

"I know, I know, I'm wonderful!" Thom grinned, terribly pleased with himself.

---------------------------------

Inuyasha stalked outside, dragging the leather pants behind him. Growling under his breath, he went into the courtyard of the shrine. Tossing the pants up into the air, he drew Tetsuiga in one smooth motion.

"_KAZE NO KIZU!!"_ he shouted, swinging his sword in malicious fury. The claws of lightening appeared and rent the air, racing toward the helpless pants. Easily shredded into tiny pieces, the leather fell to the stone floor as little more then rags.

"Keh," Inuyasha said, arrogantly pleased that he had defeated yet another cursed object from Kagome's time. "You think you were any match for me?!? Ha!!" Inuyasha shouted, gloating over yet another enemy's demise.

---------------------------------

"Okay, why is he talking to pants?" Thom asked, disturbed.

"Hello?!? Did no one else noticed the fact the dinky little sword of his just transformed into a huge hulk of metal about three feet long and two feet wide?!?!??! It sprouts lightening, people!! _LIGHTENING_!!!!" shrieked Jai.

"Wow, was that a metaphor or what?!?" joked Ted quietly to Kyan, nudging the other man.

"My pants!!!" wailed Carson, clutching his chest. "You bastard! Why?!?!?!" he cried to the cocky silver haired boy on the television. Inconsolable, he collapsed against Kyan's shoulder. The hairdresser rolled his eyes but patted his friend's shoulder anyways.

"Lightening! Out of the sword! Like, like…" Jai searched for a good analogy.

"Oooh! I know!" Carson said, popping up. "Like how a guy can really get into the moment and he by mistake shoots hi loa-"

"NOT NOW CARSON!!!" Jai roared. "NOW IS NOT THE TIME!!!!!"

"Jai," Carson said seriously, " it is always time to talk about masturbation."

The Puerto Rican's nostrils flared and he attempted meditation breathing while Kyan wisely put his hand over Carson's mouth.

"Can we go back to my question? Why does he talk to inanimate objects?" Thom asked again, still perturbed by this apparent lack of mental stability.

"He talks to them because he's actually smarter then they are," Ted snipped, still a little peeved at Inuyasha for the hanyou's comment about his masculinity.

"That was not nice," Jai reprimanded primly.

"That was the point."

"Not to be petty here or anything but did anyone else notice the glorious way his abdominal muscles contract when he jumped up, yelling that weird phrase?" Kyan asked with a smile of pure lust.

"Oh, who wouldn't??"  
"He's just yummy to look at!"

"Mmm-hmmm. That boy smothered in whip cream would be a real example of Japanese cuisine!"

The moment of admiration for Inuyasha's body passed and Jai sighed.

"So we just disregard what we don't get and go with the flow?"

"Pretty much," Kyan said with a sigh.

They settled back into their seats, ignoring questions they couldn't answer and prepared to watch Inuyasha go to Kagome.

---------------------------------

Inuyasha walked back into the wellhouse yet again and quickly put on an outfit. Donning a tight hunter green t-shirt, dark denim pants and the black cashmere hat, he shoved his feet into sneakers, threw on the black fitted pea coat and rushed out the door. He tried to spring into the air but couldn't get his usual height.

"Damn pants are too tight," he mumbled.

---------------------------------

"Oh, on you baby, the pants are never too tight," Carson cooed to the screen.

"Amen!" agreed Kyan.

"Smart of you to hire that crew to follow him," commented Jai to Thom.

"I am nothing if not thorough," Thom said, waving his drink in the air.

---------------------------------

Inuyasha sighed apprehensively. The last time he had been at Kagome's school, he had made a bit of an…impression. Wincing at the memory, Inuyasha let out a petulant "keh!" and walked through the gates.

All around him, students were milling, talking and chatting, relieving the stress school had built in them by socializing with their peers. A scent trickled into his nose and, under his cap, his ears twitched in recognition. _Kagome!_ Inuyasha thought in nervous excitement, not having seen the girl in a few days. He took a breath for courage- _what if she doesn't like the hair_?- Inuyasha began to force his way among the crowd.

"Hey now…who is that?" one girl murmured to her friends, watching a very sexy and mature (looking) Inuyasha maneuver through the horde of students. All the girls strained their necks and admitted that none had any idea.

"He doesn't go to school here," one commented.

"Damn shame…" giggled another.

This group was not alone in their perusal of the strange boy in their midst. As Inuyasha unerringly steered toward Kagome, more and more heads turned in his direction. Everyone was talking about the good looking foreigner in the school yard but there was only one person brave enough to do something about it.

She was a clique leader, one of the "important" people in the high school hierarchy. Pretty, put together and popular, the girl was sweet, attractive and well to do. She had worth and knew it. That knowledge was inbred and apparent as she sauntered over to stand in Inuyasha's way. When Inuyasha was forced to stop or run into her, she flashed him a _very_ warm smile.

---------------------------------

"Oh man! Hoochie alert!!" called out Jai.

"She is one of those "I-Am-Miss-Thang" types. You can so tell!" commented Kyan with a grimace on his face. "I hate those!"

"Love her shoes and that bag is definitely a Mori Hanae original!" Carson said with envy, focusing on only the important things.

"No!" gasped Jai, impressed despite himself.

"Reeaaallly?" drawled Thom, well aware of just how much a Hanae cost.

"Oh! Oh! Miss Thang is moving in for the kill!" Ted called out.

---------------------------------

Inuyasha stopped, barely containing his annoyance. _Stupid bitch,_ he thought in annoyance. _Get the hell out of my way!_

"Hey. You're not from around here, are you?" The girl smiled wider and coyly twirled a piece of hair around one finger.

"No shit," Inuyasha snorted.

The girl smiled widened. Only the Bad Boys cursed and from the scowl on his pretty face to the ways his fists were clenched, this was an impatient, angry, pissed-attitude-all-the-way Bad Boy. _Damn!_ She shivered happily as she eyed Inuyasha's expensive clothing and well made body. _I love bad boys! Especially rich ones!_

---------------------------------

"Is she sizing him up or what? I swear, she's so transparent, it's kind of embarrassing," muttered Thom.

"He's taken, sweetie!" Carson heckled the screen.

"You guys don't think he'll get violent, do you?" worried Jai.

Kyan rolled his eyes. "Hey Jai? Is the boy breathing?"

"Um, yeah," Jai said slowly.

"Then he's going to get violent."

Jai groaned. "This is so not good…"

---------------------------------

Inuyasha wanted to back away from this girl, this forward girl wearing too much perfume and whose skirt was too short. _If she bends over, I'm going to see way more then Kagome would be happy with_, he thought to himself, uncomfortable with the very thought. Glancing away, he almost choked as the slight stench of the strange girl's attraction to him reached his nose. _Past time to leave_, he decided quickly.

"Move," he ordered rudely, trying to go around her.

The girl giggled and gave a small bow, sliding sideways so that she still blocked the now angry hanyou. "Pleased to meet you too," she chided lightly.

Inuyasha blinked. "You're a baka," he said, pleased that for once someone else was being the idiot. "I am not pleased to meet you. You're pushy, you smell and you dress like a whore."

The girl's face went white and then stained red.

---------------------------------

Kyan blinked. "Wow. That was…blunt."

Ted slowly turned to Jai. "Weren't you going to teach him manners?" he asked hesitantly.

Jai threw an appalled look at the screen and swallowed half his seabreeze at once. "I tried!" he moaned unhappily. "But there's only so much I can do! I mean, look at the raw material I had to work with! Nada! Zip! Nothing!"

"Maybe he'll get better," Thom soothed, shooting Kyan and Carson dark looks after they snorted too loudly.

---------------------------------

A crowd had gathered around the two as The Girl in school was humiliated.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" the girl demanded angrily. No matter how rich, cute or attractive a man was, he was not going to get away with insulting _her_ like that! She thrust her hand out and shoved Inuyasha as hard as she could. Inuyasha, of course, didn't move.

A head in the buzzing mass caught Inuyasha's eye and he felt his mouth stretch into a smile that was purely evil. Grabbing the girl's still outstretched hand, he flung her onto Houjou. The two toppled over and landed in heap on the ground, still wet from some rain the night before, mud flying everywhere and over everyone.

"You take her," Inuyasha said to the sweet boy with a mean smile. "She's so horny, she'll probably do you right here," he added in a loud carrying whisper.

Ignoring the girl's screech of protest, innocent Houjou's stammers and the crowd's shocked murmurs, Inuyasha shoved through and continued on his path to Kagome.

---------------------------------

Jai, stunned, looked at Carson who turned horrified eyes to Kyan who glanced at Ted who merely shook his head and stared at Thom who raised his eyebrows at Jai.

"What?" Jai asked defensively. "That was so not my fault!"

"Who was supposed to teach him manners?" demanded Thom.

"His mother!" Jai snipped.

Ted rolled his eyes. "He's an orphan, remember?"

"Well, I am not a miracle worker! Has he killed anyone lately?" Jai asked in irritation.

"No," the other men chorused, some a bit reluctantly.

"Then I think we should just count our blessings!" Jai hissed and slouched against the couch back. "Now, shut up all of you, he's walking toward Kagome."

---------------------------------

Kagome grimaced as her foot went into a puddle. "Ew," she frowned down at her muddy loafer.

"You got me too," pouted Eri, shaking off her foot.

Ayumi shook her head. "Rain and dirt don't do much for shoes," she commented.

Yuma nodded her head wisely in agreement.

The four were strolling along, taking their time as they exited school. The wind blew and Kagome shivered. _Cold!_ She thought. _Just like I was cold to Inuyasha_. Kagome sighed, feeling slightly guilty about abandoning Inuyasha so abruptly but she _had_ really needed that break…

"What's a sigh like that for?" asked Eri.

"What?" Kagome's head jerked up and she blushed from the intense stares her friends were giving her.

Dancing in front of Kagome, Yuma planted her hands on her hips and demanded, "Is it that two timing, no good, bandanna wearing boyfriend of yours again?"

"Oh no!!" groaned Yuka. "Not that creep again!"

"He's not a creep," Ayumi cut in, to the surprise of the other girls. "He's just really odd, in a slightly psychotic way," she finished brightly.

Kagome sighed again and tried to walk around her friends. "Leave it alone guys."

"It is him!"

"I thought we talked about this!"

"We did?" questioned Ayumi, confused as usual.

Yuma and Eri glared at their curly and empty headed friend.

---------------------------------

"They're like some bizarre version of the Three Stooges," commented

Kyan.

"Headbands and perms," Carson said with a disgusted look. "No wonder Kagome wore cardigans with sundresses, if she hangs out with these walking fashion mistakes."

"Did that girl say 'two timing'?" Jai asked in horror. "Please tell me she did not just say that Inuyasha has cheated on that sweet girl!"

"Impossible," declared Thom. "He's too shy!"

"She said it! She called Inuyasha a two timing, no good, bandanna wearing-"

"Whoa whoa whoa!" shouted Carson. "Bandannas? Those were out when they were in! No project of mine would ever wear a bandanna! That girl," Carson said firmly, pointing at the screen, "is out of her mind! Hello, she's wearing a headband. Can we really trust her?"

Ted rolled his eyes. "Just because someone has no fashion sense is no reason to assume they're wrong about everything, Carson."

Carson waved a hand. "Well, I wouldn't trust someone like that."

"That's because Carson's lost his mind…" whispered Thom to Jai who nodded empathetically.

---------------------------------

"But Kagome! He's always the reason you sigh!" said Eri firmly.

"Yes, I'm sighing about him!" Kagome admitted, exasperated. "But it's nothing he did, it's something I did to him!"

The three friends gasped in horror. "You cheated on him!?!?!?" they yelled, aghast.

"Wha-??? No!!" Kagome shouted, waving her hands in front of her face in frantic negation. "I sort of abandoned him so that I could do that spa thing my mother bought me and…I feel bad."

Ayumi laughed. "Is that all? He should understand that with all your illnesses, you needed a good relaxing time to yourself."

"Not a guy like that!" argued Yuma. "He won't understand anything if it doesn't concern him!"

"True," agreed Eri with a nod of her head.

---------------------------------

"Oh, shut up Headband girl!" Carson said to the screen. "Inuyasha is nicer then that!"

"No, no. Headband has a point," Thom said thoughtfully. "Inuyasha doesn't really get anything that doesn't involve himself."

"Or Ramen," added Ted.

"You guys should have more faith in him," chided Kyan.

Thom and Ted snorted. "Please. Save your breath."

---------------------------------

Yuma whirled around to start walking again and so she was the first to see. About to start re-harassing Kagome to give up on her boyfriend, Yuma slowly walked to a halt.

"What's up Yuma?" Eri asked in confusion, following where the other girl was looking and her mouth dropped open.

Kagome and Ayumi looked from one friend to another and turned as one to see what the two were staring at.

Ayumi's eyes went wide. "Oh my….Kagome, isn't that your cheating boyfriend?"

Kagome mutely nodded, unable to fully grasp Inuyasha's transformation.

He was stomping through the school grounds, an elegantly dressed delinquent. His coat was open and flapping behind him and as he lowered his head to the wind, his short silver hair shone in the sunlight. The silver strands escaped the cap on his head and curled around the collar of his jacket. His t-shirt was plastered against his abdomen and chest, revealing Inuyasha's structured physique. The jeans were tight enough to show off muscular thighs and a tight bum that swayed sensuously as he walked. He looked up and, as he saw Kagome, a small smile broke out on his face and his eyes lit up.

Kagome took a breath and swallowed heavily, trying to blink.

Yuma turned slowly to Kagome and said breathily, "You know, cheating really isn't such a big deal…You can live with that."

"Anyone could live with _that_," Eri mumbled, dazed as she stared at the hanyou walking toward their little group.

Ayumi smiled brightly. "And you two thought he had no redeeming qualities!" She giggled as the dumbfounded Eri and Yuma. "I, for one, firmly believe a fine ass meets the criteria to be a good quality. If you throw the rest of his body in, the boy has more redeeming qualities then Ghandi."

"Ghandi was old, scrawny and bald. That was a terrible comparison," muttered Kagome as she began to pull at her skirt, tugged at her shirt and attempted to fix her hair into something other then it's normal tangle.

_It's the same scowl, the same permanently annoyed attitude, the same face and the same stomp but everything else is different...very different…_ Kagome felt herself blush.

Inuyasha stopped in front of Kagome and stood for a second drinking in her flushed appearance, tousled hair and bright eyes. _I missed you_, he thought gently and just enjoyed seeing her and having her near him as she was supposed to be. _Wait a goddamn minute! That's right, she left me!_ he thought in growing annoyance.

"Oi," Inuyasha stated roughly. "You're never doing that disappearing thing again, got me?"

Suddenly, Inuyasha's altered exterior was not all that important.

"What did you just say?" Kagome ground out, fists clenched.

---------------------------------

"Okay, should we just staple his mouth together?" asked Jai, throwing his hands up in defeat.

"It's like he enjoys shooting himself in the foot," said Kyan with a disbelieving shake of his head.

"He hasn't seen in her in days, we all know he's excited to see her and when he finally does, he insults her and treats her like a slave!" Thom grumbled. "Hello!?! What is he thinking?!?"

Carson wearily shook his head. "He is so not getting laid…"

The other four hung their heads in agreement.

---------------------------------

"Exactly what it sounds like I said!" Inuyasha shot back. "How am I supposed to protect you if you never stick around?"

"I don't always need to be protected!" Kagome yelled, stomping her foot in her anger.

Inuyasha snorted. "Please. Spare me from your stupidity."

Kagome almost screamed in fury but settled for yanking on one of Inuyasha's forelocks. Hard.

Inuyasha yelped as the pain penetrated his thick skull. "Bitch! Let go!" He twisted in vain to move away from the livid schoolgirl but Kagome tightened her hold and glared.

"Apologize," Kagome demanded.

_Is she trying to be dominant?_ Inuyasha thought in horror. _Hell no!_

Inuyasha grabbed Kagome's wrist and applied pressure until the girl reluctantly let go. Standing up to his full height, he took each of Kagome's hands in his and said angrily, "Do not order me around."

"Don't be so patronizing!" Kagome hissed, ignoring the crowd surrounding them.

"Don't be so stubborn," Inuyasha growled.

"Don't be so arrogant!" Kagome yelled.

"Don't run off!" Inuyasha barked.

"I didn't run off! I needed some alone time!" Kagome said furiously, incensed by his usual blockheaded attitude.

"Well, that's the last alone time you're ever having!" Inuyasha shouted back.

"Why?!?!"

"Because I like having you with me!" Inuyasha yelled.

The silence that came after that confession was broken by something that neither expected.

"Awwww," went the crowd. Sporadic applause and some cheers sounded as Kagome's eyes went wide and Inuyasha felt his face flush.

"I bet he didn't mean to say that!" came the mumble from one boy with a snicker.

"How sweet! An unintentional declaration of love!" sighed one girl.

"Keh!" sputtered Inuyasha, terribly embarrassed. "It wasn't-! I didn't mean-! We're leaving!" he told Kagome firmly as he dragged her through the crowd.

"Fine but first let me button my jacket. It's cold out here," Kagome explained between stumbling steps. Inuyasha glanced back at her and internally smiled at how adorable she looked with that disgruntled expression on her face.

"Alright," Inuyasha said, ire forgotten. "Don't want you sick," he said softly, glancing at her as his blush darkened. Mindful of his claws, he began to fasten Kagome's jacket buttons. Slowly and carefully, one by one, Inuyasha locked his eyes with Kagome's as he pushed each button into the right hole.

"I, uh...I can do it myself," the bashful girl stammered, unused to Inuyasha casually touching her. Inuyasha ignored her and finished doing all the buttons up to her neck. Rolling her eyes, Kagome said affectionately, "I'll choke like that."

With an answering smile, Inuyasha undid the first two. "Better?" he asked jokingly.

"Oh much. Thank you my savior," Kagome replied, grinning.

Inuyasha continued to unbutton her coat, seemingly fascinated with what was revealed with each small gap. Kagome felt the mood between them change and was slowly becoming uncomfortable.

"Um, Inuyasha?" Kagome asked with a nervous smile. "Why are you playing with my buttons?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why are you undoing my buttons?" she asked.

In front of her classmates, entire school and teachers, Inuyasha lifted his eyebrows and said with a charming grin, "Just practicing."

While Kagome's mouth sagged open, Inuyasha tugged her coat closed and led her home.

---------------------------------

"Okay, maybe he is getting laid," Carson said after a moments silence.

"We're still in the game!" cheered Ted.

"Yeah!!" cheered the others.

---------------------------------

Kagome's three best friends watched Inuyasha and Kagome walk home hand in hand.

"Kagome may be onto something with this whole bad boy thing," mused Eri.

"Look at that butt go," Ayumi said admiringly.

"I want one of those for my birthday," Yuma said with a wistful look.

---------------------------------

"Lord, don't we all," sighed Kyan.

The fab five watched Kagome and Inuyasha joke, laugh and argue the entire way back to the shrine. Occasionally, the two would remember they were holding hands and blush a deep crimson. Yet, no matter how hard they flushed, or the looks they got, the two teenagers never let go.

"Oh my god!! So sweet!!" gushed Carson.

"I want a boyfriend," muttered Kyan in a fake pout.

Inuyasha and Kagome smiled sweetly at each other as only teenagers in love could.

"I want that!" Jai said dreamily, clutching Ted's shoulder. "Don't you want that??"

"I'd rather have the sex actually," Ted answered honestly.

"Well, naturally," Jai agreed, as if this were an obvious point.

"Do you think she'll like what we did?" Thom asked, a tad anxiously.

"Who the hell cares?" Jai shrugged. "I just want to see if he actually gets anywhere with her!"

"And this from the culture expert," chortled Kyan.

"We may be gay but we're still men," answered Jai, "and what do men care about?"

"SEX!!!" the others gleefully shouted and toasted themselves and their gender.

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A/N: well, I know it wasn't worth the huge wait. Sorry about that. It segues so nicely with the next part but it just makes sense to stop it here. I sincerely hoped you enjoyed it! The rest of the chapter will posted before next weekend! Review if you would be as so kind!! I really want to hit 200!!!

Just sending out a kudos to those who reviewed: **Shaid** Kiryuu-500 **NoName** BloodyRomances **Jogoku Hikari** Lynne C114 **Squeak-toy** Sakura8907 **Jade Summers** WickerB **Punk Goddess** Catherine **Kitsune-idjit **Unknown Fool **Lady Netiri** Ria

To those who emailed to nudge me- Thank you so much! Loved it! SugasSprite, Lady Mac Oniyuri Gaaru and Kerica( and her anonymous friend)!!!


	14. The Luckiest

A/N: Hey!!!! Last chapter, o' readers of mine!! I just wanted to let you know that without you people being as kick ass as you were, this wouldn't have been nearly as much fun to write as it has been! I'm already working on a new project but this time I'm writing it all out first so I'll update quicker! BUT I will be posting a plethora of one shots so if you see my name in your mailboxes or on the fanfic listing, read me!! Oh, and Inuyasha is OOC a little bit but I'll explain after the chapter why! Hope you enjoy it!

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**Chapter 13: The Luckiest:**

Inuyasha placed his hands over Kagome's eyes and gently led her up the stairs.

"Don't trip bitch," he commanded as Kagome lurched unsteadily. "You know how clumsy you are."

"Oh my Inuyasha, such sweet words…" muttered Kagome sarcastically, shoving an elbow into his gut.

---------------------------------

"Would someone just shut him up!?!??" demanded Kyan. "He's killing his own chance!!"

"He is definitely not the brains in this relationship," sighed Thom.

"Who needs brains?" Carson shrugged. "All you need in a good boyfriend is a big d-"

"Carson," Ted interrupted with an upraised hand.

"Not now?" the blonde sighed.

"Not now."

---------------------------------

Kagome looked around in amazement, her eyes wide and delighted. "It's wonderful! How on Earth did they manage to do all this?? It doesn't even look like the same place!!"

Rushing around, she gushed over the elegant dining room and applauded the meditation area even though it had a "snowball's chance in hell of working." Seeing her suggestion for the bookcase had been used made her smile and Kagome cooed over the coffee table as well as the bronze replica of the Goshinboku.

---------------------------------

"She likes it!!" shouted Thom in joy.

"We knew she would," said Kyan. "Anything is better then what she had before."

Thom grimaced. "Dusty and horrible…Remember the spiders?"

The others cringed and shuddered in the remembrance of the horror.

Jai perked up and giggled. "But Carson was funny when he squealed really loudly and pissed off Inuyasha!" Jai laughed merrily. "He threw him onto top of the spider, remember?"

"That was not funny!!" snapped Carson.

"I think it was hilarious!" chortled Kyan.

"You're all just jealous," Carson said with a sniff. The other four shared a glance at Carson's apparent insanity.

"Of what?" snorted Thom on behalf of everyone.

"Inuyasha felt up my ass and not yours."

There was silence as this was processed and absorbed.

"Ohhh," the others chorused, understanding Carson's devious plan.

"There is a point to my madness," Carson said with a smile.

"Crafty," Ted said with a rueful nod.

"Thank you. I thought it rather brilliant myself."

---------------------------------

Excited to see more, Kagome started up the stairs to see what was on the sole upper level.

"Oi, bitch!" Inuyasha called out, completely confused. "Get back here!"

Kagome turned, not sure of why Inuyasha had called her down. Obligingly trotting down the stairs, she looked at Inuyasha in puzzlement. "What?" she questioned.

Inuyasha wordlessly waved his hands toward his entertainment system.

Kagome blinked. "It's a stereo and a television. What's the big deal?"

Inuyasha's mouth gaped open. "What's the big deal?" he echoed, aghast at Kagome's density. "It's a plasma screen TV!"

Kagome looked confused. "So?"

"It has an X-Box and a Playstation Two," Inuyasha emphasized.

"Okay…that's….great…" Kagome said, clearly not getting the importance.

":No, Kagome, you don't understand. It had Surround Sound Speakers!!" Inuyasha said slowly.

"One speaker, ten speakers- it's all the same," Kagome said carelessly. Inuyasha gasped and hugged his entertainment equipment.

"She didn't mean it," he consoled the plastic. "She's a female…they don't get the important things…"

---------------------------------

"Okay, he's hugging the speakers again," Thom sighed. "What the hell is up with this guy and his inanimate object fetish? It's kind of freaking me out."

"I don't know. I am totally out of suggestions to explain this," Jai announced, sipping his drink.

"She is completely uninterested in his speakers and buttons, isn't she?" Carson asked as Kagome rolled her eyes and turned to the upstairs level.

"That's because she's intelligent," piped in Ted.

---------------------------------

"They are lovely speakers but I want to see the upstairs," Kagome placated her upset hanyou.

"But, but…I have buttons!!" Inuyasha cried, holding up his plethora of remote control devices.

"Oh, god help us all…" mumbled Kagome as Inuyasha held up the remotes like a supplicant offering up a virgin sacrifice to some pagan deity.

"Aren't they beautiful??" he asked, eyes shining.

Kagome shook her head but finally said, "Yes, the remotes are lovely. Can we continue now?"

Inuyasha glared. "You know what, bitch? For that, you can't hold them! You don't love them!"

"Oh, we are so not getting into the remote control argument! If I want to hold the remotes, I'm going to hold them," Kagome threatened.

Inuyasha sniffed. "You think so, huh?"

Kagome held up a ball of violet miko flame and smiled an evil smirk. "Yeah, dogboy. I do think so. You have anything to say about that?"

Inuyasha glared. "Try anything on my remotes, bitch and I will lose my temper. Do not threaten them!"

"You are more protective of the stupid remote controls then you are of Shippou!"

"Does Shippou have," Inuyasha turned and used one of his channel changers to turn on the TV, "the ability to give me access to 467 different channels, including ESPN, the Food Network, the Anime channel _and_ Playboy?? I think not." He snorted. "Maybe if he did, I'd be more protective of him."

Kagome's mouth gaped. "You have Playboy!??!?" _I'm going to kill those stupid Americans… I really will!_

---------------------------------

"Playboy??" Jai gasped. "Whose the moron who gave a teenage boy the Playboy channel??"

Thom shifted uncomfortably under the glares he received. "It's not my fault! It's one of the standard channels that came with the package!"

'This is just what this relationship needed: Porn. This is just fabulous!" Jai said sarcastically.

---------------------------------

"I don't really know what it is. This is what this manual thing says," Inuyasha admitted, much to Kagome's relief. "What is it?"

"Oh, a bunch of women, doing stuff, showing off clothing…" Kagome hedged, waving a hand to dismiss the whole matter. _Women showing off tiny itty-bitty pieces of clothing that they'll be taking off to do stuff that includes sex with usually more then one man at once. But he doesn't need to know that…_

---------------------------------

"There is something wrong here," stated Carson uneasily. "Who doesn't know about Playboy??"

"No guy I know of…" answered Thom.

---------------------------------

"Keh," Inuyasha snorted, reverently placing his darling gadgets next to the now off television. "What do I care about women and clothes?"

---------------------------------

"So, let me get this straight: he doesn't know about Playboy but still thinks about sex. He doesn't care about women changing clothes but he's not gay…" Ted trailed off. "That adds up to zero sense."

Kyan shook his head, completely giving up all hope. "He has more mental issues then a psychology textbook."

"Jai, are you sure he isn't gay?" asked Carson.

"You know what? The guy flings lightening out of a huge sword, has puppy ears and can jump buildings but all you people want to know about is whether or not he's a closet gay!!" Jai shouted in irritation.

"Well, we have to concentrate on what applies to us. If I've got a chance, god damn it all, I'm going for it," Carson said with a serious look. The others nodded, just as gravely.

"Inuyasha is totally not gay so give up the hope," Jai sighed.

---------------------------------

"Let's go." Kagome said and wordlessly tapped her foot and waited as Inuyasha sighed dramatically, loathe to be parted from his babies. He eventually followed but mumbled the whole time about her 'messed up' priorities. Kagome decided to not lose her temper and stay quiet.

Stopping short, Kagome look behind her at the grumbling Inuyasha.

"A rug and a hammock? That's it?" Kagome looked askance at the room, not sure if she liked this at all.

"What's wrong with that?" Inuyasha asked, hopping up into the hammock. "I like it. "

"Well, the rug I'm sure you love. It's like stepping on Sesshomaru's boa…"

---------------------------------

The Queer Eye boys gasped.

"Did she say 'boa'???" Thom asked, trying to breath normally. "Boas are worn by transvestite and usually transvestites are…."

"He has a gay brother!!!!!!!!!!" Carson half gasped, half shrieked. He was almost unable to speak from the joy flooding his system and settled for fluttering his hands in front of his face.

Ted fell off the couch, mouth agape from amazement that a guy like Inuyasha could have a gay family member.

"There is a God!!" cheered Jai, jumping up and down with Ted and Thom.

The boys celebrated the fact that their sexiest project had a brother of the same homosexual persuasion as they themselves were with whoops of delight and hollers of various dirty descriptions of what they wished to do with Sesshomaru.

---------------------------------

"It's not a boa," Inuyasha said lazily. "It's his tail that he's constantly showing off…"

---------------------------------

The celebration died rather abruptly.

"Not a boa?" Kyan asked, disappointed.

"His…tail…" Thom repeated warily, rather sure that whatever 'tail' stood for, it was against several federal laws to have it exposed. _Then again, we aren't in the United States, who knows what's illegal here? _

"He's a dirty boy….!" Carson said with a perverted grin on his face. "His tail is hanging out for all the world to see!" He turned to the others. "I _like_ this man!!"

"Carson," Jai said gently, "I think that means that Inuyasha's brother isn't gay."

Carson blinked. "Life is not that cruel. To give us hope and then snatch it away…" The blonde shook his head. "I refuse to believe it."

"Why does this not surprise me?" muttered Ted.

"Because it's reality and Carson doesn't do reality," answered Jai in a whisper as he shot a pained smile at the distraught clothes diva.

"Leave it alone," advised Kyan.

"Is it me or does Kagome not look too happy with this room?" Thom asked with a start as he re-concentrated on the television screen.

---------------------------------

"Hmm…I always wondered what that furry thing was," Kagome murmured. A bit hesitant, she said slowly, "Are you sure you like the room? They didn't even give you a normal bed…"

"I like this," Inuyasha reiterated strongly. "It suits me."

---------------------------------

"Ha!" Thom crowed to the frowning girl on the screen. "He likes it!!"

"He didn't tell you that," Ted commented.

"That's because he's an idiot. But he's become an idiot with a sense of interior design under my tutelage," Thom answered loftily.

Jai smirked. "Sure," he said sarcastically. "You go on thinking that."

Ted, Kyan and Carson laughed.

Thom sniffed and ignored them.

---------------------------------

"Come on, you've seen the house. Let's eat!" Inuyasha said, jumping off the hammock. Taking Kagome's hand, he pulled her out of the well house

---------------------------------

"Oh shit!" cursed Ted in a panic. "I forgot about that mess in the kitchen!"

"Maybe she won't notice," Kyan said hopefully.

"What, she becomes blind between now and the stove??" Ted snapped.

"She's a nice, understanding girlfriend. She might just take it in stride," Carson said.

---------------------------------

Kagome and Inuyasha entered Mrs. Higurashi's previously pristine kitchen and Kagome's mouth slowly dropped open. Dirt was over every possible surface and only one thought entered her mind.

"WHAT THE _FUCK_ DID YOU DO TO MY MOTHER'S KITCHEN!??!?!?!" Kagome shrieked, falling back in horror.

---------------------------------

"Or not," Carson grimaced.

"This could not get any worse," groaned Ted.

---------------------------------

"What?" Inuyasha asked helplessly as Kagome ranted. "It looks the same, just a little…dirtier."

"A little?!??!!" Kagome shouted, waving around at the muddy, dirt encrusted kitchen and filthy stovetop.

"You always make a big deal over nothing," Inuyasha snorted.

---------------------------------

"Or it can get worse because a certain moron can't keep his mouth shut…" groaned Ted, flopping against the couch in complete despair.

"She's gonna rake his fine butt over red hot coals for that comment," smiled Kyan, looking forward to the show.

"He deserves it!!" said Ted. "Someone make me something strong to drink!!"

---------------------------------

"Osuwari!!!!" screamed Kagome.

_WHAP!!_ Inuyasha body hit the floor with all possible speed and the dust that was raised recoated the counter, table, Inuyasha and Kagome in a new layer of dust.

"I'm all dirty!!" wailed Kagome.

"Take a bath…That's what you do whenever something happens that you don't like," Inuyasha mumbled from the floor he was still magically attached to.

"Why you…!!!" Kagome glared furiously. "Baths happen to relax me!!"

"Relax you from what!??!" Inuyasha snapped, jumping up as the spell released him. "I'm the one who does all the fighting!!!"

---------------------------------

"Oh, big surprise there," mumbled Jai.

"Yeah, you'd think he'd be the pacifist of whatever group he was part of," added in Carson with an acerbic smile.

---------------------------------

"I'm trying!!" yelled Kagome, tears in her eyes. "I try to help, to find the shards and to do everything well but you don't appreciate anything I do!!"

Inuyasha smelled her tears and backed away in panic. "Don't do that crying thing!!" he snapped. "Don't do it or I'll get mad!!" he threatened uselessly.

---------------------------------

"Oh, that's gonna cheer her right up!" Jai yelled at the television. "Be understanding! Empathetic!! Anything other then a complete asshole!!"

"I don't think he can," sighed Kyan.

"Poor girl," winced Thom.

"Argh!!" screamed Jai in frustration, throwing pillow after pillow at the hapless hotel TV screen.

---------------------------------

"Why do you always yell at me??" Kagome said, bottom lip quivering. "I can't keep doing this! Putting in all this effort and getting nothing back!!" she said, tears coming down her cheeks.

"What about what I put in?!?" Inuyasha shouted, picking up a familiar pan, shoving it under Kagome's nose.

"What the hell is that?" Kagome sniffed pathetically, a little distracted.

"Supper!!" Inuyasha yelled and he dropped into his sulking position, facing away from Kagome.

Kagome leaned and her eyes widened as she looked into the ruined pan. "Is that…Ramen?"

"Keh! Of course it's Ramen!! Would I cook anything else??" Inuyasha asked, in a huff.

"Why did you cook?" Kagome asked slowly.

"For you!" Inuyasha snapped. "Who else would I ever cook for? Those jackasses told me you'd like it and so I cooked! But it didn't work, happy?? I couldn't do it!!" Inuyasha hissed, arms crossed defensively.

Kagome looked at the dirt covered, burnt vegetables and soggy noodles and felt herself smile.

"You cooked…just for me?" Kagome was touched, even though she knew she should still be annoyed. Tears rose in her eyes from the gesture.

_I really should blame this on my period…_she thought in self disgust but honesty made her acknowledge that she was melting for another reason entirely. A happy tear fell despite her efforts to remain angry as she settled on the floor next to the irritable boy she adored.

"Oi bitch, I said not to do that," Inuyasha said, wiping away her tear gently. "Don't cry…"

"Oh, I can't believe you cooked for me!" Kagome snuffled happily.

Inuyasha looked at the thrilled look on Kagome's face, completely befuddled. "Weren't you mad at me three minutes ago?"

"That was before I knew you went through all this trouble for me!!" Kagome cried blissfully. "I'm so shocked but…I…..oh Inuyasha! It was so sweet!! I'll clean all this up, don't worry about it," Kagome smiled and adoringly looked at the confused boy next to her.

---------------------------------

"Whatever happened to feminism!??!" Kyan shouted, appalled. "She should be royally pissed at him!"

"She's in love.." sighed Jai. "It changes everything!" He clasped his hands together and sighed deeply.

"Screw that!" said Ted. "Look at that food! That pan is ruined!!"

"She doesn't care because it's the thought that counts!" Jai smiled rapturously.

"I still think it's ridiculous," Ted said with a frown.

"Love!!!" Jai sang out. "I love love!!!"

"He's still a jerk," Carson exhaled noisily.

---------------------------------

"I'll help you clean," Inuyasha mumbled. "I was just trying to put out the stove…" he said bashfully, ducking his head and looking up through his bangs, blushing lightly.

---------------------------------

"Awww…" the fab five sighed.

"You really can't stay mad at him," Jai said, shaking his head.

"He's too cute!" Thom said with a smile.

---------------------------------

"We'll clean later. First I want to see everything else…" Kagome smiled.

Inuyasha watched Kagome happily hum to herself. _I have no idea what the hell just happened, _he thought wholly confused,_ but I'm not going to complain._

Kagome looked with an affection at the socially challenged hanyou. "I'll just make us plain old Ramen, like we usually eat. I don't need anything special."

"I tried to be nice and do the fancy Ramen!" Inuyasha emphasized. "Manly men just don't cook well."

Kagome gave him an skeptical look. "Please. You just can't cook. Spare me from the excuses."

---------------------------------

"Atta girl!!" cheered the boys, thrilled someone finally called Inuyasha out on his bluster.

---------------------------------

"It's not an excuse!" Inuyasha protested as Kagome filled his arms with the portable water heater, Ramen cups and chopsticks.

"Sure sure…" Kagome drawled. Leaning over, she laid a gentle kiss on his cheek, shocking them both.

"Uh…" Inuyasha stuttered.

"Um….." Kagome sputtered.

---------------------------------

"This is it! They're gonna have sex!!" Carson shouted in excitement, jumping up and down.

"It was a kiss on the cheek, Carson! Not foreplay!" Thom said with a disgusted shake of his head.

"Besides, it's dirty in there!" Kyan protested.

"Sex in the dirt or getting rid of virginity??" Carson snapped. _Really, where has his priorities gone?_

"Dirt does wash off," added in Jai thoughtfully.

"And the point of all this was to get him laid…" Thom sighed, thinking out loud. "All right, fine, I agree. They should have sex."

"Finally, everyone catches up to me," Carson mumbled. "Being avant-garde is so difficult…"

---------------------------------

"Why'd you do that?" Inuyasha asked carefully.

Kagome looked away and whispered softly, "I just felt like I had to."

"Oh…."

The two embarrassed teenagers spent a few minutes carefully not looking at each other but eventually, Inuyasha remembered Kagome's promise.

"Um, Kagome? What about supper?"

Kagome giggled. _One track mind…_ "Sure. Let's go to the well house."

---------------------------------

"Oh, come on!!" groaned Jai.

"She was practically begging for it!" Thom shouted to Inuyasha.

"Those two are just too inhibited for their own good," huffed Carson.

---------------------------------

Inuyasha and Kagome walked across the courtyard, admiring the setting sun. Moving into the wellhouse living room, Kagome set up the water heater as Inuyasha grabbed cushions off the couch and settled them on the ground. Getting comfortable, Inuyasha shrugged off his coat and took Kagome's and threw them into a corner.

---------------------------------

Carson gagged. "That's not how one treats clothing!! "

Thom glared at the screen. "He took off my couch cushions. Unless you're cleaning them, cushions stay on the couch." He looked at the other men. "Is this rocket science?" he asked in defeat. "I just want the cushions to stay where they belong! Why can't he just be normal for this damn once?!?"

"Well, it is Japan and traditionally, they don't really have couches. Maybe he's a traditional type of guy," suggested Jai.

"Traditionally, he's a clothes destroyer! The Gengis Khan of clothing," pronounced Carson morosely.

---------------------------------

Kagome made the Ramen quickly and she ate quietly as Inuyasha practically shoved his entire face into the Ramen cup, shoving the most noodles he could at once into his mouth.

"You know, I really love what Thom did…he's so talented…" Kagome commented, looking around.

"Fef a fafhin myko," Inuyasha replied caustically, some food flying out.

Kagome glared. "Be nice."

---------------------------------

"Ewwwwwwwwww!!" the boys grimaced, noses scrunched up in disgust.

"He eats like a pig," gagged Carson..

"He has beautiful table manners but apparently has decided to not exercise them," Ted said, looking away until Inuyasha had finished his meal.

"You know what scares me?" Kyan asked. "She can understand every word he's saying. How long do you have to be around someone who consistently eats like that in order to understand them?"

There was a collective shudder. "I don't even want to think about it," Ted said, feeling a little sick.

---------------------------------

"You can take off your hat now," Kagome said suddenly, as if just noticing the accessory.

Inuyasha suddenly stopped eating, eyes wide.

Kagome glanced at him. _What the hell made him stop eating? He almost never stops mid-feed…_

"Don't wanna," Inuyasha mumbled.

"Too bad!" said Kagome. "It's rude to be indoors with a hat on."

"No!"

"I want it off!" snapped Kagome. "Now!"

Inuyasha bit his lip. "Will you laugh?" he asked softly, looking away.

Kagome started. "At what?"

Inuyasha wordlessly pulled off the ski cap and let his new haircut show.

Kagome jerked as if she'd been slapped. "Oh my god!!" she shouted in horror. "Where are your ears?!?!"

'_Where are your ears'??_ Inuyasha thought in shock. _That's all she cares about?_

"Did they cut them off?!?" Kagome grabbed Inuyasha's shoulder and shook it hard. "I'll kill them if they hurt you!" she threatened angrily. "Those bastards!!!"

"Kagome, I'm almost bald," Inuyasha said bluntly. He pointed to his head. "Bald like Miyouga."

Kagome swatted her hand at him. "Oh please! The haircut is great! It's your ears I'm worried about!"

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "The ears are still here," and he twitched them to prove it.

Kagome's eyes widened. "Wow…you can't see them at all," she whispered softly. Getting onto her knees, she ran her fingers through Inuyasha's hair, not noticing how close it made the two of them or how hard Inuyasha was blushing.

---------------------------------

"She has no idea that his nose is practically in her chest, does she?" asked Jai with a giggle at the girl's naiveté.

"Inuyasha noticed!" snickered Ted as they watched Inuyasha's eyes get stuck on a natural downward glance to see what was touching him. The chef laughed harder as Inuyasha's eyes got wider and wider.

"I cannot believe she thinks that we would chop off his cute little ears!!" Kyan said offended. "What was she thinking??"  
"Well, I can't say for then but right now she's thinking of how sexy Inuyasha looks with shorter hair," smiled Carson.

---------------------------------

"Uh, Kagome…?" Inuyasha asked after he finally managed to drag his gaze north.

"So soft," Kagome mumbled, running her hands through Inuyasha's silk like hair. She felt a little naughty for doing this and that was doing curious things to her head, making it all light and funny feeling…

"Kagome?"

"Oh!" the schoolgirl gasped and she roughly settled away from Inuyasha in surprise. "I'm sorry! It was just that the haircut was, um, I saw how you looked-! I mean, no, that is.." Kagome caught her breath and composure. "It looks really nice," she said finally. "Really really nice…"

---------------------------------

"Oh, yeah. She likes the hair," Kyan said, terribly pleased with the effect his handiwork was having.

"That she does," agreed Thom with a grin. The boys watched Kagome fumble for words and blush scarlet. "I'd say she loves the new hair style, Kyan my boy...loves it…"

---------------------------------

_Just what did she mean by 'really really nice'?_ Inuyasha wondered. Looking at Kagome's averted gaze and red cheeks helped knowledge dawn in Inuyasha's mind and his more puckish side came out to play.

"So you think I look nice…" he drawled with a playful smirk. "How nice?"

Kagome said nothing, feeling like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Come on…You tell me how nice I look and I'll tell you how nice you look," Inuyasha continued teasingly.

Kagome felt herself flush painfully. _When the hell did he learn to flirt?_ She thought frantically. _He's never flirted before!_

"Eh? No words?" Inuyasha leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes as he grinned in a very self-satisfied, very male way. "That's okay. You talk too much," he added.

Kagome's eyes narrowed. "Why you arrogant…!" she ground out.

Inuyasha opened his eyes and mischievously gave Kagome a wink.

Kagome wondered to herself if the fact that her stomach had just dropped was a good thing or a bad thing?

---------------------------------

"Is it just me or is our project flirting?" asked Kyan in amazement.

"He's sort of doing it right too!" Carson said in bemusement. "Jai, did you teach him this?"

Jai shook his head, dumbfounded. "I have no idea where he learned how to do that… I mean, is it the smoothest I've ever seen? Hell no. However, this is Inuyasha. When did he become so confident around women?"

"When he got a fashion clue."

"Having a home would sort of bring anyone up in the confidence sector."

"When she stuck by him even though he almost destroyed her kitchen…"

"I think it's the fact that she was rubbing her hands all over his new haircut!"

Jai sniffed proudly. "Sexy Ass is spreading his wings…" he whispered happily, tilting his head back in order to not cry.

"Oh, for gods sake Jai!!" Carson said impatiently, tossing a cushion into Jai's face. "It's not like he's doing anything special! He is flirting! Not creating the cure for cancer or something…"

"Carson, cool it…" Ted said sternly. "Let Jai express himself."

"Yeah! I'm so proud he's taking this step!" Jai trembled with emotion. "He's come so far!"

"Spare me from the melodrama," Carson shrugged.

"Say what?!?" Jai demanded. "Listen you-!"

"Quiet!" interceded Kyan roughly. "He might make a move and we'll all miss it!"

Thom grumbled from his seat, "By the time that kid makes a move, hell would freeze over." He sighed irritably as Inuyasha and Kagome carefully avoided the others gaze. "How long can two people silently flirt?" he complained to himself. "Shit or get off the pot, people!!" he snapped impatiently.

---------------------------------

Inuyasha looked out the window. Dusk had passed without him noticing. _Time is passing quickly_, he reflected to himself. He sneaked a look at Kagome but the Japanese girl was occupied with cleaning up the food paraphernalia. His stare must have been a little too obvious because the young girl gave him an amused look.

"What?" she asked, a little self conscious. "You look like you're examining me."

"Just thinking."

"Don't strain yourself," joked Kagome.

Inuyasha quirked an eyebrow. "Kagome, if I know that that line is lame, it must be really passé."

---------------------------------

"Oh my god!" gulped Carson. "Semi-witty repartee!!"

"We are miracle workers!" exclaimed Kyan, throwing up his hands. "Someone get us to the Pope and fill out our applications for sainthood! We have performed the modern miracle: Inuyasha can articulate!"

---------------------------------

Kagome flung a pillow into Inuyasha's face. He easily batted it aside and merely smiled as Kagome spewed some vehement statements about his intelligence.

"Sure, you wish," he snorted after a few minutes. Kagome grumbled but finally sat down.

"Getting dark in here," she commented idly. Inuyasha nodded and got up to turn on the lights. About to simply flip the switch as he had been shown, Inuyasha glanced at Kagome and suddenly felt kicked in the stomach.

It was like seeing her for the first time. She wasn't perfect, she wasn't extraordinary in any outward way but what he saw made him ache. Her sitting there, doing nothing more then that, was perfection incarnate, soft, sweet and the embodiment of endless selfless caring... She didn't have to do anything and she stole his breath away.

Not sure he liked the feeling, Inuyasha looked away but found himself unable to stop himself from stealing another look at his human angel. The moonlight flowed over her features gently and Inuyasha knew, in one of those moments where it was impossible to _not_ see past one's self doubt, that he should tell her everything. Everything he had been feeling, everything he had been thinking and damn the consequences.

Inuyasha swallowed. Rejection was a possibility, it was one of the premier sureties in his life but…_ The question is a matter of value: what's worth more, the stability of what we have now or future happiness that I might not get_, Inuyasha thought and with a sick feeling in his stomach, realized he truly had no idea if it was worth it.

Where would he go if she left? What would he become without Kagome to soothe him? Inuyasha let out a shuddering breath. She had changed him for the better, she did it with everyone around her but him most of all. _I like what I've become because of her_, he accepted that. Could he become anything more then he was now if she left? _I don't, I don't think I can…_he thought with a tinge of self loathing. _Dependant on a stupid fragile human girl!_ he snarled at himself. _How brave, hiding behind her skirt so…_Inuyasha straightened as a thought occurred to him.

That's what he was doing. This whole time, he had been hiding behind Kagome and her obvious feelings so he didn't have to face his own emotions and deal with whatever garbage he had to throw at himself. _Brave?_ _I'm only brave when I can get hurt physically, _he admitted silently and furiously._ Emotionally, I've been running from battle my entire life._ _Can I truly call myself brave if I don't confront this fear?_

Mentally, he imagined Kagome with anyone other then himself and it just didn't look right. _That's that then_, he decided with no small amount of trepidation. One part of his mind was screaming about the excruciating pain he would feel if she denied feelings for him but a quieter part was maturing in these moments. _If she turns away, I'll still have told her. I'll have at least not let her slip though my fingers because I was scared._

Inuyasha let out a shuddered breath, not sure how to proceed but knowing that now was the moment. _Too bad I have no fuckin' idea what I'm gonna say!,_ he thought a tad hysterically.

The lights were capable of being set to whatever level of brightness was desired and Inuyasha slowly created a quiet atmosphere of a dimmed glow.

---------------------------------

"That was some internal battle our boy is fighting," Kyan commented as Inuyasha's face contort as thoughts previously ignored came to the forefront of his mind.

There was only silence as the Queer Eye boys watched Inuyasha struggle to make one of the most courageous decision of his life. Inuyasha literally shook where he stood but resolutely turned down the lights.

"I think something serious is about to happen," Jai said softly.

"I hope he knows what he's doing…" Ted said just as quietly.

"Does he ever?" asked Thom. The others glared wordlessly.

"Ruin this somber mood and I'll make you an eunuch instead of just gay, got it?" threatened Jai. Nothing was going to ruin romance for him, not even a sarcastic interior designer.

"I'm so nervous!" whispered Carson. "I don't even know what he's going to do and I'm all nervous."

"Just cross your fingers. Nothing more we can do, it's all up to him."

"Do you think he's gonna…?"

"He might."

"Good luck," Jai whispered softly.

---------------------------------

Inuyasha sat back against the couch and Kagome settled next to him.

_What's with the lighting?_ Kagome wondered silently. Moments passed as Inuyasha summoned his nerve back from where it had hidden.

"I've been thinking," he started slowly, "about time. About how fast it goes by."

Kagome blinked. This was not what she had expected. "They say that youth is wasted on the young because they don't understand how fast it'll go by…"

"It's true. I've seen it. People are born, age and die before they ever really live. They go thought the motions of living but they don't understand just how quick it is," Inuyasha said softly. "I was thinking about this stupid quest we're on, fighting for our lives for no real reason other then that we have no choice. I keep on telling myself that after everything is over, I'll do what I really want, I'll say what I really want to say but, for some reason, tonight it just hit me that there might not be an after."

"Don't say that!" Kagome looked at Inuyasha furiously. "There will be an after! An after Naraku, an after the jewel is completed, an after high school, an after the Kazaana is gone. There will be after," she finished quietly. "To think any other way will just, it'll just cripple us. How would we be able to go on without thinking about the future, the after?" She smiled at Inuyasha. "Thinking of the after is called hope."

---------------------------------

"What the hell are they talking about?" asked Kyan. "Naraku, Kazanna, jewelry? Why am I confused yet again?"

"Probably some Japanese custom we don't get," answered Thom.

"Shut up!" Jai hissed ominously.

---------------------------------

"After is the future," Inuyasha repeated.

"Yeah…"

"Well, what about the now?" Inuyasha noticed Kagome's startled expression and forged on. _There's no stopping now… _"I mean, the future is great and all but what about right now?"

"I, I don't know," Kagome stammered. _What is he getting at? Oh my god, what is he getting at?_

"The way I see it is this…we know that right now, we have this moment, these brief bits of time where we get to be together. The fact is that waiting for 'after' when we have now is just plain stupid. Like I said, time is passing fast and so many possible bits of time could be made sweeter or better or last longer if we just, just… If we just finally cut the crap between us and said a few things! So you better keep your mouth shut bitch and let me talk!!!" Inuyasha burst out vehemently.

Kagome felt a peculiar sensation, as if all the blood cells and nerve endings in her body were slowly shutting down but simultaneously speeding up. This sounded a lot like a…Kagome shook her head minutely. _He's not! He never would…After all this time …?_ The mere thought was stopping her breath.

Inuyasha looked at Kagome. She looked rather dazed but Inuyasha knew he preferred dazed to anger, embarrassment or, the worst, pity. Letting the words spit out as they would, Inuyasha swallowed and continued softly.

"I know I always complain about how slow or useless you are but it's not true. You've saved everyone at one point or another, me more then the others. It's more then whenever my demon half emerged," Inuyasha said, putting up a hand to stall the comment Kagome had been about to make. "It's much more then that. I guess you could say that you saved me from myself. I think I realized this for the first time when you saved me from that spider youkai and you cried for me…no one had ever cried for before except for my mother," he said, looking at her. "Do you remember that night?"

---------------------------------

"Does he have some sort of Oedipus complex? That would be completely wrong and really gross," Thom said.

"Ew," agreed Kyan.

Jai pulled a pocket knife out of his pants and waved it suggestively. Kyan and Thom shut up.

---------------------------------

Kagome smiled a bit shakily. "Of course I remember," she said, adding on softly, "especially the part where you said I smelled nice…"

Inuyasha snorted. "You smell better then nice."

Kagome bit her lip, she had always wanted to know but had been too scared to ask…

"Inuyasha?" she asked. "What do I smell like?"

---------------------------------

"These Japanese have some _weird_ fetishes," said Thom with raised eyebrows.

"Smell? She should know whatever perfume she has on!" Carson protested.

"I don't get kids these days," complained Kyan.

"Hello!?!? You are killing the romantic atmosphere!!" shouted Jai.

---------------------------------

Inuyasha smiled and looked at Kagome for a moment before replying honestly, "I have no idea."

"What?!?"

---------------------------------

"I do believe that he's the one ruining the romantic atmosphere."

"That's it! I am buying him a muzzle!" Jai said, throwing up his hands in defeat.

---------------------------------

Inuyasha shrugged. "I can't really identify it. I can't pinpoint a flower and say, oh that's Kagome's scent. Your scent is…complex. The closest I can come up with is purity. Not just physical," he hastened to add as Kagome's eyebrows shot up. "Even though it's there, I know you're a virgin and all…" he trailed off as Kagome glowered.

---------------------------------

Jai sunk his head into his hands in despair. "Can I just pretend that I never even tried to fix him socially?"

Kyan patted him on the back. "There there…"

---------------------------------

Kagome got up to stomp off but stopped as Inuyasha jerked her back down. "Shut up and listen before you go into a snit!" he snapped. Kagome glared but waited.

Inuyasha gathered his thoughts. "It's not just a physical purity but it's also not just a spiritual purity." Inuyasha tilted his head and gently let his nose rest against the soft skin of Kagome's neck and took a whiff. "You smell of everything that's good and everything that makes sense. In you…with you I can smell peace, an almost overwhelming happiness and a calm that I get only when I'm near you…" Inuyasha shrugged. "Your scent is what I imagine heaven to be like."

He shot the obviously startled Kagome a firm nod. "I imagine heaven looks a lot like you, feels a lot like you, is as peaceful and wonderful as you are and has your scent…if it doesn't…it might not be heaven at all…"

"You've thought about this," Kagome said softly after a moment, in slight shock.

"A guy ends up thinking of these sort of things when he doesn't sleep a lot," Inuyasha explained with a shrug. "I've thought about dying and afterwards. Everyone has at some point. I was thinking about the likelihood of me going to heaven and what it would be like, what I would like heaven to be like." He looked Kagome in the eyes and said quietly, "It was a lot like my time with you…I know that's not most people's version of heaven but, for me, heaven's not enough if you're not there." Inuyasha looked down.

---------------------------------

"Can I claim him again?" asked Jai tearfully.

"Shut up, Jai! You're ruining the moment!!" shushed Thom and Kyan, leaning forward to catch every nuance of the conversation on the screen.

---------------------------------

Kagome let out a shaky breath. She was about to cry, she knew it and the words she wanted to say were getting caught in her throat. _Here they come_, she thought with a mental sigh as tears began to slide down her cheeks.

"Why are you crying?" Inuyasha asked, panicked.

"I hate this!" Kagome huffed as she reluctantly cried. "Every time anything happens, I get weepy. About anything, I just cry…I do nothing but cry!" She angrily pushed away the tears with the back of her hand.

Inuyasha leaned over and took her hands in his. "That's not a bad thing. I…think…" he said slowly, "I think it's sort of one of the ways I can tell how well matched we are."

Kagome again felt that lurch in her stomach. "Inuyasha, what are you saying?" she whispered.

Inuyasha made sure he could see Kagome's eyes. "Just what I said, that we match up. You cry too much and I don't cry at all. You're the sweetest person in the world and I might be its biggest asshole. You're innocent and I'm…well, I'm not. You're emotionally strong and I'm physically strong. Don't you see?" he asked anxiously. "We're sort of what the other is missing…"

"Oh Inuyasha…" Kagome said softly, no longer caring that she was getting her shirt all wet.

"You know sometimes, when I was depressed or something had gone wrong, I would ask myself what I had done in a previous existence to deserve what I've gotten," Inuyasha said quietly. "Getting betrayed by Kikyo, the shard splitting, getting mocked when I was young, my mom getting killed, having a brother who wants to kill me, getting stuck to a tree for fifty years, being so dense at times..." Inuyasha shook his head. "God, can I be stupid…" He smiled at the girl next to him suddenly.

"I know, I don't get a lot of things right…I do a lot of stupid stuff, say a lot of stupid things. But I know now, looking at you, that all these stumbles and falls and the wrong things I've said have helped me toward realizing something…." Inuyasha carefully intertwined his clawed fingers with Kagome's delicate ones. "Sometimes I wonder 'what if what happened fifty years ago had never happened?' Would I see you riding through the village on that ridiculous bicycle and know what you could have become to me? Would I have been happy without you?" Inuyasha shook his head gently. "I don't think so. I can barely remember before the day I first saw your face…the fact that I can see you everyday is probably more then I deserve. I can always pick you out of a crowd, I can always tell where you are because without you there, I'm not all there." He hesitated and took the plunge. "I know that's a lame thing to say but Kagome, I am the luckiest person because you are near me and I don't think…I don't think I'll ever be able to say to you just how much you mean to me…"

Kagome gasped and swallowed heavily. "Inuyasha, I-"

"You know, when I was younger, there was this old couple who lived near the castle," Inuyasha interrupted quickly, desperately. "One day, the old man passed away in his sleep. His wife, she stayed around a couple of days but passed away a couple of days later." He shrugged nervously. "I know that's a strange way of telling you….of telling you…that I know we belong but…" He smiled sadly as he trialed off. "I can't help it…With you or rather because of you, I know with a real certainty that I am the luckiest... More then a prince, the wealthiest or most beautiful person who ever lived, more then the smartest or anyone else who has ever imagined that they had it all…I know that even though I lived through some tough times, I am still the luckiest of them all. All because of you…"

Inuyasha suddenly had his arms filled with crying girl.

"Oh Inuyasha!" she sobbed happily. "Why would you say all that? You didn't have to, you couldn't have been comfortable with it…"

Inuyasha shrugged. "As someone smart once said after doing something brave, 'I just felt like I had to'…" he said, smoothing a hand over her hair. "It was sort of like that…"

"Oh…" Kagome said, weeping harder into his haori.

Looking down, Inuyasha whispered, "Please don't turn me away, don't reject me, don't leave ever…"

"Never…" Kagome whispered. Overcome with a feeling of absolute elation mixed with disbelieve, Kagome wrapped her arms around Inuyasha and squeezed him tightly.

Inuyasha hugged her just as firmly. "Does this mean that you…do you…?" he whispered nervously.

Kagome nodded her head against his chest and just held on, whispering words of love and dedication. Inuyasha let his head sink down on top of hers and knew himself for being truly blessed.

---------------------------------

"Oh, I just can't! Oh lord!!" wailed Jai as he helplessly burst into tears.

Carson sniffed. "I'm so proud of him…"

Ted, Thom and Kyan just stared happily at the screen, wiping away the tears that fell.

"That was just so beautiful!!" bawled Jai into his hanky.

"He was so great! It came out of nowhere and it was so sweet!" added in the choked up Thom.

"I'm a miracle worker!!" sobbed Jai in ecstasy. "An honest-to-god miracle worker!!"

"I want a boyfriend like that!!" Ted, eyes shiny, said with a smile. "I mean, sure he'd be annoying and violent and rude and completely uncouth but, after a speech like that, it would be worth it!"

"I mean, half his bad traits are good ones for the bedroom!" Carson sighed, holding back tears.

"He was so nervous but he just did it…I can't believe he had the balls to do that, to just admit his love…" Kyan said with an admiring shake of his head.

"Well, we all knew he had the balls to just about anything," Carson piped up with a teary leer.

The dirty innuendo helped get the boys back under control. Dirty jokes tended to do that…

---------------------------------

"By the way," Inuyasha said suddenly, jerking upright. "I'm never saying all that again. Not if you tortured me. Never," he said tightly.

---------------------------------

Jai sat up slowly. Several sputtered and furious reprimands tried to get out of his mouth but none could be articulated, so strong was his anger. Grabbing a bottle of Jack Daniels, he slugged down a third of the liquor before slamming it down on the table.

Carson opened his mouth to ask Jai something but the smaller man shot the blonde a glare so potent that the words shriveled on his tongue.

"If anyone suggests that I have an explanation for what just happened, I will not hesitate to slap you. Got it?" Jai hissed.

Thom, Ted, Kyan and Carson leaned away from the fuming self-designated Life Instructor and unanimously decided to just let Jai have a bit of quiet time.

---------------------------------

Kagome shot Inuyasha a look. "I'm shocked you got any of that out. Whenever I daydreamed about this moment, I tried to put some reality into the moment and, well, you usually just yelled it out really quickly and would run off to sulk in the Goshinboku…"

Inuyasha frowned. "I'm not that bad…"

Kagome raised one eyebrow. "And I quote," the girl said dryly, "Keh."

---------------------------------

"Does she know him or does she know him?" chortled Thom.

Jai smirked. "The jerk deserved it."

---------------------------------

Inuyasha shook his head but pulled Kagome back into his arms.

Eventually, the numbness that came from sitting too long set in and Inuyasha suggested they go up to the hammock.

Kagome started. "What?" she asked blankly. _Is this a come on? _she wondered uneasily.

"You're tired, I'm tired." Inuyasha shrugged practically. "Let's go to bed."

---------------------------------

The fab five stopped abruptly.

"WHAT!!???!?!" the chorus screech came.

"What did he just say??" Kyan gasped.

"Hello, that is not keeping with the sweet lover boy image he just presented!" shouted Ted in indignation.

"He lied to us!!" cried Jai, outraged. "LIED!!"

"That was a terrible delivery!" Carson said in annoyance. "Where's the finesse, the suave line needed to lure her in??"

The other four shot Carson Death Glares. "What?" Carson asked obliviously. "That was the whole point of this! Getting Inuyasha laid!"

"Carson!" Kyan huffed. "Show some sensitivity to how poor Kagome must be feeling! He tell her he loves her but then demands that she have sex with him!!"

"No, I admit, it _was_ a good plan to have all the love words before," Carson said. "It's was just his delivery that sucked. I mean, if he had been just the least bit more smooth, she would have gone up the stairs no problem but now…!"

"Carson, he meant those things! Not as a ploy for sex!!!" protested Ted.

"Fine, you believe what you want," shrugged Carson.

"I normally would agree with you except for the fact that you aren't taking into account something," said Thom to Carson.

"What?"

Thom merely pointed to the screen.

---------------------------------

Kagome dubiously stared at Inuyasha. Professions of love aside, Inuyasha was the same impatient hanyou he had always been. As Kagome deliberated, Inuyasha exploded a sigh, picked her up bridal style and carried her up the stairs to his bedroom.

"Inuyasha!" Kagome shouted. "Wait! No!"

"Bitch, calm down. It won't hurt," snorted Inuyasha with a disdainful look. He dumped Kagome onto the hammock.

"Actually, it will, you jerk!" Kagome shouted. Inuyasha snorted again and settled in next to her. Kagome shoved him away and struggled to get out. Inuyasha's eyes narrowed.

"I've wanted to do this for a long time and now we are going to do this!" he shouted, forcing an arm over Kagome.

About to shriek for help, Kagome stopped the scream in her throat short when a blanket fell over her body.

"Just go to sleep," Inuyasha ordered and tucked the edges in snugly. He resettled next to her and closed his eyes.

_Wha…?_ Kagome's mind spun.

"Wait a minute! Wait one god damn minute!!" Kagome said, freeing her arms and poking Inuyasha in the chest. "This is it?!?! You just…want to sleep??"

Inuyasha opened his eyes and looked at her. "Yes," he said as if it were obvious. "I want to go to sleep in my bed." He snorted at Kagome's idiocy. "What else would you do in a bed?"

Kagome strived to not blush. "Um, nothing…nothing at all…" she mumbled, diving back under her cover

---------------------------------

Carson's mouth was gaping wide as Jai smirked.

"See? Not everyone is a perverted bastard!" Jai smiled happily.

"I, I…It's just…Isn't he a, a , I," the blonde stuttered.

"Is anyone else uncomfortable with how innocent he is?" Thom questioned. "I mean 'what else would you do in a bed'?? That's not normal."

"I think it's sweet!" Jai said, protecting his charge.

Kyan shook his head firmly. "Odd. Definitely odd."

"Well, the rest of the time, he's been the picture of normalcy," Ted said sarcastically.

Carson flung his glass back and drained his apple sour. "If I hadn't seen him with my own eyes naked, I wouldn't think he's a man!"

"Oh Carson, for gods sake…"

---------------------------------

Kagome winced. _I am total pervert! What has Miroku done to me??_ She thought miserably. Burrowing further under the cover, the hammock rocked back and forth.

Inuyasha sat up as best he could in the now vigorously shaking hammock.

"Stop fidgeting, you're making it move," he grumbled. After the movement stopped, he lied back down. Unfortunately, this too caused the hammock to shift wildly.

"God damn it!" cursed Inuyasha. Fumbling wildly at the sides of what was essentially a sheet, Inuyasha shouted in irritation, "Stupid bed thing! Stop moving!!"

Kagome giggled. She really couldn't help it. "Inuyasha, it's a hammock. It's not moving on purpose."

Inuyasha grumbled unhappily and folded his arms with all his usual enthusiasm. The hammock swayed again and Inuyasha's glower increased, much to Kagome's amusement.

The hammock continued to pitch and Inuyasha cursed violently as Kagome laughed.

---------------------------------

"They're very cute," Carson admitted.

"Adorable," drawled Thom. "But if they're not careful, they'll-"

---------------------------------

_THWUP!! _

---------------------------------

"-tip over," Thom finished with a wry shake of his head.

---------------------------------

Inuyasha groaned and rubbed his head. The hammock had decided to discharge its users somewhat abruptly and Inuyasha had (rather gallantly, in his opinion) toppled so that Kagome hadn't landed on the floor. Regrettably, that meant she and all her weight had landed right on top of his chest, momentarily stunning him.

"You okay?" Kagome asked, bashfully.

"If you hadn't laughed so hard, this never would have happened," he grumbled with a small pout. Kagome giggled.

"You're pouting."

Inuyasha's eyes widened in indignation. "I do not pout!" and poked her in the arm.

Kagome smiled, lacing his fingers with hers and whispered, "Yes, you do" and leaned down spontaneously to kiss Inuyasha on his definitely pouting mouth.

It shocked both of the participants but, after a moment of indecision, Inuyasha leaned upward, gently kissing her back.

---------------------------------

"_OH MY GOD!!!!_" screeched Jai, jumping up and down in his excitement. "It's happened!!!"

"They kissed!!" smiled Thom. "They're doing all right too..."

"About damn time too! How long can two people be in love and not kiss?" Ted said, relieved all that tension was gone.

"Come on…" Carson urged Inuyasha after a few minutes. "Move your hands up from her waist…"

"I agree, this is taking too long. Let's move onto second base," Ted said, refilling his cup.

"The guy couldn't figure out what else you do in a bed and you think he's going to move to second base now??" Kyan asked derisively.

"Like the girl said, what do we have but hope?" Carson said dramatically.

"Our self respect," said Jai with annoyance. "We should not be encouraging them. Those two are minors or have you forgotten?" Carson blinked in surprise; he had forgotten just how young Kagome and Inuyasha were…

Thom chimed in, "Yeah and do you know who would get in trouble if they get caught? Not them! We would for convincing them to do it. How do you feel about jail rape?"

"That's nothing! Have you ever seen those horrid one piece jumpsuits you have to wear in prison?" Carson shuddered. "Not even I can pull off Technicolor orange."

Thom heaved a sigh. "Prioritize. For the sake of my sanity, prioritize..."

Carson ignored him and sunk into the couch. "You keep those hands where we can see them," he muttered to the kissing couple on screen, orange jumpsuits in the forefront of his mind.

---------------------------------

Kagome smiled down at Inuyasha, still comfortable where she was on top of him.

"I'm not a blanket," he complained jokingly. Kagome rolled her eyes but rolled over and onto the floor, still holding his hand.

_This is perfect, us just like this…me and him finally,_ she thought drowsily. It was late and Kagome stretched, taking out the kinks in her neck by moving her head from side to side-

Kagome sat up suddenly, here eyes wide and horrified. "Inuyasha?" she hissed in a strangled voice, feeling all the hairs on her neck rising slowly.

"What?" Inuyasha was instantly in a crouch, hand by his side where his Tetsuiga was supposed to be, ready to protect Kagome.

"What, what…" Kaogme swallowed and attempted to calm down. "Do you see a, a blinking light over there?"

---------------------------------

"Oh…shit…." Thom cursed, eyes growing wide.

---------------------------------

Inuyasha looked to where Kagome pointed, directly across from his bedroom alcove where the door entering into the shrine was. Inuyasha's eyes squinted. _There is a red light...what the hell is that?_ "There's a red light. I didn't notice it before…do you know what it could be?"

"I think, I think that may be a, um…a video camera," she finished weakly.

"Those things that tape people as they move and you can watch it?" Inuyasha shook his head. "Why would one of those be in here?"

Kagome looked at him and said, "Well, the Queer Eye boys do have a television show and the way you make a TV show is by taping things…"

Inuyasha's face lost all its color. "Are you saying that those freaks are listening and watching us!??!?!?!" he shouted.

"They heard everything we said to each other!!" Kagome gasped.

_To hell with that! I was naked in here!! _Inuyasha thought enraged, cheeks bright red. _Those perverts watched me naked!! _

Suddenly, Inuyasha stood up and leaped to the camera. Ripping it off, he glared into the lens. "Listen, you bastards, " he hissed furiously, "I'm going to find you and when I do, I'm going to make you very very sorry…" he promised darkly. Inuyasha placed the camera on the floor and cracked his knuckles. "I'm going to break every bone in your body for this…" he finished in a sinister and gruff tone.

---------------------------------

"Oooooh! Sexy!!" Jai gasped in delight at the menacing picture Inuyasha presented. "Naked mean men! I love that type!" he squealed to himself happily.

"Hello??!? He's not a flavor of doughnut!!" Thom shouted, leaping over the couch. "He's talking about killing us!!"

"If he comes naked, I will offer up my body as a sacrifice so that the rest of you may get away," Carson announced 'bravely'.

"Carson, start repacking _now_!!"

---------------------------------

Inuyasha disappeared for a few moments and reappeared in his usual fire rat kimono and hakama. Motioning for Kagome to not say anything, Inuyasha stepped in front of the camera with a smirk on his face.

---------------------------------

"NOOOO!!!!!" screeched Carson on the top of his considerable lungs. "NOT THE ZOMBIE PANTS!!!! Anything but the zombie pants of doom!!!!!"

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"Keh," Inuyasha said, pleased with the success of his plan. "Hey Carson?" he said, leaning toward the camera. "You scream like a girl…"

---------------------------------

"He heard?!?!" Kyan said a tad hysterically, waving his arms in the air. "That's just not possible!"

"They were supposed to be dead!!" sniffed Carson, inconsolable. "We're leaving and yet he is still wearing the red fuzzy bathrobe…"

"Oh, Carson, it's not so bad," Ted said soothingly.

"I failed!" he mumbled unhappily. "Failed to instill the one of the creeds of modern fashion: no MC Hammer pants…" he sniffed miserably.

"This is terrible and all," Kyan interrupted, throwing a jacket onto Carson, "but we have an enraged, semi-homophobic guy with serious violent tendencies coming our way so I'm suggesting we go hide out in the airport _right now_!!"

---------------------------------

Inuyasha chuckled and slipped Tetsuiga into it's rightful place on his side. Turning, he was surprised to see a determined Kagome rebuttoning her coat.

"Bitch, what are you doing?" he asked in what was for him a polite tone.

"I'm coming!" Kagome snapped. "I am so annoyed right now, I could hurt them all! How dare they spy on us like that? It's a complete invasion of privacy and I intend to make them pay!"

Inuyasha couldn't help it. He chuckled and pushed a piece of hair behind her ear. "You really want to come?"

"Yes!" snapped Kagome. "You're stuck with me!"

Inuyasha smiled and tugged her closer, his hands at her waist again. "I'm glad…"

Kagome smiled happily and put her arms at his neck, beaming up at him, ire momentarily forgotten. "So we go kill them together?"

"I like the sound of that," Inuyasha whispered. "Together…"

---------------------------------

"Oh my god! How sweet!" gushed Jai, fumbling for his hanky again.

"Aw, aren't they the best couple we've ever had?" sighed Carson.

"Excuse me?!?! They're bonding over killing us!! Killing. Us." enunciated Thom, completely exasperated.

"Oh, just grab them!" Ted shouted as he dragged suitcases out the door.

"I'm sure it's just an exaggeration," said Jai, a bit annoyed the others had not appreciated the moment.

"The guy can destroy brick by punching it, throw a grown man thirty feet as if it were nothing and has several super senses, all of which he has dedicated to destroying us with!!" shouted Kyan in desperation. "Why are we debating the need to run?!?"

"Oh, _now_ you all decide to concentrate on the fact that he's so definitely not human!" Jai snorted. "Now when your asses are on the line..."

"Well, yeah!" Kyan said in annoyance.

"We're an hour and a half away from the Higurashi Shrine. It'll take him a bit to get here and I want to do something first," Carson said firmly. "Sort of a going away present…."

---------------------------------

Inuyasha and Kagome burst into the presidential suite about a half an hour after having left the shrine. Having no scent of the five Queer Eye members and Kagome only knowing the vaguest of directions to the hotel, the pair had gotten lost and valuable time had been used up. There was no sign of the fab five and Inuyasha lost his temper.

"Damn it all!" he shouted, kicking a dresser over.

"I still don't understand why you refused to just pull over and ask for directions!!" Kagome said angrily.

"Keh," Inuyasha huffed. "I don't need to ask!"  
Kagome glared. "Oh, is that why it took us so long to get here? Silly me, I assumed you got lost! You were just taking the scenic route!!"

"Whatever. See if they left a clue or something.." Inuyasha muttered.

Kagome stormed off into the adjoining bedroom to search and Inuyasha examined the living room. Taped up against the television (_Not as nice as mine_, Inuyasha thought with satisfaction) was a note.

"Press Play," Inuyasha read out loud.

"What?" Kagome asked as she came out of the other room. Inuyasha held out the note and Kagome read it for herself.

"Hmmm, must be a message from the boys." Looking at the other, each shrugged. Settling down onto the couch, Kagome and Inuyasha pressed play on the VCR and watched in astonishment as the Queer Eye boys appeared in the screen.

"_Hi guys!" Ted, Kyan, Carson, Jai and Thom waved. "We're making a goodbye video for you!"_

"_Don't kill us!" piped in Kyan, sweating slightly._

"_We just wanted to let you know how proud we are of you two!" exclaimed Ted._

"_You are an adorable couple!" Carson said sweetly._

"_And the way you got together?" Jai's eyes got misty. "It was beautiful!"_

Kagome and Inuyasha winced.

"_Shut up Jai!" hissed Kyan. "We weren't going to remind them about that!"_

"_Oh whoops!! Uh…what to say?" Jai searched for something. _

"_I have something to say!" Carson shot out. "What the hell is up with the pants, Inuyasha!!?!?"_

On the couch, Inuyasha snorted, terribly pleased with his devious idea and how badly it was affecting Carson. Kagome shot him a look that clearly stated she didn't find it as amusing.

On the video, Carson was continuing_. "I'd just like to remind in which set of clothes you got the girl in!!" the blonde yelled. "Not the horrible, hand me down bathrobe with zombie pants, that's for damn sure!!"_

Both Kagome and Inuyasha flared red.

"_You got Kagome under you in clothing that I picked out! Me! You have me to thank for all the sex you are about to receive!!" Carson hissed. _

"Why you…!" Inuyasha growled while Kagome buried her face in her hanyou's shoulder.

_On the screen, Jai clamped his hand over Carson's mouth and smiled cheerfully at the recording device. "He doesn't mean any of that! Ha ha, what a funny gay man Carson is! Ha…ha…um, please don't come after us…"_

_Thom leaned forward. "By the way Kagome, we all just thought you should know that your new boyfriend is a closet nudist."_

"WHAT?!?!?" Kagome gasped, turning to Inuyasha in complete shock.

"_Oh, yes he is!" Carson said with a leer. "And, if I may say so, no finer way to be a nudist then a nudist with that type of body!"_

"Kamis above, why??" whispered Inuyasha, sure that his face was literally on fire.

"_You are going to want to hold onto him because let me tell you sweetie, men of his kind are very rare!" whistled Ted. _

_Jai, with a giggle, held up his hands in an approximation of a certain length._

Kagome felt her eyes widen. "Is he trying to say what I think he is?" she asked blankly while Inuyasha let out a wordless sound of humiliation.

"_No no Jai," Thom scolded. "He's bigger then that!" and pulled Jai's top hand up a bit. _

"_Are you sure?"_

"_Hello? I'm an interior designer. I deal with inches all day long. Trust the expert," Thom said. _

"_Okay then. Wouldn't want to underestimate something like this!" Jai snickered._

"_By the time you've finished watching this, we'll already be in the airport. No maiming us tonight!" added Kyan quickly. "Sorry!"_

"_We loved working with you!" Jai said enthusiastically. _

"_We loved your semi-pornographic nude video even better!" Carson inserted. _

"_True true.." the other four agreed._

Inuyasha began to choke.

"_Remember the jeans scene?" _

"_Oooh, that was great!!"_

"_My favorite was the bathroom, hands down."_

"_That was good too!"_

_Thom cleared his throat, significantly motioning toward the still recording camera. _

"_Let's just say our goodbyes to them now, shall we?"_

"_Bye guys!" _

"_We'll call you by the holidays! Maybe invite you to the States!"_

"_Hey Inuyasha! If you ever want to come to the Dark Side and get some man loving…?You know who to come to, big boy!" _

Kagome glanced wide eyed at Inuyasha. "Were you planning on-?"

"NO!" Inuyasha shouted, trembling from embarrassment.

_The Queer Eye Guys waved farewell cheerfully. Carson jogged up to the camera to shut it off. Before he did, he grinned into the lens. _

"_Well, I told you in the beginning that this process might be a bit painful but, all in all, I think it was worth it,, don't you?" He winked into the screen. "I certainly had a good time! Jae na, Sexy Ass!"_

The television went blank. Licking her lips, Kagome slowly turned to the flabbergasted Inuyasha.

"So…Inuyasha," Kagome said with a deep breath. "Do you want to talk about this closet nudity problem you have?"

Inuyasha groaned in misery as Kagome grinned wickedly.

"No? Too painful to come out?" Kagome teased, her eyes filled with amusement.

"Why me?" griped Inuyasha.

"Maybe because you're Sexy Ass?" Kagome suggested snidely.

Inuyasha sighed deeply. "Why do I have the feeling that I'm going to be hearing about this for a while?"

"I think that's a safe bet," Kagome grinned and happily flopped her head onto Inuyasha's lap.

Inuyasha looked down at her in surprise before reluctantly smiling along with her.

"I still can't believe how things have changed," Inuyasha admitted.

"Me too," Kagome agreed. She snorted. "Only you would need five gay Americans to shanghi you into a new set of clothes and a haircut…"

A thought occurred to Inuyasha and he asked cautiously, "Kagome? Who do you like better, Cher or Metallica?"

Kagome snorted. "Metallica all the way. Who the hell would like Cher?"

Inuyasha grinned and tugged Kagome closer. "You are perfect!" he chortled to the surprised girl right before he stole another kiss. And another and another and another…

---------------------------------

Next door, the five Queer Eye boys grinned at each other as the meaningless words people in love will speak to each other reached their ears through the thin hotel walls. Motioning with a finger, Carson led the other four out the Tokyo Hilton and into a cab.

Once safely secured within the vehicle, Ted asked curiously, "Why didn't he smell us in the other room with his super nose?"

Thom snorted. "Why would he smell anything other then his heavenly Kagome?"

"So, uh, do you think they're," Carson cleared his throat and made an obscene gesture with his fingers. "…in the room?"

"Carson!" Jai interrupted dryly.

"What?"

Jai rolled his eyes. "They totally are!"

"Really?" Carson said with a delighted smile.

"Like rabbits," reassured Jai. "Trust me. These ears heard all the signs…"

"First time in a presidential suite in one of the most prestigious hotels in the world," Kyan whistled with a pleased smile. "Do we come through for our projects or what?"

The boys smirked smugly at each other, self satisfied with themselves. The cab eventually dislodged them at the airport where the five settled onto their plane back to the United States in the first class compartment (Carson complained that the economy clothed seats gave him a rash).

"Hey Thom, you didn't forget the tape, did you?" asked Kyan anxiously after take off was complete.

Thom snorted. "Of course not." He held up a DVD and popped it into a portable player.

"Damn, you are good!" complimented Jai as he and the others rewatched the delectable scene of Inuyasha striding nude through the courtyard.

"Voyeurism is not a hobby with me, it's a calling," Thom said with a smile and a shrug.

The boys settled back and prepared to leave Japan a superior place then it had been before their invasion. After all, that was their job- they made things better.

THE END

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A/N: Well, there you go! Hope it was worth all the waiting and annoyance! Inuyasha is so talkative about his feelings simply because he wants to get it all out at once and then never EVER say it again. He's just being efficient. Not the best reason for the over the top mushiness but hey, I'm the author and I love love!! I can't do a Kudos to the Reviewers b/c Sabbath is in, oh, 3 minutes? So heres to everyone:

YOU WERE WONDERFUL!!!!!!

So, to all readers present and future, I hope you enjoyed the ride and agree with me (and the Queer Guys) that Inuyasha is indeed a Sexy Ass. Review please! One last hurrah!!


	15. Epilouge: The Unveiling!

A/N: DONE! So, here's the last of it. Hope you like it! Thanks to everyone who stuck by me for the ride! This is dedicated to all the reviewers! You give me the shivers and rock my socks! Large AN at the end.

Disclaimer: one astute reviewer let me know that I never said I owned the Queer Eye Boys. So, here's the shocker- I do. I mean, I own Bravo and so I guess I own them. Small world, huh? No no, just joking. I don't own diddly squat, let alone of the Queer Eye boys. Nor, for that matter, do I own Inuyasha. Life's a pain…

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**Epilouge: The Unveiling**

Inuyasha grunted as he hauled Kagome's large yellow backpack out of the well. Next to him, Kagome panted as she pulled herself out.

"Is it me or does that get harder every time?" She gasped out as she collapsed on the ground next to the well.

"Keh," Inuyasha snorted as he picked up her and her backpack, tossing both over his shoulder. "You're just lazy and mortal."

"I'm exhausted!" Kagome protested, not even protesting the Neanderthal-like actions of her boyfriend.

Inuyasha smirked. "I know."

Kagome rolled her eyes. "God, you are going to get an even bigger ego…"

"I deserve it!" the hanyou answered smartly.

"No offense, dog boy," she commented, poking him in the shoulder, "but it takes two to tango and as I recall-"

"Kagome! Inuyasha!" came the call from the distance.

Inuyasha grudgingly allowed Kagome to go down as Miroku, Sango and Shippou raced toward them.

As usual, Shippou was first, squealing about pocky and crayons. He leapt up into Kagome's arms, babbling and laughing happily. He snuggled into her before suddenly shooting up and staring at the shocking figure lagging a little behind.

"Inu…Inuyasha?" Shippou asked in disbelieve, dropping away from Kagome to unabashedly stare at Inuyasha's new look. The hanyou uncomfortably shifted under Shippou's questioning gaze. "What happened to you?"

"Five gay men," muttered Inuyasha, flushing uncomfortably.

Shippou's eyes widened. "You, you didn't hit me!" he shouted in shock.

"Why would I?" shouted Inuyasha, growing less embarrassed and more irate as the minutes passed.

"Why?" Shippou shouted, getting more nervous by the second. "You always hit me! I insult you, you hit me, I cry, Kagome says 'sit' then I laugh and mock you and you get mad and the whole thing starts all over again! That's the way our relationship works!"

Inuyasha snorted. "I took some anger management courses and I don't do that shit anymore."

"…..anger…..management…." repeated Shippou. Green eyes narrowing, Shippou pulled out a toy snake, standing in front of Kagome to protect the confused schoolgirl. "Who are you?" Shippou said suspiciously. "What have you done with the real Inuyasha?" he asked guardedly.

Growling, Inuyasha slapped Shippou upside his head, throwing the kitsune a foot or two. After he had landed, Shippou stood and looked at the scowling, cursing hanyou and slowly breathed a sigh of relieve. "Wow, it's good to have you back!" the kit shouted to Inuyasha, running over happily. "I was worried there for a minute!"

Inuyasha heaved a sigh and turned to walk with Kagome. Looking thoughtful, Shippou mumbled to himself about having Miroku do an exorcism on Inuyasha just in case.

"I am not possessed!" yelled Inuyasha in frustration. "I just learned to meditate a bit!"

"You? Meditate?" Miroku asked as he and Sango reached the other three. "Hmmm… maybe you were drunk and you just thought you learned how to meditate?" the monk suggested solicitously.

Inuyasha sprung to the chase, a protesting Miroku running desperately in front of him, Shippou joining in just for fun.

Kagome groaned, picked up her briefcase, wondering briefly about how the yellow monstrosity had gotten heavier. "Hi Sango!" she called out to her demon slayer friend. Sango jerked and looked at Kagome rather frantically.

"Is, is that…Inuyasha?" she whispered into Kagome's ear, eyes wide.

Kagome looked at Sango, a little befuddled. "Are you okay?" the girl from the future asked. Sango's eyes were wider then usual, her cheeks flushed and her breathing a little shallow. "Do you have a fever?" Kagome moved, quickly putting her hand on the slayers forehead.

"Is that Inuyasha?" Sango asked again, pushing Kagome's hand aside and peering over her shorter friend's shoulder to catch a glimpse of the dashing figure she had seen chasing Miroku.

"Of course it is! Why don't you recognize hi-oh!" Kagome sighed and snapped her fingers. "The clothing and haircut, I totally forgot!" She also turned to look at Inuyasha. Sneaking a look at Sango's agape face, Kagome smiled smugly. "Sexy, isn't he?"

"What? Kagome-chan! Such language!" Sango protested, fanning her face.

Inuyasha stopped running and turned to wave to the two girls on the hill. His hair was framing his face, ending just below his chin in natural semi-curly waves of white and silver highlights. He was dressed back into his modern day clothing of tight jeans and a tighter t-shirt and his bare feet sank into the grass. Kagome smiled happily. Inuyasha made a striking and handsome figure.

"Yes, he is sexy," murmured Sango appreciatively as Inuyasha began to jog toward the two, his biceps obvious in the taut short sleeves of his blood red skull and bones t-shirt.

"Pick your mouth off the floor, Sango," Kagome snickered. "If you want, I can get Miroku clothes like that."

Sango turned and gave her friend a huge smile. "Well, if Miroku was in those clothes when he groped me, he'd get an altogether different answer then usual."

"I'll take that as a yes," snickered Kagome.

Inuyasha looked from girl to girl. "What's yes?"

"Nothing," came the simultaneous answer.

Miroku and Shippou joined the group and all five started the walk back to the village and Kaede.

"So Miroku," Sango began with a private smile at Kagome, "what do you think of Inuyasha's new clothes?"

"Um, well, they are very tight," Miroku whispered, a little disturbed by the admiring glance Sango had just given Inuyasha's ass.

"Yes they are!" Sango smiled enthusiastically. Miroku began to wonder if he should ask Kagome if she could bring back some of those odd garments for him…

Inuyasha took the school bag from Kagome and the two strolled along, reaching for each others hands to hold, just as they had been doing the past week since they had gotten…closer. Kagome smiled and gave Inuyasha's hand a little squeeze and, although he rolled his eyes, the dog eared boy smiled and squeezed back.

Behind the oblivious couple, Miroku, Sango and Shippou stopped and stared in shock.

"What the hell is going on?" shouted Miroku, pulling out an ofuda ward.

"See? See? I told you he was possessed by a demon! And the demon got Kagome too!" wailed Shippou despondently from Miroku's shoulder.

Sango nodded firmly, moving Hirakotsu into attack position. "Houshi-sama, when the demon comes out, I'll take care of the rest."

"Oh, for gods sake..." mumbled Kagome, face red with embarrassment when she figured out what had caused her friends to panic like this.

Inuyasha said nothing, just 'keh'ed. This alone pushed his companions to greater alarm.

"What's wrong with Inuyasha?" whispered Sango.

"So I'm holding her hand. Big deal," Inuyasha said with a shrug. "We're dating. Public displays of affection are allowed."

"Da….ting?" said Miroku, unfamiliar with the word.

"Affection?" quoted Shippou in disbelieve.

"Displays? What type of displays?" asked Sango, wondering for the first time just what had happened in the future era between the two teenagers.

"Oh, he's really possessed! By a demon with emotions too," mourned Shippou. "This is terrible! He'll never recover!"

"Shut up! I am not possessed!" objected Inuyasha angrily.

"So you say but that's exactly what a demon would say who possessed you!" Miroku challenged.

"Why don't I kick your ass and then you'll realize that no stupid fucking demon is inside me!" roared Inuyasha, fists clenched.

Miroku, with one thrust, shoved his strongest exorcism ofuda paper onto Inuyasha's forehead. No fearsome specter emerged from Inuyasha's skin, no demon wailing of thwarted ambitions was thrown out of the hanyou's body.

"Huh," said Sango with surprise after a moment, "he really isn't possessed."

"So that means he really did take anger management teachings?" Shippou grinned suddenly. "I would have paid money in order to see the sensei try that!"

Inuyasha's growls reached audible levels and his knuckles cracked.

Miroku laughed weakly and inched away slowly. "It's amazing how far out that vein on your temple can extend, Inuyasha..."

"You think some low level possession demon can get the better of me?" bellowed Inuyasha, preparing his claws.

Turning quickly, Miroku, Sango and Shippou ran toward the safety of the village while Inuyasha chased them, screaming obscenities and curses behind them.

Kagome looked down at her heavy briefcase and grumbled as she picked it up to trudge to the little town on her own. _He's enjoying scaring them half to death too much_, she thought but decided to not begrudge Inuyasha his fun. _He behaved so nicely when they were annoying him. He deserves to enjoy himself. _

Inuyasha screamed the F-word at Shippou and launched an attack that made Shippou wet his pants in fright.

_Or he was_, Kagome amended in her mind. "Sit," she called out as she struggled up a hill. After all, if the big idiot wasn't going to help her with the stupid book-bag, she wasn't going to be the only one with a back ache.

>>>>>>>In The Village>>>>>>>>>>>

"What has given thee this new look?" Kaede questioned Inuyasha intently. The old woman doddered over to examine his new haircut and clothing. "It is like nothing I have ever seen," the elderly priestess commented.

"That's because it's from five hundred years in the future," Inuyasha replied with a roll of his eyes.

"Still, it does not explain the magic of your disappearing ears," Kaede said with a frown.

Inuyasha snorted derisively. "It's a haircut, you senile old bat."

Kaede smacked the immature hanyou on his head with the stew spoon. "It's a pity no magic was performed on your mouth," the venerable priestess retorted.

Inuyasha growled and cracked his knuckles.

"What did Kagome's mother think of this transformation?"

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. The ecstatic reaction of Kagome's family was still disconcerting to him. It had involved a lot of loud exclamations and more touching then he had endured in a very long while. He stuck out his tongue at Kaede. "None of your business, you fat witch."

"Need I remind ye Inuyasha who created that necklace of subduing in the first place?" Kaede responded with an eyebrow raised. "Do not make me annoyed."

"Oh yeah?" Inuyasha snarled.

Kagome looked up from her math book and sighed. _He's so touchy about his new look. I wish everyone would just stop commenting him on it. They're just making him angry…_ "Come on," she said, grabbing the irritated hanyou by the hand. Quickly slinging a reed basket over her shoulders, she suggested, "Let's go gather some herbs."

Inuyasha groaned in protest. "What? Why?" he whined. "Those stupid plants remind me of that horrible shampoo stuff!"

"You've never smelled so nice," Kagome reminded him.

Inuyasha wrinkled his nose. "Come on Kagome, I don't want to. Do I have to?"

Miroku walked into the hut with Sango at his heels. "Have to what?" the monk asked curiously.

"Go herb collecting," Inuyasha muttered, folding his arms in a sulk, when Kagome pointed to the door.

"We'll all go," Sango suggested kindly. "It won't so boring that way."

Inuyasha thought for a moment. "All right," he shrugged. "Why not? Thanks-"

"No," interrupted Miroku with a glare. Inuyasha gave the annoyed priest a confused look. "Why not?" the hanyou asked.

"Because!" snapped Miroku.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Inuyasha snorted.

"Sango's not going!" said Miroku angrily.

"Where did I come into this?" Sango asked in confusion, glancing at the other occupants of the hut.

Kagome sighed in exasperation. "Sango," she said to the demon slayer, "reassure Miroku that you don't want Inuyasha."

"What?" Inuyasha and Sango gasped simultaneously.

Miroku huffed and folded his arms, looking away and not saying a word.

"I don't want Inuyasha!" Sango protested to the room in general.

"She doesn't want me!" Inuyasha agreed.

"I know that, you both know that but apparently, Miroku doesn't," Kagome explained.

"Oh, honestly…" muttered Kaede. "You're supposed to be the mature one," she scolded the monk.

"She was looking at his rear," Miroku muttered defensively.

"Sango!" gasped Kaede in shock.

"My what?" Inuyasha shouted, aghast.

"I cannot believe you were checking him out!" Kagome shouted angrily to the slayer.

"You're usually such a good girl," worried Kaede.

"I am a good girl! It was just a little peek hours ago!" Sango defended.

"Oh, is that all?" Kagome said, glaring now.

"I feel so used," Inuyasha said to himself in distress.

"Why doesn't she check me out?" Miroku sulked.

"Oh, shut up Miroku!" snapped Sango. "I checked him out because, well, he's got a nice, um, you know…behind."

"Air…I need air!" Kaede choked out as all her hopes for propriety in the wandering band of teenagers died. She hobbled out the hut, fast as her arthritis allowed, gasping and moaning.

"You know, why is it that I'm not allowed to get mad?" demanded the lecherous priest to the room at large.

"This isn't about you!" Kagome snapped to Miroku. "This is about Sango lusting after my boyfriend!" the modern girl shouted, pointing a finger at the sputtering Sango.

"Lusting….?" Inuyasha repeated blankly. The word processed and, with eyes wide in shock, he scampered away from Sango.

"I'm not going to attack you!" the irritated demon slayer snarled. "You're not that good looking!"

"I am so!" Inuyasha replied hotly.

"Ha!" Sango snorted.

"Are you insulting him?" Kagome asked, furious on behalf of her man.

"No, she's not. She loves the way he looks. He's got a great ass remember?" Miroku said mockingly.

"Okay, enough discussing my ass!" Inuyasha yelled, protectively covering his derriere with his hands.

"I did not say the word ass!" Sango shouted.

As the adults argued and shouted, Shippou sighed from his corner and glanced at Kirara. "We're the only normal ones in this room, aren't we?" he asked, shaking his head.

"Mrow," Kirara agreed.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"I still can't believe she did that," Kagome commented a half hour later, still annoyed. "Sango, of all people, checking you out….and those village girls!"

Inuyasha smiled uneasily. The local girls had taken an obvious and vocal liking to his new clothes and hair and were not shy about telling him so. He mentally winced as he recalled the numerous ploys of sprained ankles that had sprung up among the little town and the 'rescuing' that they would only accept from one silver-haired half demon. Kagome's jealous reaction, though gratifying and fun to watch, had not at all been miko-like.

Inuyasha shifted the reed basket in his arms. "They don't mean it. It's just the newness of it all."

Kagome stopped cocked an eyebrow at her companion. "Don't worry," she chuckled. "I won't actually purify the next girl to flirt with you."

"Well good because those girls didn't mean anything by it," Inuyasha said with a nod.

Kagome shook her head in wonderment. "It's so weird hearing you be the peaceful one. Gay men are miracle workers, I'm convinced."

"Keh," Inuyasha scoffed.

"Jai would be so proud," teased Kagome with a giggle as she handed him a plant.

"As if I care," Inuyasha said, grabbing the herb and sticking it into the pile.

"It's sort of sweet. I mean, without your transformation, Miroku never would have gotten so jealous."

"He's gotten jealous before," Inuyasha reminded her. "Remember that catfish demon?"

Kagome stifled a laugh. "Oh yeah…you teased him about that for weeks."

Inuyasha sniggered. "Threw his strongest ofuda on one of the weakest demons we've ever encountered, all because the thing wanted Sango for a concubine. Remember how he chased her around the lake?"

The two laughed at the memory of the prideful monk chasing after the annoyed demon slayer, soaking wet and begging for forgiveness.

"They're going to catch up later?" Inuyasha asked.

Kagome sighed and smiled happily. "Yeah. Right now, I think they're having some couple time."

"Couple time?"

"You know, spending time alone together alone, just the two of them," Kagome explained, bending down to pick another medicinal plant.

"Like we would have if the cat and the brat weren't here?" Inuyasha said dryly, aiming with his thumb at the frolicking Kirara and Shippo.

Shippou, seeing he had their attention, waved merrily. Kagome and Inuyasha gave half hearted waves back.

"Yeah, sort of," Kagome agreed with an accepting shrug.

The two smiled at each other. Inuyasha dipped down to lightly press a kiss on Kagome's smiling mouth.

"Mmm-hmmm," she mumbled gleefully and pulled him toward her by a lock of hair.

Inuyasha yelped as he overbalanced, almost falling onto Kagome. The schoolgirl shouted in surprise as the basket of plants overturned onto her.

Grimacing in disgust as the powerful stench of so many crushed herbs assaulted his nose, Inuyasha helped Kagome up. "Why'd you pull on my hair?" he asked in annoyance.

Kagome blushed. "I, uh, sort of got into the moment and, um, didn't realize…." She trailed off, dragging a foot over the dirt in embarrassed circles.

Inuyasha grinned. "So, how into the moment were you? Because I can get you right back into that moment and we'll just take it from there, eh?"

"Inuyasha!" Kagome said, scandalized. "Your ego is getting out of hand!" She shook her head as she picked up fallen plants. "Honestly, if I ever meet those Queer Eye boys again, I'm going to tell them about the monster they created."

Inuyasha blanched, imagining the reaction saying something like that would produce. "Maybe they won't remember me?" he suggested weakly.

Kagome raised her eyebrows. "Well, perhaps," she allowed. "However, I think you're the only Sexy Ass closet nudist that they have."

"Don't call me that," Inuyasha half-heartedly said. He already knew that Kagome wasn't going to listen. The dreaded nickname was starting to make him feel bad for all the times he had called Sesshomaru 'Fluffy.'

"I think it's a great nickname," Kagome replied. With a devilish look in her eyes, she asked, "What do you think Miroku will think of it? Or better yet, Sango?"

Inuyasha shuddered eloquently.

"You stop acting so arrogant about you-know-what and they'll never know," Kagome blackmailed.

Inuyasha grumbled but finally agreed. "No telling Kouga either!" he added.

"So suspicious," sighed Kagome. She held her hand up to heart in mock pain. "I'm hurt that you don't trust me."

About to retort, Inuyasha stopped suddenly, testing the air with his sensitive nose. "Damn it all," he growled unhappily, cracking his knuckles.

"What?" asked Kagome in confusion.

Ignoring her, Inuyasha called out, "Shippou! Kirara! Get your asses back to the village!"

"Why?" Shippou called back. Kirara sniffed and hissed as her hackles rose. Transforming in a burst of flame, the neko mononoke grabbed Shippou with her mouth and leapt into the air. Fleeing, Kirara shot toward the relative safety of the village.

"Smart cat knows when it's beat," Inuyasha said with an approving nod of his head.

"What the hell is going on?" Kagome snapped in annoyance.

Inuyasha shooed her behind him and readied Tetsuiga. "Sesshomaru is coming," he answered tightly.

As if saying his name had summoned him, the Lord of the West appeared.

His hair flowed in the breeze, his clothes were neat and pressed and his armor gleamed in the sun. Arrogantly, Sesshomaru lifted his nose into the air, the smell of hanyou apparently offending his senses.

"You look like a freakin' ass," Inuyasha commented. "Your nose is up so high, I can see straight into it."

"Plebian as usual," Sesshomaru remarked.

"Using big words to cover up your insecurities fools absolutely no one," Inuyasha said with a smirk.

"This Sesshomaru has no insecurities. Things such as that exist only in the minds of the weak."

"Isn't it inherently weak to deny the possibility of weakness?" Inuyasha countered.

Sesshomaru blinked. "What?"

"Shouldn't a facet of strength be preparing for all eventualities, including weaknesses like insecurities?" Inuyasha taunted.

Sesshomaru and Kagome both stared at Inuyasha, dumbfounded.

_When the _hell_ did Inuyasha start to talk like that? _Kagome wondered in shock.

Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed. After a moment of silence, he spoke. "So it is true. You have been possessed."

"NO!" Inuyasha roared, exasperated. "I am not fucking possessed!"

"The Inuyasha I have been forced to co-exist in this world with was a brash and impetuous youth who would have come blindly into battle with me by now. If you are not he but are still Inuyasha, explain this transformation," the Inu youkai demanded.

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "Couldn't you just speak normally and simply ask what happened?"

Sesshomaru said nothing, moving not a muscle but still managing to give off an aura of impatience.

"Fine," Inuyasha said, blowing out a breath. "I met some people and they…um…taught me a few things."

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow. "You mean, someone actually convinced you to use your mind? Astounding."

"Shut up!"

If she didn't know any better, Kagome could swear that the stoic inu youkai lord was smirking. A smirk that was rather familiar to her…The schoolgirl decided to not point out the familial resemblance as it would not please either of the brothers.

"Tell me, who was it?"

Inuyasha felt himself flush. "None of your business."

"Really? Your smell has the distinct scent of homos-"

"So why the hell are you here?" Inuyasha interrupted suddenly.

Sesshomaru almost sighed. "Your smell has changed in a drastic way and I was wondering if it was a permanent thing. There is honor involved in these things," the lord stated cryptically.

"Huh?"

"What?"

Sesshomaru almost looked uncomfortable. "Your scent has recently mixed with a certain young female mortal."

Kagome gasped in embarrassment and Inuyasha scowled as his cheeks turned red.

"I...uh, we…oh my…" Kagome stammered.

"Oi! That's _really_ none of your business!" Inuyasha snapped.

Sesshomaru grimaced. "This Sesshomaru was most assuredly not interested in that aspect of your scent. As I have said, this is a matter of honor….although I do think the miko girl could have done better."

Inuyasha snarled and laid a hand on Tetsusaiga. "Say that again and I'll gut you!"

Sesshomaru stood straighter. "Then come at me little brother," he scoffed quietly, his hand falling to Tokijin's hilt.

Inuyasha smiled slowly. "You get back Kagome," he ordered. With a nod, Kagome ran to the edge of the forest, peering at Inuyasha from underneath the trees.

The little field was perfectly silent as the two prepared for battle. A breeze curled around them, fluttering clothes and hair. The two made no motions, patiently bidding their time.

Inuyasha easily fell into the breathing patterns as his body settled into a state of relaxed alertness. He cracked his knuckles, waiting for that blurred rush of movement that would herald Sesshomaru's position. Tetsuiga laid by his hip, a comforting presence that Inuyasha didn't draw.

Sesshomaru stood motionless, silent and cold. He waited for Inuyasha's usual brash battle roar and boasting comments. Yet as the minutes passed and neither moved, this new calmness of Inuyasha's began to irritate Sesshomaru.

"Inuyasha," The Lord of the Western Lands demanded, "if we fight, we fight."

The silence dragged out and Sesshomaru's curiosity grew. _So unlike the mongrel_, the lord wondered. _Why now would he learn from someone?_

Suddenly and without a word or a betraying muscle twitch, Inuyasha leapt forward. Sesshomaru danced to the left as Inuyasha sliced the air where he had been only seconds before. The older demon moved smoothly to the side and drew his poison, casting it in Inuyasha's direction with an imperious hand gesture. Inuyasha dodged the attack and the elegant looking man with incongruous green poison whip dripping from his hand. The land dissolved underneath the onslaught of Sesshomaru's toxic liquid, rocks sizzling as they eroded unnaturally.

The lash flew out and Inuyasha twisted away, landing delicately on one foot before rushing forward. Almost ducking underneath Sesshomaru's guard, Inuyasha's claws were prepared to rip flesh and crack bone. With inhuman dexterity, Sesshomaru avoided the lethal hands of his younger brother and behind him, the earth was ripped open in cruel arcs from Inuyasha's furious assault.

The two settled on opposite sides of the meadow, the breeze now cool against battle heated skin. With a passionless motion, Sesshomaru held up his arm. The formerly tailored and perfect haori top had a wide gash across one sleeve. For a moment, both brothers simply stared at the ripped fabric.

"You attempt to take both arms?" Sesshomaru finally questioned dryly.

"Well, I figured to go with what I know," retorted Inuyasha with a cocky smirk.

With no expression on his face, Sesshomaru dissolved his whip and Inuyasha relaxed his muscles. Pivoting on one heel, Sesshomaru strode away, Mokomoto-sama lifted behind him in the wind.

"OI!" Inuyasha shouted from across the field, forehead creasing in confusion. "Where are you going?"

"I've seen all I needed to see here," Sesshomaru replied without breaking stride.

Inuyasha scowled. _Why'd he stop? _He thought irritably_. It was shaping up to be a good fight._ "I thought you said that this was about honor! We didn't resolve shit!"

"I said, I saw all I needed to see. The family's honor is intact."

Inuyasha's mouth gaped open._ A compliment? From Lord Tight Ass?_

Kagome jogged up, unsettled by the sudden departure. "Where's he go?" she asked.

"I think," Inuyasha answered cautiously. "I think he liked the way I fought so he's just… leaving me alone." He shook his head in bewilderment and crouched low on the ground. This sort of amicable parting was not usual for the two brothers and Inuyasha was unsure of what to think of it.

A warm hand was placed on the hanyou's shoulder. Inuyasha sighed as he looked at Kagome's smiling face.

"I think he respects you," Kagome announced quietly. Her smile widened. "He sees how you've grown and changed." The young schoolgirl looked happily at her dog eared boyfriend. "Maybe we could invite him over for dinner sometime!" Kagome clasped her hands together in her excitement. "Wouldn't that be lovely?"

Inuyasha stared at Kagome for a long moment before replying, "Oh yes, it sounds like tons of fun. Almost as much fun as getting my balls ripped off." Inuyasha said sarcastically.

Kagome made a face. "Thanks for the mental image," she said in disgust. Inuyasha snorted a laugh. Kagome nudged him non-too-gently in the side. "Seriously, I think it'd be interesting to see if loving Ramen is a genetic trait."

Inuyasha glared and waved a finger in Kagome's face. "I don't what this genetic things is but you better not be giving away my Ramen, especially not to my asshole brother."

Kagome shook her head and shoved the admonishing finger away. "I know you guys could get along if you just tried."

Inuyasha hefted the basket of herbs. "Yes, right after hell freezes over. Now come on wench. Let's get back to the village. Shippou must be throwing a fit by now."

Kagome opened her mouth to argue but closed it when Inuyasha knelt and insistently pointed to his back. "Fine fine…" she sighed.

She clambered on and, as Inuyasha rushed off, relaxed into his warm and comfortable body. This was her favorite mode of travel by far and she could never get too much of it.

The foliage blurred by and Kagome was almost asleep from the rhythmic movements of Inuyasha's smooth gait when the hanyou stopped abruptly.

"What the _fuck_?" he cursed viciously. "Everyone is bothering us today." Gently depositing the groggy girl onto the ground, he drew Tetsuiga and yelled loudly, "I smell wolf shit!"

"Oh, you're right. Kouga-kun and his shards are here," Kagome mumbled as she tried to get her hair back into some semblance of order. "I must not have felt him because I'm so sleepy."

Inuyasha ignored her excuses as he concentrated on the hated figure emerging from the trees. _I don't want to do this, I don't want to do this!_ inuyasha's mind yelled.

_Well, too bad,_ a different part of him retorted._ You promised Jai you'd be on your best behavior. So suck it up..._

"Kagome!" came the cheerful yell from the blue eyed wolf prince. Jogging over, Kouga smiled brightly.

"How are you Kouga?" Inuyasha grumbled, mentally cursing Jai to the seventh level of hell.

Kouga stopped and stared at Inuyasha. "Mutt face, why are you being so polite?"

"I have to," Inuyasha said, longing to draw Tetsuiga and stick it up Kouga's hind end. "It's good manners..."

Kouga's mouth dropped. "Sothe rumors weretrue! You _have_ been possessed!"

"NO!" Inuyasha shouted. "For the last time, I am not possessed!"

Kouga snorted. "Figures a weakling like you would get possessed by a demon with manners."

"Why you..." Inuyasha growled. "I am not possessed!"

"Whatever. I didn't come here to talk to a dog turd like you. How are you Kagome?"Kouga asked, amorously taking the reluctant Kagome's hands and ignoring Inuyasha entirely.

Inuyasha scowled furiously. "What, have you lost what little sense of smell you had?" he jeered. "Take a good whiff!"

Kouga glared. "I smell it and I don't believe it," he stated angrily, abandoning Kagome to challenge Inuyasha. "I know that my woman would never ever do something like that with something like you!"

"What!" Inuyasha shouted. "You stinkin' wolf!"

"Stinkin' half dog!" Kouga yelled back.

Ginta and Hakakku collapsed on the ground nearby, having finally caught up with their brave and thoughtless leader. "Hey Kagome," called out Ginta between gasped breaths.

"Hey boys," she answered. "Is he running too fast again?"

Both rolled their eyes simultaneously. "When doesn't he?" snorted Hakaku. Ginta nodded, still too winded to speak unnecessarily.

Kagome 'tsk'ed sympathetically as she handed the two exhausted wolf demons water bottles.

"Cocksucker!" Inuyasha shouted.

"Asswipe!" Kouga roared.

"Maybe if you just talked to him?" Kagome asked the two tired wolf demons, ignoring the yelling match taking place behind her.

"He doesn't listen to us!" Hakakku said in exasperation.

"It's as if we're not even there," agreed Ginta with a sigh.

"Shit smeller!"

"Crotch smeller!"

"It doesn't sound like he's putting a hundred percent into this relationship you guys have," Kagome commented with a sad shake of her head.

"I've never thought of it like that but you're right," Ginta said thoughtfully.

"But he's our leader! We can't force him to do anything," Hakakku replied.

"Arrogant delusional wolf turd!"

Kouga opened his mouth to reply but was stumped. "Um…" he faltered.

"Stupid slow hanyou," Ginta and Hakakku called out, supplying their leader with a comeback.

"Stupid slow hanyou!" shouted Kouga in triumph.

Inuyasha shot the wolf prince a look of incredulous disbelieve. "You can't use an insult someone gave you! That's pathetic!" Inuyasha shouted to his archenemy.

"See?" Hakakku said, pointing at the pleased Kouga. "He doesn't even acknowledge that we helped him!"

Ginta heaved a sigh. "Sometimes, I think he doesn't even realize that we're not the little voices in his head…"

Kagome giggled helplessly.  
"What's pathetic is you plastering your scent all over Kagome to pretend that you mated with her!" Kouga yelled back.

"_But I did_!" Inuyasha bellowed.

Kagome shrieked wordlessly in absolute horror, feeling her face flame.

"Oh thank god!" Ginta said, suddenly flopping backward onto the ground.

"It's about time," Hakakku mumbled.

"What?" came a shout from Inuyasha, Kagome and Kouga.

"Well, now we won't have to come running after Kagome-onee-san every time a breeze shifts and Kouga thinks he smells her," Hakakku said, thrilled with the idea that he'd be able to rest for once.

"Kouga, you always said you were in the area," Kagome half questioning as she turned to the blushing wolf prince.

Before he could answer, there came a snort from two throats.

"Please," drawled Hakakku. "We've never been once in the area!"

"Unless the area being considered is the entire Japan," Ginta added sarcastically.

"Shut up!" Kouga roared at his two lieutenants.

"I take it back. You're beyond pathetic," laughed Inuyasha callously.

"Inuyasha sit!" Kagome said with a frown.

_Thump!_

"Bitch! What the hell was that for?" Inuyasha asked his voice muffled by the ground.

"You were mean to Kouga. The guy is in love, he can't help it!" Kagome said dramatically.

"Yes, in love! That's what we are," Kouga said with a romantic smile, reaching again for Kagome's hands.

"Back off!" Inuyasha snarled, shoving Kagome away from the touchy Kouga.

"Stop touching her!"

"Make me wolf!"

"I will!" Kouga leaped forward with his foot extended, ready to deliver a powerful round house kick to Inuyasha's stomach.

Inuyasha jumped to the side and swung a fist at the wolf prince's face. Kouga turned and rolled as he hit the ground. The two stood a bit apart, snarling and insulting each other.

Kagome let out a sigh. "I'm bored," she announced to the equally uninterested Ginta and Hakakku. "You want something to eat?"

The two wolfs looked at their prince, saw he was likely to be occupied for some time and shrugged. "Sure," they chorused.

"Hey!" Kouga shouted when he noticed the three leaving. "Where are you going?"

"Away!" chorused the two subordinate wolf demons.

"Come and get us when you finish this 'mine-is-bigger-then-yours' contest," Kagome called over her shoulder.

Inuyasha and Kouga stared at the backs of their friends.

Kouga sighed helplessly. "I get no respect," he mumbled.

"Who does?" Inuyasha retorted. "I save her ass every five minutes and I get nothing in return!"

"Well, now, you'll at least get sex," Kouga said thoughtlessly.

Inuyasha nodded in agreement. "There is that…"

The two stared at the diminished figures walking toward some unspecified picnic for a long moment. Shrugging, they began to follow, walking amicably side by side.

"Hey Kouga?"

"What mutt?"

"How do you feel about…pictures?"

Kouga thought back for a moment. "Are those the frozen paintings Kagome made once?"

Inuyasha nodded, mentally crossing his fingers. Next to him, Kouga shrugged. "I'm okay with the things…"

"Would you like to be in one?" Inuyasha asked cautiously.

Kouga gave Inuyasha a confused look. "Well, sure. Why not?"

Inuyasha smiled triumphantly._ Now that Kouga's agreed, all I have to do is convince Kagome to teach me how to use the digital camera..._

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"You want him to do what?" Kagome asked, completely stupefied.

"Just take off his shirt and model for me," Inuyasha explained, trying to act as if this was a normal request. Clearing his throat, he took another mouthful of Ramen.

Kagome stared into Inuyasha's eyes_. Just what had happened while I was gone…?_ Kagome wondered suspiciously. Peering around to see if anyone else around, she leaned forward and whispered, "Inuyasha, what did the Queer Boys do? Are you…a bisexual now?"

Eyes wide and horrified, Inuyasha began to choke on his Ramen, coughing and sputtering. "No!" he got out between gasps for air.

Kagome frowned. "Well then why do you want Kouga naked?"

"I don't!" Inuyasha protested. "Carson does!"

"Carson wants everything naked. A nudist world would thrill Carson," Kagome said with a wave of her hand.

"You weren't even the one stuck in a dressing room with him," Inuyasha reminded her.

"I don't think _I_ would have been in any danger," Kagome pointed out wryly.

"But you can understand why I had to get out of there and promise to do whatever I had to do," Inuyasha pressed. Kagome reluctantly nodded. "See? So help me keep my promise to the gay pervert," Inuyasha said, flashing his best puppy face.

Kagome sighed before relenting. "Fine," she grumbled. "But I don't want you throwing a temper tantrum when I go ask Kouga to take off his shirt for my picture collection."

Inuyasha glared at the too innocent schoolgirl next to him. "You are not asking Kouga to take off his shirt!" the hanyou growled. "I'll do the asking. You just explain what all these buttons are for."

Inuyasha possessively fondled the digital camera he had found as a present in the set of drawers near his bed. He scowled remembering the note attached:

"_To our button loving hetero,_

_Here's a camera with a lot of buttons to press! It's yours because you actually opened up the drawers to put away the clothes! Such a good doggie boy!_

_Love and kisses,_

_The Queer Boys_

_P.S. Remember my sexy, fur wearing delicious man pictures! If I don't get them, I'm going to expect some photos of you in just a thong! I had your word on those pictures!_

_Carson"_

"Bastards," Inuyasha snarled.

Kagome let out another sigh. "Inuyasha, you were amazingly possessive of your buttons," she reminded him. "Of course they were going to call you on it."

"Whatever," groused Inuyasha. "I'm not a dog! Plus, they threatened me!"

"He was joking Inuyasha. Carson doesn't really expect pictures of you in a thong if you don't send him some photos of Kouga."

"Can I take that chance?" Inuyasha asked seriously.

Kagome shook her head. There was no convincing the hanyou that Carson wouldn't be able to back up his claim. She mutely patted Inuyasha on the shoulder. "All right then. I'll help you. Come on, it'll take some time to get Kouga to agree. Just let me do it."

Inuyasha heaved a sigh but gracefully leapt to his feet. "I don't like this," Inuyasha snarled.

Kagome eyed his bared teeth and menacing glare and restrained a snort. "You don't say," she mumbled dryly.

The two walked in the direction of the fire pit where Ginta and Hakkuku were arguing while Kouga napped.

"Oi! Kouga! Come here!" Inuyasha shouted, still at a distance.

Kouga opened one eye. "No way," he sneered before resuming his sleeping.

"Kouga-kun? Could you please come here?" Kagome cajoled sweetly. Kouga wordlessly hopped up, smiled a large smile and trotted over to his ladylove.

"And they called me a dog," Inuyasha grumbled at Kouga's toadying attitude.

"Yes Kagome?" Kouga said huskily when he reached the pair. "What do you require of me?"

"It's a good thing you asked," Kagome said nervously. "I sort of need you to take off your shirt."

Kouga blinked but his smile widened. "Why Kagome…! I didn't realize your passion for me had become so all consuming! How thrilling!"

"No no no!" Kagome protested. "It's not for me, it's for Inuyasha!"

"_What?"_ Kouga backpedaled so fast the dust was rising as he was leaving.

"What the-? NO! It's not like that!" Inuyasha yelled.

"I always knew you were weird!" Kouga shouted, still running back to the relative safety of his comrades.

"You sick wolf!" Inuyahsa shouted furiously. He took to the chase and began yelling at Kouga to get his head out of his ass and just listen.

Ginta and Hakkaku both shot Inuyasha and Kouga annoyed looks. "What are those two doing now?" Ginta asked with a peeved expression. "They got dirt on the fish!"

"They're chasing each other," Hakkaku replied drolly. "But why?"

"I said something and it came out wrong," Kagome answered sheepishly as she jogged up.

As the two wolf demons shot her uncomprehending looks, she explained. "I told Kouga that I needed him to take off his shirt for Inuyasha and-"

"You did what?" Ginta gasped. "Kagome, that's terribly forward of you!"

"Inuyasha wants Kouga shirtless?" Hakkaku shouted at the same time. "I don't believe it!"

"See, this is what happened then too," Kagome interrupted. "I mean, Inuyasha made a promise to someone that he'd bring a picture of Kouga to that person and he asked me to ask Kouga for him but the words got all mangled. Do you guys get it?"

Looking at her cautiously, Ginta and Hakkaku nodded. "So, Inuyasha's not doing this for himself?"

"Hell no!" said Kagome empathetically.

"Ha, see?" Inuyasha asked Kouga, struggling to restrain the wolf prince who he was dragging to Kagome by the arm.

"Pervert!" Kouga shouted in desperation. "Let me go! I don't like you like that!"

Inuyasha smacked Kouga upside his head. "I have no interest in you like that!" he retorted in a snap. "I just need you to help me keep a promise!"  
"What promise?" Kouga asked, curious despite himself.

"I promised someone that I would show them that you exist and that you wear fur," Inuyasha said, letting go now that Kouga's mind (_or whatever he has between his ears_, Inuyasha thought uncharitably) had reestablished itself.

"Well, why'd you go and do a stupid thing like that?" Kouga shouted, shoving Inuyasha to the ground.

The hanyou clambered up, scowl fiercely in place. "Because, nuts-for-brains, he likes guys in fur!"

Kouga's eyes widened. "…he?"

_Aw shit!_ Inuyasha cursed mentally as Kouga's eyes got bigger and bigger.

"You have a friend who likes guys? In fur?" Kouga yelped, stepping backward.

"He's not my friend! But yeah, this guy I know who I owe a picture to likes guys in fur," admitted Inuyasha.

"You are one messed up puppy," Kouga observed with a sneer. "And here I thought you were competition for Kagome! I should have been more worried about what you were thinking all the times we wrestled!"

Inuyasha growled and drew Tetsuiga. "Say that again, you mangy wolf and I'll rip you open."

"Try it!" scoffed Kouga. "I'm not afraid of a man lover!"

Inuyasha cracked his knuckles. "You asked for it!" he shouted.

"Bring it on!" jeered Kouga, readying himself.

However, before either could do anything, Kagome stepped up and slapped Kouga hard.

The wolf prince's face snapped to one side and an angry red mark showed up on his bronze skin.

"I can't believe you said that! That was the most vile and inconsiderate thing you've ever said! Man lover!" Kagome said, glaring and poking Kouga in the chest. "I never in my life-!"

Barely restraining himself, Kouga growled down at her venomously, cutting Kagome's tirade off. "I let you do slap me once before Kagome. Don't think it gives you the right to hit me," he hissed, his usually genial voice growing ice.

Kagome swallowed nervously but Inuyasha gently drew her away. Pushing her to safety behind him, Inuyasha faced Kouga. "She hates it when people insult her friends. You know how loyal she is," he remarked to the furious wolf.

Kouga merely scowled, fists clenched.

"You insulted her friend, that man lover as you called him. It pissed her off." Inuyasha shrugged in nonchalant manner. "Besides, I've been calling her a bitch for years. You might think it was just to annoy her but as you can see, I was just calling a spade a spade."

Kouga gave a feral grin. "Yeah, it does fit." After a moment, the tension in the prince's shoulders drained away. "So why should I help you?" he asked, settling onto the ground.

"It's a matter of honor," Inuyasha hedged, thinking as fast as he could. Now that the Kagome trump card had been used and discarded, a new plan had to be thought up and damn quick.

"What do I care about your honor?" Kouga snorted, pulling a fish off the fire and chomping into it. "God, I hate cooked food," the wolf prince mumbled, forcing the fish down his throat.

"Yeah, raw is always better," Inuyasha commiserated, trying to be friendly. "It's not like you'll ever meet the guy. I mean, he doesn't even live in Japan," Inuyasha pointed out.

"Doesn't live here, huh?" sighed Kouga. He thought for a moment, obviously thinking hard and weighing the pros and cons.

"I'll give them to you too," Inuyasha added. "Kagome can make more then one of the same painting."

"It's not a painting! It's a photograph!" Kagome said in exasperation. "I explained all this to you guys the last time I brought a camera!"

"Kagome…" Inuyasha said with a tight smile. "Lets just let Kouga all it whatever he wants." _Does the bitch want to see me become a sex slave to Carson?_ Inuyasha wondered furiously as he led Kouga away from the other three.

"Paintings of my own…" Kouga mused as Inuyasha pointed out a fallen tree to sit on. Portraits were expensive and very prestigious. No other leader of the wolf tribes had ever had a portrait done before. In fact, now that Kouga thought of it, the only youkai to have paintings done of themselves were the Tai-Youkai. The Lords of the East, West, North and South had been known to have images of them done for posterity but no others.

"Why not me?" Kouga murmured to himself. Inuyasha slid Kouga a glance but said nothing. Beside the hanyou, Kouga nodded slowly. "Yeah, I am the youngest leader ever of the wolf clan, I have jewel shards, I'm strong and honorable…there's nothing to not take a painting of…"

Kouga stood suddenly. Looking at Inuyasha with a grin, he pounded himself on the chest. "I'll do it!" he announced. "I deserve to have a painting made of me!"

Inuyasha wondered for a moment if he should even ask when being the model for semi-pornographic photos had become something you had to deserve but decided that he'd just be thankful. _Trying to figure out Kouga's brain would be a exercise in futility,_ Inuyasha thought cruelly.

Kouga unbuckled his armor and dropped it onto the ground. Striking a pose, he smiled down at Inuyasha. "Go on!" he urged. "Take the portrait!"

Inuyasha grimaced. Forcing himself to look at Kouga's naked chest he stood up and began to take pictures as Kagome had showed him to. Looking at the little screen, he frowned. Something wasn't right…

"Kouga, turn to the left." The wolf prince did and Inuyasha absently nodded as the light struck Kouga's abdomen muscles and gave them a glow.

"A little more to the left and then bend your hip," Inuyasha called out. Agreeably, Kouga changed his position. From the distant sidelines, Kagome, Ginta and Hakkaku watched as Inuyasha got into being photographer and Kouga thrived as a model.

>>>>>>>>>ten minutes later>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Work it Kouga!" Inuyasha shouted happily, snapping picture after picture. Kouga leaned back, stretched his arms over his head, flashing biceps and showing off his six pack. "Very nice!" Inuyasha yelled, continuing to encourage his model. "Turn around, let the camera see that ass!"

Kouga whipped around and gave his tail an audacious little flick. "Oh very sexy!" Inuyasha complimented, quickly capturing Kouga on film. "More thigh!" Inuyasha instructed, turning the lens at an angle. Kouga propped his foot up on a nearby boulder, causing his skirt to ride up. Inuyasha crowed wordless support. Kouga, showing some initiative, pulled the waistband of his skirt lower, baring an almost dangerous amount of toned stomach. He flipped his hair over one shoulder, smirking.

"Great! Do that again!" Inuyasha called out, fixing the angle of the photo. "Love the camera! Love the camera!" Kouga whipped his hair over the other shoulder and shot the camera a 'come-hither' look with smoldering blue eyes. "Gorgeous! Loving it! Show me how you move!" Inuyasha shouted, taking photos as Kouga leaned back on the rock and stretched sinuously. "Wonderful! Let down your hair!" Kouga ripped out the leather tie that had held back his hair. Long, straight black hair fell almost to the wolf's waist and he leaned forward on the rock, striking a sexy pose. "Nice! Very nice! Now, fang! I want some fang! Hate the camera! Hate the camera!" Inuyasha coached. Kouga gave a fake growl and flexed his biceps. "You're fabulous! The camera loves you! Love it back!" Kouga shifted his hips toward the camera and Inuyasha suggestively.

"Okay, is anyone else feeling sick?" Kagome asked, clutching her stomach.

Ginta wrinkled his nose. "I was much more comfortable with their relationship before. You know, when they used to try to kill each other."

Hakkaku nodded his head, looking slightly green.

"Kouga, how do you feel about nudity?" Inuyasha called out.

"I love nudity!" Kouga replied, high on all the attention.

"All right, that is it!" Kagome snarled when Kouga gave a simpering smile to Inuyasha and she got up to put a stop to the almost obscene photo shoot.

"I don't think you're going to have to," Hakkaku said weakly, pointing to some figures quickly approaching. Kagome stood and paled. Taking off at a run, the three tried to reach the half demon and wolf prince in time.

They were too late.

"Shake that ass! Show me what you're working with!" Inuyasha shouted. Kouga obligingly shook his butt slowly. "Very nice! Excellent!" Inuyasha said, capturing it all on film. "Nice ass shake!"

"Um, what's going on here?" a new voice said. Whipping around, Inuyasha felt himself pale.

"Oh hi Miroku…" Inuyasha said uneasily. "Hi Sango."

Sango stared in horror and fascination. "Why is Kouga taking his skirt off?" she asked weakly.

"Huh?" Both Inuyasha and Kouga looked at the wolf's skirt.

"Oh my god!" Kouga yelped, yanking the fur wrap down as he realized that it was truly barely covering the essentials.

"Holy crap, you wolf shit! Keep your stuff covered!" Inuyasha shouted, covering his face. "My eyes!" he wailed.

"What, all of a sudden _now _he realizes that Kouga was stripping?" Hakkaku asked disbelievingly, not quite stopping himself from chuckling.

"Inuyasha is remarkably adept at ignoring things he doesn't want to see," Kagome said dryly.

"If we were interrupting anything, we can just leave," Miroku teased.

"SHUT UP!" howled Kouga and Inuyasha, both blushing and furious.

Miroku grinned shamelessly, already imagining the weeks and weeks of material for taunting he would have from this incident.

"Sango, what are you guys doing here?" Kagome asked.

"Shippou told us to come. It took a bit of time. Miroku groped me and I knocked him unconscious and then I had to wait for him to wake up…," Sango trailed off and shrugged. "You know how these things go."

Kagome sighed and shook her head.

"You're an idiot!" Kouga spat to the hanyou, tugging on his armor. "I can't believe you convinced me to do that!"  
"As I recall, you were the one who was so excited to do the shoot!" Inuyasha shouted into Kouga's face.

"You _tricked _me!" Kouga defended at the top of his considerable lungs.

"You know, I think we all should leave," Miroku said to the girls and the wolves. "I mean, watching a lover's spat is so tasteless."

Kouga turned an odd puce-like color and he cracked his knuckles, preparing to kill the gleeful monk. "I'm going to kill you," Kouga threatened in a choked voice.

"Me first," growled Inuyasha, his face burning in humiliation.

"I know I know, I shouldn't poke fun," Miroku admitted with a wry nod of his head. With a jovial snort, he added, "Arguments between lovers as obviously close as these two areisno laughing matter."

Kouga released a choked scream of rage, rushing forward. Miroku easily deflected the wolf prince's fist and calmly hit Kouga on the head with his staff. Kouga whirled around, ready to commit murder. Miroku stood at ease with a pleased smile on his face.

Inuyasha rocked back on his heels. _That damn smile of his!_ The hanyou thought miserably. He could almost hear the taunting that was going to come from this…_Damn you Carson! Damn youto hell!_ Inuyasha mentally swore.

Kouga roared again and went for Miroku's throat, fully intending to kill the genial pervert. Miroku lunged to the side and rolled, whipping out an ofuda and plastering the paper to Kouga's back. Kouga let out a growl as the spiritual powers in the ofuda shocked his system, sending spasms through his body. As the jolt of energy ended, Kouga became even more enraged. He knew how powerful Miroku was and the fact that Miroku used such a wimpy ofuda on him was a grave insult. The wolf youkai was building himself into a true and dangerous rage and it was evident to everyone in the clearing.

"Miroku," Sango urged. "Apologize to him and then let's go. He's an ally; we can't kill him."

"Yeah, come on Inuyasha," Kagome begged. "This isn't funny."

"No way!" shouted Inuyasha, flexing his claws. "He's gonna get it this time!"

"My friends," Miroku said, hoping to placate the livid pair of demons, "need there be such animosity toward me? I am but an innocent monk, wandering my way-"

"Oh shut up!" Kouga cut in rudely. "You're the worst excuse for a monk I've ever seen!"

"You know many monks? That's strange. Usually, they purify demons," Miroku said, an edge coming into his voice.

Kagome pulled on Inuyasha's hair and leaned up to whisper into his ear in a coy voice, "Stop the fight and I'll be very…nice to you later. What do you say, hmm?"

Inuyasha blinked and weighed his options. _Is she saying what I think she's saying? _he thought cautiously.

Kagome hummed a little tune and suggestively smiled up at the astounded hanyou, twirling the piece of hair in her hand.

A large smile broke out on Inuyasha's face. "Well, why didn't you say so?" he asked cheerfully. Springing over to Kagome's overly large yellow backpack, he pulled out a portable DVD player.

"Hey!" Kagome protested. "That's my family's DVD player for car rides!"

Inuyasha nodded. "Souta let me borrow it. He burned some stuff for me off the Internet."

Kagome was a little nonplussed by Inuyasha using the modern slang but was curious as to what he had wanted.

Turning on the machine, he ignored the battle between Kouga and Miroku behind him. Once loaded, he pressed the play button and smiled happily.

"_Umm …"_ came the female groan from the screen.

Miroku and Kouga stopped in their tracks and stared uncomprehending at the odd device Inuyasha was looking at.

"_Filthy…"_

"Is that what I think it is?" Kagome asked in horror.

"_Nasty…"_

Inuyasha smiled smugly. "This is the best thing you'll ever see," he promised the other two males.

On the screen, a woman and about twleve men began totouch each other, bodies gleaming and a song pounding.

_"Too dirty toclean my act up..."_

"Where's the bottom to her pants?" Miroku asked blankly as a tiny blonde songstress dressed in almost nothing strutted in her backless chaps.

"Where's her shirt?" Kouga gasped as the sultry woman on the screen shoved sweaty and muscled men away from her and spread her legs, touching herself.

"_I need that, uh, to get me off_

_Sweat until my clothes come off…"_ promised the sly girl, sweating and stripping.

Sango felt all the blood rush from her head as the woman shook her breasts at the men watching and pushed her groin onto the floor. "K, Kagome…" she asked in horror. "What is this?"

Kagome felt her herself blush to the roots of her hair as Christina Aguilera wiggled her tiny but perfect ass in a skirt not that much shorter then hers. Clearing her throat, she answered, "Um..it's called Dirtty."

"Yes it is," Miroku agreed, thrilled in ways he hadn't known was possible as Christina slid her butt across another female's chest.

"Is this legal in your time!" Sango asked in shock.

"Oh, if you think this is bad, you should see Brittany Spears," mumbled Kagome.

"_Wanna get dirrty_

_It's about time that I came to start the party_

_Sweat dripping over my body_

_Dancing getting just a little naughty_

_Wanna get dirrty_

_It's about time for my arrival…"_

"Hey, her skirt's like yours!" Kouga chimed in.

"No it is not!" Kagome shouted, completely aghast. "That thing doesn't even cover her rear!"

The three men smiled excitedly. "I know! Isn't it wonderful?" enthused Kouga.

"No, actually, it is _not_ wonderful." Sango shot Kagome a death glare as Miroku's eyes glazed over with a wide and stupid grin on his face.

"_Bodies packed_

_From front to back_

_Now move your ass_

_I like that…"_

"So do I," said Miroku with a truly perverted smile on his face as Christina pushed her butt into someone's hands.

"Did he just stick his hand up her skirt?" Kouga asked in delight.

"Yep," Inuyasha answered with a leer.

"She liked it?"

"Apparently."

Kouga whistled. "This is a true gem among women..."

"Oh, for gods sake…." muttered Kagome in annoyance.

"_Give all you got (give it to me)_

_Just hit the spot_

_Gonna get my girls_

_Get your boys_

_Gonna make some noise…"_

Christina flung herself into a water filled room and gyrated her hips on both women and men. The water and sweat combined to lend a sexual sort of glaze onto all the dancer's skin.

"See, now _that_ is what we should be using water for!" Miroku shouted, pointing at the DVD player. "Who needs to drink?"

"I fully agree," said Kouga, his mouth dry as a brunette girl placed her hands on the inside thighs of the singing blonde and stroked her.

"Isn't your brother only eleven?" asked Sango in a hiss. "Why is he showing Inuyasha this?"

"I have no idea but I'm going to find out," promised Kagome darkly, visions of a castrated Souta dancing through her mind.

"Oh wow…." chorused the men as Christina leaped on the hips of a nearby man and got spanked.

"_Unh, what?"_ the blonde demanded as the song ended. The screen blackened out as she wiped sweat away from her mouth with a wink.

None of the males could move. They wanted to but just couldn't.

After a moment, Kouga looked at Kagome with a gleam in his eye. "So is that how you and your friends dance?"

"Absolutely not!" Kagome said in horror.

All three men sighed. "Too bad."

Miroku stood and solemnly said, "We must free her and her dancing friends."

Inuyasha was puzzled. "What?"

"The woman entrapped in that horrible little box!" Miroku declared.

"Yes!" Kouga shouted in agreement, seeing long legs and perky breasts in his future. "We have to save her!"

"She's not trapped," Inuyasha explained. "That's just a copy of a dance she did."

"A copy? Does she do this often?" Kouga asked, eyes wide.

"Yeah," Inuyasha shrugged. "She could do it any time we want."

"What?" Kouga grabbed the DVD player and shook it. "Dance again," he commanded loudly. "Dance, damn you, dance!"

"It doesn't work like that," Inuyasha snorted. He pressed play. Once again, the diminutive blonde with not so diminutive attributes came onto the screen.

"And she won't slap us for watching?" asked Miroku cautiously.

"Nope, I think she likes it. Plus, there are more just like her."

"More?" gasped Miroku and Kouga.

"More then you can count," said Inuyasha with a nod.

"And they won't slap you for watching either?" asked Miroku.

Inuyasha nodded. "And you all wondered why I always went back to Kagome's era so often."

Miroku nodded enthusiastically. "You are truly wise."

"The greatest women in the world exist in little boxes," Kouga said, sighing over the music video.

Miroku cackled suddenly. "Hundreds of these dancing, nubile young ladies that I can watch and not get slapped! I have reached Nirvana! Buddha has let me ascend!"

"That isn't Nirvana!" spat Sango, livid and not sure who she was going to kill first. "That's a tramp!"

"Damn right," came the agreement from an unexpected source. The group turned in shock to Ginta and Hakkaku.

"You…didn't like her?" Kouga asked slowly.

"No," snorted Hakkaku. "Sluts are not my style."

"She was so crass," Ginta added, wrinkling his nose. "And she wasn't that pretty."

"Why were you looking at her face when you could be looking at her ass?" Miroku questioned, unable to grasp this.

"Didn't want to be looking at her at all," said Ginta dismissing Christina and her dancing.

Kagome and Inuyasha exchanged glances. This sounded terribly familiar….

"Should we tell Kouga?" Inuyasha murmured into the schoolgirl's ear.

"No, it'd just freak him out," Kagome answered in a low tone.

"Well, that puts a whole new spin on why they're always late and out of breath…" Inuyasha chortled.

"Ew," Kagome said after a moment. "That was a bad mental picture."

"They do all sleep in one bed..."

"Inuyasha, shut up now."

"I can't believe you're wolves of mine," Kouga said in disgust to the unapologetic Ginta and Hakkaku, not overhearing Inuyasha and Kagome's conversation about his lieutenants.

"I think they're the only smart ones here," Sango said icily, glaring at the other three males.

"Sango, you are still the woman I want to bear my children," Miroku soothed, taking the tai-yija's hands in his. "That girl on the screen would not be a good mother to my offspring."

Sango glared, not believing him for a moment. "What gave it away, the hundreds of men or the fact that she wasn't dressed?" the demon slayer snapped.

Miroku nodded earnestly. "She is not like you. She isn't mother material like you are."

"Miroku…Let go..." Sango mumbled, blushing as the monk kept hold of her hand.

Miroku smiled suddenly. "Of course, if she wanted to try to have children with me, I would help her out!"

_Wham!_

As Miroku dropped unconscious onto the ground, Sango growled furiously, "Perverted monk!"

Kouga put down the video player and backed away. The fact that Hirakotsu had just slammed into Miroku's cranium was a bit disconcerting to someone who had never seen Sango's special way of doing 'sit'.

Inuyasha picked up the DVD player and shut it off. Slinging miroku over his shoulder, he called out to the others, "Come on! Let's go eat supper."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Kagome sat next to fire, the three wolves on the other side of the campfire and Inuyasha above them all in a tree. Everyone was enjoying the show of a groveling Miroku.

"Please, Sango-chan! It was a joke!" pleaded Miroku as he paced after the demon slayer.

Sango shot Kagome a quick happy look but appeared furious as Miroku jumped in front of her.

"Sango, my love, please forgive me! Give me back my staff!" Miroku begged.

Sango idly twirled the golden staff in her hand. "Hmm…," she said, pretending to think. "No!" she said venomously, stomping off.

Miroku groaned but trotted after her. "I need that!" he reminded her.

Sango merely sniffed and continued to walk away. Sighing, Miroku followed her.

Kagome giggled. _Miroku has no idea she's not mad, _she thought affectionately_. For such a smart guy, he's a moron._

The Japanese schoolgirl sat and waited for Inuyasha to come down. Looking at her watch, she jiggled her foot and felt her patience slipping away. _I thought he would want his reward for stopping the fight…why the heck isn't he down here yet?_

Minutes passed and Kagome called out, "Inuyasha? Where are you? Miroku's gone!"

Not a sound came from the tree.

_He's totally ignoring me_, she mentally groused._ Last week, he was all lovey dovey and now he can't be bothered to even come down from that stupid tree to sit next to me! _

"Come down!" Kagome called up. "Please?"

"Keh! If that wolf shit and his lackey's are there, then I'm not coming down! I won't share my food with him!" Inuyasha shouted.

Kouga grinned and maneuvered himself next to Kagome. "It's all right," Kouga said charmingly. "I want to spend time alone with you."

"Kouga-kun," Kagome ground out, "go away."

Kouga merely snorted and tried to put an arm over her shoulder. Kagome evaded it easily and yelled up to the obstinate hanyou, "Could you please get down here?"

"NO! You won't let me kill him! You handle him on your own!"

Kagome glared up at the tree. _That jerk! _She thought in annoyance._ I know that if Kouga touches me, he'll be down here in a flash!_ _He's just acting tough._

"You know, I would never do that to you, Kagome-chan," Kagome murmured into her ear.

Kagome heaved a sigh. _Yeah, you'd also never leave me alone._

"Keh. Flirting bitch," Kagome heard from above her.

"Sit," Kagome called out. With a thud, Inuyasha was flung to the ground. "Don't even pretend you didn't deserve that," she said in an icy tone.

Inuyasha grumbled but didn't defend himself.

"Good thing those weird people Inuyasha involved himself in didn't change you Kagome," Kouga said pompously.

Inuyasha glared but didn't reply, settling onto the ground. He continued to ignore Kagome, much to her annoyance and although she tapped her foot, he still said nothing.

Kagome peered into his face and felt her patience snap as a smug grin came onto the irritating hanyou's face.

"You can look all you want. I know you like to," the idiot said, a smirk showing some fang.

_Oh, you want to play_ that_ game do you?_ Kagome smiled sweetly and stood. "I'm going to the hot springs for a bath," she announced. Gathering her bathing things, she walked over to Inuyasha and stopped in front of the surprised hanyou. With a smirk of her own, she asked calmly, "Coming?"

Inuyasha choked and gasped for breath. "What?"he asked incredulously.

"What!" shouted Kouga, enraged.

"Oooooh…." gasped Hakkaku.

"Go for it Kagome!" clapped Ginta.

"I don't understand," Inuyasha said dumbly.

Kagome shrugged. "Here, let me be more specific." Leaning down, she gave Inuyasha a nibbling lick up the side of his neck. Inuyasha's ears stood up at point and his eyes grew wide.

Examining Inuyasha's dumbstruck expression, Kagome smiled and strolled into the forest.

"I….I can't believe she just did that," Kouga said blankly. "I just don't believe it…"

"Believe it," chuckled Hakkaku. "It's pretty obvious where Kagome's affections are."

Suddenly, a shirt landed on Inuyasha's head. Picking it off, he looked at Kagome's uniform sailor shirt.

"Is that whose I think it is?" Ginta asked in delight.

"Yep," Hakkaku confirmed after a sniff. "Definitely Kagome's."

Kouga moaned and slumped to the floor.

An arrow sliced through the air to land with perfect accuracy at Inuyasha's feet. Picking it up, he examined the cloth at the end and just couldn't stop the smile from spreading across his face.

"What's that?" asked Hakkaku curiously.

"Nothing that concerns any of you," Inuyasha said as he plucked Kagome's underwear off the arrow. "See you later boys. I'm going to take a….bath."

With a grin, he bounded after Kagome. He couldn't decide what was more enjoyable, imagining what was coming or Kouga'a agonized groans of defeat echoing behind him.

AsInuyasha came into the clearing where a very attractive and very nude Kagome was waiting for him, he mentally reminded himself that he had to remember to send a thank you to the Queer Eye boys.

After that, he was a little too preoccupied to think much of anything.

>>>>>>>In New York>>>>>>>>>>

"I've got a package!" Jai called out as he entered into the Queer Eye Loft in New York City.

"We know," shouted Thom, laughing at his own joke.

"So many dirty innuendo's to make, so little time," commented Carson, relaxing with a book and a martini.

Jai rolled his eyes but settled onto the couch. "Ted! Kyan! Come here!" he called out.

The other two came out and dropped onto the other seats.

"Yeah, so we got a package?" Ted said, waving his hands. "Who cares?"

"This package is from Japan," Jai said with a smile.

The boys all straightened up. "Do you think it's from Sexy Ass?" asked Carson, clapping his hands.

"Who else do we really know there?" Jai replied drolly.

"Open it!" Ted urged.

"Okay okay…" Jai pulled open the slim package and pulled out a folder. "Hmm..what's this?"

He held up a note in bad English. "What the hell does this say?" the small man asked.

Thom took it from him. After examining it for a few moments, he cleared his throat and read:

_"Queer Freaks,_

_I did what I said. Here are some pictures of Kouga. I am not in a thong. Don't come back here. Go to hell."_

"Aww…it is from Sexy Ass!" said Jai wistfully. "I miss him!"

"Why?" asked Ted. "He's on our shelf." Ted pointed to the DVD section and the video of Inuyasha's nude walk through the courtyard.

"True," agreed Jai. "But still...I mean, do you know anyone who can convey that much hostility in so little words?"

"He says it like it's a good thing," Kyan commented to Ted.

"What's in the rest of the folder?" asked Thom.

Carson, who had been in a shocked stupor, leapt for the folder. "I'll get it!" he shouted.

Ripping open the folder, he slowly settled to the floor, gazing at the pictures.

The others looked over Carson's shoulders and gasped as one.

Kouga, in all his glory, was posing in various positions, some borderline pornographic and others tasteful.

With his bronzed skin, cocky smile, blue eyes, waist length black hair and muscled body, Kouga was a lovely sight to be seen.

"Who is that?" Thom asked breathlessly after a moment.

"He's wearing fur…," Carson smiled happily.

"I think that's the other guy chasing after Kagome," Jai replied as he snatched up a photo.

"He's wearing fur! Lots of fur!" Carson sang out.

"Wow, he's good looking," said Kyan with a whistle. He happily gazed at the picture of Kouga leaning back on his arms, biceps prominent and hair blowing in the wind.

"He wears fur!" Carson murmured excitedly, internally rhapsodizing over Kouga's sweatband.

"His eyes are gorgeous," Ted said, examining the picture of Kouga on the boulder with his butt in the air.

"He wears fur, people!" Carson pointed out, amazed that no one else found this as wondrous as he did.

"Look at that body," whistled Thom, running a finger over Kouga's strong thighs and sculpted chest.

"Fur!" Carson shouted, pointing at Kouga's skirt, armbands and headband. "Fur everywhere!"

"Yeah, he has fur," agreed Kyan. "But you know what else he has?"

The others shook their heads.

"Long hair…"

Ted smiled slowly. "We can't leave such a male specimen in the clutches of long hair."

"It just wouldn't be right," agreed Thom with a smirk.

Carson solemnly nodded his head. "We have to help him…"

Jai grinned devilishly. "Do you know where that means we're going?"

The Queer Eye Boys stood up and toasted themselves and shouted, "Back to Japan!"

Carson gleefully picked up a photo of Kouga and kissed it. "We're coming for you, Sexy Ass the Second!"

Thom laughed. "Poor guy isn't gonna know what hit him…"

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A/N: Well, that's it! No, there will be no Kouga edition of All Things (though it would be hysterical) Hope the epilogue didn't disappoint anyone. Just a couple of things:

Firstly, thank you to everyone who reviewed: (last chapter only!) _Jigoku Hikari_, Cyblade Silver, _Libraflyter,_ Sakura8907, _The Killing Moon_, OniyuriGaaru, _Aryante_, Hanyou Punk Chick, _Fiery Ferret of Doom_, WickerB, _SugarSprite_, Jade Summers, _Rising Phoenix1_, Lady Netiri, _Unknown Fool,_ LynneC114, _Lady Kaika_, NoName, _Rockergurl_, Wicked Schomness, _Cerridwene_. Especially large hug and extra gooey cookies to those reviewers who reviewed every chapter! You know who you are and so do I!

I hope Kouga's photo shoot was worth the wait!

Also, about the last chapter, I forgot to say that some of Inu's confession were from the song 'The Luckiest' by Ben Folds. If you don't know who that is, I pity you. He is hands down one of the most enjoyable performers and musicians to listen to. His lyrics are insightful and witty, his melodies are catchy and a couple of his songs are truly cry worthy. One such song is 'The Luckiest.' His voice aches as he sings and you can just tell he's singing to one special person and it just breaks your heart because of the sincerity. It's not one of those prefabricated, demographic focused love songs like 'The Reason' by Hoobastank or 'Beautiful soul' by jesse mccartney. It's very honest and peaceful, quiet and reflective. You will want to marry Ben folds after hearing this song. It's wonderful and I highly recommend any and all of his cd's to anyone.

The bit about the catfish demon was in the manga and is one of my favorite scenes in all of Inuyasha. It's episodes #343-#345, volume 35. Absolutely hysterical.

Oh! And last but not least, I found a positively scandalously delicious picture of a nearly nude (and it's a close thing!) of Sesshomaru. Lovely pic! Hehehe…I'm such a SmutMonster but I can't help it!

http:wallpapersanctuary. files/InuYasha/ SexySesssama.jpg

oh, and for anyone who hasn't gone onto ear-tweak. com you must! The most hysterical pictures on the net! Here's an exampleofsome of the best humor on the web: http:ear-tweak. comimages/ windsesshou.jpg

AND, last but certainly not least, I found a GREAT photo of adult Rin/Sess and it's wondrous! Also, there are a couple of great sango/Miroku's and a kissing inu/kag. The site's not in English. (Also, if anyone could tell me who the sexpot in blue with the bandaid is, I will in your debt. That boy is dangerously yummy…) http:inuyashastarbest.vilabol.

review one last time please! Thanks for reading!


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